the "everyday" decisions are as follows -
- i have 300 dollars, i think i'll get a new tattoo
- i want a mohawk
- i am reading dharma punx, you should too
well that's enough of those decisions ...
give me a day or two to write the Truth I'm finding ...
Current Music - Dropkick Murphy's - Dirty Glass
(oi!)
- i have 300 dollars, i think i'll get a new tattoo
- i want a mohawk
- i am reading dharma punx, you should too
well that's enough of those decisions ...
give me a day or two to write the Truth I'm finding ...
Current Music - Dropkick Murphy's - Dirty Glass
(oi!)
I wrote this last nite at work ... I don't know what it means ... maybe nothing ... but this is what came out ...
This is one of the first times I've gone ahead and put to paper the thoughts floating around in my head. I'm not sure what will fill the rest of this page, only that it will be an improvisation of the thoughts as they come t me. Writing like this allows for a small amount of second-guessing that I don't appreciate. Typing thoughts seems to be a more flowing process, considering that with some skill, ideas are transferred to the words they represent much faster than writing. However, considering the limitations imposed on my by my surroundings, writing appears to be the only medium with which I can begin my experiment. I call this an experiment, not because I am seeking to prove a theory, although in a sense I may be hiding the fact that I am truly seeking to prove a theory, or at least an idea that I have instilled within myself. My goal, not considering my own intentions, is to simply write the flowing ideas of this mental process I have began. My own theory, seperate from this experiment is that Truth can be found by true thought. A deep consideration of the moment and surroundings of oneself, when written, will allow for a more clear discovery of oneself within that moment and surroundings. At this very minute, this second, in this moment, I have to believe I am as far from the truth as possible.
Truth isn't within these sheltered walls of a 24 hour gas station. I imagine truth in the grass and trees, in the sun and shade and hiding deep within a forest. That is where I should be, considering myself within that moement, within those surroundings. The only Truth I finde here is loneliness. A graveyard shift is the epitome of loneliness, thekind of loneliness that is exactly like that of a graveyard. Despite the occasional visit by a member of the "living," the night provides a solitary confinement that makes the world seem not sleeping - but dead. It is as if they are in world entirely seperate from my own. I feel this is a part of my Truth.
I can only reach it alone, the world isn't here to usher me along my way, and guide me to my goal. It is standing in my way. My Truth here, and my Truth deep in the forest, are both filled with loneliness. Such is my path. My thoughts have been disrupted by a member of the living, a "customer." Considering this medium is putting a strain on my hand, I'll cease exploration of myself for this moment, only to wonder when that journey will truly begin.
(I apologize for not re-reading this entry to see if I have made any spelling errors, It's time once again to meet loneliness in my graveyard.)
Current Music: silence
This is one of the first times I've gone ahead and put to paper the thoughts floating around in my head. I'm not sure what will fill the rest of this page, only that it will be an improvisation of the thoughts as they come t me. Writing like this allows for a small amount of second-guessing that I don't appreciate. Typing thoughts seems to be a more flowing process, considering that with some skill, ideas are transferred to the words they represent much faster than writing. However, considering the limitations imposed on my by my surroundings, writing appears to be the only medium with which I can begin my experiment. I call this an experiment, not because I am seeking to prove a theory, although in a sense I may be hiding the fact that I am truly seeking to prove a theory, or at least an idea that I have instilled within myself. My goal, not considering my own intentions, is to simply write the flowing ideas of this mental process I have began. My own theory, seperate from this experiment is that Truth can be found by true thought. A deep consideration of the moment and surroundings of oneself, when written, will allow for a more clear discovery of oneself within that moment and surroundings. At this very minute, this second, in this moment, I have to believe I am as far from the truth as possible.
Truth isn't within these sheltered walls of a 24 hour gas station. I imagine truth in the grass and trees, in the sun and shade and hiding deep within a forest. That is where I should be, considering myself within that moement, within those surroundings. The only Truth I finde here is loneliness. A graveyard shift is the epitome of loneliness, thekind of loneliness that is exactly like that of a graveyard. Despite the occasional visit by a member of the "living," the night provides a solitary confinement that makes the world seem not sleeping - but dead. It is as if they are in world entirely seperate from my own. I feel this is a part of my Truth.
I can only reach it alone, the world isn't here to usher me along my way, and guide me to my goal. It is standing in my way. My Truth here, and my Truth deep in the forest, are both filled with loneliness. Such is my path. My thoughts have been disrupted by a member of the living, a "customer." Considering this medium is putting a strain on my hand, I'll cease exploration of myself for this moment, only to wonder when that journey will truly begin.
(I apologize for not re-reading this entry to see if I have made any spelling errors, It's time once again to meet loneliness in my graveyard.)
Current Music: silence
Oh lord ... here I go again ...
I am finding it difficult to find "myself." I need some sort of definition as to who I am. I'm waiting for a letter in the mail right now, and it can say one of two things.
Congratulations Mr. Musser your application for admission has been ...
or
Mr. Musser, regretfully the University of ...
I don't have any idea as to which answer I'll be receiving but the impact of that one letter is going to shape and direct my life for the years to come. One year ago I was in the same situation. I received that letter of congratulations and I wasted the opportunity because I wasn't ready to stop being the child I was.
It's amazing how much my perception has changed within one year. I don't want to go to college for a degree any longer, I'm hoping that I've finally found the right reasons. I want to learn about what I love, and I want to learn about myself. However, the outcome of my first choice can easily determine what the answer to my application will be.
I don't know if I fear anything more than the heading of that second letter. If I'm not a student anymore, then what am I? I'm not a worker, I'm not an adult. I will just be in "limbo," and I won't have any idea who I'm becoming. It's sad that I need an institution to define myself, but being a student means so much more. It means having a goal, and direction.
Learning right now is all I can do, it is my journey, and my quest. I need to seek Truth. I keep reading and reading about how to find out who I am, but this could be the wrong direction. I'm reading of other's truth's and their lives. Maybe my journey isn't in a book or at a university. Maybe it's out in the world, and that is where I should be.
The answers always come with time, and in the heading of a letter. With either a yes or a no, I'm going to have to choose whether my truth is in learning from others, or in teaching myself.
Sorry - No one should read my thoughts spilled into type. It's just sometimes easier to read your mind than think of it all at once.
Current Music: Simon and Garfunkel - A Hazy Shade of Winter
I am finding it difficult to find "myself." I need some sort of definition as to who I am. I'm waiting for a letter in the mail right now, and it can say one of two things.
Congratulations Mr. Musser your application for admission has been ...
or
Mr. Musser, regretfully the University of ...
I don't have any idea as to which answer I'll be receiving but the impact of that one letter is going to shape and direct my life for the years to come. One year ago I was in the same situation. I received that letter of congratulations and I wasted the opportunity because I wasn't ready to stop being the child I was.
It's amazing how much my perception has changed within one year. I don't want to go to college for a degree any longer, I'm hoping that I've finally found the right reasons. I want to learn about what I love, and I want to learn about myself. However, the outcome of my first choice can easily determine what the answer to my application will be.
I don't know if I fear anything more than the heading of that second letter. If I'm not a student anymore, then what am I? I'm not a worker, I'm not an adult. I will just be in "limbo," and I won't have any idea who I'm becoming. It's sad that I need an institution to define myself, but being a student means so much more. It means having a goal, and direction.
Learning right now is all I can do, it is my journey, and my quest. I need to seek Truth. I keep reading and reading about how to find out who I am, but this could be the wrong direction. I'm reading of other's truth's and their lives. Maybe my journey isn't in a book or at a university. Maybe it's out in the world, and that is where I should be.
The answers always come with time, and in the heading of a letter. With either a yes or a no, I'm going to have to choose whether my truth is in learning from others, or in teaching myself.
Sorry - No one should read my thoughts spilled into type. It's just sometimes easier to read your mind than think of it all at once.
Current Music: Simon and Garfunkel - A Hazy Shade of Winter
it's been that long while again -
so maybe I'm not a good journal keeper - or a good commenter on other's journals -
i'm sorry - don't think i'm not around tho - i'm still on the site nearly everyday - and i do read all the journals of anyone on that so limited friends list of mine -
do u like my new faux-hawk wannabe profile pic - yeah i wish i was part of the hardcore scene lol
go buy Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values NOW - it will make your life better -
i'm in pittsburgh like once a week so if you're a burgh-er look for my face around the southside probably at the beehive or tom's -
murder by death show tomorrow -
this is all for now - party on
Current Music - The Beatles - Dear Prudence
so maybe I'm not a good journal keeper - or a good commenter on other's journals -
i'm sorry - don't think i'm not around tho - i'm still on the site nearly everyday - and i do read all the journals of anyone on that so limited friends list of mine -
do u like my new faux-hawk wannabe profile pic - yeah i wish i was part of the hardcore scene lol
go buy Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance: An Inquiry into Values NOW - it will make your life better -
i'm in pittsburgh like once a week so if you're a burgh-er look for my face around the southside probably at the beehive or tom's -
murder by death show tomorrow -
this is all for now - party on
Current Music - The Beatles - Dear Prudence
UPDATE: I wasn't ready to write a whole new thing but I got those batteries and viola! ... new profile pic and pics ...
Well gentlemen and ladies ... it has been TOO long ... so here it is ...
I'm Sorry !! ... I don't mean to leave the SG all high and dry but a journal is hard to keep up w/ all the time. I was never good at it you know ...
So what has changed in my ridiculously long absence ... NOTHING !! ... No, on the real - My first year of college is over - and I did ?? .. bad .. I imagine things like this will have to change soon ... I'm sure it all will with my hopeful spring entry into a different college. Yeah .. spring. That means fall is full-time work for me. It's too late to get into school for fall - so I'll be applying for either spring 2005, or fall 2005 ... It sucks to wait when you want to learn ....
It looks like my choice is between two schools ... Rhode Island College in Providence .. or .. Pittsburgh University here at home ... but no more branch campus shite ... that's the devil ...
I keep looking at this profile pic and wondering who the hell that crazy George Michael mother fucker is ... I'm going to have to do something about that soon ....
Saturday night at around midnight - myself and some crazy foolish friends of mine decided to visit the small town of Pittsburgh for fun ... and fun it was ... we strolled the Southside for late night coffee bars and had breakfast at an early 3 AM ... I like that city more than I thought ... 'specially the drunks at 2 AM on the Southside ... good lord there is so many ...
Other random stuff to say - I'm so angry that it's summer - I hate summer ... but that means fall is next ... and I LOVE fall ... so I'm a full time worker for the next like five months ... that means I should party more huh ?? ... I'm going to at least five concerts this summer ... if not I promise I will beat my own ass ... I promise as soon as I have the money for batteries I'll take new pics to replace whatever the hell I was doing before ...
Oh and this ... I'm going to post the link for the E-card for the band The Honorary Title ... this is good stuff ... If you like emo-tastic music ... listen to this ... ESPECIALLY the fourth track ... It reminds me of Bright Eyes so much ... It's perfect ...
The Honorary Title - E-Card ...
Current Music - The Honorary Title - Revealing Too Much (of course) - AND - The Who - Pinball Wizard ...
Well gentlemen and ladies ... it has been TOO long ... so here it is ...
I'm Sorry !! ... I don't mean to leave the SG all high and dry but a journal is hard to keep up w/ all the time. I was never good at it you know ...
So what has changed in my ridiculously long absence ... NOTHING !! ... No, on the real - My first year of college is over - and I did ?? .. bad .. I imagine things like this will have to change soon ... I'm sure it all will with my hopeful spring entry into a different college. Yeah .. spring. That means fall is full-time work for me. It's too late to get into school for fall - so I'll be applying for either spring 2005, or fall 2005 ... It sucks to wait when you want to learn ....
It looks like my choice is between two schools ... Rhode Island College in Providence .. or .. Pittsburgh University here at home ... but no more branch campus shite ... that's the devil ...
I keep looking at this profile pic and wondering who the hell that crazy George Michael mother fucker is ... I'm going to have to do something about that soon ....
Saturday night at around midnight - myself and some crazy foolish friends of mine decided to visit the small town of Pittsburgh for fun ... and fun it was ... we strolled the Southside for late night coffee bars and had breakfast at an early 3 AM ... I like that city more than I thought ... 'specially the drunks at 2 AM on the Southside ... good lord there is so many ...
Other random stuff to say - I'm so angry that it's summer - I hate summer ... but that means fall is next ... and I LOVE fall ... so I'm a full time worker for the next like five months ... that means I should party more huh ?? ... I'm going to at least five concerts this summer ... if not I promise I will beat my own ass ... I promise as soon as I have the money for batteries I'll take new pics to replace whatever the hell I was doing before ...
Oh and this ... I'm going to post the link for the E-card for the band The Honorary Title ... this is good stuff ... If you like emo-tastic music ... listen to this ... ESPECIALLY the fourth track ... It reminds me of Bright Eyes so much ... It's perfect ...
The Honorary Title - E-Card ...
Current Music - The Honorary Title - Revealing Too Much (of course) - AND - The Who - Pinball Wizard ...
Well ... it's been a while ... too long I guess ... so here ...
My life ... in terms of the small shit ... is fine ... I've developed quite a routine .. and that makes me feel somewhat like a robot. It's work - school - work - school bleh ... Even the time that is my own is routine now ... check SG, Final Fantasy XI, Adult Swim, every nite ... whew It's nothing suprising ... ever ...
I take solace in the fact that eventually I hope by changing the important things - like my home, my college, and my friends, that I'll once again enjoy everything. This could be totally wrong - but why not try it out ... what is there to lose ?? ...
(Does anyone else want to pick up their shit - say fuck college - and move to Japan with me ??? It'd be sweet you know it ...)
And now this --- So how about fuck Iron Chef America ... damn paid off judges ... Puck should have won ... but who the fuck has a sioux chef that is ALSO a master chef ... cheater ... Flay and Batali should have lost ... the tag-team match however ... was the second greatest Iron Chef duel I've ever seen ...
Still no new pics ...
Still no deep thought conveyed into interesting writing ...
There you have it ... I think soon I'm going to get ridiculously drunk ... It should be fun ...
Current Music - Snow Patrol - Spitting Games
My life ... in terms of the small shit ... is fine ... I've developed quite a routine .. and that makes me feel somewhat like a robot. It's work - school - work - school bleh ... Even the time that is my own is routine now ... check SG, Final Fantasy XI, Adult Swim, every nite ... whew It's nothing suprising ... ever ...
I take solace in the fact that eventually I hope by changing the important things - like my home, my college, and my friends, that I'll once again enjoy everything. This could be totally wrong - but why not try it out ... what is there to lose ?? ...
(Does anyone else want to pick up their shit - say fuck college - and move to Japan with me ??? It'd be sweet you know it ...)
And now this --- So how about fuck Iron Chef America ... damn paid off judges ... Puck should have won ... but who the fuck has a sioux chef that is ALSO a master chef ... cheater ... Flay and Batali should have lost ... the tag-team match however ... was the second greatest Iron Chef duel I've ever seen ...
Still no new pics ...
Still no deep thought conveyed into interesting writing ...
There you have it ... I think soon I'm going to get ridiculously drunk ... It should be fun ...
Current Music - Snow Patrol - Spitting Games
And here it is ...
I'm going to see Kill Bill 2 ... right now .. !
Screw the beard anyways ... It's gone ... Probably means a new profile pic sometime soon.
I'll be in the Pennsylvania till spring at least ... yippee ... ... sarcasm ladies and gentlemen ...
Rock on ... rock yourselves right out of your sneakers ...
Maybe my next journal entry will be deep and thought provoking ... maybe ...
Current Music - Sex Pistols - Anarchy in the UK
I'm going to see Kill Bill 2 ... right now .. !
Screw the beard anyways ... It's gone ... Probably means a new profile pic sometime soon.
I'll be in the Pennsylvania till spring at least ... yippee ... ... sarcasm ladies and gentlemen ...
Rock on ... rock yourselves right out of your sneakers ...
Maybe my next journal entry will be deep and thought provoking ... maybe ...
Current Music - Sex Pistols - Anarchy in the UK
Being sick is like this ...
Not being able to turn my head, left, right or down.
Having bloodshot, "I just smoked a pound eyes."
Sweating.
Sneezing.
Having a sore throat.
Deep coughing.
Feeling naeusous.
Ridiculous pressure between my eyes.
Not being able to use my nose.
Being weak.
Hurting everywhere.
The worst part is it's really nice outside ... and I have to go to work.
It's a shady world for something like this to happen ... karma I suppose ...
Cool shite =
Casshern
Richard (Dick) Cheese
Snowblood Apple
My parents are gone .. I have a sweet abode to myself ... I SHOULD be partying right now ...
Not being able to turn my head, left, right or down.
Having bloodshot, "I just smoked a pound eyes."
Sweating.
Sneezing.
Having a sore throat.
Deep coughing.
Feeling naeusous.
Ridiculous pressure between my eyes.
Not being able to use my nose.
Being weak.
Hurting everywhere.
The worst part is it's really nice outside ... and I have to go to work.
It's a shady world for something like this to happen ... karma I suppose ...
Cool shite =
Casshern
Richard (Dick) Cheese
Snowblood Apple
My parents are gone .. I have a sweet abode to myself ... I SHOULD be partying right now ...
It's been a while ... but the news is as such ...
I'm applying for college in Providence right now ... hence my participation in the PVD regional group. If I'm lucky enough I'll be able to start in the fall ... but there are a few deadlines I might not be able to make. If that's the case I'll have to choose to either skip the fall semester and start in the spring, or the whole year and start next fall.
Either way leaves me with a lot of down time that I'm not looking forward to. It's a habit around here for people to take these years off ... and magically never get back on track. If I have to take time off, I am hoping I'm the exception.
I'm glad that I'm discovering I can actually grow a real beard, but I change the way I look so often it's hard to keep something for too long. I'm not shaving just yet, but we'll see how I feel in the next few days.
Having myself a Borders gift card I've been looking at new books to buy lately ... and I've hit a tough decision ...
This book looks awesome ...1001 Movies you Must See Before you Die
But then again ... I could get cheaper books ... and more of them ...
Battle Royale
Culture Jam
The Off-Hollywood Film Guide
I love Iron Chef ...
watch Iron Chef America ... and see Bobby Flay and Wolfgang Puck get schooled by Hiroyuki Sakai and Chen Kenichi on Apr. 23-25 ...
That's everything ... whew ...
Current Music - Cowboy Bebop - Ballad of a Fallen Angel
I'm applying for college in Providence right now ... hence my participation in the PVD regional group. If I'm lucky enough I'll be able to start in the fall ... but there are a few deadlines I might not be able to make. If that's the case I'll have to choose to either skip the fall semester and start in the spring, or the whole year and start next fall.
Either way leaves me with a lot of down time that I'm not looking forward to. It's a habit around here for people to take these years off ... and magically never get back on track. If I have to take time off, I am hoping I'm the exception.
I'm glad that I'm discovering I can actually grow a real beard, but I change the way I look so often it's hard to keep something for too long. I'm not shaving just yet, but we'll see how I feel in the next few days.
Having myself a Borders gift card I've been looking at new books to buy lately ... and I've hit a tough decision ...
This book looks awesome ...1001 Movies you Must See Before you Die
But then again ... I could get cheaper books ... and more of them ...
Battle Royale
Culture Jam
The Off-Hollywood Film Guide
I love Iron Chef ...
watch Iron Chef America ... and see Bobby Flay and Wolfgang Puck get schooled by Hiroyuki Sakai and Chen Kenichi on Apr. 23-25 ...
That's everything ... whew ...
Current Music - Cowboy Bebop - Ballad of a Fallen Angel
So ... new profile pic and a few new pics of me trying to look tough and pretty at the same time ... I'm such a pansy ...
Better update later ...
Current Music - Simon and Garfunkel - Sound of Silence
Better update later ...
Current Music - Simon and Garfunkel - Sound of Silence
OCTOBER 2004
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SEPTEMBER 2004
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AUGUST 2004
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JULY 2004