Hey everyone...
This is Kou saying 'See you soon' School right now is consuming all my time, and i still adore SG, but my account is about to expire, and honestly, i don't see the point on paying for something that i'm not gonna use right now...
I'll be back, i'm still working and working on pictures, around october a really nice photographer is going to come to my town and finally we will have a decent shot together... We've been discussing ideas and other stuff, so hopefully you will see me here again quite soon...
Things are perfect in my life right now... it may be strange, due to the recent things that happened, i 'met' a guy recently... i don't want to rush into anything, but... we are both responding in the most favorable way... it's a matter of time i guess, all i know right now is that i don't want to fall in love, not yet... i'm still quite sad about everything, i mean, it's been around a month since everything happened, and even though we grew apart for a long time before everything was over, i can still feel a scratch in my heart... so, hurrying and saying 'i love' someone new is quite stupid... i just like him...
True to be told, even though i feel wonderful with this new guy, i'm too scared to make any move, but it's fine... i'm fine...
anyway, i got to go... .. maybe i will post again soon, maybe i will have to wait a little longer, but i would like to thank every single one of you for all the support you have given me... Thank you, really, all your words were like a cotton ball healing my wounds, so if i leave here and you want to keep in touch with me, let me give you my regular e-mail
azuldeluna(at)gmail.com feel free to write and ask for my MSN account if you want...
Ohh and sorry for all the mistakes i've made in this text, this keyboard is a disaster... and my fingers hurt like a bitch (school, people, school)
Bye bye kids, right now i'm waiting for 'The kid' to call and let me know if we're meeting later on today or not... and i need to take advantage of the extratime i have cause i need to update my homeworks...
Ciao...

OK... so right now i'm a lot better than yesterday... i'm not pissed off at all... ... i'm surprised only... I have one of my best friends next to me right now,

Thank you guys.... if you want to read what happened, just go to the girls only group...
Nice and simple...
y gracias por el apoyo....
igual y si voy a lo de manson... y si Ella estara alla, mil veces mejor...

So finally it's over between the Boyfriend and me...
I'm sad...
I feel stupidly sad and i'm on the stage where i'm wondering if i did the right thing or if i'm going to regret this in a week, a month, a year or a decade...
I want to run and run and run and run..
he was wonderful, i pretty much have nothing but good things to say about him, 'cept for one of two incidents in which i disagreed with his methods but.. he was always such an amazing boy... I'm going to miss him like crazy...

it's scary to notice how much i can miss someone that was already absent... i can't understand it...

A few minutes ago i went to my closet and looked for a pajama, i found his Placebo hoodie... his favorite, the one he left here just so i could remember him...
I was doing fine... but then i started to cry...
I'm wondering, should i send it back to him? what should i do with it? Should i put it in a box with all our pictures, all our memories... now that i notice i just realized that i never met his handwriting...
I wear a bracelet around my wrist and i just can't cut it yet... i'm not brave enough...
I'm gonna miss him so much...

Kou

I'm writing this in a hurry
i just started uni... .. i'm happy...
concerned and confused...
I took some tough desitions that lead me nowhere... ...

but i'm fine.... strange, and feeling quite stupid at sometimes... but fine.. just fine...

I'm just saying hi and ansering messages, so i better leave!!
thank you all!!!
and thank you girls at the Girls only group.. you rock...

I absolutely dislike the term 'Tramp Stamp'. I dislike it even more cause i am getting a memorial tattoo in my lower back and today i got the first comment...

I love my future tattoo, it's really special and it was designed in a moment full of pain...

...and of course... i'm not a tramp...

Do you remember that a few weeks ago i wrote something about my missing cat and how sad i was about that... we were looking for my girl and after all we accepted that she was gone? You can even see that little winged @ at the top of this page... well, that was on her memory...

The thing is that last week i went to my hometown cause i had some issues to solve... Exams, etc... regular stuff, but in my absence, my dog Baileys got sick and died...

It was a one week absence... one week... 6 days to be precise...
She died on Friday morning...

I'm feeling quite shitty right now... I guess it's a mix of everything...
Yesterday i was about to have a car accident... i got home and called my mom cause i was feeling disturbed enough to not come back to the city i currently live in...
Later that day i called back and ask her for my dog... and she started crying, it was horrible... she told me all about it...

I'm feeling really sad, people, I feel like i can't stand it anymore... I can't cope with it... I'm not smart enough, I'm not strong enough, i'm not though enough...
I don't want to deal with stupid people saying 'it was just a dog' anymore, i don't wanna deal with stupid people not knowing what to do or what to say...

I'm sad... really sad...
I don't want anything, anymore...




I know that sometimes i am a bad person, just like everybody is at times, i know i am a mess, but why does the universe have to mess with them... why does it have to be all broken all the time...?