apparently I missed the memo that when a boy says "i love you" the correct response is not, "wtf?! no you don't. shutup" over and over again. 
If she's amazing, she won't be easy.
(aaaah, the key to my heart: Yogurtland)
rainy, rainy day here in my city (suprised?) And apparently it's supposed to rain ALL week. There are only 2 good things about this....
1. I have every reason in the world to hibernate in my warm, dry, little house and not feel guilty about it.
2. When I do have to venture out of the house, I have a perfect playlist for driving in the rain.
Wore a shirt today with this on it. Probably one of the coolest things I've ever owned.
Sorry there's not more to report. However, I am going to the shooting range tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited. I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories from that. Until then, good night my little goobs
(aaaah, the key to my heart: Yogurtland)
rainy, rainy day here in my city (suprised?) And apparently it's supposed to rain ALL week. There are only 2 good things about this....
1. I have every reason in the world to hibernate in my warm, dry, little house and not feel guilty about it.
2. When I do have to venture out of the house, I have a perfect playlist for driving in the rain.
Wore a shirt today with this on it. Probably one of the coolest things I've ever owned.
Sorry there's not more to report. However, I am going to the shooting range tomorrow and I couldn't be more excited. I'm sure I'll have plenty of stories from that. Until then, good night my little goobs
Lunch was easily the highlight of my day.......
...;.and yes, it was as good as it sounds.
...;.and yes, it was as good as it sounds.
This is and will always be one of my favorite movie quotes...
Ivy: When we are married, will you dance with me? I find dancing very agreeable. Why can you not say what is in your head?
Lucius: Why can you not stop saying what is in yours? Why must you lead, when I want to lead? If I want to dance I will ask you to dance. If I want to speak I will open my mouth and speak. Everyone is forever plaguing me to speak further. Why? What good is it to tell you you are in my every thought from the time I wake? What good can come from my saying that I sometimes cannot think clearly or do my work properly? What gain can rise of my telling you the only time I feel fear as others do is when I think of you in harm? That is why I am on this porch, Ivy Walker. I fear for your safety before all others. And yes, I will dance with you on our wedding night.
(not my favorite movie, but this line always makes my heart skip a beat.)
Ivy: When we are married, will you dance with me? I find dancing very agreeable. Why can you not say what is in your head?
Lucius: Why can you not stop saying what is in yours? Why must you lead, when I want to lead? If I want to dance I will ask you to dance. If I want to speak I will open my mouth and speak. Everyone is forever plaguing me to speak further. Why? What good is it to tell you you are in my every thought from the time I wake? What good can come from my saying that I sometimes cannot think clearly or do my work properly? What gain can rise of my telling you the only time I feel fear as others do is when I think of you in harm? That is why I am on this porch, Ivy Walker. I fear for your safety before all others. And yes, I will dance with you on our wedding night.
(not my favorite movie, but this line always makes my heart skip a beat.)
I mentioned a bit ago that I was writing a story for class about my first kiss and some peeps asked me to post it when I was finished so here ya go...
Chapter 1
Full On Lip Contact
A first kiss can be life changing. It can physically knock the wind out of you. The connection can stop you in your tracks and encourage you to believe in love. It may be the start of seeing the world through an anything's possible pair of eyes. Well, for 99.9% of us, that's not the case. In fact, more often than not it's everything but. The majority of us remember that moment as being awkward and unpredictable. It becoming a public affair in the blink of an eye, with sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g being repeated over and over by anyone and everyone who had heard the news. And as is my luck, mine was no different.
In the summer between 5th and 6th grade, I had my first real boyfriend. I don't mean real as in the sense that all the previous ones were imaginary, but that I got to refer to him as my boyfriend. I finally had found someone who I could divulge my deepest and darkest secrets to, or at least claim as a permanent partner for Capture the Flag. I was 10 years old at the time, a year younger than all my classmates. I had never skipped a grade, but was lucky enough to start kindergarten at the ripe old age of four. I highly doubt that this was based on my keen intellect or vast knowledge, but more on the fact that my super small christian school didn't have enough crayons for the entire pre-school class.
This would be my second year at Loyal Heights Summer Camp, so I had the place mapped out and ready for the taking. I was well known and honestly liked by the other kids, especially after my Grammy award winning rendition of Love Shack by the B52's at the previous year's talent show. Technically, I didn't sing a note but Man, I could mouth those words and move with the beat like I invented music. I was an happy, go-lucky kid, getting along with everyone, counselors to newbies. In all honesty, I get such a high from Vitamin D seen only in those few summer months, that I would have been cordial to a puppy killer if he caught me on the right day.
The camp ran throughout the entire summer, from nine to five, five days a week. I absolutely loved it there. It was a different hierarchy than grade school. Perhaps it was the same, except now I filtered in at the top. The community center that housed the camp was was located in a nice, little, suburban neighborhood in Seattle. A place where front doors weren't locked and it was never a problem to wander off without a buddy. On the days that we got blessed with the shy Seattle sun, we made sure to soak up every minute of it playing outside until being dragged home by our impatient parents.
The upper grounds consisted of luscious grass spaces, basketball courts, Evergreen trees, and newly remodeled play-sets. The lower grounds didn't quite have the same visual appeal, consisting of a field with spiratic spots of yellow grass and a rusted over baseball diamond. We steered clear of that area, choosing to escape any remnants of our lives that we would return to in the fall. For most of us, Loyal Heights was a blissful paradise compared to our home neighborhoods.
The best part was that we had free reign over the inside of the center. It consisted of an oversized gym with a full size stage ( i.e. Love Shack performance), and numerous common areas. These areas were scattered throughout with games that diligent campers tried to master by the end of the summer, such as Ping Pong and Foosball. I always had the intention to return to school as a bonafide Bumper Pool hustler, but it didn't take more than a week or two for my interests to wander. Enter Matthew.
Matthew was quite a hottie, a mini version of tall, dark, and handsome. It was as if he got transported straight out of a pre-teen drama, now being left with no heartthrob. With a pick of all the girls in camp, he decided on me as his summer love. Granted not knowing it was temporary, I was instantly elated. I knew people thought I was cool and wanted to hang around me, but a boy liking me? Like 'like, liking' me? That was a whole different story. I finally had stepped out to show the world that even though I can rough and tumble with the boys, I was still a total babe and worthy of a Prince Charming. Unbeknownst to me, your fifth grade boyfriend rarely turns out to be your White Knight, but I was clueless of that at the time. I was convinced summer would lead into the school year, then junior high, and by the time we graduated high school our true happily ever after could start. We held hands everywhere we went. We sat by each other at lunch, sharing food, trying not to show the public how incredibly awkward and terrified we were.
Not far into our relationship I had mastered the sly and suttle kiss on the cheek move. Making sure I was lady like enough to show my interest but not too aggressive that I scared him off. For us girls, growing up there is one rule that is pounded into our heads by older sisters and teen movies: The boy ALWAYS makes the first move. To stray from that rule would suggest that you thought he was nothing more than a big old coward. So I waited. And waited. And then waited some more. That summer I probably went through ten tubes of Bonne Bell Lip Smacker, always making sure my lips were available and ready to go. As the summer rolled into it's second leg, I started to get a little nervous that I was quite possibly gonna end it just as I had started it, lip kiss free. It plagued me at night. I spent hours making sure I was giving him open opportunities on a regular basis. It wasn't until I excepted the fact that I might not be kissable material, that I got thrown a curve ball.
At the end of an exhausting and exciting day at camp, I went in from the playground to search Matthew out and do our usual peck on the cheek, equally close hug goodbye. That day was exceptionally hot (at least for Seattle) and I discovered him in one of the air conditioned rooms, shirtless, playing a thrilling round of Magic the Gathering. (Let me just state right now, that I am not a Gamer. I never have been and I never will be. Magic, Dungeons & Dragons, Risk, and pretty much all video games have resided slightly over my head. That being said, over the years I seem to have ended up having one too many first date conversations with boys and men who take that shit seriously). This was a flaw of Matthew's, but not a dealbreaker.
As I hugged his bare skin from behind, sliding my arms around his tan, skinny chest, he rubbed my arm and looked over his shoulder expecting to give me a cheek kiss. At that moment, I was doing the same thing and we ended up making full-blown lip contact. We both were a little startled but did our best to pull away quickly and act normal. As I stood up completely and turned toward the door, I almost fell over when I realized my mom was standing dead center. She had seen the whole thing and I knew there was no pretending that she was blinking at our explicit moment of interaction. I did my best to proceed to the car with a face painted expression saying “Of course I'm fine. It's just a regular day. Nothing new.” And before we even made it half way there she looked at me with the biggest, silliest, proud grin on her face and said, Did he just kiss you??
I did my best not to let on but the perma-smile I wore for the rest of the day was a dead giveaway. I just had my very first kiss. It was game on after that point. Any moment we could steal or any minute we were unsupervised, Matthew and I were making out. Needless to say it was a very enjoyable and memorable summer. The only downside of this experience was that it suggested a level of communication my mom imagined we had. From here on out, she always wanted to know every little detail about every single boy that made a cameo in my life. Whether it was a high school dance date or a drunken hook-up, she needed to hear the dirt. Not physical details, but quick play-by-plays so she was up to date. You would think this would have faded away by the time I hit 30, but nope. She's still there on the edge of her seat, waiting to get the rundown of how I lost my virginity before the long awaited news hits the press.
Chapter 1
Full On Lip Contact
A first kiss can be life changing. It can physically knock the wind out of you. The connection can stop you in your tracks and encourage you to believe in love. It may be the start of seeing the world through an anything's possible pair of eyes. Well, for 99.9% of us, that's not the case. In fact, more often than not it's everything but. The majority of us remember that moment as being awkward and unpredictable. It becoming a public affair in the blink of an eye, with sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g being repeated over and over by anyone and everyone who had heard the news. And as is my luck, mine was no different.
In the summer between 5th and 6th grade, I had my first real boyfriend. I don't mean real as in the sense that all the previous ones were imaginary, but that I got to refer to him as my boyfriend. I finally had found someone who I could divulge my deepest and darkest secrets to, or at least claim as a permanent partner for Capture the Flag. I was 10 years old at the time, a year younger than all my classmates. I had never skipped a grade, but was lucky enough to start kindergarten at the ripe old age of four. I highly doubt that this was based on my keen intellect or vast knowledge, but more on the fact that my super small christian school didn't have enough crayons for the entire pre-school class.
This would be my second year at Loyal Heights Summer Camp, so I had the place mapped out and ready for the taking. I was well known and honestly liked by the other kids, especially after my Grammy award winning rendition of Love Shack by the B52's at the previous year's talent show. Technically, I didn't sing a note but Man, I could mouth those words and move with the beat like I invented music. I was an happy, go-lucky kid, getting along with everyone, counselors to newbies. In all honesty, I get such a high from Vitamin D seen only in those few summer months, that I would have been cordial to a puppy killer if he caught me on the right day.
The camp ran throughout the entire summer, from nine to five, five days a week. I absolutely loved it there. It was a different hierarchy than grade school. Perhaps it was the same, except now I filtered in at the top. The community center that housed the camp was was located in a nice, little, suburban neighborhood in Seattle. A place where front doors weren't locked and it was never a problem to wander off without a buddy. On the days that we got blessed with the shy Seattle sun, we made sure to soak up every minute of it playing outside until being dragged home by our impatient parents.
The upper grounds consisted of luscious grass spaces, basketball courts, Evergreen trees, and newly remodeled play-sets. The lower grounds didn't quite have the same visual appeal, consisting of a field with spiratic spots of yellow grass and a rusted over baseball diamond. We steered clear of that area, choosing to escape any remnants of our lives that we would return to in the fall. For most of us, Loyal Heights was a blissful paradise compared to our home neighborhoods.
The best part was that we had free reign over the inside of the center. It consisted of an oversized gym with a full size stage ( i.e. Love Shack performance), and numerous common areas. These areas were scattered throughout with games that diligent campers tried to master by the end of the summer, such as Ping Pong and Foosball. I always had the intention to return to school as a bonafide Bumper Pool hustler, but it didn't take more than a week or two for my interests to wander. Enter Matthew.
Matthew was quite a hottie, a mini version of tall, dark, and handsome. It was as if he got transported straight out of a pre-teen drama, now being left with no heartthrob. With a pick of all the girls in camp, he decided on me as his summer love. Granted not knowing it was temporary, I was instantly elated. I knew people thought I was cool and wanted to hang around me, but a boy liking me? Like 'like, liking' me? That was a whole different story. I finally had stepped out to show the world that even though I can rough and tumble with the boys, I was still a total babe and worthy of a Prince Charming. Unbeknownst to me, your fifth grade boyfriend rarely turns out to be your White Knight, but I was clueless of that at the time. I was convinced summer would lead into the school year, then junior high, and by the time we graduated high school our true happily ever after could start. We held hands everywhere we went. We sat by each other at lunch, sharing food, trying not to show the public how incredibly awkward and terrified we were.
Not far into our relationship I had mastered the sly and suttle kiss on the cheek move. Making sure I was lady like enough to show my interest but not too aggressive that I scared him off. For us girls, growing up there is one rule that is pounded into our heads by older sisters and teen movies: The boy ALWAYS makes the first move. To stray from that rule would suggest that you thought he was nothing more than a big old coward. So I waited. And waited. And then waited some more. That summer I probably went through ten tubes of Bonne Bell Lip Smacker, always making sure my lips were available and ready to go. As the summer rolled into it's second leg, I started to get a little nervous that I was quite possibly gonna end it just as I had started it, lip kiss free. It plagued me at night. I spent hours making sure I was giving him open opportunities on a regular basis. It wasn't until I excepted the fact that I might not be kissable material, that I got thrown a curve ball.
At the end of an exhausting and exciting day at camp, I went in from the playground to search Matthew out and do our usual peck on the cheek, equally close hug goodbye. That day was exceptionally hot (at least for Seattle) and I discovered him in one of the air conditioned rooms, shirtless, playing a thrilling round of Magic the Gathering. (Let me just state right now, that I am not a Gamer. I never have been and I never will be. Magic, Dungeons & Dragons, Risk, and pretty much all video games have resided slightly over my head. That being said, over the years I seem to have ended up having one too many first date conversations with boys and men who take that shit seriously). This was a flaw of Matthew's, but not a dealbreaker.
As I hugged his bare skin from behind, sliding my arms around his tan, skinny chest, he rubbed my arm and looked over his shoulder expecting to give me a cheek kiss. At that moment, I was doing the same thing and we ended up making full-blown lip contact. We both were a little startled but did our best to pull away quickly and act normal. As I stood up completely and turned toward the door, I almost fell over when I realized my mom was standing dead center. She had seen the whole thing and I knew there was no pretending that she was blinking at our explicit moment of interaction. I did my best to proceed to the car with a face painted expression saying “Of course I'm fine. It's just a regular day. Nothing new.” And before we even made it half way there she looked at me with the biggest, silliest, proud grin on her face and said, Did he just kiss you??
I did my best not to let on but the perma-smile I wore for the rest of the day was a dead giveaway. I just had my very first kiss. It was game on after that point. Any moment we could steal or any minute we were unsupervised, Matthew and I were making out. Needless to say it was a very enjoyable and memorable summer. The only downside of this experience was that it suggested a level of communication my mom imagined we had. From here on out, she always wanted to know every little detail about every single boy that made a cameo in my life. Whether it was a high school dance date or a drunken hook-up, she needed to hear the dirt. Not physical details, but quick play-by-plays so she was up to date. You would think this would have faded away by the time I hit 30, but nope. She's still there on the edge of her seat, waiting to get the rundown of how I lost my virginity before the long awaited news hits the press.
About my contract.... So, a little over two weeks ago I got offered a paid spot on a reality TV show. I can't tell you which one, but know that it requires me to stay in my current state for awhile. And that current state is with an intact hymen. Yep, full on virgin status. That's me.
Here's the twist. There's this boy. A really fun amazing boy who I am starting to fall for more and more each day. He knew about the show before I took this gig and he claimed it wouldn't be a problem to wait a month or so. I think he may have bit off a little more than he could chew. Now, me being a true tease at heart, we keep getting into these situations that would naturally lead to sex for "normal" people. But they can't. As much as I'm turned on by him, I have no problem stopping dead in my tracks.
At this point it's obvious he's uncomfortable and really struggling, and I start to feel bad for him. I can't change the rules of the situation, so i'm constantly wondering if getting him to that point is just plain cruel? I mean is it more enjoyable for him to just go that far and back off or just not even venture into that area until we're good to go??
I don't know how boy's minds work. Obviously. This just seemed like the best place to get a little insight
Here's the twist. There's this boy. A really fun amazing boy who I am starting to fall for more and more each day. He knew about the show before I took this gig and he claimed it wouldn't be a problem to wait a month or so. I think he may have bit off a little more than he could chew. Now, me being a true tease at heart, we keep getting into these situations that would naturally lead to sex for "normal" people. But they can't. As much as I'm turned on by him, I have no problem stopping dead in my tracks.
At this point it's obvious he's uncomfortable and really struggling, and I start to feel bad for him. I can't change the rules of the situation, so i'm constantly wondering if getting him to that point is just plain cruel? I mean is it more enjoyable for him to just go that far and back off or just not even venture into that area until we're good to go??
I don't know how boy's minds work. Obviously. This just seemed like the best place to get a little insight
