I visited Baltimore University today. It's an interesting program, one that focuses a lot on teaching you how to publish your own work and get a job in the publishing industry as well as the craft of writing, while offering almost no Lit Theory courses, which is what Roosevelt in Chicago focuses a bit more on. There are merits to both curriculums. I loved Baltimore, though; I was pleasantly surprised by how much personality that city has.

I'm flying to Chicago tomorrow to visit Roosevelt. I was hoping I could possibly live in one of the two student housing centers they have right on Lake Michigan with fantastic views of downtown if I went there, but I found out today that they're probably out of my price range, along with every other apartment I could find in the area. It was very disheartening.

Honestly, I'm really torn right now. I don't want to think about deciding until I see Roosevelt tomorrow, but it's hard. And I have to decide by April 12 (Saturday). This is hard.

(Though of course it wouldn't do to disappoint Ash ).

So I got accepted into Roosevelt University in Chicago the other day, which is awesome, but it now presents a problem. Chicago is a great city, and my girlfriend has always loved it and wanted to live there, but Baltimore is close to Philadelphia, where my parents live, and I've always been fascinated by its culture (yes, that included the bad parts -- it's part of my stupid writer's curiosity). I think I would honestly be happy in both cities (though Chicago, as a city, does have more appeal). However, if I pick Baltimore, I'm worried that my girlfriend will resent it. She'll go with me wherever I choose, and she won't complain or try to influence me, but I'm afraid that, deep down, she'll be upset with me for not picking Chicago. I'm not basing my decision on that, but it will influence how I feel about my decision.

The main problem with both schools is that neither offers any sort of paid TA or internship program, which I really wanted.

Anyway, I'm making a marathon trip starting Saturday, where I'll take a 6:40 AM flight (yes, you read that right) to Philadelphia, where I'll spend a couple days with my parents. Then we'll drive down to Baltimore on Monday and I'll visit the University, and then early on Tuesday I'll fly to Chicago to visit Roosevelt that very afternoon/night (when most of their classes are). Then I'll leave Chicago early Wednesday morning and fly back to Austin, where I'll play in a softball game on Wednesday night and then most likely open work on Thursday morning. Oh yeah, and I might close work on the Friday night before I leave at that ungodly hour on Saturday.... Fun times.

In any event, Roosevelt wants me to make a quick decision. The only other school I'm seriously interested in is N.C. State and they haven't gotten back to me yet. I don't want to rush my choice, but I may have to. I suppose I shouldn't be complaining about any of this, seeing as how I've been accepted to two schools, but this whole decision thing has just gotten almost as stressing as wondering if I would be accepted to any school at all. And I really wish Roosevelt could give me some more time before they wanted my decision....

Oh, and as a side note, I just got a rejection letter from Penn State -- and I had completely forgotten I even applied there.

I'm watching a Women's NCAA Tournament game on ESPN2 being played at Purdue, and I inevitably thought back to all the games I covered as a camera guy underneath the hoop on the right side of the TV screen. Not for the first time, I started getting very homesick for Purdue and looked at a whole bunch of pictures from the campus and the surrounding area online, which only made it worse.

I don't miss the state of Indiana; I miss my friends and the Purdue campus and my "places" there, like Chumley's (ESPECIALLY Chumley's -- seeing pictures of that online, I actually found several of people I knew, other regulars like me), Boiler Market, Scotty's, O'Bryan's (Nine Irish Brothers, an authentic Irish pub that the Irish owner constructed to resemble a famous pub in Ireland as closely as possible, even bringing that owner over to America to view the place before it opened. It had drinks I've never seen in America before that I loved while I was in England), Dave & Barry's (even though the bastards at the NCAA closed it), Potbelly, Jimmy John's, Panera, Hunter's Pub Down Under, Von's, the Union, and of course Mackey Arena (and to a lesser extent, Ross-Ade Stadium, because I covered only two games there as opposed to four years' worth of men's and women's basketball games in Mackey). Hell, I even miss some of the academic buildings in which I had many classes, such as Heavilon Hall, home of all my creative writing courses, and the Class of 1950 Lecture Hall.

Some day I'll set a book at Purdue; I even know which one. The story's already written in my head, and put down in the form of a not-so-good, dialogue-heavy screenplay. It needs some rewriting, but I've gotta' finish the one I'm working on first, which has slowed down. I still think I can finish this one before grad school starts, and maybe even before the agents and editors conference on June 20, but it's given me fits lately.

I need to get out; I've been cooped up in my apartment too much lately.

I think this is my favorite song of all time:

Got rejected from Washington yesterday (EDIT: and Texas today; I moved down here mostly so I could maybe have a better chance of getting in because it was my number one choice. I never had much hope of getting in, but getting the actual letter left me with a bad taste in my mouth I really, REALLY need to find a bar). Six more schools to go.

Hit page 300 on my novel; go me.

It's probably a good thing I can't feel the Force; I don't think any knowledge or wisdom I have that embracing serenity and forgiveness will ultimately result in righteousness could prevent me from giving in to my anger when I hear so many idiots opening their mouths.

Did anyone else watch this show in the '80s:

I loved that show. I found out later that it was made by the same people who made Babylon 5, my favorite show of all time.

Whatever happened to the "roll" part of "Rock 'N Roll?" I should start a roll band; it'd be pretty original.

Where the hell has James Cameron been? Remember when he actually directed a movie that made Tom Arnold funny (True Lies)?

Fans of the "torture porn" genre sometimes like to claim that, by indulging in all sorts of stomach-churning individual violence, the movies are really making a statement condemning America's prediliction with violence and propensity to excuse torture. By that logic, couldn't I get drunk every night and self-righteously claim I'm doing it to make a point about alcoholism?

Why is the English language slowly being reduced to all monosyllabic words? You see it a lot in sports -- the Astros are now unofficially the 'Stros, the Supersonics just the Sonics, the Volunteers the Vols, and so on. Are we really that lazy that we can't go the extra mile and say ONE MORE SYLLABLE?

FedEx stands for Federal Express. Today I saw a truck labelled FedEx Express. Isn't that Federal Express Express?

Why is it that just because something's completely random it's now considered great comedy? Remember the times when comedy writers actually had to work for laughs? That's why I love Lewis Black and George Carlin; they understand the work ethic.

If I end up in Baltimore for grad school, I'll actually consider buying a gun for protection. I hate guns. But the University of Baltimore is right downtown, and it's not exactly the safest city in America. Being from the midwest, I'd feel like I need something to help defend myself. I don't like it. Misunderstandings tend to happen, and guns aren't things you want around in those scenarios. I don't like this line of thinking one bit.

Helloooo? Anybody?

Well, I got accepted to the University of Baltimore, so I know I won't be shut out, but I also got rejected today by both Iowa and Florida State. I'm glad to know that at least someone wants me, but UB doesn't have much in the way of financial aid and they don't offer any teaching assistanceships. So, for those of you following along at home:

ACCEPTED:
University of Baltimore

REJECTED:
Rutgers
Pittsburgh
Florida State
Iowa
(and now) Texas State

After the shittiness of the last few days (see previous posts), I finally have something good to report: I've reached what I've projected to be the halfway point of my novel: 75,000 words and almost 250 pages. Although I'm not entirely certain if that will actually be halfway; there's still a lot more to go from where I am in the story. But when I look back on how much has happened in the pages I've already written, I wonder if maybe another 250 pages actually will be enough for everything. The Austin Agents and Editors Conference is in early June; I would love to have the whole draft completed by that point, but I've told myself I'll settle for 400 pages and a complete 10 page outline.

Plus, if I get rejected from all the grad schools I applied to (an increasing worry), I'll need to really sell myself and my book (because these days, you have to convince agents and editors of your marketability as an author and not just your work) if I'm going to have any chance of making something of myself this year. Otherwise I'll just end up like everyone I know back in Indiana who I was scared to death of turning into. I'll just be second place again, like I always used to be. I can't let that happen, no matter how much work it takes.

I think I can sell myself pretty well; I'm young, energetic, I've worked in a book store for eight years so I know how to market books, and I'd make a good and entertaining interview. It's marketing my book to whoever I talk to at the conference that I'm more concerned about; I've NEVER been good at describing my work -- I like just letting it speak for itself, but that's not an option until you're an established successful writer. I'll need to find some way to whittle everything down to about a five-minute verbal pitch. That'll take some work too, but I've got some time to worry about it.

I've gotten two grad school rejections and eight sci-fi literary magazine rejections and I'm already feeling like a failure, like I'll never be able to convince an agent/editor to invite me for a second meeting and that no grad school will think I'm good enough. Of course that's an overreaction, and I need t fight that kind of despondency, but it's still gnawing at me. This is where playing sports for most of my life comes in handy: it teaches you to keep fighting through adversity. I just need to keep that mentality now.

And today I got rejected from the University of PIttsburgh. I'm on a roll now.

On another note, everyone should go read "Good-Bye Chunky Rice" by Craig Thompson. It's a really short graphic novel, but it's very whimsical, cute, bittersweet, sad, and good. Thompson's follow-up work, "Blankets," is one of my favorite books (of any format) ever. And I love the animals in it (I've always loved animals -- for some reason I'm just really sensitive about them).

That book would be a great film adaptation; I think I'd really like to take a crack at making a screenplay out of it once I'm done with this novel I'm working on (which won't be until early June, at the earliest). It would make a very cute 45-minute movie, but it could also be a full-length thing with a few adjustments (mostly some scenes to lengthen it and maybe expand upon the very abrupt ending). In any event, it would be a fun challenge for my screenwriting skills if nothing else. I've written four originals, but never an adaptation. That would be a great book to start with.

EDIT: Okay, apparetly last night I wrote about two pages worth of crap after drinking almost an entire bottle of wine, and it became pretty incomprehensible after a while. I really need to stop posting on here when I've been drinking....

I am greatness personified.

I'm also drunk.

Got a rejection letter from the Rutgers grad school today. It was the first school I've heard from. I'm bummed; I liked that school, and it's literally right across the river from Philadelphia, where my parents live. And what really bothers me is that all I hear from my family are questions about what I'll do if I don't get accepted anywhere. Nothing about where I'd like to go or what I want to do at whatever program I go to, but what I'll do if I completely fail. Encouraging....

On a positive note, I hit page 200 on my novel.

EDIT: On another positive note, I got to meet Drew Brees today and he's the first high-profile athlete I've met who wasn't a total douche. I've known his family for a little while (my grandparents have known them since Drew was in high school down here in Austin), so I'm not surprised that he turned out to be a really cool guy, but it's just not what I've come to expect. When I introduced myself and told him that I went to Purdue as well he actually asked me a few questions instead of just saying, "Oh, that's nice," and moving on. So yeah, that was cool.