Ok, I'm not typically one for Blogging. I used to have a journal to write down the events and things I've been through, so that I could keep track of day to day feelings. I think I now need to post Blog, take it to the next level I guess. So here goes...............

I am finally nearing the end of my 2 1/2 years of earning my A.S. in Film Production. Now that it's all but done and over with, I still feel like I did when I first started out, foolish. When it all started off I was going through the motions because I wasn't doing anything important with my life and I needed to do something, it didn't matter what. But when I started, I still had the mindset I had when I was in High School about going for this degree. I wanted to study film for as long as I could remember, but I never thought it would feel this foolish. I am so afraid this won't pay off the way it should, especially considering that I now have a family to fend for. I love the work so much, but it's such a difficult career to venture into, even with experience. I know what's important and what I need to do to succeed, but somehow I feel like I would be failing if I didn't continue into what I started off doing. I feel like there are people on all sides of my families that are waiting for me to fuck up and point their finger at me as if to make themselves feel better in saying they we're right, they knew I would slip up.

Would it really be so wrong if I didn't continue on this path I set out on? Would I be upset if I redirected the course in order to provide for my family? As if to say when I'm 70 looking back on it all. I've always wanted to be unique, to stand out from everyone I knew, and now that I have I feel like I'm not.

I'm trying to go somewhere with this but I don't know where. This is another reason I'm confused about what to do, because I have a goal but no direction. I know things will be fine, and that together, as a family, we will do what we need to, to survive.

I think with all the shit we've been through, I know that whatever the outcome is, it will be because we took a weakness and made it our strength. I would like the strength to be something interesting though, like working together on a set, or in a studio. Owning, operating and living a family business together. I want so much to be an independent family. Maybe that's why I've always wanted a family. Maybe's that why I started when I did.

I think it just hit me.

Ok, so I finally got a job, and school is right around the corner. I am still a little paranoid as to how I am going to take care of rent, at the very least. I got an advance on my paycheck from work for a 50 hours paycheck. So I have already half the rent right off the bat. We finally got our passports filled our and paid for, and I still have this ridiculous fucking ticket to pay for. After that, all unnecessary expenditures are taken care of.

Mikaela is gone for the week until I drive up to VA Beach on Friday. Hopefully while she is away, her week will be fine and she can just be happy while worry free from stress. So that leaves me here alone until I head north for the weekend. Lucky for me a friend came through and hook me up with a couple 'o dimes. I haven't smoke in a while, so this should be fun.

FINALLY GOT A JOB!!! I am now a VA Rep for my school. I have been waiting for this job for months now. I have been exhaustedly searching for a job for a long time now. I cant wait to start.

I'm so fuckin stoked. I busted my ass during this summer semester. I did not have a problem with my English course, but the math, boy. I was barely passing in the class, which scared the shit out of me come time for the state final. But I pulled it off, and to reward myself, I'm gettin summo ink dun. I have a shit ton of ideas I want to get done, but I don't know where I want to start. I figure I will grab the double thumbed peyote fist on my right bicep. I know I want to get a Bob-Omb on my right palm, that would be shit hot. The only problem I'm facing now is the waiting game, and the ever elusive job hunt.

Life has turned a new leaf for my wife and I. We are upgrading our half rate shitty apartment, to an upscale 3rd floor with a balcony and a lake view. Our roommate may very well be leaving us and this means we can roam the house nude again. Never thought I'd actually miss that. This move is a necessary morale lifter. Scored a sweet deal on SG for 1 yr. So we will be her for awhile. I think we may even be looking forward to more sexual adventures this year. Looking to make a lot of friends.

If I've learned anything from this first semester back to school since high school. I've learned I need to take it as serious as I thought I should. It's a shame that I worked as hard as I did, just to wind up taking it all over again. I do, however; have a second shot at the final exit exam. I missed it by FOUR FUCKIN' POINTS. The only thing worse than failing a test, is the unsure turn out of a follow up test. It's a bitch.

I will, in a bit