Two blogs in one day...obviously a lot is going on.

Have you ever felt like you were invisible to someone that you were once so in love with? I have for quite a while, and it's only come to the surface in the past weeks. Things haven't been well between my husband and I. Me not feeling well has put a major damper on our marriage...and I can't say that I blame him. Some will say that he is being selfish to let something like this ruin a relationship, but I don't agree. Watching someone you care about, someone you love, suffer is a very difficult thing to do. It isn't easy to live that way, for either person. Feelings dwindle, the touch isn't there, and you realize that perhaps you were really meant to be best friends instead. I'm sad that my marriage has failed, but not that it is ending. No one should live unhappily, and I have no ill fillings towards him. I will always love him and believe that he is a great man-one of the greatest men I have ever met. These things will never change.

That all being said, things are going to be changing for me. I have to figure out what I want, what I don't want of ours. Have to sell the things that we both don't want. What else does this all mean? I'm going to be moving soon-ish. I considered moving back home to Jacksonville, by my parents, by my best friend in the world, but that will only give me a crutch, and I don't want that. I considered Texas with my other 2 best friends, and again, those are crutches for me. So what is my choice? To the one place I said I would never go and live again-California. A change of scenery, a change of pace, a change of everything that I know. Bad part about this...the drive....so someone will be flying out to me and driving back out there-all there is to it. ROAD TRIP!

All of this babbling is not meant to be sad. This may be an ending to a chapter in my life, but it is also very much an opening to another. I have learned so much over these past years, and despite the outcome, I wouldn't trade them for anything. I have a man that truly cares for me as my best friend. I have learned so much about myself. I have learned what I truly want in life. I have learned what I don't want in life. Overall, my marriage is one of the best things I have ever done, and I am lucky to end up with such a great friend.

XOXO