So last night told myself I was going to start rewriting the first 70 pages of my novel that I have to turn on by noon on Wednesday. Instead, I finished off the white zinfandel in my refrigerator and plaed Super Mario All-Stars and Super Return of the Jedi (forgotten how hard that game is) on my SNES. And damn it all, I had fun....

And good news! I'm getting a LOT better about not drunk dialing anymore. Granted, my friend Bonnie and I conversed via AIM while we were both a little drunk last night, but we were on equal ground and it was pretty damn funny.

Random thought of the day (a long one, so bear with me): You know, you can define the entire battle of the sexes in two questions: 1.) Who ate the apple first? 2.) Who blindly followed? That's it; we established it in the dawn of time and we haven't been able to improve upon it since. Guys will do anything if they think they can get some sort of sexual gratification for it. Eve figured this out pretty quick. You know, I'm sure there's an uncensored version of the Bible floating around out there somewhere that describes the fatal moment of humanity much more entertainingly. Eve comes up to Adam and goes, "Oh Adam, you've got to try this apple!" And then Adam says, "Eve, no, I am the man, I'm putting my foot down, and I'm declaring that you will NOT eat that fruit!" Then Eve just stares at him and says, "If you eat the apple, I'll give you a blow job." Then Adam just goes, "Oh, well okay."

Having known many women in my time, I can unequivocally state that whenever there's an argument between a man and a woman, the woman will always win. It's just a mathematical fact. Guys may even think they've won an argument every once in a while, but eventually, even three years later, they'll look back and realize that they did in fact lose that argument. I don't know how women do it, but I'd just like to say to all the ladies here tonight: my hat is off.