An Analogy...

Been spending a lot of time thinking about why the hell I put myself through so much shit emotionally. There is so much work I have left to do before I can say I no longer am bothered by my anxiety disorder, but I'm not really doing things the easyway, am I?. The whole relationship scene is killing me, especially for a guy who is from a family of men who could care less about playing the field, and just finding a nice person to be with for a long time. I tend to set my sights on a woman, and even when the signs are there that it won't work out, I just can't cut my losses, I seem to have to ride things out until the very bitter end. Leaving myself tired and bitter. The easiest way to explain is an analogy:

For most people, trying to find someone is like driving through a long straight desert road. One of those roads where you can see clearly for miles. If there is an obstacle in the way, you see it coming, and you can avoid whatever is up ahead as long as you are paying attention to what's going on around you.
For me, it's like speeding down that road, and seeing a brick wall in the middle of my lane. Sure I see it, I could stop, I could turn around, but what do I do instead? I grit my teeth, lean my head right up against the windshield and accelerate into that wall for all I can. I know the pain is coming, I know the odds are stacked against me...why do I continue? Do I really think I'm going to just tear through that wall one day? I don't know. I just know that the way I've been going about things is probably not the healthiest thing for my sense of optimism.
I just can't seem to let things go until the results are concrete and undeniable. As good as my gut feelings have always been, I just won't listen to them in this particular situation. I know that perseverence is a virtue to some people, but this is getting a bit ridiculous.

I'm not sure if this made much sense, I'm rather tired and at work, so a bit distracted as well. Hey, at least I vented a bit, right?