How can a song make you feel like it's grabbed you by the chest and squeezing. Almost a numb feeling, emotions peaked. Not sure if you want to cry, smile, laugh, scream. I'll never cease to be amazed by the power that music has to make you feel, feel good, bad, angry. There's a power there and I can't figure out if it's inside of the person(me) in which case I'm just making myself experience something psychophysical, or if it's a power in the music that is affecting you(me) from the outside in. It hurts but it's addictive, maybe that is just internal, the depression or something. Maybe not though, I like to think it's the music. Mmm, hurts so good. Fuck I need some motivation.

Well another Saturday night at home translating and being a geek. Going to the SG show tomorrow with Skank, actually feel like I shouldn't be going cause I've got so much work to do and I know I'll get pissed and be useless monday. Oh well, should be worth the sacrafice, such a difficult life I lead, lol. I downloaded the Billboard top 100 of 1991 the other day and I'm listening to it now, wow this brings back some memories. I was looking for Escape Club "I'll be there" but I'm listening to the whole thing, just listened to Winger "miles away" and Firehouse " love of a lifetime" now Prince "cream" is playing. I totally remember all of these songs and each one has big time memories associated with it, some good and many not so good. Reminds me of just how depressed I was when I was younger but I didn't actually know it at the time. It's weird cause all of the memories associated with these songs seem to be dark, not in any evil or sadistic way but they remind of the nights I spent listening to music and not knowing why I was so sad and why I hurt for no reason. Even the good memories associated with this music seem to be dark, nightime memories, kind of weird, I don't remember a lot of sunny days from that time. Ok that was deep. Anyways, looking forward to tomorrow eventhough I'm stressed about getting my translations done. Oh, Michael W. Smith "Place in this world" just came on, I'm such a nerd but I still love this shit, I guess that must really date me. Probably watch some football with skank tomorrow before we go out but the Saints don't play till Monday so I'm not that worried. Big game Monday thought, GO SAINTS.
Jordy

LEST WE FORGET 9/11 - Thoughts to all those who keep us safe and protect us. I don't always agree with the politics and policy but you can't take away from those who sacrifice themeselves for others. Politics aside Police, Health Care and Military (as well as many others) have a difficult job that I respect immensley. If only I could achieve a portion of the selflessness they demonstrate I'd be a lot better off. Thanks.

"over Mountains
over Trees
over Oceans
over Seas
across the desert
I'll be there

in a whisper on the wind
on the smile of a new friend
just think of me
And I'll be there

Don't be afraid, oh my love
I'll be watching you from above
And I'd give all the world tonight,
to be with you
Because I'm on your side,
And I still care
I may have died,
but I've gone nowhere

Just think of me,
And I'll be there

On the edge of a waking dream
over Rivers
over Streams
through Wind and Rain
I'll be there

Across the wide and open sky
thousands of miles I'd fly
to be with you
I'll be there

Don't be afraid, oh my love
I'll be watching you from above
And I'd give all the world tonight,
to be with you
Because I'm on your side,
And I still care
I may have died,
but I've gone nowhere

Just think of me,
And I'll be there

In the breath of a wind that sighs
oh, there's no need to cry

Just think of me,
And I'll be there" The Escape Club - "I'll Be There"



Saints won, sweeeet. Not gettin too excited but at least things look a little better this season. Back at the orriffice today, then the gym. I think the goal for today will be to write one page of lit with one sketch, shouldn't take more than an hour so seems reasonable. Feels good to have a goal every day, keeps me motivated. Maybe it's a little sad that I have to play these games with myself to make sure I get things done but I guess whatever works. Still think I could use a personal assistant to keep track of me and make sure I don't foget stuff like I always do, that I just grow up and get responsible but I don't see that happening any time soon.

Are you ready for some football!!! Opening Sunday.

GO SAINTS!!

Wow, two days in a row, I'm like a god. I could actually get used to this, just hope the other journal doesn't suffer. Thought for the day; I like music, I like it a lot. Anyways, off to the gym and then to the orifice for a couple hours of translating. Nice day though, supposed to be 30, probably one of the last ones, good thing I'll be inside most of the day. Oh well, gotta be done. I'll ride my bike to the school and that will have to do.
Jordy

I think there is a love in all our souls that shines like gold.
Sometimes it just needs a little (or a lot) of pollishing to show through.

POLLISH SOUL DAILY FOR BEST RESULTS!

Well here goes another attempt at semi-regular blogging. I think I deserve credit since it's only been a couple of months since my last entry rather than a year. I've decided to take another Sanskrit course this semester. I've been done my required courses for a year now and I'm just supposed to be writing my thesis. Instead I've been trying to work on my Tibetan translations and taking sanskrit courses, probably as procrastination but I justify it by saying I need Sanskrit eventually for my PhD. I also figure that taking the course will force me to go to the department since it seems like that's the only place I get any work done, probably because I don't go online there and piss around. Back at the gym which is good. My knee is slowly regaining its strength and flexibility after the crash. It's been 3 months and I didn't think progress would be this slow with an MCL tear. I keep tweaking it since I can't seem take it easy for an extended period so I guess it's my own fault. Anyways, that's my effort for today, more to follow.
Goal today is to stop for 1 minute and listen to the birds in the back yard, a little serenity is good for the soul.
Jordy

Wow, talk about neglecting something, I haven't written on this forever. Did you ever think there's just too many places to blog now and it's a little overwhelming. I suppose a person could copy their blog from this site and paste it in their my space or something but that would be way to efficient and smart for me so I just avoid my blogs all together. I'm sure there's probably even a way to write your blog and post in your different profiles all at once but I'm definitely not a computer wiz so I better try the old cut and paste first. I'm going to try to start putting some thoughts down on here more regularly instead of just in my hand written journal. Maybe someone might be interested in what I have to say and maybe my one friend on this site will motivate me to start contacting others. Don't forget to laugh today, it heals the soul.
Jordy

I'm proud of myself because I actually got out last night and hung out with some of my friends for a while. Managed to keep it pretty tame but it was good to see the boys. Mainly just bullshitted about funny shit that's happened in the past. It's funny how you get so focussed on something like school but you don't realize how inefficient you become when things get tedious and repetative. A person needs to get out and forget about things for a little while while. One night out with some friends and I feel like I'm refocussed and ready to go again. I'll have to remember that when I start thinking that I don't have time to go out and see my friends because I'm so busy. Oh well, time to get back to studying. Later

Determination not anger

I was just reading a journal entry by Shayne that reminded me how important my family is to me. I talk to my parents every couple of days but a lot of the time I'm just trying to get off the phone with them because we do talk so much. I think I'll give them a call this weekend and make a point of actually being interested in what they have to say. I love them and I know how lucky I am to have them but I think I tend to take them for granted too often.
Saw the Suicide girls here in Calgary last weekend. Pretty good show, quite entertaining. My best friend Lane kept saying that they need to respect their knees a little more, jumping on the bare stage with no pads. I've gotta agree, that's gotta hurt, thanks for the sacrafice.
Another exciting weekend of studying. I've got a ton of reading already and I've gotta start my Tibetan translations again before I get too far behind. I hope it's all worth it in the end cause I'm already starting starting to feel a bit isolated again. I've made a decision that I'm going to get out a bit more this semester and try to see my friends but I'm sure once I get busy that'll be out the window. Oh well, I love what I'm doing and I'm lucky to be able to do it. Later

Arrrrrr!