Summer is going fast! As usual I haven't saved any money and I am stressed about school. I was the only student in the art dept to get acepted into the BFA program so now I REALLY have to start making a lot of pieces. I am a litle stressed about it actually. I have to have a solo show in just 8 short months and I want to have all new work...enough to fill a whole gallery. The shitty thing is there is no gallery OR art dept right now, it's all being rebuilt. So, if it is completed on time I'll have a shiy new dept and gallery in the spring, but for now I am getting kinda screwed since I have a shitty temporary studio.

I feel a little better about myself. I have been doing yoga and going to the gym. I've lost about 20 pounds (even though that was probably to much and due to depression) so I figure I might as well get back into the shape I used to be in before I was ina relationship. I still want her back but I know I can't do that yet. I have to fix myself before I can give it another go. I know what we had before had kind of fizzled out and I don't want to get right back into that. We both have to be in a place where we appreciate each other again.
She is still with one of my (former) best friends. It still hurts me a lot to know I've ben replaced, especially by someone that's not that attractive but has more money and a nicer car. Seems shallow doesn't it? However, In Fairbanks you need money to do anything remotely entertaining unless you are into just hanging out in -20 weather outside. The other thing that really sucks is he is in one of my favorite local bands and every time I go to the show to see all my other friends (they are very popular) he's there and inevitably she will show up. this means either I start drinking heavily or leave. Unfortunately, last time she showed up at the show she came to see me. Of course I didn't know this and assumed the worst and got really drunk, didn't talk to her and left quickly when she wasn't paying attention. Oops.
Anyway, now that I am acting more myself and self confident around her, she is acting less confident and gets depressed when she sees me. I am not sure what this means. Maybe she finally misses me and regrets leaving me now that she's had a little fun, or maybe it's something else. I still love her so much but I have to keep my distance or I go back into a downward spiral. It's so hard to not seek out the woman I spent every day of the past six years with but I know when I find her I won't be happy about who she is with or what she is doing. I think she needs to see me strong instead of depressed and pathetic in order for her to want me again. I figure either way I have to build myself back up. By the time I am back to myself maybe I won't want to be with her anymore, but in order to find out I have to work on myself first.
if you have any advice I'd love to hear it. I am kind of just feeling around in the dark at this point.

I know this is something that needed to happen, well, minus her sleeping with one of my best friends. Now...how do I get her back? what do you do to make a girl jealous? what do you do to make a girl want you? it happenned before it can happen again. I just don't remember how to be single after being with her for 6 years. help me.

we were together for 6 years and six weeks later she's seeing one of my best friends. She didn't even tell me...

I have to quit smoking
this is a very sad day

crap

Hey, all you invisible people.
today I got stabbed in the leg with a knife!
actually to be mroe honest, I stabbed myself in the leg on accident with a VERY sharp carving knife in my art class while I was working on a mask. In about 30 seconds I almost lost enoguh blood to pass out, but still managed to make it past the entire class and both teachers before blood started dripping out of the leg of my pants. So, I made it to the bathroom, put pressure on it for about 10 minutes while trying not to be as dizzy as I was, then went to the sculpture lab to grab my super glue, some rubing alcohol, and a bandaid that was really more of a joke for what I was putting it on. So, now I have a serious flesh wound, no insurance, can't walk so well and have to work waiting tables tomorow. Oh, and did I mention that friday is my birthday...shit.
On that note, the friend who was supposed to be hosting my birthday party totally forgot to ask his roomates, woops. Ass. So I guess it is a good thing I held of on telling people, but now I am fucked.
happy 25th, eh?

PS. I am going to be in the seattle and possibly portland area for christmas break, so if there are any good shows or anything cool happening, let me know, it'd make my day.