Oh blog, how I've neglected you. Prepare to be ignored for at least three more days as I head of to Portland to attend the comedy festival, miss the comic book festival, and sleep on a couch.
I just realized I don't have to be at work until 10am tomorrow, but now it's too late to go out or, say, have friends within an hour's drive.
Off to Portland for 4th festivities. This will be like my regular Portland visits, other than more people have free time and doing things. Still, it wouldn't be a typical Portland visit if I didn't do at least 7 of the following:
-pay too much for a veggie breakfast.
-return something I borrowed much later than I should have
-utilized someones curbside glass recycling because the Luddites in my town opt not to have it.
-roll my eyes when overhearing someone say that that it's too (insert current weather).
-roll my eyes when overhearing hipsters complain about all of Portland's hipsters.
-engage a group of drunken strangers who will later on in the evening insist we hang out again, take my number, then never call me.
-wish that I had dressed for (insert current weather) instead of (insert opposite weather).
-lament that Portland isn't what it used you be, you know, when it was a little out of the way place before it got to big and cool and there was only a mere half million people here.
-have my choice of multiple cheap beers at a multiple dive bars full of young people also having their choice of multiple cheap beers.
-come in second place in pub trivia.
-watch the exact same thing I would have watched at home on someone else's TV.
-pay too much for a veggie breakfast.
-return something I borrowed much later than I should have
-utilized someones curbside glass recycling because the Luddites in my town opt not to have it.
-roll my eyes when overhearing someone say that that it's too (insert current weather).
-roll my eyes when overhearing hipsters complain about all of Portland's hipsters.
-engage a group of drunken strangers who will later on in the evening insist we hang out again, take my number, then never call me.
-wish that I had dressed for (insert current weather) instead of (insert opposite weather).
-lament that Portland isn't what it used you be, you know, when it was a little out of the way place before it got to big and cool and there was only a mere half million people here.
-have my choice of multiple cheap beers at a multiple dive bars full of young people also having their choice of multiple cheap beers.
-come in second place in pub trivia.
-watch the exact same thing I would have watched at home on someone else's TV.
I realize this is about the only place they won't be able to read this, but I'd really like my extended family members to stop committing suicide.
G1 phone, why must you be such a douche bag? Your constant updating, which suggest I reformat my SD card for half a day, making my pictures disappear for a day, and prevent me from contacting people have not only been an inconvenience, but is like the boy who cried wolf. Right now I can't tell if my camping and beach pictures disappeared permanently or will come back after your Google staff have finished changing the voice mail icon to a robot paddling a dingy. One thing is for sure, if you didn't have a nice keyboard I'd probably have taken a claw hammer to you by now.
If I were a cameraman, I couldn't work for Vince the Sham Wow guy. Too pushy and untrusting.
My Famous Mysterious Actor Show monologue jokes for the Bridgetown Comedy Festival
You might have seen these on Facebook. However, there are a few here who have not, so shut yer trap. Granted, these are a little dated, what with the festival taking place at the end of April. Also, keep in mind these are meant to be said aloud by the Famous Mysterious Actor himself, and not read silently by a lame-o like you.
* means not used
Theres a democrat in the White House, the Trail Blazers are in the playoffs and Jeannine Garofalo is performing at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. There hasnt been this much excitement in Portland since someone invented apathy.
*Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Rosen broke up. Lindsay says now she can devote more time to her true passion, losing her panties in the back seat of Herbie the Love Bug.
*Is it just me or does Mayor Sam Adams look like Brainy Smurf, except instead of being blue, hes kissing boys. -- Sam Adams, good friend of the show!
The economy is so bad right now
*...Barack Obama stood on an aircraft carrier and the banner behind him said "Mission good enough for government work."
The next Ponzi pyramid scheme will only be a triangle
the Blazers can only afford one playoff series.
Somali pirates are doing it just for the sodomy
the Octomom is considering selling one of her uteruses.
...Chunk from the Goonies is reduced to doing the government cheese shuffle.
The twelve lane bridge between Portland and Vancouver, Washington seems like its picking up steam. This means 600 primered '87 IROC Camaros can make it into downtown Portland every hour.
*Troubles brewing in Afghanistan again, but the Pentagon says our resolutions never been stronger. Were going to beat the Taliban even if it means covering up 1000 former football players deaths.
Who's gayer Skeletor or Cobra Commander? Neither. Homophobes. BURN! -- that ought to make up for the Sam Adams joke.
Whats the difference between Bo the Obama Dog and Americas banking CEOs? One takes dumps on the White House lawn and the other is named Bo the Obama Dog.
You might have seen these on Facebook. However, there are a few here who have not, so shut yer trap. Granted, these are a little dated, what with the festival taking place at the end of April. Also, keep in mind these are meant to be said aloud by the Famous Mysterious Actor himself, and not read silently by a lame-o like you.
* means not used
Theres a democrat in the White House, the Trail Blazers are in the playoffs and Jeannine Garofalo is performing at the Bridgetown Comedy Festival. There hasnt been this much excitement in Portland since someone invented apathy.
*Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Rosen broke up. Lindsay says now she can devote more time to her true passion, losing her panties in the back seat of Herbie the Love Bug.
*Is it just me or does Mayor Sam Adams look like Brainy Smurf, except instead of being blue, hes kissing boys. -- Sam Adams, good friend of the show!
The economy is so bad right now
*...Barack Obama stood on an aircraft carrier and the banner behind him said "Mission good enough for government work."
The next Ponzi pyramid scheme will only be a triangle
the Blazers can only afford one playoff series.
Somali pirates are doing it just for the sodomy
the Octomom is considering selling one of her uteruses.
...Chunk from the Goonies is reduced to doing the government cheese shuffle.
The twelve lane bridge between Portland and Vancouver, Washington seems like its picking up steam. This means 600 primered '87 IROC Camaros can make it into downtown Portland every hour.
*Troubles brewing in Afghanistan again, but the Pentagon says our resolutions never been stronger. Were going to beat the Taliban even if it means covering up 1000 former football players deaths.
Who's gayer Skeletor or Cobra Commander? Neither. Homophobes. BURN! -- that ought to make up for the Sam Adams joke.
Whats the difference between Bo the Obama Dog and Americas banking CEOs? One takes dumps on the White House lawn and the other is named Bo the Obama Dog.
So I just got back into town after a very full weekend (one that didn't even include McMinnville's Alien Day parade). Couple of Barbecues, karaoke, 4 birthdays, Librarian Prom, Trader Joe's stockpiling, getting my numbers imported to my new phone, getting up early to the sounds of a friend's barfing girlfriend, and a rousing game of badminton.
JUNE 2010
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APRIL 2010
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