well after 3 and a half years since my last entery I guess it is about time. I recently to a look back at all my old entries and was shocked how fuzzy and distant those memories are now. I have done a couple of metiphorical 360's in the recent year. Primarily getting divorced. I once had a big friends list that I chated regularly with when I first started with the suicide girls, I wonder who is out there now. If you are a stranger I cant wait to never meet you, and have those awsome honest relations with people that I never see.

I am offically the happest that I have ever been.
I am out of the marines and after five years I am proud to say that noone shot me. I am back in Austin and I dont care what any one says Hawaii's beauty doesnt hold a candle to this. My place is amazing, I just bought 3 ferrets, and yesterday I was cold. I havent been cold in almost 5 years. I love the fucking cold. I will be updating my pics just as soon as I figure out how to shrink them, I havent put anything up in years.

well it is finally here. I am leaving paradise on saturday probably never to return. The movers are comming the day after tommarrow. My wife isn't that happy about it, but she is comming with me. We are going to go to Utah ( God I am so scared) to meet the inlaws then off to Austin Tx where hopefully I will start ether my music, culinary, sound enginerring, or editing carrer. It is almost a shame that I have my associates in math, lot of good it will do me in the feilds I am persueing.

Anyways all is well in the world. One of my biggest issues is wether or not to get a small gauge on my ears at a parlor or just have someone use the gun in the mall on my right ear so I will have two in each.

anyways thanks for reading if you did.

wow it has been a long time. will I only got a little bit longer in hawaii. after four years I cannot wait to get out of hear. I is amazing at how unappealing paradise can be after a while.

well I am alive. and all is well. looks like I will be moving soon. My landlord is selling our house. very inconvienient considering that I only have seven months left on Island before I go back to Austin. My wife works at a hospital that requires her to be within a half hour whenever she is on call. that gives us very little space to look for a place on the north shore of oahu. It is a bad stress indeed.

Plus I am coming up on the end of my Assosiates and with so little time before I leave the Island and Marinecorps every thing is very chaotic to get done. , but all in all life is great. sorry that I haven't commented on any one it is just life has been very cumbersome the last few months.

well I am getting married, and I think that I am going to get a new tattoo today , (totaly off subject).

I work nights now, from eight in the evening to eight in the morning five days a week. three times a week those twelve hour days are fourteen because I have to be up by six in the evening for physical training. I am very intemidated because when I get married I will move in with juilie who lives an hour away makeing my workday fourteen to sixteen hours minimum. Throw on top of all of that the fact that I am taking a C++ computer programing class that is way over my head( me being the most computer aliterate person that I know) , I am starting to feel a little hopeless.

things are good though. In January I will be leaveing my job( fixing circuit cards) and going to a new one teaching people to shoot the pistol or rifle. Teaching people to shoot involves me doing a lot more physical labor and having a perpetual farmers tan ( because I will be in the sun all day), but the hours are astronomically better than what I do now. I can expect any where from four to six hour work days once that happens (halleluiah!). Plus my future wife is a surgical tech, and has been for over a year, but she got the job as a hook up. She is not certified, or licenced, or what ever you call it. She knows the job because her dad is a surgeon and her brother was the certified tech at the hospital that she works at, who had her fill his position when he left. now she has a great job that she can't leave because she can not just work at any hospital. she lives an hour away because she has to be on call a lot ,and when she is she has to be with in a half an hour of work ( wich is an hour and twenty minutes away from me). If she takes the certification test she could realisticaly work at any hospital with an opening. Just so happens that there is a hospital only 15 minutes away from where I work. I whould kill if she could work there.

I am a thoroughly agnostic/existential man but I too, definatly do pray

P.S. when and if the angel reads this I went to dictionary.com for the big words and proof read it just for ya.

Yesterday was very weird. I had woken up with intentions of qualifying with the rifel eartly on wensday. I am on the range right now , that is when the mariens once a year for a week a practice shoot monday threw wensday then qualify on thursday, fallowed by field fire on fryday. you need to qualify , shoot monday and field fire on friday but you can qualify early on tuesday or wensday and then you have until friday off. well on wensday dispite the fact that I would loss practice time with the rifle( considering we only fire once a year) I opted to fire early because I am a very good shot and what the day off so that I could spend the night with julie. I did what I intended to do ( actually I shot better than I have ever shot in now four years in the marine corps) but it took forever because it turns out that one of the people that was it the group of people I was shooting with killed himself in the morning. It was Josh 22 he was a member and his profile is still up. At first I didnt know what happen and I was just pissed cause i knew that some one killed themselves and It was going to make my day last longer. When some one finaly explained who it was I felt terrible. shit he was cool. I would see him and his sister every weekend sometimes twice a week at this bar we normally go to. I is just fucking weird. he had A life , he was not bad looking , he was in shape, he had friends and I just cant get over the fact he woke up the same day I shoot the best I ever have followed by spending a great night with julie , well he woke up that same morning checked his 9mm out went to the bathroom and fucking killed him self.
I feel so bad for his family , I wonder if his sister will ever come back out?

I dont know ?
he wasnt a great friend personally but we shared good friends and I is so strange seeing people grief stricken ( as they should be ) for the loss of this ( for as far as I could tell) great guy, that I knew but didnt.

to what ever heven you wanted to find may angles carry you there.

ok I have not up dated in entirely too long, so here it is.

First off what just happened to this site? instead of friend stuff its bookmarks, they want my dateing perference" am I looking? no actually not at the moment, I am good in that department." I think 2 girls a day is nice as opposed to one but what ever happened to the videos. ehh I mostly just use this to read what is happening to freinds , drop some comments and (peek at heaven) look at lennon.

I guess some things are not ment to stay the same.

well I just got off vacation and It was great. so nice to be just me for 9 days. I had lots of sex , played guitar, sang, danced , ran , read , watched movies,cooked, eat, drank, sleept, and had georgious none stressfull coversations.

Basically I lived my life as exactly I whould If I were God. It was great

now it is back to killing babies, and being a leach off society in the U.S.M.C. "I wonder if my soul well ever be clean after contributing to the will of our Prisedent?

At least I didnt vote for the fuck..

ok story time . .....I love my girl ...... she is great I know no one wants to here that gay shit but one way that she is extraordinary is she is tottally trusting. she knows that I sleep with my (very attractive) friend ever time I go out with her but that nothing happens, we cuddle but it is platonic. Well no names being named but the other day I was spleeping with my friend ( who is right now , I think, comming to the end of a very long and commeted relationship because her man was in the military but his contract ran out and he whent back home, and the long distance thing is always wierd)
well I woke up to her kissing me wich was like woh! what is going on? I not going to throw away what I have with my girl over a drunken whim? It was wierd for a while but we were both very drunk and fell asleep again any way. In the end me and my frind are good and I feel great cause it isnt just and ideal any more I really have sacraficed momentary pleasure in the name of monogamy.

the wierd thing is that I know that in 10 months I too will be leaving and Im torn. I cant wait to go back to austin and be a full time student to make my mark with my music in a place that just breaths music (Austin) , to being close to my family and the people that I love. But at the same time I dont want to even think of not being with Julie but I also dont want to think about giveing up on my dreams

do you know how fucked up it is to want to run toward and away from a future day at the same time?

Albums that I will never do without:

Jagged little pill - alanis
Around the fur -deftones
Make your self-incubus
Fat of the land-prodigy
40 ozs to Freedom-sublime
ten-pearl jam
undertow-tool
korn-korn
Boys for pele-tori
superunknown- sound garden
significant other -limp bizkit
come away with me-nora jones
the slim shady lp-emenim
rage against the machine-Rage
transistor-311
animosity -sevendust
when the pawn- fiona apple
downward spirl-NIN
title of record-Filter
mer de noms-Perfect circle
hybrid theory- Linken park
roots- Sepultura
bubber soul- the Beatles
are you experienced?-Jimmi
trixster- Kidneytheives
5:30 saterday morning-Lennon
slipknot-Slipknot
Shakira unplugged-Shakira
man vs. machine-X-hibit
taproot-gift
and the list goes on for quite some time


I am very excited the last book in the dark tower series comes out today
"dark tower" and so does my favorite move on DVD " eternal sunshine of the spotless mind"

I got to sing infront of an actual paying audience, something that I havent done since highschool. GOD that shit feels good. It was just some friends of mine that invited me up on stage, but dame it was a healthy reminder that I cannot wait to do that shit full time. I certainly would not suggest the marines to anyone who prides themselves as a musician. It is quite stiffeling to say the least.

all in all I think honestly that right now is about the happest time in my intire
life

I got the girl
I got promoted
I acuired my dream guitar
I pulled of an A in Pre Cal
I am out of debt.
Im working out again
Cut down dramaticlly on my ciggarett/ alcohol intake,
My new roommate is the best roommate that I have ever had
and next month I will finally be able to finish the probably best story ever written " The Dark Tower" wich I have been reading most of my life.

I hope you all are doing well too