change of plans!!!!! I'm going up to Sacramento tonight!!!!!!!!!!!!



I'm just sneaking my dog into the hotel....can't be that hard right? I mean he can fit in a fuckin' purse hahaha



it's a fancy hotel sooo I assume I'll have internet hooray!


if you live in the area, PLEASE come see me at the CA state fair!!!!! I'll probably be announcing for the first 2 days but then I'm going to be diving

ugh aswefrlasidfjlaskejfrejflasdifj!!!!


so my dive show boss called me last night and said that I can't bring my dog if I go to Sacramento. That is NOT an option for me, I have no one to leave him with and I don't WANT to leave him with someone else for a whole month. So, now I have no job again. Son of a fuckin' bitch. Seriously? SERIOUSLY??!!!! Why can't I get one freakin' break around here?

I'm about ready to bash my head against a wall repeatedly. It's not like I'm sitting on my ass all day, I'm actually being proactive and TRYING to find work but I just can't get a job. I feel like the entire state of California has blacklisted me for reasons unbeknownst to me. I've never felt so stressed out and fucked over in my life. LA sucks so much ass that it's not even funny.


























on a different more positive note, I have a new set up in Member Review. Please check it out and if you like it, feel free to leave a comment on it

CATTAILS!!!!!!!!

soooooooooo it looks like i'll be leaving for Sacramento later this week! I'll be up there for about a month doing a high dive show at the CA state fair.

I need the money and the offer was still on the table so I had to take it.


now, this means that I'll either get free internet at the hotel OR I will have no internet at all. This poses a problem considering I am an internet dweeb and I love talking to all of you lovelies. (not to mention I just had a set go up and I have another one that I shot and submitted on the same day that's going up on the 26th which is probably my favorite set of all time...well...that I'm in anyways haha).

soooooo if I disappear for a while, you'll know why. I didn't fall off into the oceans of the Pacific, and I'm not dead, but I don't know when they're going to have me come out especially considering the fair starts on Friday annnd they may need me and my huge-ass muscles to help set up the tank/ladders/boards/scaffolding/tower.




for those of you who DON'T already know, I am a show diver. If you want to see what I do...here's a taste of one of the many different shows we do, this was the pirate show:



I'm obviously the only chick there haha and I'm on the black team (I know my dives sucked during this show ok don't make fun of me )

cheesy? yes. dangerous? yes...but VERY fun to do and it pays a SHITLOAD. haha

WOW! Thank you everyone so much for all of your support for my new set in MR! I really wasn't expecting all this love, so thank you!!!!! It means a lot to me that there are so many established SGs that have my back for it too, even if it doesn't turn me pink and it never goes up, it means a lot, so just know that.

if you haven't seen it yet, please check out CATTAILS!!!!!!!!















sorry for the spammy blogs lately....I'm just excited lol I promise a real update VERY soon (once I have something to talk about other than complaining about being jobless and homeless in LA)

MY NEW SET IS UP IN MEMBER REVIEW!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


check out CATTAILS!!!!!!!!

it's weird when rumors that have been haunting me for the past couple years have finally become reality...and I'm not even the least bit worried about it, even though I should be.

I've changed since I moved here, and I've only been here a week. Fuckin' Hollywood does something to you. I feel like this isn't my life so I don't have to worry about consequences or worry about what could happen...but this IS my life now. I can see why people move out here and loose all of their morals and common sense. This place is weird, it's like an avalanche...once you start to slip everything just comes tumbling down around you. Don't get me wrong, this could be in a good way too, because once you get your foot in the door around here things just come pouring your way.

I cried a little bit tonight when I saw the skyline of downtown Hollywood out the car window, and not from that mansion window high atop the hills. Who was I kidding...I can't have that lifestyle and I was foolish to think even for a second that I could. I guess I should feel lucky to have even experienced it at all. But hey, that's what best friends are for right? To make you want to do good for yourself, and to make you feel special, if only for a few hours.


Hollywood's robbed me of my east coast sensibility.

well...yesterday was both the best day and worst day I've had in a while.

I pulled a Mariah Carey and had a HUUUUUUUUUGE fucking mental breakdown. I have decided that my "job" (if you can even call it that) is not going to be happening anymore. I'm just not going back. I don't have the balls to call and actually quit...so I'm just not going back. They lied to me and they are fucking people over with their scammy fiber-optic internet shit. IT'S NOT FREE (incase you were wondering).

I'm sorry, but I have fucking morals, and deceiving older people, and people who can't speak very much English is just not going to fly with me. I can do much better for myself. I have already started to apply other places and I might just work in retail as a manager until something more permanent comes my way. Who knows really.




but yeah my day was good because one of my best friends whom I hadn't seen in probably close to a year took me out to lunch yesterday. I needed that more than he even knows. I was feeling the lowest of lows until I saw him, and, as usual, he made me feel a billion times better. Plus he let me hear some secret songs from my favorite band's newest album that they are recording so that made me feel SUPER special haha. He also agreed to let me help him market his clothing line which I have a bunch of ideas for (marketing is my thannnnng) so hopefully I'll be able to pay him back for cheering me up by helping him get this off the ground a bit more. Fuck City baby, get excited.

I want to go home.

what the fuck was I thinking moving out here? I have no place to live, my job is a door-to-door salesperson and I won't even start to make money for 2 weeks, and I have $57 to my name.

if I cry any more my eyes are going to shrivel up.

I just want to go home.

HOLY CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LIVE IN FUCKING LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!






I did it, I don't know HOW i did it....but I did it. I drove across 13 states, 3 time zones, and it took me five days but I am here. I saw purple mountains majesties, amber waves of grain and spacious skies galore. I pet a wild Buffalo on the side of the road, I slept in motels where the doors didn't lock and I had to barricade the entrance with a table and chair and sleep with a 13in machete next to my bed. I slept in my car in walmart parking lots, I didn't get lost once, I almost got eaten by a tornado, and I saw Mt. Rushmore and Crazy Horse. I've never done something so liberating and exhilarating and amazing in my life before, and I've done a lot of fucking awesome things.

If you ever...EVER get a chance to drive across the country, FUCKING DO IT. I literally got tears in my eyes and had to pull over when I came over a knoll and saw the Rocky Mountains in front of me. I'm getting a little choked up thinking about it right now to be honest haha. For a long time I hated living in the US. I thought about how selfish everyone here is, and how ungrateful our society has become. But, after seeing what this country is really about it's crystal clear to me why our ancestors made that long trek in wagons and by foot. This country is absolutely, amazingly beautiful. I thought that I had seen a lot of things in my life, and even though I was living in upstate, NY I thought I had a pretty damn good grasp on what the US had to offer....but I was wrong. I don't mean to turn this into a huge national pride thing....but I'm just in awe at how gorgeous some things are. The thing that kills me is that the people who live in the mountains, or on the plains everyday probably take these beautiful things or granted. I know I took the Appalachians of NY for granted.


So now, as I sit here in Starbucks about 1/2 a block from the Pacific Ocean (which I've still yet to see since I moved here haha) I have a better understanding of the world. There are so many things out there that I've yet to see. There are soooooooooooooooooooo many people that I've yet to meet. Haha, hell, I stuck out like a sore thumb in Wyoming to the point where the lady at the sketchy motel almost wouldn't give me a room (you'd think she'd never seen a girl with a fauxhawk, a bull ring, tattoos, and gauged ears before ). It was amusing to see peoples' reactions to me since I was such an outsider.

oh random side note about Wyoming.....DON'T USE THE REST STOPS. Seriously I don't know if they're ALL like this, but I stopped to use the bathroom and when I went in it smelled REALLY bad.....so I go into the stall and lift up the seat.....ummm yeah it was a fucking OUTHOUSE. There were literally 20 stalls and all of the toilets just led down to a hole in the ground. I couldn't help but laugh at how disgusting it was. I mean...I understand that they are trying to save water....but seriously, is indoor plumbing REALLY that big of a stretch? haha anyways it was amusing to say the least, and I did pee in it. So that's my contribution to a "green Wyoming" hehe.



oh annnd can I just say that Cali boys are MUCH more my type than NY boys? mmmmmmmm because they are.



(sidenote...a girl just walked into starbucks and I swear she's on SG because I swear I've seen her before.....weird.)




ok I need to stop writing now because I'm just babbling and you have all probably stopped reading anyways haha.












oh...did I mention lately that I have a new set going up in Member Review on the 12th? because I dooooooooo!