Despite appearances I wasn't actually in a bad mood when I wrote my last blog.
I was just annoyed with Kate & even that only lasted a few hours.
I don't like judging her to harshly as I know shes had some issues she needs to sort out & because I see so much of my own past behavior in the way she acted.

Anyway the suns shining
I've got next week off
I've just been to buy up a few more bits of fishing gear.
My camping gear is on standby.

If all goes to plan it will be a week by the sea by myself

Bloody Women!!!!!!!!!

Why the hell can't they just give a straight answer.

As you may be able to tell this evening was not exactly a great success.
I went to Kate's gig only to have her pretty much ignore me all night

At least the night wasn't a complete waste.
I can say with some certainty that we won't be getting back together ( & I heard some great music )

It reminded why I was single for so long before though.
Its just easier than dealing with all this shit. You've got no one to worry about but yourself

Oh well!


Moving on

I'm confused (nothing unusual there I know )

Kate asked me to come along to a gig she's playing on sunday .

The question is why?

Did she ask as a friends or something more?

I suppose there's only 2 ways to find out. Go along or just come staright out & ask her.
I'm way to much of a coward for option 2 so it looks like I'll be going to a gig Sunday night.

I'm actually quite relaxed about the whole thing. After weeks of stressing about the whole situation I've reached the point that I can say that no matter what happens, I'll be happy.

I realise pretty much all my posts on here are me being miserable

I'm usually a very happy person


Honest


I tend to use this when i need to rant or feel sorry for myself


I'll try to write more happy blogs in the future


No guarantees though

I used to suffer with a recurring, terrifying & vivid dream.

In my dream I would wake up & be completely paralysed.
I'd struggle & fight to move or even twitch.
The panic would quickly increase until it was unbearable.
Then I would wake for real.
Usually dripping with sweat & being close to hyperventilating.
My whole body completely tense & with a feeling of total exhaustion.

I started getting them in my early teens & they carried on until I was 21.

One night the dream ended differently

The panic started building as usual but this time I decided it wasn't going to take over.
Somehow I relaxed & managed to focus all my concentration & effort into one attempt to move.
I remember a moment or resistance & then I did it
It was if I had torn my consciousness free from my body
I was floating free looking down on my physical self.
I closed my eyes
& woke for real

That was a turning point in my life.

It was the moment I decided I was going to fight my anxiety & not be a slave to it.

one day I mayt achieve that.

celebrity customer update

Van Morrison (again) came in to buy a newspaper this morning & spent 5 mins reading a magazine interview with err... Van Morrison

I finally managed to get out for a decent ride yesterday. 50 miles, 5 hours & hardly any flat sections. loads of steep climbs & flowing singletrack descents with the odd technical section thrown in for good measure.
I seriously needed that.
I went for the less technical trails for a change. I'd forgotten how much I love them. I don't ride them that often as they're not as "weather proof" as some of the others & can be pretty unridable in the winter. But on a day like yesterday with the sun shining & nice breeze to stop me overheating it was stunning. I had my camera on me & was intending to take a load of photos but I got into the "flow" of riding so much I just didn't want to stop. So no photos were taken.
The only downside is that I haven't done much off road riding recently & as a result my shoulders & back have seized up I serioulsy need to do some weights to get a bit more upper body strength. There were a few moments near the end of the ride, on technical rocky sections, that I could hardly hold the bike on line. my arms were dead. The only problem with weights is I find them so fucking dull!!! Put me on my bike & I'll ride 7-8 hours straight pretty much without stopping. Lock me in a room with some weights & I'm bored & have lost interest after 3 minutes

My plan for today is to do fuck all & just rest my aching body (A massage would be nice but that ain't gonna happen )
The sun is shining, the coffee is made, my book's by my side & I'm going to sit in the garden.

Well work today sucked hugely

My colleague decided to go out last night & get ridiculously drunk & then not show up for work this morning leaving me all alone on the busiest morning of the week. I phoned him when he was 30 mins late & he said he'd be there soon. I rang again an hour later & he'd turned off his phone. Fucking great. (I should point out that if HE gets left on his own on a saturday you never hear the end of the fucking moaning about how busy it was & how its too much work for 1 person )
To make it more annoying our frozen/chilled delivery was late & arrived when it was already getting busy so I was trying to serve customers & put stacks of Ice Cream in the freezer before it melted. Oh & the air conditioning decided it was gonna dump a shit load of water all over the floor.

8 hours, without a break, later I could finally stop running round in circles & cycle the 10 miles back home

I needed to get rid of some aggression so took the longer "training" route home. 3 big climbs later it had worked & I was feeling calm again ( & I didn't collapse which was a bonus )

Now I'm sat at home listening to the mini "rock festival" going on at the pub up the road. which usually consists of lots of covers bands. I can only tell the good bands from the bad by whether I can recognise the songs they're playing or not.
It should be going on till about 11 tonight so no sleep for me till then (I hate getting up at 4am sometimes )

Oh well I've got monday & tuesday off. which I intend to spend getting in some miles on my mountain bike. I'll probably head off to Afan Argoed & possibly do the long skyline trail. 4 hours on my bike, by myself
Heaven.





I think I recognise this song!!!
Is it Sweet Home Alabama?

must be one of the "good" bands