Damn I hope this Halloween isn't as lame as last years. I may have to just celebrate Halloweed instead.

Also: Need more action

Okay. Holy fuck. Sorry for the inactivity, but my laptop was being "repaired" for the last two months. Fuck. I'm back though and ready to terrorize.

Does anyone know where you can upload short stories? I think I may just start my own creative writing blog. I feel like I would quickly not use it though. Bummer huh?

Well anyway I just wrote an awesome story about redemption. It's a short story and maybe the story needs to be longer, but I think it's okay. I wrote until it was finished, but it was still pretty short. Could I write more? Yes. I feel like if I did I could turn it into an awesome movie.

I like that I'm going back to school today. Less free time which means less time to think.

I'm honestly torn on whether or not I want to try and reconcile. Whether it's worth it or not to try and communicate at all. Then I think, "what would I say? Is there anything at all to say?" I don't think there is. Nostalgia is strong, but I don't think that there is anything left. It's difficult to completely put someone out of your mind when you were with them that long. I don't know anymore, but it is time to move on, I just wish my brain would agree.

I'm going to a 27-hour improvathon at the local improv theatre. I'm pretty excited. My pal Peter will be there as well as my lady Lani. It should prove to be good laughs.



Life isn't so strange I guess

After a bad day at work I find out that I owe the IRS $400+ because they aren't withholding enough money from my paychecks.

Four more months and I'm out of here, but I'm going to be leaving someone behind.

I'm not going that far. An hour away if the trip is quick, but it won't be nearly as fun.

In four months who knows what can happen. As of now, though, I am going to Seattle. I can't stay in this town. There isn't anything here for me.

I just hope that when I get down there I can find work.

My old improv instructor wants me to be in a performance. What's the nice way to say I don't want to be in one?

Today was not a good day.

Wow

The weekend was good

Friday night Mahnhammer show. Many drunk former co-workers

Saturday night dinner with Lani turned into a sleep over

Sunday night sleep over with Lani turned into... well you know

So now I have a lady friend

She does not like SG

What to do

I did not know that I could go red in the face, but today I did. An overwhelming sense of shame, heat, and claustrophobia engulfed me.

I went into a cafe because I saw a friend as I was walking past. For over half an hour I did not realize that two friends I've had since high school sat directly behind me. When one of them got up for water I said, "Hello. Oh have you been sitting here the whole time?" Her response was yes. As I turned to look at her I noticed the person she was sitting with was my other friend.

For some reason I was quite upset that I should not have noticed my friends as I walk in to see another friend. Why? I ask myself, but I don't know why. If anything, both of them should have been quite embarrassed as I have made multiple attempts to see them. Here they are, though, sitting together.

Really I don't think that way. I just felt so flustered to have made such a social faux pas, especially towards very good friends. One seemed irritated.

Amidst the conversation with my drop-in friend I discussed a mutual acquaintance we both had: my ex-girlfriend. It really made me feel less like forgiving her than I did before I talked about it. Isn't that peculiar?


Mmm. Leninade

Damnit I haven't written anything!!! I'm slowly losing my lead on this book. Life keeps me busy.

I need to write a paper on BLOOD MERIDIAN. I'm intimidated. I also started THE SOUND AND THE FURY. It is also intimidating.

Also: Sex is awesome.

Third day of March and I didn't write a single word today! I figure I have about 1,200 words so far (I typed a bit up). So far it's great. I'm having a lot of fun writing it and I think that's all that matters.

I have been having a tough time with the break up lately. Whenever I see the my ex or the guy I used to hang out with it makes me a feel really terrible. Anxious, angry, and annoyed. So I don't know whether this is me overreacting or if this is a something a normal person would be upset about. It was less than three weeks and she was already hanging out with him. It has happened to me more than once already so I really don't have any respect for people that do this and I don't really want them in my life. It's not just an ex moving on, it's a friend deciding it's okay to date your ex. What shitty people.

BUT DAMMIT! If I'm not having a great time on the dating scene. I'm meeting new people which I really enjoy the most. I was moving fast with one girl, which kind of freaked me out. I don't know if it's the fact that I'm not ready for a relationship or if I just know I don't want one. I have come to terms with the fact that I mostly just don't want someone expecting shit of me.

The other girl is older, but I have a great time whenever we hang out and we haven't even hugged. I like talking to her and if nothing came of it I'd love to just have her as a friend.

I'm blabbing to get my blog count up to get back into V and E dammit. I'll have shit to say at least.

Day 1:

The beginning of my novel is out there. It can no longer be taken back. It can be destroyed, but it has been created. My character is alive and has motivations. How long will this last?

I do not know.

What I do know is that this writing is better than sex. I don't think about anything when I write other than what goal I have in mind.



Also in my life: the conflict of two romantic interests at once.

A life without conflict is no life at all.

I love it. I've always tried to live a life without mistakes. I want to make so many now.

Also I have a new motto: I'm not optimistic, I just hate life so much I am not going to let it win.