We'll see how long this last. Been busy, and this was an unnecessary expense. Looking around and it probably still is.

Went shooting today.

God damn it. I'm tired of feeling this way. I don't want to meet anyone else who makes me hope for a future I can't have, no matter how much I want it. I'm tired of it. I can live with being alone. I can deal with alone. I can't deal with the torturous procession of hope. They're just far enough apart that I've 'given up' but that I'm not beyond being having hope revitalized.

It's enough to almost make you believe in God. And also to believe that he is a vindictive bastard.

Maybe I'm just fucked in the head. Maybe I've just latched onto an idea of the way things have to be, and I can't let it go so that I can accept the way things really are.

I don't believe that's right though, I know how it should be. And I have to trust that. If I can't trust my own judgment, then I've really lost my mind an it doesn't matter anyway.

Some days just suck. Nothing goes right, and nothing can go right. The only thing you want is to go home, turn off the phone, and go back to bed hoping things will be better tomorrow.

Then there are days your boss hands you a check for $250 for a bonus you didn't even know about two days before payday (where you'll also be getting another kick ass bonus).

Take a wild guess which kind of day I had.

I picked up a Mosin Nagant and a case of ammo this week. When my weekend rolls around I'm going to put some lead down range. If I group well out to about 100 yards I'll be hunting with it this year. I'm not going to get a longer shot than 75 around here anyway.

Hopefully I'll have some pictures to share soon.

New gun.

There is too much going on right now. I'm taking too much upon myself. Trying to do too much. I need to take a step back, and relax. Spend some time alone, read a book or two. Spend hour after hour punching holes in targets, and just generally not worrying about anything else. Too many worries. That's my biggest issue right now.

I'm getting $1,000!

$100 a day for every day of work I missed as a result of the accident plus $700 to sign a settlement...and I wasn't even injured beyond a neck that was sore for one freakin' day!

I'm buying a gun...or two.

Got rear ended in my work van by an 18-wheeler Friday morning. Company policy requires a drug test after any vehicle accident so I can't work until the results come back. Very fucking annoying. To be fare I could have went in and worked in the warehouse, but since it has no A/C and I don't have the money or gas in my tank to make multiple 40 mile round trips I decided to just take the pay hit. One day's pay would have went to gas anyway, so fuck it. Looks Like I'm having another four day weekend.

Hopefully I'll be back to work Wednesday. For now my broke ass is sitting at home contemplating going outside to shoot my .22 rifle. I would do some pistol shooting but I don't have much ammo and a friend is supposed to come shoot with me Tuesday and I doubt she'll be bringing any.

Some stuff I picked up for myself recently:

AAC shirt


Crye Precision shirt


And a new Don Hume holster