The problem with losing your mind isn't that you go crazy, it's in that minuscule chance that you get your mind back and have to sit back and watch your world crumble and burn and hope that enough remains amongst the ashes to make it worth trying to rebuild...

So 2 days ago I came to a strange realization and suddenly saw exactly how little of my life I have any control over at all. Being a person who sees and usually changes everything to my liking I had some trouble dealing with this. I decided to take up bodybuilding as a way to deal with things. It may seem like an odd choice but it's a lifestyle that requires very strict habits and you have to do things regardless of convenience or want. eating every 2.5 hours and lifting twice a day with cardio for 20 min twice a day 6 days a week are all mandatory with no excuses. Today is an off day but I decided to go ahead and do back anyway. Today's regimen will be Dead Lifts(5-6 sets), Lat Pull Downs(6 sets), T-Bar Rows(5 sets), Bent Arm Pull-overs(4 sets), and finally Shrugs(5 sets), this will all follow 20 minutes of on the treadmill and be followed by abs and obliques. I'm excited about doing this and want to compete at the light heavy weight class which is 198.25lbs. The guy that owns the gym I go to was a bodybuilder from 79-01 and has already told me once I hit 8% body fat he will hook me up with a trainer for posing and routines. I honestly think the hardest part of all this will be having to get rid of all my body hair and posing every day to find all the little flaws of my body, as of today I'm about 226lbs and 21% body fat so I have a very hard road to get where I want to be but fully intend to fight every step of the way to get there. Now all I have to do is find money to buy a bunch of plain pull over hoodies lol,

So it's been 2 weeks and I finally hit the beginning of my 12 weeks working out

Had to change my diet to and athletes/lifters diet, it hurts when your meals consist of a whole chicken and you still need 4 protein shakes to make protein requirements for the day, I honestly have no idea how I'm going to afford what I'm doing at this point, I need 40 bucks in protein powder a week, 2-300 bucks in supplements a month, and about 60 bucks worth of meat a week, so I'm way over budget and have had to give up most of my other hobbies for now, it'll be easy once my pay goes back to normal next summer but things are going to be really tight til then apparently, hopefully I can find a second job either at GNC or bouncing in OC, MD this spring. I found out that my 24 week mark falls on my B-day so I'm aiming for less then 10% body fat and 220-230lbs and hopefully starting to bulk for amateur bodybuilding.

This is just a pointless mindless anger rant that I decided to get out of my system . Today the ex stopped by again and tried to start with the I still want you in my life bs and tried to hug me, this is getting really really old. The new bf she has she lied about to me and still does and hide him from me when they first started talking and we were still dating, for some reason I don't get she thinks I will be ok with this and we can be honky dory and shit. I 'politely' explained that she is a moralless whore and she chose the path she is on and didn't seem to care when she jumped in the sac with a suicidal community college professor that lives 5 fucking doors down to me. I also 'politely' explained that if I run into him in public he should immediately walk or better yet run in the opposite direction and I am not exaggerating that I will beat the life out of him and peel the skin from his face before he dies(yes this is possible). What I cannot seem to get through to her is I am 230lbs, I spend 3-4 hours a day working out and lifting weights and can literally through this poor fucks body wieght around like a normal person can a child's. I once again 'politely' kicked her out of my house and told her if shes not coming to fuck then she is not welcome in my house period no ifs ands or buts. I wish I could get through to people around me that until I start dating or fucking around again I am just a ball of fucking fury looking for a good outlet and already pitying the person who it finally unleashes on. Well now that that is over, hopefully me next blog will be about working out again or maybe art...

TIme for my 2 week up date pic

Belly is a bit bigger in this one then normal now but given I ate a bit over 4 pounds of meat(yes I measured it) I can say I'm making good progress on my arms and over all cut, I am a long way from my 6 pack goal on Dec 1st but I'll make do with a Jan 1st, also I've added Growth Factor 9 to my stack so I'll have to see how that is, so far the only thing that doesn't seem to make a real difference is the Ripped Vita Pak which I'll probably trade out for a stronger thermogenic. I also have to add some slow digesting proteins to my diet, this shit is getting retardedly expensive :-(

A pic of a typical breakfast in my diet

My pills with breakfast include:
2 Sports multi-vitamins
2 Tribulus
2 Saw Palmetto
1 Carbon(Muscle Hardener)
1 Test 7(T-booster)
4 CLAs
1 Thermogenic
1 Waterex

30 Min before a workout I take 2-3 Force Factor 2 pills and if it's been more than 8 hours since breakfast 1 scoop of 1MR(1 More Rep)
Immediately after a work out I take 2 1000mg Vit C pills, and 2 scoops of a whey protein Isolate with BCAAs and Creatine

This is my current stack, though I'll probably change a few things in a month or so, and Thanks to Blossom for letting me know about the Keto diet so I could fix the mistakes I was making with food(was actually on the diet but didn't know it lol) and lose another 6lbs since Saturday

I'll just start with the before picture and the picture from Nov. 7th, I'll add my diet and workouts later today.This is just to show my progress in 2 months of work, I will post more as I get further along and closer to my goals, still have a long way to go til I'm 7% body fat though.