IPOD
RADIO
Wow, an entire month has passed since I've felt the itch to jot some thoughts down here.
That's no good.
What all can I say? I'm about as much as a flip-flopper as a politician, and I can't figure out whether I'm coming or going. Literally. See all year I've been plagued with different health issues - nothing serious yet, but enough - which have been seriously influencing my decision to move away from Ohio to somewhere new and foreign to me. I've looked heavily into Phoenix and LA for the most part, but I'm equally likely to do something totally insane and just drop off the grid altogether and wind up in Burundi or something. I mean, I'm about to turn 21 in a month now and I already feel tied down and trapped by my situation. As Danny Glover wouldn't say... I'm too young for this shit.
I don't know, I guess. On one hand it's the typical 20-something runaway attitude that going to LA will somehow solve everything and it'll somehow all work out. The likelihood of that is pretty small, but I figure at the very least I'll somehow find myself or at least hopefully find something I'm looking for - even if I don't know exactly what it is. I had a really bad anxiety attack the other night which lead to a whole lot of thinking and a lot of insanity - I mean I seriously lost my grip on reality for a bit and it really sucked. Every little thing that popped into my head somehow turned against me. Every little paranoia, every little thing about my day-to-day living, and even the minute nuances of who I am personality-wise just started angering me and I still am not totally sure why. I kept trying to say that this is who I am, but I don't like that person and I want to totally change myself. I don't want to accept who I am because I'm not happy with that person.
Again, it's all just crazy talk and once I got my bearings locked down I began looking for smaller steps to take in order to somehow change things. I'm going to Europe really soon just to backpack across it, get drunk in different places and meet new people, and to really experience what I would consider humanity. I mean, being stuck in the same general 50-mile radius is horrid, but being absolutely trapped in a situation with no way out can really drag somebody down. I don't want to feel like I'm missing out on the world passing me by while I follow in the same footsteps as all of my family. It's more or less what everybody thinks, I'd say, but for some reason mine just really, really got to me.
So the plan for the moment is: continue with college, even for just a little while. Visit Europe, try to experience as much new culture and humanity as I possibly can. Travel more and be more worldly is definitely a change in my life I need to make. I'm far too "good" to be trapped where I am in the world. I need to ramble. I need fresh air followed immediately by smog. I need the desert after the glacial tundras. I need to roam.
Also, the idea of giving companionship to somebody has been nagging at me a lot lately, but as my mental breakdown showed me - I'm not exactly the first choice. It's a shitty feeling, and I know everybody gets it and everybody thinks they're different somehow and it only truly applies to them, but in my personal experience of never dating anybody, its a tough pill to swallow. I mean I'm going to be 21 in a month and here I am having never experienced true companionship, or romance of any kind. I'm frightened of the thought of simply being forgotten somehow.
I think I think too much.
That's no good.
What all can I say? I'm about as much as a flip-flopper as a politician, and I can't figure out whether I'm coming or going. Literally. See all year I've been plagued with different health issues - nothing serious yet, but enough - which have been seriously influencing my decision to move away from Ohio to somewhere new and foreign to me. I've looked heavily into Phoenix and LA for the most part, but I'm equally likely to do something totally insane and just drop off the grid altogether and wind up in Burundi or something. I mean, I'm about to turn 21 in a month now and I already feel tied down and trapped by my situation. As Danny Glover wouldn't say... I'm too young for this shit.
I don't know, I guess. On one hand it's the typical 20-something runaway attitude that going to LA will somehow solve everything and it'll somehow all work out. The likelihood of that is pretty small, but I figure at the very least I'll somehow find myself or at least hopefully find something I'm looking for - even if I don't know exactly what it is. I had a really bad anxiety attack the other night which lead to a whole lot of thinking and a lot of insanity - I mean I seriously lost my grip on reality for a bit and it really sucked. Every little thing that popped into my head somehow turned against me. Every little paranoia, every little thing about my day-to-day living, and even the minute nuances of who I am personality-wise just started angering me and I still am not totally sure why. I kept trying to say that this is who I am, but I don't like that person and I want to totally change myself. I don't want to accept who I am because I'm not happy with that person.
Again, it's all just crazy talk and once I got my bearings locked down I began looking for smaller steps to take in order to somehow change things. I'm going to Europe really soon just to backpack across it, get drunk in different places and meet new people, and to really experience what I would consider humanity. I mean, being stuck in the same general 50-mile radius is horrid, but being absolutely trapped in a situation with no way out can really drag somebody down. I don't want to feel like I'm missing out on the world passing me by while I follow in the same footsteps as all of my family. It's more or less what everybody thinks, I'd say, but for some reason mine just really, really got to me.
So the plan for the moment is: continue with college, even for just a little while. Visit Europe, try to experience as much new culture and humanity as I possibly can. Travel more and be more worldly is definitely a change in my life I need to make. I'm far too "good" to be trapped where I am in the world. I need to ramble. I need fresh air followed immediately by smog. I need the desert after the glacial tundras. I need to roam.
Also, the idea of giving companionship to somebody has been nagging at me a lot lately, but as my mental breakdown showed me - I'm not exactly the first choice. It's a shitty feeling, and I know everybody gets it and everybody thinks they're different somehow and it only truly applies to them, but in my personal experience of never dating anybody, its a tough pill to swallow. I mean I'm going to be 21 in a month and here I am having never experienced true companionship, or romance of any kind. I'm frightened of the thought of simply being forgotten somehow.
I think I think too much.
Woa I haven't posted anything in forever.
I guess there's nothing really to say. Still single, working, finding a new apartment for next semester. That's about it.
I guess there's nothing really to say. Still single, working, finding a new apartment for next semester. That's about it.
OHHH FUCK YEAH
New NIN album released for free today online, check his website. Also, North American tour dates announced, so all you Ohioans will see me at the Q on 8/22!
FUUUUUUCK YEAH
New NIN album released for free today online, check his website. Also, North American tour dates announced, so all you Ohioans will see me at the Q on 8/22!
FUUUUUUCK YEAH
Man I haven't been on here in forever.
It's safe to say that school fucking BLOWS. HARD. I hate it but I do what I've got to do. It keeps me very busy, and when I'm not busy with school, I work. And when I'm not doing either, I'm trying to relax the best I can. This summer I should have some more time to harass people here, so that'll be fortunate.
In my world, I'm busy working on two new scripts as well as moving to LA at the end of this summer.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking.
Keep thinking it.
You're partially right.
It's safe to say that school fucking BLOWS. HARD. I hate it but I do what I've got to do. It keeps me very busy, and when I'm not busy with school, I work. And when I'm not doing either, I'm trying to relax the best I can. This summer I should have some more time to harass people here, so that'll be fortunate.
In my world, I'm busy working on two new scripts as well as moving to LA at the end of this summer.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking.
Keep thinking it.
You're partially right.
Only about a month of school left, and it couldn't really go any faster. I'm dying here. I've got some work to do tonight that I REALLY don't want to do, but I've got no choice. Just finish up some stats homework - which I probably won't. And then an extra credit paper. I'll probably back out of that one too.
Can this shit just end yet? I'm having no trouble in any classes except stats. Why do I need to pretend like I'm learning it anyways? I'm a history student. We have no need for this bullshit. I'd say I'm just going to forget about it after I'm done and never use it again but the truth is I don't know it now, and I have absolutely no intention of knowing or using it ever.
Can this shit just end yet? I'm having no trouble in any classes except stats. Why do I need to pretend like I'm learning it anyways? I'm a history student. We have no need for this bullshit. I'd say I'm just going to forget about it after I'm done and never use it again but the truth is I don't know it now, and I have absolutely no intention of knowing or using it ever.
I've decided that I'm not gonna bother making plans anymore cause they never really seem to go the way I think they will. All last week did turn out to be quite the shitshow, but I didn't get drunk which I meant to do, I didn't get enough sleep, which I like to do, and I didn't do any work whatsoever which wasn't bad, but wasn't the plan either. On the whole, it wasn't a very exciting or fulfilling break. I spent more time either completely apathetic or simply bored. I used to always joke about my lack of faith in humanity, but in the past year or so it's become quite serious. I've really taken on a jaded, cynical look on life. Normally, this wouldn't bug me, but that's not the kind of mood you want to be in when you're trying to work, do school, and have fun all at the same time. It's actually bugging me quite a bit.
It's getting to the point where I'm almost not happy around people at all. Even my friends. Everything can be going pretty much perfect and I'll find a reason or another to complain about it and just wish I was at home by myself passing my own time. That's not to say I didn't spend time with my friends, hell, I practically moved in with them for about a week, but either way. I find myself wanting to be out of as much debt as possible with a good job that is flexible around my classes to the point where I can get a 1 bedroom or a studio apartment somewhere and not live with anyone so I can do my own thing.
I suppose everyone gets like this at some point though, right?
It's getting to the point where I'm almost not happy around people at all. Even my friends. Everything can be going pretty much perfect and I'll find a reason or another to complain about it and just wish I was at home by myself passing my own time. That's not to say I didn't spend time with my friends, hell, I practically moved in with them for about a week, but either way. I find myself wanting to be out of as much debt as possible with a good job that is flexible around my classes to the point where I can get a 1 bedroom or a studio apartment somewhere and not live with anyone so I can do my own thing.
I suppose everyone gets like this at some point though, right?
Well, Spring Break officially begins for me tomorrow, and my plans have once again been warped.
As anyone from this Ohio area knows, mother nature absolutely hates us. And when last Monday was gorgeous enough for me to ride my motorcycle around, then 3 days later we get 2 feet of snow.... I don't get it. Suffice to say, with the salt on the roads, I'm not taking the Mustang out of storage yet and thus - probably no roadtrips, not even to Philly or Jersey or NYC or wherever.
Instead, a few of my fraternity brothers and talked. We've decided that blow has become a huge problem in our house and it is now our responsibility to cut back and take some time off. So after Spring Break, that is the idea. During Spring Break, however, we plan on doing more than we've ever done before! WOO! Great plan, right?
Tomorrow night will be the first official night of Spring Break, and I'm going to a concert with my friends. High. Then I'm going to my buddy's place in Kent. High. Then finally, back to Akron to see my boys at some point. High.
This will be brutal!
As anyone from this Ohio area knows, mother nature absolutely hates us. And when last Monday was gorgeous enough for me to ride my motorcycle around, then 3 days later we get 2 feet of snow.... I don't get it. Suffice to say, with the salt on the roads, I'm not taking the Mustang out of storage yet and thus - probably no roadtrips, not even to Philly or Jersey or NYC or wherever.
Instead, a few of my fraternity brothers and talked. We've decided that blow has become a huge problem in our house and it is now our responsibility to cut back and take some time off. So after Spring Break, that is the idea. During Spring Break, however, we plan on doing more than we've ever done before! WOO! Great plan, right?
Tomorrow night will be the first official night of Spring Break, and I'm going to a concert with my friends. High. Then I'm going to my buddy's place in Kent. High. Then finally, back to Akron to see my boys at some point. High.
This will be brutal!
I am passing all of my classes! For now at least.
And I've decided not to go on Spring Break to Florida. Instead, I'm visiting friends in Philly, possibly making a run to New Jersey, New York, and Canada, and doing a bunch of blow with some of my brothers who are staying here.
Friends of mine: This is your opportunity! I'll be in that general area and I've decided I want to meet new people.
Lets hear it!
And I've decided not to go on Spring Break to Florida. Instead, I'm visiting friends in Philly, possibly making a run to New Jersey, New York, and Canada, and doing a bunch of blow with some of my brothers who are staying here.
Friends of mine: This is your opportunity! I'll be in that general area and I've decided I want to meet new people.
Lets hear it!
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