I made books. Wrote 'em, designed 'em, printed 'em. You should by 'em.

Deviant, A Novel: An alcoholic with a fractured psyche and a 15 year-old who works at an S&M parlor develop an unlikely friendship, but for both of them, forging a human connection after years of emotional isolation is like returning to a drug after a long period of sobriety: beautiful and terrifying at the same time. $15

To Better Days: Story collection following successive generations of the O'Riordan family, from the streets of Dublin during the Easter Rising up to the present day in a homeless shelter in Baltimore. Thesis piece for my MFA program. $10

Satan's Shadows, A Play: Reprint of the best thing I've ever written. A murder investigation unearths long-buried secrets from the genocide in Rwanda 20 years prior, leading to a meditation on the nature of killing, atonement, survival, and reconciliation. $10

OR you can get all three for $30. I'll even personally sign them for you. Find me on PayPal at zooropa_83@hotmail.com and then PM me your mailing address. They're really good, I promise!

So I pretty much feel like a failure in every aspect of life. I'm not in a good place right now. And I basically need to win the lottery to not end up homeless in about a month. Not good.

Hey, I got my internet back. And I also finished my MFA program. Win-win.

Last night, I should have been killed in a car accident. I should have flipped over a guardrail and ended up dead. I saw it coming as I spun helplessly after being rammed on the highway by a semi. Instead, both I and my car somehow emerged without a scratch.

I can only ascribe this to an act of God.

Well shit, now my marriage to a blowup doll who I traded for a coke addict on "Wife Swap" and later divorced while she was dying in the hospital so I could marry a my cousin solely for the sake of producing a creepy kid who can play "Dueling Banjos" and lure in unsuspecting tourists to a robbery and/or sodomy means absolutely nothing because Maryland passed the same-sex marriage law.

New title for me: failed author in training.

So let's see, the Colts suck, my job is still royally fucking me (but at least they're using lube now!), I still haven't made any progress on the literary front (though at least I have the excuse of being too busy writing the pieces required of my last year in grad school), I'm having still more money problems, I've been stood up by three potential dates and had two more experiences so bizarre you wouldn't believe me even if I told you about them, and I've been unintentionally celibate for about 6 months now. Yet despite all this, somehow I'm not as upset/depressed/drunk as I usually would be in this situation. That's... progress?

As of today, I receive $79/month in food stamps. I'm now officially one step closer to being white trash.

Everyone knows that Republicans are all against government assistance, thinking that Americans should do things for themselves. So why are they so hell-bent against letting Iraqis and Afghans do things for themselves and so insistent that our government's forces remain in their countries? Oh my God, you know what this means? REPUBLICANS ARE CREATING A WELFARE STATE IN THE MIDDLE EAST! SOMEBODY CALL FOX NEWS!

...Oh, wait....

Last night, I made a $5 bet that I'd be famous in five years. At the pub I went to, I noticed several people had left American dollar bills with their names written on them in marker and posted it to the wall. All I had on me was a five, so I signed my name, the date, then added "Future famous author (five years)." The bartender read it over and said, "I'm keeping this for myself," and put it in her pocket. Now it's up to me to make that move on her part a good investment....

So yeah, I'm in Dublin now for a few days; did I not mention anything about that earlier?