Updated to add:

I got all my hair chopped off!!

I have been saying a lot of this lately:

"What the fuck are you doing <insert make/model of car here>??"

and

"Yeah, hi. That's my lane."

and

"Nice blinker, jackass."

What is it with this city, rather this state that causes good, intelligent people to drive like absolute shit? It's almost as if there exists some magical membrane that one must pass through on the way into Maryland that makes people drive like they don't have sense. I almost get killed driving to work on a daily basis. Yes, I typed that correctly. Daily.

What some of you might be thinking is: "Why, Jamie Lee. If you're having so much trouble with other drivers, maybe it's you that is the bad driver, and not everyone else?"

Good point, but no. I use my blinkers, check my blind spots. I give people ample room when I get over into another lane. I don't ride my fucking breaks through every fucking green traffic light. What is it with that? Green means go, right? Then go. I accelerate to the speed of traffic when I'm merging onto the highway. Even if that means having to drop back ½ a mile on the exit ramp when I get stuck behind Mr., Ms. or Mrs. Wanna-merge-at-30mph-in-a-65mph-zone. I don't ride someone's ass around an exit ramp just to have to jam on my breaks when a sharp turn comes. Actually, I don't jam on my breaks at all on exit ramps because I drive stick and I can use my engine to slow down my car. New concept, I know. All-in-all, I try my hardest to be consistent and considerate. But what is the fucking point of being considerate anymore if no one around me gives a shit?

And the thing that gets me the most: when someone is drifting into my lane because they're talking on the phone and not realizing they're about to hit me. Or someone doesn't check their blind spot and starts to come over into my lane despite the fact that I'm right beside them, attempting to pass. If I honk my horn lightly at any of these people as a "hi, I'm here. Please don't hit me" gesture, I'm the one who gets flicked off. I'm the one who gets yelled at. Apparently I'm an asshole for letting the bad driver know they've fucked up. It doesn't make sense. It's not that I take any of it personally- I don't. It's just that unlike Pavlov's dogs, unlike B.F. Skinner's rats, these people don't learn anything. So they're going to keep making the same mistakes over and over and over again. It is really sad actually.

At this point, all I can do is continue to drive as conscientiously as possible and try to avoid the reckless ones.

I leave you with these final words:

/rant

For the past 8 years or so, the coming of fall was never an exciting or happy time for me. Everything was dying, and the cold weather was coming. I've had too many heartbreaking moments in the fall. It has historically held a lot of bad memories for me. But something is different this year. I want to put on Nico's Chelsea Girl and drive through the country side, soaking up the delicious crisp air and warm autumn sun. It's crazy how discovering little things about yourself- strengths you never thought you'd ever possess- can help you see the beauty in something that was once so painful. For the first time in a long time, I'm looking forward to the chilly weather, a change of pace. Warm sweaters, blankets piled on the bed and maybe, just maybe, we'll use the fireplace this year.

Good people are so hard to find. And I, somehow, found a lifetime's worth this weekend. I met and spent time with so many amazing people...I feel so blessed. So lucky to have met these people and now have a chance to get to know them. And so blessed to reconnect with people who I always knew were amazing. This weekend verified that.

Saturday morning Mr. BenzoVodka woke up early and drove down to Baltimore to visit! We promptly (or not so promptly) piled in my car and took a little field trip out to the country side to go pumpkin picking, sip on cider, eat fresh apples, and spend some time with the children from my organization's after school program. It was an amazing and fun time. Benzo found me the PERFECT PUMPKIN. No seriously, it's the awesomest. And I'll post pictures once that llama-guy and I carve it. After all of that pickin' of perfect pumpkins, we had worked up quite an appetite, so we stopped in the city to get some pizza from our favorite pizza place, Iggie's. It was delicious, as always. No trip to Baltimore is complete without a stop at the Wine Source to spend way too much money on delicious craft beers. So we did. After flitting about the house for awhile, we piled back into my car and went to visit Ms. Cairo and Mr. Tigerwong. An amazingly geeky time was had, complete with Rockband, Guitar Hero and DDR. I "forgot" most of the end of the evening, but I woke up in one piece, so I'm happy.

This morning, Benzo, the dude, and I all somehow got ourselves out of bed and got to the JFX Farmer's Market. Amazing time as always. A little later, Mr. and Mrs. Cairo-Tigerwong came to our house to visit and have a little lunch. Such. Amazing. People. I can't get over how much fun we had. Chipotle chicken and sauteed asparagus and herbed rice and cold stone creamery, OH MY!

Eventually everyone had to go home, and I just had to get on here to rave about such an amazing weekend, and the so many amazing people with which I shared my weekend.

To Benzo, Cairo, and Tigerwong: you are all absolutely amazing!! Thanks for a great weekend!

What a weekend!

Friday- Oktoberfest on the Fort. Yummy German beers, Bratwurst, Funnel Cakes, small children in really freaking cute traditional German clothing.

Saturday- Up early. Kickboxing (seriously, best work out ever). Sent off all of my information/monies to get my passport. You know, in case McCain/Palin get elected. Made southern style mac and cheese and 3 1/2 dozen fudge-peanut-butter-chip cookies. Nap, beautiful nap. Picked up minimalism from the train station. Dinner at The Brewer's Art with awesome people. Ottobar for the SG Charm City Meet up. ART FIGHT + KARMELLA'S GAME = AWESOME FUCKING NIGHT. Seriously. I hopefully turned a couple more people on to KG. Amazing local band. I chatted up Mandy (bass) and KTO (lead singer + keys) after their second set. Not only are they amazing musicians, but they are amazingly smart and endearing people as well! Met some new Charm City folks. Best night at the Ottobar in a SUPER long time.

Sunday- Up earlier. The JFX Farmer's Market is heaven. minimalism made us lunch. Picture to follow. Holy fucking shit, dude. If you can at any point convince this guy to cook for you, you should try. Grilled salmon over wilted spinach and garlic-habanero mussels. Droooooool. Gourmet lunch? Yes please. Sitting around, listening to music, enjoying the gorgeous day. Had to say goodbye to my Chesterfield, but I'm so happy I got to have him for a week. I love that little man. Might be coming down with a sinus infection, but I don't care. I'm too content to care.

Couldn't have had a better weekend. I wish they were all like this...but in the words of Ben Gibbard, "...it's not a party if it happens every night..."

I hope everyone had an equally enjoyable weekend.

I try not to get political because, well, I just don't know a whole lot about politics. Thankfully for me, Governor Sarah Palin didn't speak very much about politics in her speech on Wednesday night. She spoke in insults and lies, and she pimped out her family as if her irresponsible daughter (who probably didn't even know that pregnancy was a product of sex, as her parents probably never told her) and her special needs son would tell me something about this woman as a Vice President. As if I care about her family. What can you do for me and this country?

I wrote this letter to the editor of the Baltimore City Paper:

Governor Palin actually said that a main difference between being Governor and being a community worker is that as Governor you actually have responsibility. Hmm let's see...

So what she's saying is making sure that 35 at-risk, lost and scared 8-14 year-olds don't join gangs and get into drugs isn't responsibility.

And teaching 17 homeless preschoolers language and life skills while their mothers fight addiction and try to find work and permanent housing isn't responsibility.

Because helping 300 non-violent male ex-offenders a year who want to make a change, turn their lives around and stop the cycle of going back to jail isn't responsibility.

Sarah Palin can take her childish insults and her scary policies and go back to Alaska. She has no place in the White House and she's an embarrassment to women everywhere.

God help us all if McCain gets elected.

Ok so I haven't been on here in awhile. Things have been weird for me the past couple months. I don't know if it's some sort of quarter-life crisis, but I'm going to get it off my chest. I don't know who I'm going to offend and at this point, I really just don't care. I just need to write about it. You don't have to read it.

All of my life I have struggled with my identity, including present day. I have never been honest enough with myself to really know who I am. I feel like I'm a doppelganger, hanging around and watching my body go through all of life's motions but never really going through them consciously. I have no identity except the one with which I was born, that I only partially understand. I don't know if this is why I've lived my life thus-far the way I've lived it. I don't know much about myself at all.

I've done so many things in my life that I regret. I've hurt too many people, lied too many times about important things. I've said and done such horrible things to people that I supposedly loved. And made some incredibly innocent people feel bad. Who am I to have done these things? And why can't I take them back? If I could do it all again, I'd fix it all. I'd take all of that pain on myself just to escape the guilt and regret that I feel. But I can't now and it tortures me. I should have done what was right when the situation presented itself. I have spent the past 2 or 3 years of my life trying to put myself back together, trying to make myself into a better person. It's like putting together a puzzle that's made of one solid color, and it will take more than one lifetime, which none of us can afford. No amount of personal retribution can take back the things I regret, but for some reason I can't put them behind me.

I've learned so very much in my life. I went to college. I "succeeded." I made lots of friends with whom I no longer stay in touch. I learned...but for all of the wrong reasons. I learned things because I thought it would make me money, or make me more attractive to a potential significant other. Or it would make me seem way cooler or way more interesting than I am. Why couldn't I have just learned? Maybe then I would remember it. I hardly remember anything sometimes.

I am surrounded by ignorance and inconsideration. Punishment for a life lived dishonestly. I try so hard to be considerate, to help strangers, to educate myself as much as possible so as to not be a burden on any other lives that I encounter. As a result I keep everyone at arm's length. I panic if anyone moves closer. But those people who were once at arms length somehow were caught in a current and have drifted so far away from me. It's almost as if my hands are coated in oil and everything that I grasp at arm's length slips away. I don't try hard enough to keep anything.

I'm tired of giving up.

I feel like I don't fit in anywhere, with anyone. I find it hard to relate with most people. My own family members are strangers to me. I worry worry worry. About what? My hair? Perfect grammar? My tummy, my cellulite, my dry skin? I can't recall the last time I had a logical concern. I guess I worry most about being such a stranger...to everyone. To myself.

Maybe one day I'll wake up to a blank slate. Tabula Rasa. And maybe at that time when faced with a decision to make, it'll be the right one. Maybe one day I'll wake up and it'll all make sense. Everything that's happened up to this point will all have a reason, and I can take that peace I've found and put it in my heart and smile for a little while. Maybe one day. Maybe. Maybe. One day.

Camping.

The happiest surprise ever (face4radio=asshole. ).
Treehouses.
(Wood)pecker (hehhehehehehe).
Jackal Jackal! It's a Jackal!
Unicycles.
Hotdogs. Lots and lots of hotdogs.
Real-life rickroll?!
DP, Hebrew National style.
Apple Pie
I hope these brownies don't have "stuff" in them.
Mosquitos. Lots and lots of mosquitos.
Pull my finger.
Man-love.
Potato rolls wrapped around taylor ham wrapped around mozzarella sticks.
The Dark Knight geek brigade.
1 hour conversations about poop.
Deet coma.
Old lady brigade- now with more yarn!
Melted candy resembling poo.
Too much shiny green fabric.
Beer.
I has a tool.
Grass-stained knees.
What what (in the butt)
Nipple tape. Goes on easy, comes off smooth.
Awesome amounts of beautiful rolling forest. I needed the exercise.

That's all I can think of for now. It was amazing!! What a wonderful time. We need to start planning for next year.

What a lovely birthday I had! Many thanks to those of you that wished me a happy birthday. It certainly was a happy one. I got the best gift in the WORLD from Mr. face4radio. Yes, The Incredible Hulk SMASH HANDS! I've been punching the shit out of anyone who comes my way. Ass punches included.

This past weekend was also incredibly enjoyable. Spending time with pleasant people and eating delicious food and just....relaxing. It doesn't get much better than that. Friday night I went out and sang karaoke with some friends. I drank some delicious Resurrection, sang my face off and made lude comments on the mic. Twas a wonderful time.

Saturday was especially enjoyable. We woke up late, padded around the house for a little while, finally got dressed, packed up the dog and met friends for lunch at Iggie's. We had their special pizza of the month and another old favorite, the Alice. Goodness! How tasty. Good conversation with awesome people + delicious pizza =

After pizza and friends, I took a long long long nap with the puppy dog and then went to dinner at Metropolitan, my favorite bar by far. Oh my god, I had the most delicious meal I've ever known: Whit's Stuffed Chipotle Chicken. Good god. I can't stop thinking about it! I washed it all down with a delicious can of Old Chub. What a night!

Sunday I spent my day at Six Flags in Maryland. It was hot and humid, but we bought FLASH PASSES (Yes, we're those assholes), and therefore got to go to the head of the line for all the big coasters. I got sunburned and I ate way too much fried food, but I really can't remember a better weekend in the recent past.

How was your weekend??

Dear Female Reproductive System-

I've been thinking about us a lot lately, and I think we should break up. Don't try to convince me otherwise; I've already made up my mind. We had a good run, but you are CLEARLY TRYING TO DESTROY ME.

Fondly,
Jamie Lee

***********************************************************************************************************************************

Dear Jamie Lee-

Gimme chocolate.

Love,
Your stomach (on behalf of your brain)

***********************************************************************************************************************************

And on a not-so-menstrual note...

I love birthdays. And mine is soon. I can't wait!!! Any excuse to get together with friends and family and eat lots of food and drink lots of (good) beers is fine by me.

It has been hotter than a motherfucker this week. Every morning I make a special trip around the block to park on a particularly shady street so that my car isn't a freaking OVEN when I get off work. It helps, but does not completely prevent swamp-ass.

The Hulk comes out this week. I think I'll go see it. Speaking of which, have you seen those big foam hulk "smash-hands" they sell in Target and Walmart and, like, toy stores and shit??

They make smash and grunt noises when you punch with them. I updated my wishlist complete with these. I want some of them BAD, but I want them to say, "Reagan Smash!" Think we could mod it somehow?

I should probably also mention the ninja mosquito somewhere in my house who has been making himself fat off of my precious, precious leg blood while I'm sleeping. Get out of my house, you mosquito bastard.

I guess that's it. I'm going to continue avoiding the outdoors while I remain absolutely bored out of my skull at work.

XXOO

What a wonderful weekend I had!

I took the bus up to NYC to spend the weekend with my oldest friend, A. I've known her since 6th grade, and it was so great to see her and spend the weekend with her. I got up to NYC around 10:00 pm on Friday and immediately headed for Brooklyn. When I got to A's house, we dressed for the weather (it was rainy and cold. blegh), and headed out to a little bar around the corner. After a couple drinks we all realized how tired we were and headed back to the house to crash out.

Saturday morning we got up and headed out for brunch. We ate yummy food in an outdoor terrace at a cute little restaurant in Brooklyn. From there we headed straight to Times Square where we dropped by the NYC Tattoo convention. A wanted to get some work done, but the waits were far too long, so we decided that we would just go home and take a nap before our big Saturday night.

After about 3 hours of napping (which was glorious, by the way), we prepared for the big going away BBQ for A's boy. I don't think any amount of preparation could have readied us for the large amounts of alcohol that would be consumed that evening. I hit it off with A's friends and we drank and drank and fucking. drank. Until I passed out. How much did I drink? The entire bus ride back to Baltimore was spent concentrating on NOT VOMITING. It's Monday morning and I'm still hung over.

But GOD what a weekend.