I cannot get the song "Institutionalized" by Suicidal Tendencies out of my head. Specifically the part:

I'm not crazy - institutionalized
You're the one who's crazy - institutionalized
You're driving me crazy - institutionalized

They stuck me in an institution
Said it was the only solution
to give me the needed professional help
to protect me from the enemy, myself

Went to work today. It was so surreal. Before all of this went down. I spoke to a friend on Saturday about applying for a SG position, I was very excited, but she reminded me that I may actually make it to be somewhere someday where it will come back to haunt me. And that maybe it wouldn't be a good idea. I don't know we will see.

So, basically my problem is that I have no self esteem, and thus put all my value onto what a man thinks of me. Makes perfect fucking sense. That and I only go after men who I feel are a challenge. Never based on my feelings for them.

I haven't been single for seven years, one relationship just poured into another. So, I will take some time for myself and figure myself out a little bit.

Oh, and no more self-medicating allowed. Sucks.

And I go to the new therapist tomorrow. I hope she kicks my ass into gear.

Thank you all for your emails, I know i owe a lot of responses. However, I am not home alone anymore. And not for the next two weeks. I am watched over, just to make sure i don't do anything wrong.......