Not that anyone reads this, but it's been a long time since I've been on here or posted anything so I felt it necessary to put words up.

Months have passed and I'm now in a very nice relationship with a wonderful girl. Life has turned around so drastically from where it was a year ago that it scares the hell out of me sometimes.

I am just trying my best to let the good things be and work on the things I still need to change.

Peace.

Sunday Morning around 6am, my dad died. Leukemia killed him. He had come home to be with family and enjoy whatever time he had left. That turned out to be about 5 days... He was very sick and we all knew that, but it still is a terrible thing to lose a parent. I miss you dad, and always will.

I have lost my wife (my daughters mother) to breast cancer in September and my father to Leukemia all in the last ten months.... If it can get much worse, I don't even want to imagine it... I am numb from the brainstem down. My heart is a cold grey shadow only pierced by the light shined by my daughter. She is my reason for continuing on each miserable day.

I love you both and miss you terribly.

The last year for me has been complete shit. Sometimes I can stay cool about it, but other times, like right now I'm a roiling torrent of hate and anger about the entire thing. I blame everyone. The idiot doctors who sat by and did NOTHING while two people I love have or are being taken from me. First my wife, and now my dad. Two different cancers, two different people, same 12 month period.... Both given a death sentence. One has already been taken from me, and the other is going to go soon... possibly within the week.

Next year for my birthday all I want is for nobody close to be dying from cancer. Is that really too much to ask?

FUCK BREAST CANCER! FUCK LEUKEMIA! GOD DAMNIT ALL!

There. Now I feel a little better.

Hey I'm Chris. I joined Suicide Girls because a friend of mine told me all about how awesome the people are and how beautiful the models are. I agree with the models, now I just need to see how the people really are.