Okay, so apparently my internet is actually working again. Hurrah.

So I went to the midnight showing of Star Wars, and it gets to the part when Anakin finally turns to the Dark Side, goes to Mustafar to slaughter the Separatist leaders, as Palpatine is in the middle of announcing that the Republic is to be turned into the Empire... when the movie dies. Yes... cuts off, can't be restarted. There were some people in that theater who were out for blood. I got my voucher and got out of there as quickly as possible, because it seriously was on the verge of being a riot.

Random thought of the day (I'm a little hungover right now, so I'm stealing one from J. Michael Strasczynski): When people ask how fast hyperspace travel in science fiction stories is, the best answer is always, "At the speed of plot."

So yeah, I finally (kind of) acquired a digital camera, so I actually have some pictures up now. Um... that's all I've got right now. Rah.

Random thought of the day: I wish I had a red lightsaber to just cut through a crowd of really slow people who take up way too much room. Clearing them out of my way and hearing them scream in surprise (among other things) would be just... swell. I mean, hey, we've all been there... right? Hello?

I got my grades today for this hellish semester, and they were better than I thought they'd be. I've almost always done well in classes, but I've always felt the need to downplay it because most of my other friends didn't get the kind of grades I got, and I didn't want to feel like I was bragging in front of them. But this semester was by and large the hardest one I've ever had (and the most stressful), and I worked my ass off, especially studying for finals. I'm damn proud of my work, and I don't want to feel like I have to hide the fact that I fucking earned this. I may be pretty smart, but this intelligence didn't get me these grades this semester: working really fucking hard did, and I feel good about what I've done.

I really needed this today too, because people have just been ignoring me lately. I've felt like an unwanted piece of trash who everyone avoids and never calls back and only even answers the phone when I call because they don't know it's me. Over the past week, almost everyone I know just seems to have cast me aside. Fuck it, that just gives me more time to write and make my novel good, or so I keep telling myself. That's also why God invented wine....

Random thought of the day: Someone needs to kick The Idiot in the balls; maybe then he'd stop thinking with them in regards to America's foreign policy.

Well, it finally happened today. I was stepping outside on campus for the last time until next fall, having just completed my last final (on the very last time block on Saturday, for a test that I only had to show up to and get a 35%... talk about a bitch slap), when all of a sudden, BAM! My head exploded. It's been a long time coming....

So while I'm picking up the pieces, I'll leave you all with this:

Random thought of the day: The conservatives in this country love to use the phrase "our most sacred institution" in reference to marriage when trying to deny the rights of homosexuals to marry. Well, with this in mind, I ask you this: how many of you out there are planning on getting married tonight? Now, how many of you are planning to get drunk or have some form of alcohol tonight? Marriage will never be able to hold a candle to the temptation to take a metaphorical hammer and pound yourself over the head via alcohol, and God bless it to!

I finally got to rewriting tonight (after failing to work up the willpower to do any during the day) and actually got a lot done. Maybe I'll hit my deadline this Wednesday after all. Of course, that doesn't help me with my three other finals this week....

I honestly believe that I will either spontaneously combust or my head will simply implode once I've taken my last final (which is on the very LAST timeblock on fucking SATURDAY). I can't even conceive of a life without the shitloads of work I've had to do this semester. I'll be like a fifty year-old who's just gotten a divorce after thirty years and has to start dating again.

Random thought of the day: When life hands you lemons, squirt them in the eyes of your enemies.

So last night told myself I was going to start rewriting the first 70 pages of my novel that I have to turn on by noon on Wednesday. Instead, I finished off the white zinfandel in my refrigerator and plaed Super Mario All-Stars and Super Return of the Jedi (forgotten how hard that game is) on my SNES. And damn it all, I had fun....

And good news! I'm getting a LOT better about not drunk dialing anymore. Granted, my friend Bonnie and I conversed via AIM while we were both a little drunk last night, but we were on equal ground and it was pretty damn funny.

Random thought of the day (a long one, so bear with me): You know, you can define the entire battle of the sexes in two questions: 1.) Who ate the apple first? 2.) Who blindly followed? That's it; we established it in the dawn of time and we haven't been able to improve upon it since. Guys will do anything if they think they can get some sort of sexual gratification for it. Eve figured this out pretty quick. You know, I'm sure there's an uncensored version of the Bible floating around out there somewhere that describes the fatal moment of humanity much more entertainingly. Eve comes up to Adam and goes, "Oh Adam, you've got to try this apple!" And then Adam says, "Eve, no, I am the man, I'm putting my foot down, and I'm declaring that you will NOT eat that fruit!" Then Eve just stares at him and says, "If you eat the apple, I'll give you a blow job." Then Adam just goes, "Oh, well okay."

Having known many women in my time, I can unequivocally state that whenever there's an argument between a man and a woman, the woman will always win. It's just a mathematical fact. Guys may even think they've won an argument every once in a while, but eventually, even three years later, they'll look back and realize that they did in fact lose that argument. I don't know how women do it, but I'd just like to say to all the ladies here tonight: my hat is off.

Sweet Jesus this is great....
(it takes a while to load, but damn is it ever worth it)

One more class... then finals... then the breakdown? Who knows, I'm too tired to even have a breakdown at this point.

Man, I realized something that scared/pissed me off yesterday: in a weird way, I'm just like those women I get so pissed off with who keep getting back into abusive relationships (whoever you are, you know someone like this, I'm sure). Me, though, I keep getting attracted to women who are in trouble in some sense, usually emotionally. Every time I go through a "relationship" (or lack thereof, seeing as how I'm always the friend and never the boyfriend) with someone like my last one (where I never knew what hour of the night or morning I might get a call saying she wants to kill herself), I tell myself that it's too draining, that I can't do it again. And yet I keep finding myself drawn to people like this. (I'm not hooked on anyone now, but it's just something I've noticed). Isn't this sort of the same thing as those girls who always end up with some dick who doesn't treat her right?

You know, when I was going through my depression phases (I still get a few of them, but they're more spaced out and I almost know how to handle them now), I always resented people who tried to help me but had no clue how. They meant well, so I couldn't be really pissed off at them, but they were unintentionally arrogant by assuming that whatever helped them would help me, even though they had absolutely no idea what I was really going through.

But now I'm to a point where I usually do know how to help someone else who's going through depressed/suicidal thoughts, at least to some small extent. Do I feel like, because I have this experience, I SHOULD use it for a good end? With Kelli, the last person I was in this spot with, I really did care for her... and it tore me up inside to see her like she was. I'm not as emotionally attached to her now, and we've moved to the "just friends" stage (if we were ever officially anything else -- I just really cared for her, and it was only returned in small ways), but she tells me now that I really did do a lot of good for her. I guess that makes me feel better... but I keep getting caught in the same damn trap. I'm some weird twist on a hypocrite (maybe not a full hypocrite... half of one? a hypocrite in principle only? ARGH!) (man, I didn't think I'd ever use one of those smiley things, but here I am....)

Anyway, if you're still reading, kudos on slogging through my stupid meanderings upon my own psyche. I just had to get that out. I'm sure it was thrilling....

Random thought of the day: if a two year-old member of the Hitler Youth were doused in hot coals, would it be a Hotsy-Totsy Nazi?

So my article thing on this stupid Academic Bill of Rights went up, and now people are talking/fighting about it. Whoo-hoo!

So yeah, apparently I committed a major faux pas while attempting to use my fledgling Spanish skills to order lunch from this Mexican restaurant in my apartment complex, where the waitresses don't speak a whole lot of English. I was TRYING to say, "I'd like to try your quesadillas here," (as in "this place"). But, I guess I said one word or one little accent wrong or something, because what the waitress heard was, "I want to lick your quesadillas." Apparently she took that as a personal proposition, and laughed for a good five minutes. Thankfully, she took pity on the stupid American trying to speak her language and had a sense of humor about it. Once she told me what I really said, I think my face turned a shade of red that has not yet been named by Crayola. They should now name a crayon after me: "Fuck-Up Austin Red." Hah, I now have a new ambition in life....

Random thought of the day (an older one, but I'm in a bit of a rush): If you're ever in a war, instead of throwing a grenade at someone, you should throw one of those little plastic pumpkins at them. Maybe it'll get everyone to stop and think about how stupid war is. Then, while they're thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them.

Okay, I'm morally opposed to book-burning, but once this semester is over, I may have to make an exception for my textbooks. If I can survive the next two weeks and finals, I'll run up and down Chauncey Hill screaming "Merry Christmas" in my best Jimmy Stewart impersonation. Well, that, or I'll have a psychotic episode and plunge to the terrible depths of my imagination that have been kept tame for new ways to have fun....

On a side note, my inner dork was unleashed on Saturday and I bought tickets to the first 12:01 Star Wars show.

Random thought of the day: When your kids ask you why Santa Claus is red, wouldn't it be funny if you said, "It's because he drinks blood"?

I've been toiling away on a paper on the Rwandan genocide of 1994 and attempting to show how the western response to the event is a microcosm of western foreign policy attitudes toward Africa as a whole. Guess how much fun I've been having....

On a side note, I'm not gay, but I may have to fuck whoever invented Pinot Noir out of gratitude if I ever meet them in the afterlife.

On a sider note, whoever decided not to make pool cues double as shotguns was a fucking genius.

Random thought of the day: It's too bad Avril Lavigne isn't a guy; she desperately needs to be kicked in the balls.