I FINALLY GOT A TEACHING JOB!

ok so it has been forever since i updated this. still no job in the field i graduated with other than subbing in a couple school districts. also 2 major failed attempts at a relationship one lasted over a year until i found out that he only considered me as a booty call the last one used my credit cards and charged porn to them and also had my ssn saved in his email. now im just trying to live and its getting hard idk what else to say here

yeaaaaaaaaaa soooo, i graduated, the new boy that was amazing and even came to my graduation turned into a huge dick but i still cant let him go. i have really been single for 10 months, he always told me we were just friends nothing more so thats how i acted and it fucking kicked me in the ass in the end was going to the bar a LOT cuz i dont have a job other than selling avon. my best friend i think got mad at me for drinking all the time, part of me thinks its out of jealousy part of me thinks its out of trying to keep me from being the alcoholic i have potential of being. only time i truly like myself is when im shit faced drunk only time i have confidence everything sucks i feel like i am all alone with no one there for me its really scary, sometimes i feel like my family hates me blah ok im shutting up no one will read this anyway

ok so its been awhile since i last updated i graduate in a few days and the new boy and i r doing good still nothing official yet but i am hopeful still looking for a job fuck this economy no one is retiring from teaching cuz they need the money! grrrrr had an interview today first one lol i hope i get it blah!

so me and that boy ended it he was a fucking tool and a jerk. is trying to tell me now that he loves/d me and thats y he pushed me away cuz he was scared fuck that u dont tell someone to go fuck other ppl or be with other ppl if u r scared of them getting close thats u saying im done w/ u next please. but since then i have met someone knew, been spending a lot of time w/ him hes AMAZING i could not ask for anything better. we r planning on a vacation in may and hes going to come to my graduation! even though my gram doesnt even wanna met him cuz hes black. made comments about not coming to my graduation cuz hes going idk shit there is real awkward blah ok im done no one reads this

so yea its been awhile. i made it past last semester and now i am student teaching. i am soooooo nervous i enjoy it though, i am in my 3rd week of the first placement, which is 7 weeks long. the boy and i r still talking, nothing serious yet idk whats going on there yet. BLAH im sitting here trying not to procrastinate and work on a "lesson" for the classes i am teaching, im drinking some hot tea and have a lush mud mask on mmmmm lush products. im soooo uber bored!! ok i think im done ranting now time to get back to lesson planning lmfao

ok i know no one reads my rants on here hence y i am posting them on here.

so yea recently ended the most amazing relationship i have ever had! wasnt totally my choice, the girl ignored me for almost 2 weeks and when she did talk to me she would yell at me or start a fight, so i said talk to me now or we r over, well then i didnt hear from her for 2 days so i broke it off. we were engaged, i told her to talk to me and try and work things out w/ me if she wants me back. well she totally ignored me some more, was supposed to go to my best friends wedding with me and totally blew me off, to find out later that she was up in that area anyway. well at the wedding 3 ppl tried taking me home that night (y idk im nothing pretty or anything), well the one guy and i have been talking ever since then. before this i wasnt really into guys, like yea i thought they were hott and all but was fucked over too many times to try it again. and like i know its too soon for anything cuz he just got out of an engagement too but i am starting to really like him and idk what to do he likes me too cuz in a drunken stuper i confessed all my feelings for him. but my ex was told by someone i dont even talk to or know anyone who talks to them anymore(another ex) that i cheated on her with my other ex who is now a guy. well now i think i might have messed things up with this guy and idk what to do. i feel like such a fuck up, school isnt going so hott, at least i dont think so i threatened to drop out a few times already and its my senoir year, i cry myself to sleep almost every night anymore. i just dont know what to do!!!!! this semester cant end soon enough! i might be here for another year though BLAH. ok i think i am done now thank u for letting me get this out, i know on one will read it.

so i am back, i was kicked out of my major last year by the end of the fall semester, i am back in, but it might happen again and i am a senoir!!!!! idk i am not engaged anymore i am talking to someone though, that is it just talking. idk im supposed to be doing homework but i am on here BLAH im sooo over college!!

so yea school SUCKS im going to get kicked out of my major again, my one good friend tried to kill herself tonight, im just really depressed anymore. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO!! i constantly get the urges like i got in high school i thought i was over that! i guess not. i havent been feeling like im in a relationship w/ my fiance anymore, it feels like just a friendship to me anymore. there is someone id honestly rather be w/ but i cant break up w/ my fiance. i dont know anymore life is sooo messed up im messed up. i wish i was fine

back at school, missing my baby already! classes dont start until tomorrow. going to walk around town today get my exercise in lol going to get tattos priced for me and my baby then just coming back to play some ps2 and actually help with dinner tonight lol last night i just kinda chilled in my room while my room mates cooked, i didnt know what they were making lol i was unpacking my stuff i just came here last night OH WELL lol i dunno how well im going to get along w/ them, im the only gay one, both of them have bf's are kinda on the preppier side, they dont understand y i like tattoos and piercings so much, they both only have their ears done no tattoos, oh well life happens i better get my ass in gear to hand in some apps and what not, need to earn money to buy myself shit and what not blah well i better get off of here not like anyone reads this!