Holy crap...how grateful am I that I don't live in Houston anymore! whoooooooooooooo weeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!

Let's get in our time machines and revisit THIS mess for a second? (not katrina but my own personal ptsd regarding hurricanes in the gulf)

Is there anyone else out there who thinks it's not at all a coincidence that there's like, this huge hurricane bearing down on New Orleans, again...right before the Republican National Convention? As if the universe doesn't want us to get all wrapped up in the hoopla of the elections, but wants to remind us of the real nitty-gritty details of what happens to your countrymen when the wrong people are in office?

Right...

In other news...

ALL HAIL LABOR DAY!!! I know, I know, it means the summer is officially over...but for me, it also means that my husband is getting a day off, that we know about before it's upon us. It's one of those downfalls of having a man who works outside...every day it's not raining, he's at work. Which means, we never know when he'll get a day off...even if we're obsessively checking the weather channel (which we do)...AND if he DOES get a day off, it's raining...so it's not like we can go for a picnic, or a walk down by the Mystic... Typically our days off include sleeping late (and by late i mean 8am) and ordering a pizza. Weeeeeee!!!

Right?

So, tomorrow we'll be taking full advantage of this day off with it's beautiful weather. We plan to head down to the Boston Harbor and ferry out to the islands for bbq, hiking, and general merry-making. I might even get myself a kite...

That is, of course, unless we just decide to sleep in and order a pizza...which is pretty awesome too!

p.s. here's a helpful tidbit for those who ever get stuck in a slow moving evacuation...don't be stupid, save your gas, put your car in neutral and PUSH that fucker if you're moving that slowly. You'll thank me later!

**This blog was brought to you courtesy of the letters "H" and "R" as in...Hurricane Rita**

I absolutely despise babysitting adults. And...I use the term "adult" kinda loosely here.
Maybe I'm just being harsh because I can't remember exactly how mature folks are supposed to BE at 21 years old? I'm pretty sure I wasn't a fucking kleptomaniac though... whatever...

And I understand that we're "doing the right thing" and "helping him get his shit together" but when I'M the one who ends up babysitting him while you're away at work? Seriously?!

In addition, we've "done the right thing" and "helped him get his shit together" NUMEROUS times... You've lent him money and I've inconvenienced myself repeatedly...only for things to turn sour once they really started to look good.

I've already given one too many pep-talks about leaving the dark side behind only to realize it's all just a waste of breath once his crackwhore girlfriend pulls up outside and all the patience, money, time, and energy we've invested is for nothing.

I'm not upset to admit I can't compete with a crackwhore...I'm just tired of trying.

I can't have him crashed out until 10am when I've been up since 5...
Can't have him hovering over my shoulder as I try to write this obnoxious vent about him!

When I SAY I'm leaving to run errands at 10:30am...BE THERE! Don't tell me you're going to get some smokes and then disappear for two hours, leaving me waiting for you, wondering if I should just take off... And then, when I do finally leave without you...don't call me and say you're gonna meet me at the store... I don't have the time to fucking wait for your ass to show up... I don't have the time to babysit you through the aisles... And I DON'T have the time to wade through a 20 minute discussion about whether or not you should buy a cooler for work? The cooler is 10 bucks...buy one or don't...but I only have a certain amount of time before the baby has a melt down in the middle of Target and the clock is TICKING mother fucker...

And...don't slip off to the store next door without alerting me to your plans... Getting the baby into and out of the car, fed, changed, amused, it's a fucking process... I've planned the trip to the store around it... Don't fuck that up for me...

And not even the gods will be able to help you, if you wake the baby one more time after I've gotten him to sleep for the night...

I'm finished listening to you bitch about your mother...maybe you should stop calling her a cunt and maybe she'd pay you for your time at the shop? I'm done choosing sides about it and I'm done having an opinion. You and you're whole fucked up family can jump off the fucking Tobin...that includes your sheister mother, unemployed father, older brother I've never met because he's in fucking PRISON, the older sister who is officially holding my step-children hostage...and you're manipulative ass... JUMP!!!


The only one you can leave here with me is the youngest...Sarah... The last hope for the entire family, at 16 years old. What the hell is she going to pull that's new and interesting? She can't be a criminal, slut, or drug addict...that's already been done. I asked her what her plans were the other day, fully expecting her to say she and her little friends were going to get hammered and rob a bank... You know what she said? They were going for a bike ride! Yes, a BIKE RIDE!

Leave her with me... YOU can go screw.


[/rant]

I can't believe it's August already! Where the fuck did the summer go?!

Maybe for you folks outside of Massachusetts you had summer...for us? Not so much. I heard on the news just yesterday that this past week of sunshine has been the LONGEST stretch of sun since THE BEGINNING OF JUNE!!! Yes...JUNE!!! Well it's no wonder I've been acting like a crackhead on Prozac lately! I've never taken so many walks, just for the fun of it, in my entire life! When did walking outside in the air get to be so much fun?! Since it's been raining for two months straight! THAT'S when!

If I told you I went for a hike in the woods for over an our the other day with a couple women I'd never met before, would you believe me?! Well it's true!

After surviving my very first playgroup with the Normals...and being frightened nearly to death...I went ahead and found a group called "Bitchin' Mamas" through Meetup.com... Turned out they were having a meet-up a couple of hours later. I uploaded a picture of my babe, mapquested some directions, and made a run for it! The weather was divine and I happily limped my fat, crippled ass through the woods with a smile on my face!

But that was only after dropping my husband off at work in the pre-dawn hour of who even remembers what, meeting with the WIC folks, re-registering to vote at my current address because I am NOT taking the risk of missing this election, and accomplishing about a hundred other things at the post office... Plus the hike, and I was STILL home by 11:30AM!!!

Remember when I said I did more by 9AM than most people did all day? I wasn't shitting you!

I never would have thought that such simple things as a walk around the park, a hot cup of coffee, and finding a new way to make my baby belly laugh would make me so happy...but they do. And that's how I enjoy spending my time these days.

Therefore, I'm sure it's easy for you to imagine that I really DON'T have time for drama. I'm just too dang busy enjoying my life. And yet, there are people...miserable, miserable people...who continue to wallow in it and desperately try to spread it around and make the rest of us as miserable as they are. It's sad. It's laughable. It doesn't make me hurt, doubt myself, or question anything other than my continued tolerance of your bullshit.

I may or may not elaborate on this in the future, at least to purge myself of the past five years of your nonsense...you know who you are...but I can't promise when that will be, since frankly, I don't have the time or energy available to generate as much venom as you deserve.

There...that's about all the time I've got to spare for that shit.

Now, I'm going to gather my beautiful son out of his doorway jumper (endless amusement for me!) and head out into the sunshine!!!

I am not the rockstar I once was. I don't stay out late...returning home with new stories of drunken adventures every day. I don't run wild through the streets of whatever state I happen to be living in at the moment. I don't meet new and exciting people. I don't even save the world. In fact, at this point I'm lucky if I remember to change my underwear...much less get a shower.

Nope...These days I figure out which day of the week it is by what was on TV last night and whether I have to move the car this morning to avoid a ticket.

A GOOD day is no longer judged by getting my hung-over ass to work on time without anyone being the wiser. Eating the smallest lunch possible to keep my ass all kinds of svelt. And how early I can slip away from work to start the party all over again.

A good day involves driving my husband to work at the magical hour between "way too fucking early" and "when all the massholes are on the road to work too." It's a relaxing nursing/music on the ipod meditation session upon our return home...an easy 30 minutes on the stationary bike followed IMMEDIATELY by a shower and THEN the baby waking up. It's every Thursday I've remembered to take the garbage out and ESPECIALLY that Friday I heard the street cleaners coming and beat them to the curb for extra super bonus points by mere SECONDS.

It's boring. It's not even as predictable as I wish it were. It's satisfying. It's quiet. Sometimes I want to jump out of my skin. Most of the time I feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

I've tried to explain to my husband exactly the kind of identity crisis being a stay at home mother is after all these years rockin' on my own, but he doesn't get it. I suppose I can't blame him...I mean, not only has he kinda ALWAYS been a family man, but HE goes out into the world like a functional human being and brings home a weekly check to PROVE how functional he is. I, on the other hand...do not.

I DO however, keep the house clean, the clothes washed, the refrigerator stocked with healthy snack, dinner made, drive the man to and from work, AND keep the child not only alive...but engaged in learning and growing.

I am the one who knows that babies are blind as shit, and therefore took the time and the $2 to replace the adorable, but very tan teddy bears from his magical swing (oh god bless that swing, god bless it!!!) with contrasting red and black construction paper hearts. In fact, I strung them up all over the house...from both ceiling fans and over the pack n' play/changing table to encourage that little boy to SEE damnit!

It's really quiet amazing the way one day Roger doesn't realize the feet he loves to kick during diaper changes are HIS...and then...

He "notices his feet" and it's a whole new world!!

I'm the one who is there when it happens. I'm the one who cheers and claps and makes up sing-songs about it so he'll want to 'notice his feet' again tomorrow.

And I am the one who narrates my whole day, no, not in baby talk but in real grown up speak so that his first word will be a sentence that is pronounced with perfect diction, thank you very much. I repeat my ten words of Italian over and over AND am beginning to use my American Sign Language, no, not my 'baby sign' but my real, grammatically fucking correct, American Sign Language...because my kid is a genius and don't you think he deserves the very best? Me too...

Wait...where was I going with this?

Oh right, I'm a fucking rock star!

What a perfect weekend!

Despite some logistical setbacks, by 6:30AM Saturday morning the family was packed up and on the road toward nowheresville, Massachusetts...also known as Palmer...also known as, The 2nd Annual Milltown Ink Hotrod Show...

We arrived uneventfully 2 hours later, set up our little vendor station in exactly the same space as last year, and commenced Project Pinstripe. The hubs did some babysitting as I rushed to get some of these purses done. Attendance at the show was again, phenomenal, especially considering the ominous weather report of a chance of severe, but passing, thunderstorms.



For about six hours things were peaceful...busy even. At one point I had a line of people waiting for me to do some work for them...

***
One customer was quoted as saying, "My boyfriend got me one of your purses last year and I love it! He warned me this year to come over first thing because last year you sold out! So here I am... Yes, I take this one, do what you want to it."

"Don't you want to know how much it costs?"

"I don't care...I'll take it."

(to self: holy shit!)

***

And then...the skies opened up...which frankly, only added to the fun! And, as my husband said, separated the pussies from the hard core, ha! We must have been pretty hard core because while many of the vendors packed up and went home, we simply threw valuables in the van, covered the rest with a tarp, and fired up the BBQ.


I just LOVE the WTF look on his face

It was all fun and games until one VERY large, very close, very frightening clap of thunder, which made us reconsider how important being "hard core" was compared to "being alive." Hey, we WERE in the middle of an open field...cut us a break! So, we headed up to the more secure protection of the Pavillion and listened to the pin up contest going on and considered our next move.

We decided to wait it out and it's a good thing we did because as soon as the rain stopped, the sun reappeared and I was back in business...busy as ever. If I TOLD you how much money I raked it, you wouldn't believe me anyway...

And in case you're wondering what this whole "pinstriping" thing is I keep talking about...here are some pictures of me in action and some of the work I produced...it's just a sampling, because like last time, the shit sold so fast I hardly had time to take pictures of it!!!




Yes, I've added chain wallets for the boys to my repatoir...













***

Twelve hours after our arrival, we decided to pack it back up and head home. We had our tent all ready to go, since we had so much fun camping out last year, but with the forcast calling for more rain, we just weren't feeling THAT hard core. We arrived safely home, not that I didn't try my damndest to kill us all off at one of the many irritating rotaries in Boston...and hit the sack, satisfied...

***
SUNDAY...
***

Another perfect day...despite the 3AM wake up call to drop The Hubs off at work. He had a short work day, and we'd gone to pick him back up again by about 10AM. The sun was shining, the humidity was gone, the music on the radio perfect... We considered going to the beach, but decided to stay home and relax instead. I hated to waste the good weather AND the rare occassion that The Hubs is home on such a day...but we were so tired from the show we just hopped back into bed where we napped and watched movies all day.

Eventually the sun went behind some clouds and the skies ripped open again...but I didn't care...I didn't even have time to be grateful we'd decided against the beach...I was too busy being snuggled up with my Husband under one arm, and my son under the other...

***

"I'm not only cute, I'll kick your ass!"

***