i haven't been this terribly sad in such a long time.
sometimes i feel like i'll never be myself again.
i know it's probably not true, but i still want to rip my own guts out.
i still can't believe i'm headed back to Los Angeles.

my job is so weird.
i work with teeny teeny people. very sweet and very crazy two year-olds. the kids aren't what makes my job weird though...it's my co-workers. they are all so uuugghhh. it's like almost all of them are miserable people with no understanding of how to interact with each other. AND of course i have absolutely nothing in common with any of them!
because 40 hours of my week are spent with these people i have tried to make nice and all that, but GEEZ!!! it doesn't really help.
kids are so funny. sometimes they make me want to scream and rip my hair out a little bit, but mostly i just think they're amazing and way more pleasant than most adults.
i've only been at this job for 2 months and it feels so much longer!
i'm scared of turning into one of the grumpy zombies!

HOLY SHIT! i just got a call from some scary telemarketer lady who wanted to send me a free gift-no catch- yeah right! ....and since i was a telemarketer when i was 15 i don't hang up on them becuase i feel bad for some reason?! so umm...yeah she kept talking and talking and i finally got to say "okay well, thanks and everything but i don't want a "free" gift so have a nice day!" then i hung up and: ring!ring! she called me again! now i didn't think that could actually be her again so i answered and yes it was her. she started to tell me about how her family had received these "gifts" and the only catch was that you had to go to some presentation and give feedback. "but i don't actually want to spend my free time at your presentation" i say. she says "can i ask why?"
what?! oh yeah, and she kept calling me Inak (eye-knack) because i got tired of repeating my name so i just let her think that was it.
so anyway she wouldn't stop saying "why?! but, why?" it was so creepy that i finally had no choice but to hang up on her. i'm sure anybody who reads this would say i was silly to not hang up immediately on the first call, but i really do think it's crummy to do.

what was i talking about?

love, eye-knack

hihihi. today is my day off and so now i'm going to write this before i have to start doing junk. well i've already started packing for my big move to *Seattle*.....but yesterday i suddenly got really sad and it was tough. mostly, i'm just very excited about leaving Los Angeles, the city with all the sick pollution, sick-self-absorbed people around every corner, billboard upon billboard advertising all the newest stupidest movies, the new 2007 SUV whatever and best of all the sunshine that rarely fades or changes.

...the part that bums me out is the part where i leave all the faces i love so much. it's pretty strange that i've met the most amazing people i know here in LA. i certainly don't want to feed any stereotypes about everyone in Los Angeles being an asshole, that's obviously far from true i think the beginning of the end for me was when i moved to hollywood: the center of yuck. before that i lived in Echo Park for over two years and it was kind of great, mostly families and stuff. . . . now here i am literally down the street from the stupid Rokbar and the lamest people imaginable. sometimes i have panic attacks thinking that this is what the world has turned into but then i'm comforted by the fact that NO No NO it's actually just this place.

so i guess my last month here will consist of me trying to squeeze in a trip to Disneyland, playing one last show, eating mexican food, enjoying my workplace, and most importantly loving my friends
before i move on to the land of rain.

i guess i should go pack some more shit.

lalalalalala

aaaahhhh. i had my first ever fancy massage today and it was wonderful! it was a thai massage that lasted for a whole hour! the little woman really knew what she was doing.
i can't believe i waited so long to do it but i think maybe i was scared of a total stranger touching me. but it wasn't awkward at all like going to the gynecologist or something YIKES! when she was rubbing my hands and pulling on my fingers i felt as though the poisonous pain was being ripped from my body. DIVINE! for a couple moments, i even fantasized that i was very old and disabled and that this woman was my nurse! it was hard to keep from laughing at myself and the silly way my mind wanders sometimes.

So if you're reading this.... go get a massage real soon...you probably deserve it, right?

oh yeah,,,,,i know i'm pretty new to this sight and all but
i already have one wish:
i wish there were more curvy and/or colorful girls.
by curvy i mean full body squeezable beautiful....not just big boobies.
and by colorful i mean all shades of everything....not just hair color and tattoos.
i'm not complaining because i think the sight is fairly diverse, it's just something i felt like dribbling out into my journal.

i feel like going to the movies.
have a nice day!

okay uhhh... i'm not totally into this online journal stuff BUT i guess i'll give it a go. So i'm sick and bored at home. i'm sort of a stay at home kind of girl anyway, but tonight i actually had plans to go out. the boy i love had a show and i was going to go and have a fun time, but instead i'm drinking juice, water & TEA to ease my throat and body aches i guess the biggest bummer is that i was actually looking forward to getting out of the house and the germ fairy spoiled it! my boy will be home later to take care of me but so far John Cusack has done a pretty good job. I just finished watching "Must Love Dogs" and yes of course it's a total suburban chick flick ....BUT I am now convinced that I can watch probably anything starring the lovely Mr. Cusack. plus Diane Lane is a babe and there were some pretty cute dogs featured so my point is that if you're feeling not so great maybe a romantic comedy full of sap is just what you need for a little artifical cinematic comfort! I LOVE MOVIES!