Jonathan Kesselman's Suicide Watch: I Am Immortal!!!

Posted in Culture Nov 2, 2006 by Jon_Kesselman

I knew it all along! I WIN!!!! For all of you fucks who told me that I drank too much: to my friends who warned me that my liver was being irrevocably...

24 Comments

Jonathan Kesselman�s Suicide Watch: My Vacation In Habeas Corpus Christi

Posted in Politics Oct 26, 2006 by Jon_Kesselman

October 21st:

By the time you read this, it might be too late; I might already be dead. Ive emailed Helen_Jupiter repeatedly, begging...

14 Comments

Jonathan Kesselman�s Suicide Watch: Mel, You Have To Fucking Be Kidding Me!

Posted in Culture Oct 19, 2006 by Jon_Kesselman

Alright, Ive had enough. I'm overwrought. I just finished watching Mel Gibsons interview...

41 Comments

Jonathan Kesselman's Suicide Watch: ShiksaX

Posted in Culture Oct 12, 2006 by Jon_Kesselman

The following is as accurate an account of what transpired between myself and my ex-girlfriend (for the purpose of this report she will be referred to...

11 Comments

Jonathan Kesselman's Suicide Watch: Interview with Former Congressman Mark Foley

Posted in Politics Oct 5, 2006 by Jon_Kesselman

This week, the editors of SG approached me with the task of interviewing former Republican Congressman Mark Foley in light of his recent resignation.

28 Comments

Jonathan Kesselman's Suicide Watch: Ow!

Posted in Culture Sep 28, 2006 by Jon_Kesselman

Kesselman here. I fucked up my back a few days ago. Therefore, there won't be a column this week.

I'm standing as I write this because I can't sit.

5 Comments

Jonathan Kesselman's Suicide Watch: The Intimacy Issue

Posted in Culture Sep 21, 2006 by Jon_Kesselman

I’m an anxious guy. Before I was born, back in 1974, the doctors didn’t use ultrasound. Rather, they would determine a childs' sex by checking...

31 Comments

Jonathan Kesselman's Suicide Watch: Letter To Pluto

Posted in Geek Sep 14, 2006 by Jon_Kesselman

C/O Pluto (AKA 134340)
Somewhere between 29 and 49 AU from the Sun
The Solar System, Outer Space

Dear Pluto

Ive been reading a lot lately...

17 Comments

Jonathan Kesselman's Suicide Watch: Swiss Family Mohammed

Posted in Culture Sep 7, 2006 by Jon_Kesselman

Recently it came to my attention that the Turkish school curriculum has...

21 Comments

Jonathan Kesselman's Suicide Watch: I Love The Smell Of Freedom In The Morning!

Posted in Politics Aug 31, 2006 by Jon_Kesselman

Last summer, I had the opportunity to travel to Israel for the first time. Now, Im not going to lie to you, as someone who constantly reads the news I...

12 Comments