been away a while, thought i would drop in and follow up that last post.

that good date turned into a good girlfriend, and will soon be my good wife.

it was a VERY good date, turns out.

is it... possible... i had a good date?

its shocking to consider, honest to christ.

i'm tempted to suggest no such thing could happen. the jury is out in the long term, but at least immediately, i had a good evening.

Whats New:
the job, which is good
the hair, which i've accepted

Whats Different:
the ratio of days in which i am able to disabuse myself of the notion that i'm attracted to my ex/roommate is slipping dangerously towards "infrequently"
the depth of my isoationist solipsism is increasing

Whats The Same:
lonely, par for the course
i have too many books, a comfort

Theres a girl in my kabbalah class who came in today wearing a great deal of yellow. Last week, while she wore less yellow than today, she smiled an absurd amount without it being offputting.

I'm not certain why this improved my day, but it did.

Really, all that ever stays the same is my utter inability to maintain any sort of journal, paper or electric, for more than six or seven entries in a run, which is a sort of back asswards excuse for not updating here. like, ever.

but its a new year, and change is in the air certainly, so lets see whats new...

the house is finally not remotely lame. the new housemate has fit in much better than the last.
met a girl, quite recently, and thats going moderately well. hard to say, as yet, what is going to come of it, but we'll see.
i am, as of today, 19 days from being unemployed. how long that unemployment period lasts is still up in the air, but there is evidence to suggest it will not be protracted.
i still don't have cancer. if you think that i don't worry about this day to day, you're wrong.



also, i got a pretty rad vest.

Tonight is house dinner tonight.

its awesome.

yes.

i'm tempted to say i'm lonely, but i'm not sure its actually true. i suppose its possible i'm just horny, having not gotten properly laid in far longer than i'd care to admit, but i'm pretty good at recognizing that. theres a lot of ogling, and shameless propositioning of exs and so forth. thus far there has been an admirable and grateful lack of that sort of behavior, which leads me to suspect this malaise of a somewhat different variety.

lamentably, understanding what its not has not significantly increased my understanding of what it is, which leaves me no closer to solving the problem.

i think the bottom line is something is missing.

at least i have a bitching hat!

i'm feeling my namesake lately, lost causes and misguided faith.

my hair is growing out. not sure how far i'm going to let it go. short hair feels safe, which is sorta paradoxical since i only ever had the short hair because of the cancer.

i feel like all i ever talk about, here or anywhere sometimes, is having been sick.

moving on!

I met william gibson this week, and geeked the hell out. his books were the first ever that made me want to write, so listening to him read, and seeing him face to face, was a real geek out moment.

i'm beginning an epic quest: i'm searching for the perfect eggs benedict. the quest will be documented.

i still don't have cancer. this is exciting. theres a lump in my chest, so i was pretty sure it had come back and spread, but apparently such lumps are not unexceptional for chemo patients.

either way, i'm excited to be healthy.

Mournival

mah new pet project. nothing fancy yet.