I'd like the memory of me
to be a happy one.
I'd like to leave an after glow
of smiles when life is done.
I'd like to leave an echo
whispering softly down the ways,
Of happy times and laughing times
and bright and sunny days.
I'd like the tears of those who grieve,
to dry before the sun
of happy memories
that I leave when life is done.

I'm Free

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free
I'm following the path God has laid you see.
I took His hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all.

I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work, to play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I found that peace at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.

Be not burdened with times of sorrow
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savored much
Good friends, good times, a loved one's touch.

Perhaps my time seemed all too brief
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your hearts and peace to thee
God wanted me now; He set me free.


I will be heading to Sac Cali for a friends funeral will only be there a few days

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts. And we've got to find other ways to make it alone, or keep a straight face. And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance. And up until now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness, because none of it was ever worth the risk. But you are the only exception. I've got a tight grip on reality, but I can't let go of what's in front of me here. I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up. Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream.

the all-encompassing emotion entered the room around her
she felt the edges of her eyes begin to burn
had she forgotten the path she so carefully lined for herself?
had the ideals and taboos so clearly defined begun to run together?
the black + white absolutes of yesteryear have expired, she thought...
they were once strangers- never daring to glance in each others' direction
for fear that it would un-do that which binds the universe together.

now, it seems they've made allies with each other sometime during the new moon
when the stars and street lights were at ease, along with the eyes of the people who didn't see it coming...

she found herself running her fingers through the concepts and questions that plagued her once lucid mind and pleasant dreams.
did today's values and societal norms validate personal reevaluation?
she crossed her T's and dotted her I's...

she closed her drowning eyes and exhaled
in an attempt to breathe the confusion out of herself
once upon a memory, she never would have dreamed of the things she now watched her friends glaze over complaisantly and always with excuse...
i was drunk.
i was lonely.
i never thought they'd find out.
she couldn't bring herself to follow their steps
she couldn't find happiness in these misgivings of life

she found solace in her individuality and the choices she knew she could make...
she wouldn't be a fallen angel.

Brittany Murphy (November 10, 1977 – December 20, 2009)

An actress and singer. She starred in films such as Clueless, Girl, Interrupted, 8 Mile, Sin City and Riding in Cars with Boys, and performed vocals on a range of films and with dance musician Paul Oakenfold, together garnering a number one dance music hit in the USA in 2006.

It is so sad to see her gone! I own every movie she has ever been in and she was one of my fave Actress up there with Reese Witherspoon and Angelina Jolie. Her best roll by far was in "Girl Interrupted" as Daisy Randone.

She was also in the middle of production on the movie Poor Things

Here is a run down of the films she was in

#1 Poor Things (2010) (in production) (rumored)
#2 Shrinking Charlotte (2010) (pre-production) .... Charlotte
#3 The Expendables (2010) (post-production) .... Amy
#4 Something Wicked (2010) (post-production) .... Susan
#5 Abandoned (2009) (post-production) .... Mary
#6 MegaFault (2009) (TV) .... Dr. Amy Lane
#7 "King of the Hill" .... Luanne Platter / ... (231 episodes, 1997-2009)
#8 Across the Hall (2009) .... June
#9 Deadline (2009/I) .... Alice Evans
#10 Futurama: The Beast with a Billion Backs (2008) (V) (voice) .... Colleen O'Hallahan
#11 The Ramen Girl (2008) .... Abby
#12 Happy Feet (2006) (voice) .... Gloria
#13 The Dead Girl (2006) .... Krista
#14 Love and Other Disasters (2006) .... Emily Jackson-Jacks
#15 The Groomsmen (2006) .... Sue
#16 Neverwas (2005) .... Maggie Blake
#17 Sin City (2005) .... Shellie
#18 Little Black Book (2004) .... Stacy
#19 Good Boy! (2003) (voice) .... Nelly
#20 Uptown Girls (2003) .... Molly Gunn
#21 Just Married (2003) .... Sarah
#22 8 Mile (2002) .... Alex
#23 Something in Between (2002) .... Sky
#24 Spun (2002) .... Nikki
#25 Riding in Cars with Boys (2001) .... Fay Forrester
#26 Don't Say a Word (2001) .... Elisabeth Burrows
#27 Summer Catch (2001) .... Dede Mulligan
#28 Sidewalks of New York (2001) .... Ashley
#29 The Audition (2000) .... Daniella
#30 "Pepper Ann" .... Tank the 8th grader (3 episodes, 1999-2000)... aka Disney's Pepper Ann
#31 Cherry Falls (2000) .... Jody Marken
#32 Angels! (2000) .... Nurse Bellows
#33 Trixie (2000) .... Ruby Pearli
#34 Common Ground (2000) (TV) .... Dorothy Nelson
#35 Girl, Interrupted (1999) .... Daisy Randone
#36 Drop Dead Gorgeous (1999) .... Lisa Swenson
#37 The Devil's Arithmetic (1999) (TV) .... Rivkah
#38 David and Lisa (1998) (TV) .... Lisa
#39 Zack and Reba (1998) .... Reba Simpson
#40 Phoenix (1998) .... Veronica
#41 The Prophecy II (1998) (V) .... Izzy
#42 Falling Sky (1998) .... Emily Nicholson
#43 Drive (1997) .... Deliverance Bodine
#44 Bongwater (1997) .... Mary
#45 "Clueless" .... Jasmine (1 episode, 1996) - Driving Me Crazy (1996) TV episode .... Jasmine
#46 "Nash Bridges" .... Carrie (1 episode, 1996)
#47 Double Jeopardy (1996) (TV) .... Julia
#48 Freeway (1996) .... Rhonda
#49 "Murder One" .... Diane 'Dee-Dee' Carson (1 episode, 1995)
#50 "SeaQuest DSV" .... Christine VanCamp (1 episode, 1995)
#51 "The Marshal" .... Lizzie Roth (1 episode, 1995)
#52 "Boy Meets World" .... Trini (2 episodes, 1995)
- The Last Temptation of Cory (1995) TV episode .... Trini
- My Best Friend's Girl (1995) TV episode .... Trini
#53 Clueless (1995) .... Tai
#54 "Sister, Sister" .... Sarah (6 episodes, 1994-1995)
- Smoking in the Girls' Room (1995) TV episode .... Sarah
- The Concert (1994) TV episode .... Sarah
- The Birthday (1994) TV episode .... Sarah
- Cheater, Cheater (1994) TV episode .... Sarah
- Slumber Party (1994) TV episode .... Sarah
(1 more)
#55 "Party of Five" .... Abby (2 episodes, 1994)
- Good Sports (1994) TV episode .... Abby
- Homework (1994) TV episode .... Abby
#56 "Frasier" .... Olsen (1 episode, 1994)
- Give Him the Chair! (1994) TV episode .... Olsen
#57 "Blossom" .... Wendy (4 episodes, 1993)
- Blossom in Paris: Part 1 (1993) TV episode .... Wendy
- Blossom in Paris: Part 2 (1993) TV episode .... Wendy
- Blossom in Paris: Part 3 (1993) TV episode .... Wendy
- Blossom in Paris: Part 4 (1993) TV episode .... Wendy
#58 "Almost Home" .... Molly Morgan (13 episodes, 1993)
... aka The Torkelsons: Almost Home
- Bowling for Daddies (1993) TV episode .... Molly Morgan
- Hot Ticket (1993) TV episode .... Molly Morgan
- You Ought to Be in Pictures (1993) TV episode .... Molly Morgan
- The Dance (1993) TV episode .... Molly Morgan
- To Date or Not to Date? (1993) TV episode .... Molly Morgan
(8 more)
#59 Family Prayers (1993) .... Elise... aka A Family Divided
#60 "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" .... Angie (1 episode, 1992)... aka Parker Lewis (USA: new title)
- The Kiss (1992) TV episode .... Angie
#61 "Drexell's Class" .... Brenda Drexell (18 episodes, 1991-1992)
- The Resentments (1992) TV episode .... Brenda Drexell
- Cruisin' (1992) TV episode .... Brenda Drexell
- Til Death Do You Part (1992) TV episode .... Brenda Drexell
- Ashes to Ashes (1992) TV episode .... Brenda Drexell
- Beauty & the Beast (1992) TV episode .... Brenda Drexell
(13 more)
#62 "Kids Incorporated" .... Celeste (1 episode, 1992)
... aka Kids Inc. (USA: short title)
- Lay Off (1992) TV episode .... Celeste
#63 "Murphy Brown" .... Frank's Sister (1 episode, 1991)
- On Another Plane: Part 1 (1991) TV episode .... Frank's Sister

May she rest in peace

Im back for now... I will update my blog soon enough

Its been almost a year since I posted last...

Just wanted to keep everyone up to date with my life

I still live in Oregon and still work at my job I had since the last time I blogged. But with a new twist

My old Manager moved up to Washington and the lil bitch they had replace her for a short time... finally got his just deserves... They sent him to another store while they were looking for a new manager for the department and had me as the acting manager until they found a new Manager... They posted the Management position and I applied for it just for shits and giggles, knowing full well that said bitch was going to aply as well. When it came down to it I was honest in the interview and said that I basically only applied for the position so it would be one more person away from "said bitch" to get the position.

After thoughtful consideration they hired two girls Julie and Sherry to become Manager and assistant manager for my department and had me train Julie which I didn't mind at all because she is one of the sweetest people you could ever meet. But in the end she said she couldn't handle all of the responsibilities she had as a Manager and asked if Sherry or myself could be manager and that she would be assistant manager. Sherry didn't want the job and honestly didn't care if she was a manager or not.... Soo what happens a week after the interview... The job was posted again for a new manager but this time I didn't even bother to apply since I only did it the first time to piss off "said bitch" Well little do I know that "said bitch" is saying more shit about me when I hadn't even talked to him or about him for over 2 months and he is still trying to come back to the store I work at... Come to find out that the Store Manager doesn't want him back at his store and the only reason why they keep interviewing him for different positions in the store is because they are after all an "Equal Opportunity Employer" After about 3 months without a "titled" Manager for the position the store manager asks me if I wanted the job and also said it was cute to see me be honest about the position when I was interview the first time but thought that I had it in me to run the department since Ive been able to do so for close to half a year even with dealing with "said bitch" for 2 of those months.

So I finally gave in and took the position but they also know that in June/July I will be hopefully moving to Alaska My NGM project was a smash. Now Ive been asked to be one of the photo journalist for a local Gaming Magazine in Alaska So I'm taking up the opportunity and the Mag will be paying for the Uhal that will be taking me from Oregon to Alaska with all my things all I need now is a US Passport since I will be passing customs in Canada to get to Alaska and come June 9th to cross into Canada and the US you will need a Passport kinda sucks since all this time I only needed my Oregon ID and now I'll need a passport if I want to come and go through Canada and the US...

That's all for now.Tell next time I Blog

PS: I'm still an insane wow addict... Illidan Alliance lvl 80 Pally, Hunter, Druid, Mage Working on lvl 73 Warrior and 71 Priest

Ok you know your addicted to WOW when your can get your best friend to play WOW and get her addicted to WOW and when it all comes down to it and you ask each other what do you want to do and the only thing you can think of is playing WOW or talking about moving to Canada because the best people you have met IRL from WOW come from Canada go figure LOL.

Anyways enough of my neediness about WOW and on to other things...

Ive had allot going on in my life that Ive been hiding from reality so to speak... Work sucks, don't get me wrong but I use to honestly love my job until the Manager go herself hurt and they put in this new dick of a Manger in to fill her job tell she gets better. He cant even be a freaken Manager... how can someone who couldn't cut it as a Floral Manager possibly think he is cut out to be a Manager at all? Who can fuck up the easiest position possible? Well Ive found just the fuck up and he is making things worse in the department that I am in. Don't fix what ain't broken is my mo-do. The group of gals I worked with loved their job and took pride in what they did. Now one of them doesn't give a flying fuck what happens and doesn't even care if she is fired cause she cant stand this new Manager. Another one is trying to transfer to another department, and myself and one other is trying to be transferred to a diff store completely. Soo if all of this happens, that will lead to just him... Even the old Manager has been shunned from her own department. He gives her a dirty look every time she even come back to the back to check up on things and complains to management every single day because we talk with "OUR" old manager. Its like we cant even talk to anyone anymore... When we do talk with her its because we are asking her a question and trying to get help finding things that this jerk couldn't find if it bit him on the ass.

Its gotten so bad I use to make $1000 a month but once he started doing his shit its gone from $1000 a month to $400 a month... who in their right mind thinks that someone can live off of $400 a month... I can see living at $800 a month and stretching the money each month... but $400 cant even put a roof over your head... and that's all because he started making it so I only work 3 days a week... I'd try and find another job but I kinda need this fuck ass job if I wanna move to Alaska and do a transfer that way...

Don't get me wrong I love Oregon and all its just Id make more money with my photos in Alaska then I would in Oregon... Ive gotten more attention with my photos in Alaska and more money might I add... See I shoot live shots like animals and nature and things like that... Ive even gotten 5 of my Alaskan prints in NGM (National Geographic) Also if I moved to Alaska I'd get paid to live there after the 1st year what a plus lol. Also my BF is in Alaska as we speak on the boats crabbing, you know "Deadliest Catch" shit... yup yup I picked a real winner LOL that's the only reason why Ive been able to keep a roof over my head atm... if any of this shit was going on and I didn't have my BF to fall back on, I'd seriously have to find me a new job and fast because I wouldn't have made it at all....

Well enough of my ranting... until next time for another whacked out blog