I've decided to stay in portland. As far as school goes it will make my life so much easier and graduation will come sooner...which I'm soo ready for. Plus, things are better and i've had some really good conversations with people about it, and it just feels like the right decision for right now. It's one year, which is really no time at all, this last one has already flown by.

Things are going well with the boy. He is not why i'm staying but it's nice to have him in my life. We have decided to take things slow and just enjoy the time getting to know one another. The giddiness is still here, and I like it.

It's thundering and lightning a bit. Some of my favorite weather. I have a yummy pizza on the way, and i'm about to have clean clothes. Now, if only I could get motivated to get a bit more studying done!

Getting really nervous...boy is on his way over. I think the plan is going to be a fire in the backyard, drink some beer and hope that we get the thunderstorm that is supposedly on the way. Thinking about having a beer before he gets here to calm the nerves a bit. Super excited thought!

I have been feeling so great lately. Things feel like they are finally starting to go my way. I think i've decided to stay in portland a bit longer. My housing situation has improved greatly, and i'm just sad about leaving. So, I think I might stay.

The sun is always good for me. It puts me in a good mood, and just makes me feel better all the way around.

I met a boy last night. I'm taking it slow. It's funny though. It's been so long since i've had that twitterpated feeling. And I like it. But it drives me a bit crazy at the same time. We are going to be making plans to hang out later this week. I'm super excited about it, but crazy nervous at the same time. He is pursuing me, which is different. Not that i'm generally the pursuer, but it's in a bit more of an outright fashion and i'm not used to that.

I'm still stressed out with school, especially as final approach next week. I have a big paper due tomorrow that i'm only half finished with. When the sun comes out I feel like my academic brain shuts down. But, all is good

I am a people pleaser...through and through. I tend to put other peoples needs before my own, and that gets me into trouble. I like being needed, its part of what gets my through my days. But not like this. My big sister is hurting. And I don't know what to do for her. It kills me. I can tell her that I've been through a similiar situation. I think she tends to forget that I also have life experience under my belt. She is the older one, she is supposed to be the protector. She has a hard time taking down the walls and admitting that she needs help. But really, isn't that what family is for? It hurts me so much to see her this way, and yet at the same time I'm glad she is finally opening up to me. I just wish it didn't have to be under such circumstances.

I have been cheated on before...multiple times. It sucks. She made a brave decision in kicking her out. One that a few years ago I wouldn't have been able to make. But it doesn't stop the pain I know that she IS feeling and will CONTINUE to feel for quite sometime. I want to be able to make everything better. I want to be able to show her that while I may be the little sister, I have something to give, to show her that she can let her guard down with me and that I will be here to help her fall. And more importantly that I will be here to help pick her back up again. I love her so much, but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing for her. And it kills me.

Just got home from watching the Blazer kick the Nuggets! I have a very large crush on Joel Pryzbilla. Makes it even more fun to watch!

I'm in the middle of what I would like to call the beginning of Midterm Season. Had one monday, have another tomorrow and then two at the beginning of next week. I know it's only a little over two months until summer break, and I keep trying to tell myself that, but i'm so overwhelmed with reading. I'm averaging 15+ chapters every two weeks or so. It gets really hard to concentrate when the bulk of the work that needs to be done is straight textbook reading. Plus I have a group presentation in one of my classes, and can I just say that the other girls in my group with the exception of one...suck!

Other than the school stress, I'm doing well. Life seems to be on an even keel right now, and that seems to be how I prefer it.

I am not so happy with work right now though. I have had over a week off and am broke as a result. I told my boss that i'm leaving when summer hits and he stopped talking to me...now I know that it's just him being a baby and it's not personal, but still, it sucks, and then I'm not working. and have I mentioned that I have no money. I don't know, I hope it will even itself out, and in the meantime I'll just have to scrape by.

I met my sisters birth mother this evening. I don't really know what to say but weird. I didn't have a chance to talk to her much, and the one on one time I did have with her she just sort of babbled on about nothing. But, they do look a bit similar which is creepy. I have a hard time understanding this and I think it is due to the fact that I literally have NO desire to know anything about my birth parents. I should be able to understand where my sister is coming from with this but I just don't. So, in turn it freaks me out. I can only wonder what my parents think.

I shall leave you with some eye candy while I head off to get my brain rest for midterms tomorrow.

Got a lot of studying done...rewarding myself with Sushi at Sinju tonight. I'm stoked because i've been craving sushi all day!

So, as it is finals next week, I have a huge weekend of studying ahead of me. I'm not feeling so motivated to do it, but I know I have to. I got a late start which also is not helping. But I figure if I arm myself with lots of coffee I can get through it. I am almost done with the first chapter that I need to have read, then I have one more chapter, the workbook for both chapters and then I have a mini paper to write and my final paper to write. The problem is that I need to find a movie to watch for the final paper that I can apply the theories we have covered to. Bah. I know i'll get it all done, its just that I have slacked a bit and now am feeling a slight bit overwhelmed.

I had a long day at work yesterday, which was good because I haven't been working much with school and I need the money. It was also nice because I was able to see people that I work with who due to the fact that I've been only working mornings I never see anymore. I do adore the people that I work with.

I just need to keep in mind that at the end of all of this I get a week off from school. I also get to get out of town for awhile which is going to be much needed by the time i'm finished studying.

Went and saw Milk at Academy last night with my sister. It was nice. We have been having sort of a rough time lately. It's been hard since her girlfriend moved in. I feel like I never see her...and we live in the same house. So, it was great to be able to hang out with her and not have all the animosity that tends to build up when we are always together in the house.

Alright...I suppose I should stop procrastinating and get back to my studying.

*Homework Quote of the Day*
Many stereotypes spring less from malice of the heart than the machinery of the mind.

First of all...I want to say thank you to whoever gave me the wonderful gift of Suicide Girls. It's been awhile since i've been on here and i'm currently enjoying being back on and exploring the site again. More later

Life has taken a huge and unexpected turn. I've been living almost in a dream world for the last three weeks. But in these changes lead me to get my new tattoo. It's a personal symbol for strength and personal growth. It's a little under a week old.

I should be happy...so why am I crying?