SPOILERS! (Click to view)

Lately there have been alot on my mind. For starters, nothing and I mean nothing seems to go right for me. Nothing seems to work in my favor. I am in my 40's now and I have nothing to show for it. I have a car, but no house, no wife, no kids, no savings. For that, I have nobody to blame but myself. There are things I could have done differently sure but I couldn't have known the outcome at the time for what I have found out later.

I have not been in a relationship in my whole life. I was raised pretty strict and for that I have always been a bit shy. I have made great strides in the last 5 years with that but nothing has come of it. I have had one true love in my life but things never worked out to allow that to happen. We were best friends and she alway had another guy. I have never been one to state my feelings especially when there is another guy involved. I don't think it is right to make an advance on "someone else's" girlfriend. She came to visit me along time ago when she was seeing this jerk. She left and went back home to Florida when she ended up getting married. I later found out that if I had said something when she came to visit she would have never went back. Probably my only regret in life. It hurt so much to talk that with our varying schedules, I eventually lost contact with her. A bad thing on my part and not fair to her. Because it hurt me to talk to her I basically stopped talking to her. Since then there have been a few women that I would have liked to know better. However, all they could see me as was just friends. I don't know what it is about me that I seem to only be "friend" material. I am used to it though. I think my biggest problem is that I don't seem to be attracted to anyone near my age. Maybe this is because I don't know too many people my age. All I work with, are friends with, etc are much younger than me. Does this qualify me as a "pervert" cause I like younger women? That is the feeling I get.

So, I am working on a few things and making some changes this year. The big one is that I am moving to Florida hopefully in July. My best friend needs me. She is stuck there living with her baby-daddy's folks while her son is living with the father. She went down there to be with a guy and well he treated her like crap so now she is stuck. I have know her for about 8 years now and I feel like one of the reasons I am around is to help her out. She has always needed me and maybe I help her out cause it makes me feel good and that I am doing something good with my life. I am also hoping to try and regain the friendship with my old friend I lost contact with. Who knows what might happen but I won't know unless I try, right?

Well, if you made it this far, I really appreciate you sticking with my long blog and reading my "rant". I will try to make these few and far between and instead post blogs of nicer things... like pictures of some amazing people on here. There are a few!

Thanks for being such amazing people!

I am glad that I found this website. I am thankful for meeting such wonderful people on here sofar...

Oh, if you haven't done so yet, Please visit my previous blog and show these AWESOME ladies some love...

• Thank you Zephyr! So happy that you became a SG! Looking forward to being better friends in the New Year! You are a very nice person and your vlogs are AMAZING! You have a wonderful personality!


• Thank you Hexxus! I know we don't exchange messages as much as we used to but you always take time to read my blogs. I hope that we can change that this coming year and write more often. Totally LOVE your new look. It looks great on you!


• Thank you Autumnslastlite! I have really enjoyed exchanging messages with you. Hope that sometime soon things will slow down for you and you aren't having to work so much. Hope the new promotion is going well!


• Thank you Adeline! Thanks for the recent comment. Feel free to write. Would love to be better friends. Sorry to hear your life is boring right now. Hope it gets much better and you have an awesome 2011!


• Thank you Luther! You are an awesome person. Wish we could exchange messages more often then we do. Hope your year gets off to a great start!


• Thank you Osbick! Thanks for exchanging messages when you aren't busy. Hope your year gets off to a great start and things slow down a bit for you!


• Thank you Aadie! Thanks for saying Hi! Glad to see you became a SG!


• Thank you teiko! Thanks for saying Hi and the friend request. Looking forward to making your acquaintance!


• Thank you funkyfemmie, Tisiphone3, Killean, Vitane, punkgurly, disposable_girl, vampiric.... Thank you for exchanging messages with me in the past. I miss you guys. Hope you come back soon!

A good thing about the Holiday Season is... HOLIDAY CARDS!!!!

I love sending them out to friends and coworkers and others. I offer this every year and never seem to get any takers. SO, If anyone would like a card from me, feel free to send me your address in a message and I will get it out to you soon.

I have been doing alot of thinking lately...

My job is just draining me. After going 4 weeks without a paycheck, it has forced me to work a 2nd job. The 7 day a week work-week is beginning to take a toll on me. I am looking into changing jobs. I just don't enjoy it anymore and I am a firm believer in doing what you enjoy.

I don't have many friends left anymore. They are all doing their thing. Not that I hung out with them all the time but I did exchange texts or phone calls.

I just need a change of pace.

On the bright side, there are a few things to be thankful for...

• I have a great friend who all I do is exchange texts. I have talked to her in person only a few times but that is OK with us. She is a great person and is off at Penn State.


• I got season tickets to our local Minor League Baseball Team.. The Southern Maryland Blue Crabs! Didn't go to as many games as I wanted and hope to change that this year as I am renewing my season tickets for next year. Hopefully I can find someone to hang out with me there on a regular basis.


• Been exchanging messages with a few people on here who are just AMAZING. Thank you Autumnslastlite & Luther

Thank you for those who have read this whole jumble of a post. I promise to do a better job making blogs incase you are interested in what is going on with me. ...

Kellie