As you may know, I also operate a wee pornish Tumblr called A Few of our Favorite Fetishes. It's currently approaching Post 4,000, and I'd like to do something special for it, so I've posted an open call for ideas:
A Few of our Favorite Fêtes
What do you think? Any ideas?
If this were a much improved world, you'd be awake now.
You'd be awake, your phone would be charged, your webcam would be well-greased, and you'd have no reason to have to get up in the morning or ever again.
And you would be eager. Oh if this were a much improved world, you would be both available and eager. In fact, you'd call me, of course. My phone is charged, my webcam buttered...
You would be awake, eager, flexible, and possibly within a twenty minute driving radius, and certainly broad-minded.
But this is not the best of all possible broads.
Worlds.
Sorry.
I've been drinking. And to my credit, the only casualties so far seem to be Strunk and White.
And sorry: I haven't blogged in quite a quite damn long quite forever. And this is hardly reparation. But I can't imagine I was missed?!
Go awn; prove me insecure.
Anyhow, returning: if this were a better world, I wouldn't be blogging -- or certainly at least I'd be blogging better.
However, it's a third-rate world -- a C+ world -- an old Type 40 world we've had to build up again and again -- and tonight I'm not in the mood for scavaging.
Indeed: tonight I'm in the mood for you. Awww.
And yet.
And yet...you, all of you, whomever you are, are so far tonight, and so ambivalent, and so...ill-defined.
Worst yet: you're so asleep.
I understand, I do, but I hate it. Just because the bars close, must you follow suit?
Wake up, my marshmallow darling. Wake up and send me photos. Send me nipples and codas and sluices of life. Send me you in a ribbon. And most of all, somehow, now, this moment, now, please darling, wherever you are, whomever you are:
Wake up.
You'd be awake, your phone would be charged, your webcam would be well-greased, and you'd have no reason to have to get up in the morning or ever again.
And you would be eager. Oh if this were a much improved world, you would be both available and eager. In fact, you'd call me, of course. My phone is charged, my webcam buttered...
You would be awake, eager, flexible, and possibly within a twenty minute driving radius, and certainly broad-minded.
But this is not the best of all possible broads.
Worlds.
Sorry.
I've been drinking. And to my credit, the only casualties so far seem to be Strunk and White.
And sorry: I haven't blogged in quite a quite damn long quite forever. And this is hardly reparation. But I can't imagine I was missed?!
Go awn; prove me insecure.
Anyhow, returning: if this were a better world, I wouldn't be blogging -- or certainly at least I'd be blogging better.
However, it's a third-rate world -- a C+ world -- an old Type 40 world we've had to build up again and again -- and tonight I'm not in the mood for scavaging.
Indeed: tonight I'm in the mood for you. Awww.
And yet.
And yet...you, all of you, whomever you are, are so far tonight, and so ambivalent, and so...ill-defined.
Worst yet: you're so asleep.
I understand, I do, but I hate it. Just because the bars close, must you follow suit?
Wake up, my marshmallow darling. Wake up and send me photos. Send me nipples and codas and sluices of life. Send me you in a ribbon. And most of all, somehow, now, this moment, now, please darling, wherever you are, whomever you are:
Wake up.
"SIMON SHOWS"
We must antagonize malaise. Cruel spring will not slaughter us. We're alone, drifting, and aging, sure, but we will wield sharp wits and not cease from mental fight!
To that end: a new game, what do you say?
And it's so so simple and based on, ahem, a game I'm currently playing via private message. Our new blog game is called
SIMON SHOWS
and this is how we play, like good children: I say "SIMON SHOWS...HANDS" and then all of you must reply with a picture of your hands. Easy. After some time, I'll say "SIMON SHOWS...some other body part" and off we go again.
To play, just jump in. If I don't know you, say hi, befriend me, and jump in. And tell your friends, especially if you'd like to see their various parts.
Ready?
Set?
SIMON SHOWS...FINGERS.
We must antagonize malaise. Cruel spring will not slaughter us. We're alone, drifting, and aging, sure, but we will wield sharp wits and not cease from mental fight!
To that end: a new game, what do you say?
And it's so so simple and based on, ahem, a game I'm currently playing via private message. Our new blog game is called
SIMON SHOWS
and this is how we play, like good children: I say "SIMON SHOWS...HANDS" and then all of you must reply with a picture of your hands. Easy. After some time, I'll say "SIMON SHOWS...some other body part" and off we go again.
To play, just jump in. If I don't know you, say hi, befriend me, and jump in. And tell your friends, especially if you'd like to see their various parts.
Ready?
Set?
SIMON SHOWS...FINGERS.
AN OPEN LETTER TO CRUEL SPRING
I've been bored. I've been busy. I've been going to seed.
Earlier I had beer. I sat in my jeans, without socks, in my chair. Now I have wine, I wear shorts (uncharacteristically), and I'm waiting until it's night enough to sleep. I've been watching movies, horror movies, French movies, old movies, silent movies. I've been reading; "Nausea," D. T. Suzuki, Berryman, Barthes, Dorothy Parker, graffiti. I've been watching the BBC: "Black Books," "Doctor Who," old and new.
I've been reading poetry:
"Dream Song 14," by John Berryman
Life, friends, is boring. We must not say so.
After all, the sky flashes, the great sea yearns,
we ourselves flash and yearn,
and moreover my mother told me as a boy
(repeatingly) "Ever to confess you're bored
means you have no
Inner Resources." I conclude now I have no
inner resources, because I am heavy bored.
Peoples bore me,
literature bores me, especially great literature,
Henry bores me, with his plights & gripes
as bad as Achilles,
who loves people and valiant art, which bores me.
And the tranquil hills, & gin, look like a drag
and somehow a dog
has taken itself & its tail considerably away
into the mountains or sea or sky, leaving
behind: me, wag.
I was chilled and sad throughout the tail-winter, and now I'm sad and humid in the premature summer. I feel old, strong, handsome, and transparent.
I've been writing, which is like not being bored for very short spans of annoyed. As says Peter de Vries, I can't stand the paperwork.
I've been quoting again -- mad gobs of quotes, an all-proper improper lexicon. That's a quality of both precocious youth and disaffected age. I've also been going quotable again. I fear I'll die of a brain aphorism; yes, that sort of thing.
I've been trying not to rant about politics and American culture here or anywhere, because it's pointless to do so, and even the venting rallies rather than quells the anger.
I've been meditating, eating healthily, exercising, improving (to no purpose) my balance, driving, buying new music, visiting thrift stores, making new distant friends at the end-of-the-alley dive bar, slimming, thinking, going for walks. And still I'm left with a taste of aluminum and nowhere to go at 12:30am.
It's going to be a dodgy spring.
I've been bored. I've been busy. I've been going to seed.
Earlier I had beer. I sat in my jeans, without socks, in my chair. Now I have wine, I wear shorts (uncharacteristically), and I'm waiting until it's night enough to sleep. I've been watching movies, horror movies, French movies, old movies, silent movies. I've been reading; "Nausea," D. T. Suzuki, Berryman, Barthes, Dorothy Parker, graffiti. I've been watching the BBC: "Black Books," "Doctor Who," old and new.
I've been reading poetry:
"Dream Song 14," by John Berryman
Life, friends, is boring. We must not say so.
After all, the sky flashes, the great sea yearns,
we ourselves flash and yearn,
and moreover my mother told me as a boy
(repeatingly) "Ever to confess you're bored
means you have no
Inner Resources." I conclude now I have no
inner resources, because I am heavy bored.
Peoples bore me,
literature bores me, especially great literature,
Henry bores me, with his plights & gripes
as bad as Achilles,
who loves people and valiant art, which bores me.
And the tranquil hills, & gin, look like a drag
and somehow a dog
has taken itself & its tail considerably away
into the mountains or sea or sky, leaving
behind: me, wag.
I was chilled and sad throughout the tail-winter, and now I'm sad and humid in the premature summer. I feel old, strong, handsome, and transparent.
I've been writing, which is like not being bored for very short spans of annoyed. As says Peter de Vries, I can't stand the paperwork.
I've been quoting again -- mad gobs of quotes, an all-proper improper lexicon. That's a quality of both precocious youth and disaffected age. I've also been going quotable again. I fear I'll die of a brain aphorism; yes, that sort of thing.
I've been trying not to rant about politics and American culture here or anywhere, because it's pointless to do so, and even the venting rallies rather than quells the anger.
I've been meditating, eating healthily, exercising, improving (to no purpose) my balance, driving, buying new music, visiting thrift stores, making new distant friends at the end-of-the-alley dive bar, slimming, thinking, going for walks. And still I'm left with a taste of aluminum and nowhere to go at 12:30am.
It's going to be a dodgy spring.
CHAPTER SEVENTY FIVE, in which our anti-hero gets his comeuppance, and eats it, too
She's had her revenge: Viking has interviewed me, here: http://suicidegirls.com/girls/Viking/2510510/.
Am I as awful and verbose and charming as I fear?
She's had her revenge: Viking has interviewed me, here: http://suicidegirls.com/girls/Viking/2510510/.
Am I as awful and verbose and charming as I fear?
HEADONISM: AN INTERVIEW WITH KILJOY
The latest in an ongoing series of chats with SG friends and semi-strangers, The Headonism Interviews.
I am spasmodically delighted to publish this here interview with Kiljoy. It's a long interview, and he tells great stories, and it's so worth your time. I hope you enjoy as much as I did.
* * *
1) Is it purely my imagination that there are unusual numbers of SG folks from your lovely part of the globe [New Zealand / Australia]? Moreover, much has been said of America's collective Puritanical neurosis, so I could be imagining this also, but doesn't there seem to be something a little...daringly libertine about you folks?
That's a hard one, and my answer will obviously be mere speculation, but here goes...
I guess it's factorial really. I know I became aware of the site because an old friend of mine from School, Olivia, was one of the founders of the site and another good friend, Sawks, helped Olivia and s5 code the bones of what was the original Suicide Girls many moons ago ('93 I believe). Well, that's me accounted for. As for the many other antipodeans on SG? Well, we are a touch more liberal politically around these parts, although not usually sexually liberal (New Zealanders can be very shy and reserved, more so that Australians), so that shoots that idea out of the water. To be honest I'd like to see some figures around the geographic representation of this site's membership, sadly I think that we shall never be privy to that information. I'd hazard a guess and say that it's probably just something in the water.
2) Goodness, I had no idea you had relations back to the foundations of the site. But you've only been a member, I see, since 2004. Anything in particular stall you from joining? And what eventually brought you into the fold? Also, as someone who's been here for quite some time before me, have you noticed any interesting changes or evolution?
When I first joined the site in '04 I was a very different person, well not quite, but I was definitely a lot younger and my personal ideals and understandings weren't as considered as they are now I guess, (this site itself has made me question everything I thought I knew about myself from my sexuality, politics, ethics, music, diet, etc. etc.) so I don't know if the site has changed that much, although I'm sure it has, or if my own personal understandings and views have changed in turn altering how I view this site. Trying to be less self aware about things, Suicide Girls now does seem less chaotic and anarchic than it used to be with it's own culture of behaviour and existence that has grown from the conflicts that inevitably arise from such chaos. Although there was more open minded people present and active in groups and on the boards, the lack of rules and moderators to enforce them sometimes led to huge flaming sessions, backwards and forwards, with the trolls usually claiming some sort of 'freedom of speech' impingement. That in turn bred rules and more active mods. Another aspect of change is the mainstreaming of the outwardly present SG image: the conventionally 'hot' early 20 something with piercings/tattoos/alt-hairstyle or all of the above shot in a slightly more erotic art than porn style usually with an alt-culture theme attached for good measure. Not that this is bad, but some of the amazingly beautiful girls who've had great sets rejected for what one can only assume was due to 'not fitting the mold' does make me wonder what's going on in HQ. The one thing I do love about this site is the communities that thrive on here, the active members of the groups and boards are able to support each other from opposite sides of the globe about everything from sobriety, coming out, body image issues, mental health issues etc. This is why I like this site: a liberal, and sex positive space where only intolerance isn't tolerated. If the world could be like SG I'd be happy and probably walk around naked if it wasn't too cold. I'm not saying it's perfect, but it's a step in the right direction.
3) Of course, between 2004 and now, the alt-look itself became mainstream, and even blasé. (When I went to high school, it was daring for women to get butterfly tattoos on their ankles; now full sleeves or chest tats seem de rigueur.) And I've also noticed that the women who go pink are more likely than not to be conventionally unconventional -- but I wonder if this isn't just human nature: to establish norms as quickly as possible and reward exemplars of these norms? Of course, it's terribly exciting (and terrible) when you just can't manage to fit in. With regards to others, what are some things you're attracted to that just don't seem to be popular, or even acceptable?
I find my attraction to both men and women to be driven by intelligence, personality and attitude far more than outward physical appearance. Sure, the animalistic part of the attraction is still there, I like boobs and bums and cocks, but the scope of what I consider to be physically attractive is I think much wider than the mainstream norm. I have had to unlearn some of the socialised concepts around masculinity and sexuality since becoming an adult (not that I've ever really felt like an adult) and I've really tried to open myself up to anything and everything, and have since found myself attracted to pretty much... well, anything and everything. I now have a long list of fetishes and kinks (not that I've actually engaged in much of it) but I've really tried to be question everything and ended up feeling much happier for it. On SG I find I spend far more time on the groups and the boards, being intellectually stimulated as well as visually and sharing myself for the stimulation of others (hopefully).
4) Oh, KJ, you've stumbled on my cunning plan to keep you talking until the interview-friendly subject of kinks inevitably arose. You've triggered the sudden but inevitable Speed Answer Round! For each of the following questions about your preferences, please give a 1 to 5 word response. Extra points awards for witty, revealing, lewd, or hi-larious responses. Go!:
Exhibitionism vs. voyeurism? Submissiveness vs. dominance?
About 50/50. I prefer power equity.
Day vs. night sex?
Yes please.
Amateur vs. professional porn?
How about Pro-Am?
Intoxicated vs. sober sex?
I'd rather remember.
Group vs. trio vs. duo vs. solo sex?
I'll take two thanks.
Chastity vs. priapic satyric goat demon?
Just call me Goatboy.
Jackhammer something-to-prove vs. Vaseline tenor saxophone late-80s sex?
Think of the Tenacious D song...
Most inappropriate music to accompany sex?
Probably the music I'd want.
Fetishized non-genital body parts?
The body is a genital.
Public vs. private?
Mostly private due to legality.
Posh hotel vs. sleeping bag?
Fort in the living room?
Costumed role-playing superhero babysitter vs. self-respect?
Does it require a d20?
5) You failed to compliantly answer a single question!; I like that. Your response to the last question prompts this one:
What's your stance on gleefully immature social / sexual / "Truth or Dare"-esque diversions? Assuming a certain amount of experience, please describe three illuminating episodes in which party games got (delightfully / horribly) out of hand.
Sadly you assume too much. Although I've been part of flirtatious party games, phone calls, chat conversations and the like I've always only taken it up to a certain level before respectfully throwing water of the fire. I've never really been a self confident person sexually until maybe the past 4 or 5 years and that whole time I've been in a monogamous and loving partnership with my now wife Sarraz. I've always been 'kinky' but I've never had the courage to actively organise an 'all the way' senario and when I've inadvertently found myself in the beginnings of some sexual supernova I've always excused myself awkwardly and rejoined the safety of the rest of the party. I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.
As for my stance on them, well.... I'm all for them, as a fun initiation of possible sexual interaction, yet I'm not in a situation where I can or will participate further than friendly flirting right now. This may or may not change in the future.
6) You should rightfully be ashamed of your sexual decency. If only I'd known when I asked for this interview that you didn't whip well-oiled slave boys and ride rickshaws drawn by redheaded concubines...
(Oh...the joke has backfired...for now I'm gauzy and vacant...thinking about those redheaded concubines...)
Okay okay okay. Next question. It's time for a refreshingly straightforward, somewhat generic, even boring question: How did you choose your SG name? It seems like a knowingly dour name to wear around a sexy flirty rah rah site like SG?
Ok, my current SG name, which was also my first SG name (I used KVNT for a couple of years until about 6 months ago when I switched back), is my DJ alias that I chose for myself around 12 years ago. I chose it because it was the name of my favourite New Zealand made album 'Kiljoy' by a band called Shihad. I inadvertently misspelled it though, leaving out the second 'l', and ending up with Kiljoy. After having that pointed out to me a year or so later I decided it was better anyway due to its uniqueness.
It does in a strange way suit me though. I surround myself rather happily with negative things and ideas; they make me happy... I listen to all sorts of music, but I do prefer dark, aggressive, violent and generally negative music and lyrical content. I'm also that person who doesn't mind telling you when things aren't ok, in fact I'll probably unload onto people quite happily not even realising that it's 'killing their buzz'... So in a way my handle is quite fitting don't you think?
7) Perhaps it suits you; I'm still learning! Personally, I've always gone for the sonically chipper / lyrically dire. I like a bubblegum requiem.
Anyhow, getting back to your name, I had thought it was a pun on 'Kilroy was here,' the ubiquitous WWII graffiti...but my range of reference is weird. I grew up with grandparents, encyclopedias from the '50s, and Victorian Gothic.
So, okay, my question is: tell us something about the circumstances of your childhood. Did you feel you had a typical upbringing, or was it charmingly weird, or not-so-charmingly different? How do you think the way you were raised help you fit in or stand out?
My early childhood was magical. I was born in a small Bay of Plenty town called Kawerau. The town itself had in recent years boomed in population due to the creation of a pulp and paper mill to harvest and process the abundance of Pinus Radiata that had been planted 2 decades earlier specifically for 'the Mill'. My parents had moved there so my father could work in the risk insurance dept at the mill whilst my mother set about birthing both myself and my younger brother. The Bay of Plenty is a magical place full of old Maori myths and beautiful landscapes which allow those myths to ring true. Our family was definitely among they higher end of incomes in the town, not that there was a lot of poverty, but due to the white collar nature of my father's work compared to the predominantly blue collar population we seemed very well off. There was a high percentage of Maori in the town, not uncommon for the area, maybe making Pakeha (us white fullas) a minority of around 10% or so. To be honest I didn't even realise I wasn't Maori until around age 8. I was horrified! 'But I'm a New Zealander' I cried to my mother... 'But our relatives are from England' she replied. 'But I don't wanna be from England, I wanna be from HERE!'
This to be honest is still a big thing for me. Growing up with so many Maori friends who were healthily connected to and surrounded by their mother culture that I too felt connected to by default and the fact I don't Whakapapa (Maori genealogy that's spiritually linked to the land of your people) back to this place, but instead to a 'foreign' country where I can't even get a work visa leaves me in a state of cultural emptiness with no historical lineage I feel proud of or connected too. My Maori friends and I still joke about how I am Ngati Pakeha (kind of an oxymoron, Ngati is a Maori tribal prefix and Pakeha loosely translates a foreigner).
But I digress.... My upbringing there was one of colour. Summers spent on East Coast Maraes (Maori meeting houses where the tribe can come together and eat, drink, be merry and generally be connected to their culture), Bay of Plenty beaches (some of the best in the world in my opinion), riding our BMX bikes through miles and miles of pine forrest pretending we're on Endor, etc etc... Usual child stuff. At age 9, after a few years of my mother studying Japanese at University level via correspondence school, she decided to take both my brother and I to Japan for a year so she could study Japanese and teach English at a University in Kyoto. Talk about culture shock, but being kids you just suck it up. By the end of our year there my brother and I were fluent in the local Kamigamo dialect as well as the common Tyokyo/Kansai dialect and even dressed like little Japanese kids in those cutesy clothes covered in awful English phrases that make absolutely no sense what so ever. Upon returning to New Zealand we were moved (dads office shifted) up to Auckland, specifically to the North Shore. To make an analogy, that'd be like moving from Helena, Montana to Orange County... Culture shock once more. We'd gone from well to dos in Kawerau to interesting Gaijin (Japanese for foreigner) kids in Japan to lower middle class (with an emphasis on the lower) in Milford on the North Shore of Auckland. The kids there were 'cool'. They had the 'cool' clothes and did 'cool' things like play Soccer and race single seat sailing boats... I had a BMX and Japanese kids clothes that got me laughed at. I soon found comfort among the other 'ugly' misfits during intermediate (middle school) and high school and found my own musical abilities then too. I decided from about age 12 or 13 that I didn't want to try fit in with those jerks who made fun of me, I wanted to not be like them at all, and now years later getting stopped in the street by old school acquaintances, the ones that would dump my in rubbish bins, the ones that would call me 'faggot', are now interested in what I'm up to. The conversations usually go as follows, in fact this one is almost verbatim:
Him: "Hey Evan, remember me, we went to school together... Westlake Boys..."
Me: "Yeah, hey dude." recognising the face but not remembering his name at all "How's things?"
Him: "Yeah, really good man. Hey you're doing well eh? I bought you new album last week, it's pretty wicked eh?"
Me: "Oh cool, thanks man... Yeah... What are you up to now?"
Him "Oh, I just work at the bank down the road," he's wearing a suit over his once 1st XV school rugby team body "it's OK I guess but you're doing well eh?"
He looks at me with a smile that can't hide the slight twinge of jealousy and maybe guilt for being a complete cunt to me during our schooling...
Me: "Yeah dude, hey thanks. I gotta split. Catch you up soon"...
I know he's probably grown up now and isn't the awful little child he once was. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt there. But you know what, it vindicates me in a way; seeing that look on his face having. It feels like victory... Or am I still just stuck in the past?
Woah, rant... Sorry. Long story short: I've always felt like an outcast, somewhat different from the 'others', I guess we all do in a way, but I am proud of who am am and what I do and where I've come from.
8) What a beautiful story. How silly I brought up the subject so late in the discussion; I would've asked so many more questions about your childhood, your many homes and cultures, and your adventures. I'm quite unable to disguise my envy...
America's primary crops are myopia and hubris. We have no idea what happens in the rest of the world, but we're certain we're better at it. Yet I've always dreamed of living in places like you describe: across the world, somewhere very very old, somewhere a part of the world but also separate from it. And at the same time, I think: it's a short life, and you must be in the heart of it.
This brings up too too many questions. For you, is there a contention between city-living and country-living? Where do you feel you belong? Do you feel you're missing something by being where you are?
Lastly, from my megalomaniacal American perspective, I can't help but ask: What do you think about America and have you thought of coming here? (And why oh why must practically everyone everywhere at some point wonder about going to America?)
Country vs. city? Well, I like aspects of both, and we're lucky in New Zealand that even the biggest metropolitan centres are only 30 mins drive from virtual wilderness (virtual being used in the non-technological meaning of the word). Here in central Auckland we can be at Piha (on the west coast) in 30 mins or Tawharanui (on the east coast) in an hour or so. So you don't really miss out on country life even living in the city assuming of course you have a vehicle. City life in New Zealand is very relaxed compared to many other cities I've visited. Auckland, which is the hustlest and bustlest of New Zealand cities, has a very similar vibe to say Seattle, although it does lack the scenery of the Northwest, but it terms of pace, I'd say it's similar.
My dream is for Sarraz and I to buy a couple of arces (or more) on the Tawharanui peninsula and build an eco-friendly yet modern and convenient house with vege garden, hens for eggs and maybe a wee vineyard too. So far it's just a dream that we both share but we'll get there I'm sure. Right now though, we're content with our turn of the century villa in Kingsland.
I love America, it truly is a great country. I also love Americans, many of them (the majority that I've met) are exceptionally nice people. I love what America is built on, the values, the hopes and dreams. Sure, there are many awful things about the US, but there are many awful things about all countries. I've met Brittons that are just as insular as the stereotypical ignorant American, as well as Italians, Russians, Israelis and yes, even Kiwis. I've visited a lot of your fair country, sure I have my favourite places but aside from maybe Miami I'd surely return again. I'm absolutely in love with the pacific northwest, San Fran and Seattle being my faves. I also have spent a lot of time in Philly, and I have grown to love it's roguish charms. NYC: nice place to visit for 48hrs if you have the money. LA: Nice place to visit for 24hrs (find me the closest Los Betos where my friend has to order in Spanish and I'll be happy). Ahhhh, I have many happy memories of traveling the States, even from Salt Lake City and Omaha, Nebraska... The grass is always greener, and your grass is pretty green too. You've just gotta look at it the right way.
9) Nothing said about America is untrue. America is everything and its opposite. Still, thanks for the kind sentiments and I desperately wish I were in a position to return the compliments. New Zealand is endlessly attractive to me, and I'd like to visit when life and finances agree. (Among the other places you've lived, I would also crazymuch wish to visit Japan.)
And I agree, America's Pacific Northwest is the corner that appeals to me most. The corridor between Portland, Oregon and Seattle is endlessly fascinating, Portland is one of my favorite cities, and several years ago I toured the Olympic Peninsula -- the northwestern-most protuberance of Washington State, which contains the only rainforest in the contiguous United States.
(And the spooks and the dreaming forests of the Northwest! Have you ever watched "Twin Peaks"?)
Your couple of acres on the Tawharanui peninsula sounds enchanting...and your life with Sarraz sounds terribly romantic. I always ask you such large questions -- but you're so good at responding -- that I can't help but ask another: could you share with us the story of Kiljoy and Sarraz? I don't mean anything secret or invasive, of course, but I'd love to hear the version of your meeting and courtship that you might tell around a dinner table, during drinks and reminiscences.
Ahhhh, it all began in a small hick town (probably actually passes as a small city) called Palmerston North, which is about 2 hours drive north of the capital Wellington. I was on tour as a live sound engineer for my friends' band Kitsch. We were playing an all ages venue in town called 'the Stomach' after which we would pack down and drive to Wellington to stay with a friend of the band named Sarah; I was told she was 'cool'. We arrived in 'Palmy' with support band and punk-rock reprobates Missing Teeth in tow and went about setting up the show, doing the normal pre show things: sound check etc, after which Sam (Kitsch vocalist) and I stood watching the many young girls sift into the venue after the doors had opened. Five minutes passed with us giggling about cute girls and then, BAM! This pale faced, blue eyed, blond haired angel walked through the door. No shit, my heart skipped and my eyes widened. She looked straight at me and smiled her big smile... I nudged Sam, and whispered something along the lines of 'Oh my god dude, check her out.' to which he replied 'Dude, that's our friend Sarah and you're not going there.'
Oh well, I'd just come out of a fairly abusive 18 month relationship anyway and I was just becoming happy being a single guy again, I didn't need another relationship right now anyway, or so I told myself. In between mixing the first and second bands of the evening I popped outside to smoke a ciggie and Sarah was standing there with her good friend Shelly drinking an awful concoction of cheap vodka and what you would call 'koolade'. I introduced myself to her and she said she knew who I was, I thanked her for letting us stay at her place for the weekend's shows and she said she was happy to help out. For a 19 year old she seemed pretty grounded and smart, I don't think I even knew her age at the time and might've guessed at 24 or 25; my age at the time. The show went on, it was ok I guess but I remember nothing special about it apart from the Missing Teeth vocalist getting a blowjob from a hideously underaged girl in their van whilst her friends yelled at her to stop and the rest of his band were laughing and filming it on their handy cam. We packed down, loaded our van and headed for Wellington at around midnight with Sarah traveling with us for directions to her house. On the way we stopped for gas and I made the bold move of usurping the front seat next to Sarah from my friend Dean because I wanted to talk with her some more. The joke goes: 'We started talking and we've never stopped', I think a few people in the van even told us to shut up. We found we shared many of the same ethics and ideals (vegetarianism, our internal war between humanism and misanthropy, etc.), we also shared a very dark sense of humour... I had a gig to play in Wellington myself that same night, DJing a friend's going away do at a club called Studio Nine. I was booked to play from 5am to 7am (believe it or not it was only the second to last slot of the 'night') and so as the rest of or party continued onto bed at Sarah's I was dropped of outside my venue, record crate in hand, with directions back to Sarah's place. The gig was fun enough but being a sober person at 3am at a drum'n'bass gig is a very weird experience although I was very used to it at the time. I played my slot, turned down many drinks and offers of assorted drugs and at about 7am I dragged myself hastily out of the club, into the late dawn and trundled off in search of Sarah's place.
That next day we all got up quite late, sometime well after midday, and started plotting some sort of late brunch. Sarah and I continued talking to each other and decided we'd make Thai noodles in a satay sauce for the whole crew and off we went together to the local asian food store to pick up some groceries. Whilst walking she quizzed me on my current relationship status and she seemed surprised and happy that I was single. She'd heard that I'd gone to the UK the year before with my girlfriend (with whom I'd had the aforementioned abusive relationship with) and had assumed we were still together. I told her the gory details of the dying days of that pairing as well as other things about myself and she gave me a brief history of herself too...
We made noodles, they were yum...
The Wellington gig that night with Kitsch was great. More shenanigans from the Missing Teeth guys in the way of starting a bonfire in the back carpark at Valve bar first using the empty beer boxes they had a multitude of in their van and then, once they'd run out of beer boxes, parts of the club's furniture (chairs and tables) and even parts of the club itself (door frame flushings etc.). The bar manager was furious. After the gig, we decided to pick up the gear the next day so we didn't have to double hand it and we all casually walked back to Sarah's place, a short 10 minutes away from the venue. Sarah and I walked back together talking the whole time, she mentioned she was a little cold so without even thinking I extended my arm out around her shoulders and held her close to me as we walked the rest of the way. I could tell she liked this. I also liked this.
Upon reaching her house we found two punk rock bands in the throes of post gig drinking and smoking. It only took an hour before everything calmed down and Sarah and I found ourselves cuddling next to each other on the couch in the lounge watching 'the Others' on the telly. I was gently caressing her bare arms, focusing more on our caressing her than the movie but we both pretended to be watching it for fear of seeming too keen... The movie finished and she aggressively dragged me up the stairs to her bedroom where we made love for hours (seriously, hours) until the sun started to come up and we started talking again. I told her she was perfect for me and we cuddled and talked and cuddled and talked. Finally I had to get up, shower and leave with the guys to pickup our gear and head back to Auckland. I promised her I'd be back in 2 weeks for another gig and would bring her my vegan chocolate cake I'd bragged about earlier.
2 weeks later, after talking on the phone every night, I arrived back at her house with the vegan chocolate cake. We made love some more, we talked some more and 7 months later (after many intercity visits from each other) she moved up to Auckland and we settled into our first house together. 5 years (to the day) after that first night in her bedroom I proposed to her on the beach at Byron Bay, Australia, and a year to the day after that we were married on Waiheke Island where we had been living.
I was love at first sight, but it was also so much more than that, and it only seems to be getting stronger.
10) Thank you for the beautiful story. My last question is intriguing and serious:
You seem to live in numerous distinct but intersecting communities. There's your music community, and the many communities you've been a part of in different cities and countries, and your marriage -- which is its own community of two. And of course there's SG, which seems to be a passionate but difficult community. I wonder: How do you (or do you?) resolve these competing areas of your life? Which community demands the most of you? Is any particular community the one in which you feel most yourself? And do you ever want to run away from all of them -- shut down the SG, quit the band -- and hike out with Sarraz to that dream Tawharanui farm?
Ahhh, yes. I do live in very segregated communities. The music communities I am a part of are even segregated themselves, for example: I've been a dance music producer / DJ of reasonable profile in the past and now play in a hardcore / punkrock / postpunk outfit and also a thrash metal band and all three of those have very separate scenes / communities and on top of that with the work I do as an audio engineer / producer leaves me with a very diverse collection of friends and acquaintances; that that's just music (although that's the biggest part of my life). Then there's the wife's friends, who are either people she's known since high school or people she met since through work. Many of them have become very very close friends of mine too, she has immaculate taste in humans. Then there's the old groups of friends I do try keeping in touch with: my old school mates, kids I used to skate with, etc. etc. The hardest thing about having so many people as 'friends' is that only very few are close enough for me to really bare my true self or soul with. Many of my band mates have no idea about my bisexual / pansexual tendencies (although I'm sure a few might suspect), only a few select friends know. Some are comfortable with it and some are a little less than comfortable, this could be because with these friends I've openly said that I wish sex and sexuality wasn't as much of a big deal everyone makes it out to be so we could all just fuck and have fun... That could be it... Maybe they're not uncomfortable about my sexuality per se, but more about their potential involvement in my sexuality...
If I could feel the most comfortable in any community it would probably be here on SG. Part of that comes through the partial anonymity that it provides, although I don't exactly try to hide myself here, but it's the mostly welcoming and supportive nature to positive lifestyle choices that I love here. I can be me and people can appreciate that.
As for quitting work and bands and running to the hills, sure on a weekly basis I dream of a simpler life with just Sarraz and myself. Both of us are workaholics and social flirters so we find our time occupied mostly with work, hobbies or hanging out with friends. We are getting better at making time for just the two of us though, after reading The Ethical Slut we realised that although there's absolutely nothing wrong with our relationship as it is right now, if we don't make an effort to do things together, just the two of us, that we may find ourselves in stagnant water further down the track. Besides, it's just a great excuse to spend some quality time together, not that you really need an excuse, but it's an excuse for an excuse I guess...
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What a lovely conclusion to our interview! You're a wonderful writer, Kiljoy, and it's been a shiny honor to chat with you. Thank you so much for your kindness, trust, and openness!
The latest in an ongoing series of chats with SG friends and semi-strangers, The Headonism Interviews.
I am spasmodically delighted to publish this here interview with Kiljoy. It's a long interview, and he tells great stories, and it's so worth your time. I hope you enjoy as much as I did.
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1) Is it purely my imagination that there are unusual numbers of SG folks from your lovely part of the globe [New Zealand / Australia]? Moreover, much has been said of America's collective Puritanical neurosis, so I could be imagining this also, but doesn't there seem to be something a little...daringly libertine about you folks?
That's a hard one, and my answer will obviously be mere speculation, but here goes...
I guess it's factorial really. I know I became aware of the site because an old friend of mine from School, Olivia, was one of the founders of the site and another good friend, Sawks, helped Olivia and s5 code the bones of what was the original Suicide Girls many moons ago ('93 I believe). Well, that's me accounted for. As for the many other antipodeans on SG? Well, we are a touch more liberal politically around these parts, although not usually sexually liberal (New Zealanders can be very shy and reserved, more so that Australians), so that shoots that idea out of the water. To be honest I'd like to see some figures around the geographic representation of this site's membership, sadly I think that we shall never be privy to that information. I'd hazard a guess and say that it's probably just something in the water.
2) Goodness, I had no idea you had relations back to the foundations of the site. But you've only been a member, I see, since 2004. Anything in particular stall you from joining? And what eventually brought you into the fold? Also, as someone who's been here for quite some time before me, have you noticed any interesting changes or evolution?
When I first joined the site in '04 I was a very different person, well not quite, but I was definitely a lot younger and my personal ideals and understandings weren't as considered as they are now I guess, (this site itself has made me question everything I thought I knew about myself from my sexuality, politics, ethics, music, diet, etc. etc.) so I don't know if the site has changed that much, although I'm sure it has, or if my own personal understandings and views have changed in turn altering how I view this site. Trying to be less self aware about things, Suicide Girls now does seem less chaotic and anarchic than it used to be with it's own culture of behaviour and existence that has grown from the conflicts that inevitably arise from such chaos. Although there was more open minded people present and active in groups and on the boards, the lack of rules and moderators to enforce them sometimes led to huge flaming sessions, backwards and forwards, with the trolls usually claiming some sort of 'freedom of speech' impingement. That in turn bred rules and more active mods. Another aspect of change is the mainstreaming of the outwardly present SG image: the conventionally 'hot' early 20 something with piercings/tattoos/alt-hairstyle or all of the above shot in a slightly more erotic art than porn style usually with an alt-culture theme attached for good measure. Not that this is bad, but some of the amazingly beautiful girls who've had great sets rejected for what one can only assume was due to 'not fitting the mold' does make me wonder what's going on in HQ. The one thing I do love about this site is the communities that thrive on here, the active members of the groups and boards are able to support each other from opposite sides of the globe about everything from sobriety, coming out, body image issues, mental health issues etc. This is why I like this site: a liberal, and sex positive space where only intolerance isn't tolerated. If the world could be like SG I'd be happy and probably walk around naked if it wasn't too cold. I'm not saying it's perfect, but it's a step in the right direction.
3) Of course, between 2004 and now, the alt-look itself became mainstream, and even blasé. (When I went to high school, it was daring for women to get butterfly tattoos on their ankles; now full sleeves or chest tats seem de rigueur.) And I've also noticed that the women who go pink are more likely than not to be conventionally unconventional -- but I wonder if this isn't just human nature: to establish norms as quickly as possible and reward exemplars of these norms? Of course, it's terribly exciting (and terrible) when you just can't manage to fit in. With regards to others, what are some things you're attracted to that just don't seem to be popular, or even acceptable?
I find my attraction to both men and women to be driven by intelligence, personality and attitude far more than outward physical appearance. Sure, the animalistic part of the attraction is still there, I like boobs and bums and cocks, but the scope of what I consider to be physically attractive is I think much wider than the mainstream norm. I have had to unlearn some of the socialised concepts around masculinity and sexuality since becoming an adult (not that I've ever really felt like an adult) and I've really tried to open myself up to anything and everything, and have since found myself attracted to pretty much... well, anything and everything. I now have a long list of fetishes and kinks (not that I've actually engaged in much of it) but I've really tried to be question everything and ended up feeling much happier for it. On SG I find I spend far more time on the groups and the boards, being intellectually stimulated as well as visually and sharing myself for the stimulation of others (hopefully).
4) Oh, KJ, you've stumbled on my cunning plan to keep you talking until the interview-friendly subject of kinks inevitably arose. You've triggered the sudden but inevitable Speed Answer Round! For each of the following questions about your preferences, please give a 1 to 5 word response. Extra points awards for witty, revealing, lewd, or hi-larious responses. Go!:
Exhibitionism vs. voyeurism? Submissiveness vs. dominance?
About 50/50. I prefer power equity.
Day vs. night sex?
Yes please.
Amateur vs. professional porn?
How about Pro-Am?
Intoxicated vs. sober sex?
I'd rather remember.
Group vs. trio vs. duo vs. solo sex?
I'll take two thanks.
Chastity vs. priapic satyric goat demon?
Just call me Goatboy.
Jackhammer something-to-prove vs. Vaseline tenor saxophone late-80s sex?
Think of the Tenacious D song...
Most inappropriate music to accompany sex?
Probably the music I'd want.
Fetishized non-genital body parts?
The body is a genital.
Public vs. private?
Mostly private due to legality.
Posh hotel vs. sleeping bag?
Fort in the living room?
Costumed role-playing superhero babysitter vs. self-respect?
Does it require a d20?
5) You failed to compliantly answer a single question!; I like that. Your response to the last question prompts this one:
What's your stance on gleefully immature social / sexual / "Truth or Dare"-esque diversions? Assuming a certain amount of experience, please describe three illuminating episodes in which party games got (delightfully / horribly) out of hand.
Sadly you assume too much. Although I've been part of flirtatious party games, phone calls, chat conversations and the like I've always only taken it up to a certain level before respectfully throwing water of the fire. I've never really been a self confident person sexually until maybe the past 4 or 5 years and that whole time I've been in a monogamous and loving partnership with my now wife Sarraz. I've always been 'kinky' but I've never had the courage to actively organise an 'all the way' senario and when I've inadvertently found myself in the beginnings of some sexual supernova I've always excused myself awkwardly and rejoined the safety of the rest of the party. I'm sorry I'm such a disappointment.
As for my stance on them, well.... I'm all for them, as a fun initiation of possible sexual interaction, yet I'm not in a situation where I can or will participate further than friendly flirting right now. This may or may not change in the future.
6) You should rightfully be ashamed of your sexual decency. If only I'd known when I asked for this interview that you didn't whip well-oiled slave boys and ride rickshaws drawn by redheaded concubines...
(Oh...the joke has backfired...for now I'm gauzy and vacant...thinking about those redheaded concubines...)
Okay okay okay. Next question. It's time for a refreshingly straightforward, somewhat generic, even boring question: How did you choose your SG name? It seems like a knowingly dour name to wear around a sexy flirty rah rah site like SG?
Ok, my current SG name, which was also my first SG name (I used KVNT for a couple of years until about 6 months ago when I switched back), is my DJ alias that I chose for myself around 12 years ago. I chose it because it was the name of my favourite New Zealand made album 'Kiljoy' by a band called Shihad. I inadvertently misspelled it though, leaving out the second 'l', and ending up with Kiljoy. After having that pointed out to me a year or so later I decided it was better anyway due to its uniqueness.
It does in a strange way suit me though. I surround myself rather happily with negative things and ideas; they make me happy... I listen to all sorts of music, but I do prefer dark, aggressive, violent and generally negative music and lyrical content. I'm also that person who doesn't mind telling you when things aren't ok, in fact I'll probably unload onto people quite happily not even realising that it's 'killing their buzz'... So in a way my handle is quite fitting don't you think?
7) Perhaps it suits you; I'm still learning! Personally, I've always gone for the sonically chipper / lyrically dire. I like a bubblegum requiem.
Anyhow, getting back to your name, I had thought it was a pun on 'Kilroy was here,' the ubiquitous WWII graffiti...but my range of reference is weird. I grew up with grandparents, encyclopedias from the '50s, and Victorian Gothic.
So, okay, my question is: tell us something about the circumstances of your childhood. Did you feel you had a typical upbringing, or was it charmingly weird, or not-so-charmingly different? How do you think the way you were raised help you fit in or stand out?
My early childhood was magical. I was born in a small Bay of Plenty town called Kawerau. The town itself had in recent years boomed in population due to the creation of a pulp and paper mill to harvest and process the abundance of Pinus Radiata that had been planted 2 decades earlier specifically for 'the Mill'. My parents had moved there so my father could work in the risk insurance dept at the mill whilst my mother set about birthing both myself and my younger brother. The Bay of Plenty is a magical place full of old Maori myths and beautiful landscapes which allow those myths to ring true. Our family was definitely among they higher end of incomes in the town, not that there was a lot of poverty, but due to the white collar nature of my father's work compared to the predominantly blue collar population we seemed very well off. There was a high percentage of Maori in the town, not uncommon for the area, maybe making Pakeha (us white fullas) a minority of around 10% or so. To be honest I didn't even realise I wasn't Maori until around age 8. I was horrified! 'But I'm a New Zealander' I cried to my mother... 'But our relatives are from England' she replied. 'But I don't wanna be from England, I wanna be from HERE!'
This to be honest is still a big thing for me. Growing up with so many Maori friends who were healthily connected to and surrounded by their mother culture that I too felt connected to by default and the fact I don't Whakapapa (Maori genealogy that's spiritually linked to the land of your people) back to this place, but instead to a 'foreign' country where I can't even get a work visa leaves me in a state of cultural emptiness with no historical lineage I feel proud of or connected too. My Maori friends and I still joke about how I am Ngati Pakeha (kind of an oxymoron, Ngati is a Maori tribal prefix and Pakeha loosely translates a foreigner).
But I digress.... My upbringing there was one of colour. Summers spent on East Coast Maraes (Maori meeting houses where the tribe can come together and eat, drink, be merry and generally be connected to their culture), Bay of Plenty beaches (some of the best in the world in my opinion), riding our BMX bikes through miles and miles of pine forrest pretending we're on Endor, etc etc... Usual child stuff. At age 9, after a few years of my mother studying Japanese at University level via correspondence school, she decided to take both my brother and I to Japan for a year so she could study Japanese and teach English at a University in Kyoto. Talk about culture shock, but being kids you just suck it up. By the end of our year there my brother and I were fluent in the local Kamigamo dialect as well as the common Tyokyo/Kansai dialect and even dressed like little Japanese kids in those cutesy clothes covered in awful English phrases that make absolutely no sense what so ever. Upon returning to New Zealand we were moved (dads office shifted) up to Auckland, specifically to the North Shore. To make an analogy, that'd be like moving from Helena, Montana to Orange County... Culture shock once more. We'd gone from well to dos in Kawerau to interesting Gaijin (Japanese for foreigner) kids in Japan to lower middle class (with an emphasis on the lower) in Milford on the North Shore of Auckland. The kids there were 'cool'. They had the 'cool' clothes and did 'cool' things like play Soccer and race single seat sailing boats... I had a BMX and Japanese kids clothes that got me laughed at. I soon found comfort among the other 'ugly' misfits during intermediate (middle school) and high school and found my own musical abilities then too. I decided from about age 12 or 13 that I didn't want to try fit in with those jerks who made fun of me, I wanted to not be like them at all, and now years later getting stopped in the street by old school acquaintances, the ones that would dump my in rubbish bins, the ones that would call me 'faggot', are now interested in what I'm up to. The conversations usually go as follows, in fact this one is almost verbatim:
Him: "Hey Evan, remember me, we went to school together... Westlake Boys..."
Me: "Yeah, hey dude." recognising the face but not remembering his name at all "How's things?"
Him: "Yeah, really good man. Hey you're doing well eh? I bought you new album last week, it's pretty wicked eh?"
Me: "Oh cool, thanks man... Yeah... What are you up to now?"
Him "Oh, I just work at the bank down the road," he's wearing a suit over his once 1st XV school rugby team body "it's OK I guess but you're doing well eh?"
He looks at me with a smile that can't hide the slight twinge of jealousy and maybe guilt for being a complete cunt to me during our schooling...
Me: "Yeah dude, hey thanks. I gotta split. Catch you up soon"...
I know he's probably grown up now and isn't the awful little child he once was. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt there. But you know what, it vindicates me in a way; seeing that look on his face having. It feels like victory... Or am I still just stuck in the past?
Woah, rant... Sorry. Long story short: I've always felt like an outcast, somewhat different from the 'others', I guess we all do in a way, but I am proud of who am am and what I do and where I've come from.
8) What a beautiful story. How silly I brought up the subject so late in the discussion; I would've asked so many more questions about your childhood, your many homes and cultures, and your adventures. I'm quite unable to disguise my envy...
America's primary crops are myopia and hubris. We have no idea what happens in the rest of the world, but we're certain we're better at it. Yet I've always dreamed of living in places like you describe: across the world, somewhere very very old, somewhere a part of the world but also separate from it. And at the same time, I think: it's a short life, and you must be in the heart of it.
This brings up too too many questions. For you, is there a contention between city-living and country-living? Where do you feel you belong? Do you feel you're missing something by being where you are?
Lastly, from my megalomaniacal American perspective, I can't help but ask: What do you think about America and have you thought of coming here? (And why oh why must practically everyone everywhere at some point wonder about going to America?)
Country vs. city? Well, I like aspects of both, and we're lucky in New Zealand that even the biggest metropolitan centres are only 30 mins drive from virtual wilderness (virtual being used in the non-technological meaning of the word). Here in central Auckland we can be at Piha (on the west coast) in 30 mins or Tawharanui (on the east coast) in an hour or so. So you don't really miss out on country life even living in the city assuming of course you have a vehicle. City life in New Zealand is very relaxed compared to many other cities I've visited. Auckland, which is the hustlest and bustlest of New Zealand cities, has a very similar vibe to say Seattle, although it does lack the scenery of the Northwest, but it terms of pace, I'd say it's similar.
My dream is for Sarraz and I to buy a couple of arces (or more) on the Tawharanui peninsula and build an eco-friendly yet modern and convenient house with vege garden, hens for eggs and maybe a wee vineyard too. So far it's just a dream that we both share but we'll get there I'm sure. Right now though, we're content with our turn of the century villa in Kingsland.
I love America, it truly is a great country. I also love Americans, many of them (the majority that I've met) are exceptionally nice people. I love what America is built on, the values, the hopes and dreams. Sure, there are many awful things about the US, but there are many awful things about all countries. I've met Brittons that are just as insular as the stereotypical ignorant American, as well as Italians, Russians, Israelis and yes, even Kiwis. I've visited a lot of your fair country, sure I have my favourite places but aside from maybe Miami I'd surely return again. I'm absolutely in love with the pacific northwest, San Fran and Seattle being my faves. I also have spent a lot of time in Philly, and I have grown to love it's roguish charms. NYC: nice place to visit for 48hrs if you have the money. LA: Nice place to visit for 24hrs (find me the closest Los Betos where my friend has to order in Spanish and I'll be happy). Ahhhh, I have many happy memories of traveling the States, even from Salt Lake City and Omaha, Nebraska... The grass is always greener, and your grass is pretty green too. You've just gotta look at it the right way.
9) Nothing said about America is untrue. America is everything and its opposite. Still, thanks for the kind sentiments and I desperately wish I were in a position to return the compliments. New Zealand is endlessly attractive to me, and I'd like to visit when life and finances agree. (Among the other places you've lived, I would also crazymuch wish to visit Japan.)
And I agree, America's Pacific Northwest is the corner that appeals to me most. The corridor between Portland, Oregon and Seattle is endlessly fascinating, Portland is one of my favorite cities, and several years ago I toured the Olympic Peninsula -- the northwestern-most protuberance of Washington State, which contains the only rainforest in the contiguous United States.
(And the spooks and the dreaming forests of the Northwest! Have you ever watched "Twin Peaks"?)
Your couple of acres on the Tawharanui peninsula sounds enchanting...and your life with Sarraz sounds terribly romantic. I always ask you such large questions -- but you're so good at responding -- that I can't help but ask another: could you share with us the story of Kiljoy and Sarraz? I don't mean anything secret or invasive, of course, but I'd love to hear the version of your meeting and courtship that you might tell around a dinner table, during drinks and reminiscences.
Ahhhh, it all began in a small hick town (probably actually passes as a small city) called Palmerston North, which is about 2 hours drive north of the capital Wellington. I was on tour as a live sound engineer for my friends' band Kitsch. We were playing an all ages venue in town called 'the Stomach' after which we would pack down and drive to Wellington to stay with a friend of the band named Sarah; I was told she was 'cool'. We arrived in 'Palmy' with support band and punk-rock reprobates Missing Teeth in tow and went about setting up the show, doing the normal pre show things: sound check etc, after which Sam (Kitsch vocalist) and I stood watching the many young girls sift into the venue after the doors had opened. Five minutes passed with us giggling about cute girls and then, BAM! This pale faced, blue eyed, blond haired angel walked through the door. No shit, my heart skipped and my eyes widened. She looked straight at me and smiled her big smile... I nudged Sam, and whispered something along the lines of 'Oh my god dude, check her out.' to which he replied 'Dude, that's our friend Sarah and you're not going there.'
Oh well, I'd just come out of a fairly abusive 18 month relationship anyway and I was just becoming happy being a single guy again, I didn't need another relationship right now anyway, or so I told myself. In between mixing the first and second bands of the evening I popped outside to smoke a ciggie and Sarah was standing there with her good friend Shelly drinking an awful concoction of cheap vodka and what you would call 'koolade'. I introduced myself to her and she said she knew who I was, I thanked her for letting us stay at her place for the weekend's shows and she said she was happy to help out. For a 19 year old she seemed pretty grounded and smart, I don't think I even knew her age at the time and might've guessed at 24 or 25; my age at the time. The show went on, it was ok I guess but I remember nothing special about it apart from the Missing Teeth vocalist getting a blowjob from a hideously underaged girl in their van whilst her friends yelled at her to stop and the rest of his band were laughing and filming it on their handy cam. We packed down, loaded our van and headed for Wellington at around midnight with Sarah traveling with us for directions to her house. On the way we stopped for gas and I made the bold move of usurping the front seat next to Sarah from my friend Dean because I wanted to talk with her some more. The joke goes: 'We started talking and we've never stopped', I think a few people in the van even told us to shut up. We found we shared many of the same ethics and ideals (vegetarianism, our internal war between humanism and misanthropy, etc.), we also shared a very dark sense of humour... I had a gig to play in Wellington myself that same night, DJing a friend's going away do at a club called Studio Nine. I was booked to play from 5am to 7am (believe it or not it was only the second to last slot of the 'night') and so as the rest of or party continued onto bed at Sarah's I was dropped of outside my venue, record crate in hand, with directions back to Sarah's place. The gig was fun enough but being a sober person at 3am at a drum'n'bass gig is a very weird experience although I was very used to it at the time. I played my slot, turned down many drinks and offers of assorted drugs and at about 7am I dragged myself hastily out of the club, into the late dawn and trundled off in search of Sarah's place.
That next day we all got up quite late, sometime well after midday, and started plotting some sort of late brunch. Sarah and I continued talking to each other and decided we'd make Thai noodles in a satay sauce for the whole crew and off we went together to the local asian food store to pick up some groceries. Whilst walking she quizzed me on my current relationship status and she seemed surprised and happy that I was single. She'd heard that I'd gone to the UK the year before with my girlfriend (with whom I'd had the aforementioned abusive relationship with) and had assumed we were still together. I told her the gory details of the dying days of that pairing as well as other things about myself and she gave me a brief history of herself too...
We made noodles, they were yum...
The Wellington gig that night with Kitsch was great. More shenanigans from the Missing Teeth guys in the way of starting a bonfire in the back carpark at Valve bar first using the empty beer boxes they had a multitude of in their van and then, once they'd run out of beer boxes, parts of the club's furniture (chairs and tables) and even parts of the club itself (door frame flushings etc.). The bar manager was furious. After the gig, we decided to pick up the gear the next day so we didn't have to double hand it and we all casually walked back to Sarah's place, a short 10 minutes away from the venue. Sarah and I walked back together talking the whole time, she mentioned she was a little cold so without even thinking I extended my arm out around her shoulders and held her close to me as we walked the rest of the way. I could tell she liked this. I also liked this.
Upon reaching her house we found two punk rock bands in the throes of post gig drinking and smoking. It only took an hour before everything calmed down and Sarah and I found ourselves cuddling next to each other on the couch in the lounge watching 'the Others' on the telly. I was gently caressing her bare arms, focusing more on our caressing her than the movie but we both pretended to be watching it for fear of seeming too keen... The movie finished and she aggressively dragged me up the stairs to her bedroom where we made love for hours (seriously, hours) until the sun started to come up and we started talking again. I told her she was perfect for me and we cuddled and talked and cuddled and talked. Finally I had to get up, shower and leave with the guys to pickup our gear and head back to Auckland. I promised her I'd be back in 2 weeks for another gig and would bring her my vegan chocolate cake I'd bragged about earlier.
2 weeks later, after talking on the phone every night, I arrived back at her house with the vegan chocolate cake. We made love some more, we talked some more and 7 months later (after many intercity visits from each other) she moved up to Auckland and we settled into our first house together. 5 years (to the day) after that first night in her bedroom I proposed to her on the beach at Byron Bay, Australia, and a year to the day after that we were married on Waiheke Island where we had been living.
I was love at first sight, but it was also so much more than that, and it only seems to be getting stronger.
10) Thank you for the beautiful story. My last question is intriguing and serious:
You seem to live in numerous distinct but intersecting communities. There's your music community, and the many communities you've been a part of in different cities and countries, and your marriage -- which is its own community of two. And of course there's SG, which seems to be a passionate but difficult community. I wonder: How do you (or do you?) resolve these competing areas of your life? Which community demands the most of you? Is any particular community the one in which you feel most yourself? And do you ever want to run away from all of them -- shut down the SG, quit the band -- and hike out with Sarraz to that dream Tawharanui farm?
Ahhh, yes. I do live in very segregated communities. The music communities I am a part of are even segregated themselves, for example: I've been a dance music producer / DJ of reasonable profile in the past and now play in a hardcore / punkrock / postpunk outfit and also a thrash metal band and all three of those have very separate scenes / communities and on top of that with the work I do as an audio engineer / producer leaves me with a very diverse collection of friends and acquaintances; that that's just music (although that's the biggest part of my life). Then there's the wife's friends, who are either people she's known since high school or people she met since through work. Many of them have become very very close friends of mine too, she has immaculate taste in humans. Then there's the old groups of friends I do try keeping in touch with: my old school mates, kids I used to skate with, etc. etc. The hardest thing about having so many people as 'friends' is that only very few are close enough for me to really bare my true self or soul with. Many of my band mates have no idea about my bisexual / pansexual tendencies (although I'm sure a few might suspect), only a few select friends know. Some are comfortable with it and some are a little less than comfortable, this could be because with these friends I've openly said that I wish sex and sexuality wasn't as much of a big deal everyone makes it out to be so we could all just fuck and have fun... That could be it... Maybe they're not uncomfortable about my sexuality per se, but more about their potential involvement in my sexuality...
If I could feel the most comfortable in any community it would probably be here on SG. Part of that comes through the partial anonymity that it provides, although I don't exactly try to hide myself here, but it's the mostly welcoming and supportive nature to positive lifestyle choices that I love here. I can be me and people can appreciate that.
As for quitting work and bands and running to the hills, sure on a weekly basis I dream of a simpler life with just Sarraz and myself. Both of us are workaholics and social flirters so we find our time occupied mostly with work, hobbies or hanging out with friends. We are getting better at making time for just the two of us though, after reading The Ethical Slut we realised that although there's absolutely nothing wrong with our relationship as it is right now, if we don't make an effort to do things together, just the two of us, that we may find ourselves in stagnant water further down the track. Besides, it's just a great excuse to spend some quality time together, not that you really need an excuse, but it's an excuse for an excuse I guess...
* * *
What a lovely conclusion to our interview! You're a wonderful writer, Kiljoy, and it's been a shiny honor to chat with you. Thank you so much for your kindness, trust, and openness!
Alright. The winter weareth on. We’re running out of bourbon and patience. We need new games.
If you beasties spend any time around the Masturbation group, you may’ve seen this thread: http://suicidegirls.com/groups/Masturbation/topics/333549/
The idea is sound: Filthy texting is fun; many lack filthy text partners; why not matchmake sex-text-friends via SG? And yet the thread is a washout. Two thirds of the posts are from chaps begging to “sign [me] up i love to text sesx hott me too!!” And the other third are from wary blokes asking “does this actually work for anyone?” the way one might wonder if a chain mail letter really does bring luck.
I think we can do better.
I propose we try playing Secret Sexter, an anonymous sex-text game I’m inventing right here right before your eyes. And here’s how it could work:
1) First, if you’d like to play, message me -- don’t post in comments. Provide your cell phone number and preference in gender of text-mate, if any. You might also wish to indicate your time zone. (Of course, your info is completely confidential; I’ll only share it with your permission and with one other person.)
2) I’ll then make random and appropriate pairings, informing both parties of the number -- but no names. (I’ll do my best to pair people in similar time zones to avoid any international costs and to make connecting easier.)
3) Both parties may work out for themselves how and when to text. I recommend an initial howdy-do message to break the ice.
4) And then the sexty communal part: If both parties agree, I’d be happy to (again, anonymously) reprint on the blog any hot back-and-forth texts that you like.
(And if this works, my god, imagine the possibilities for sex-text-threesomes!)
Personally, I fear the venture might be a bit doomed -- I have so few SG friends -- but it might work if there’s a lot of interest and if you folks could maybe interest others and steer them here to take part in the game?
Well, what do you think?
If you beasties spend any time around the Masturbation group, you may’ve seen this thread: http://suicidegirls.com/groups/Masturbation/topics/333549/
The idea is sound: Filthy texting is fun; many lack filthy text partners; why not matchmake sex-text-friends via SG? And yet the thread is a washout. Two thirds of the posts are from chaps begging to “sign [me] up i love to text sesx hott me too!!” And the other third are from wary blokes asking “does this actually work for anyone?” the way one might wonder if a chain mail letter really does bring luck.
I think we can do better.
I propose we try playing Secret Sexter, an anonymous sex-text game I’m inventing right here right before your eyes. And here’s how it could work:
1) First, if you’d like to play, message me -- don’t post in comments. Provide your cell phone number and preference in gender of text-mate, if any. You might also wish to indicate your time zone. (Of course, your info is completely confidential; I’ll only share it with your permission and with one other person.)
2) I’ll then make random and appropriate pairings, informing both parties of the number -- but no names. (I’ll do my best to pair people in similar time zones to avoid any international costs and to make connecting easier.)
3) Both parties may work out for themselves how and when to text. I recommend an initial howdy-do message to break the ice.
4) And then the sexty communal part: If both parties agree, I’d be happy to (again, anonymously) reprint on the blog any hot back-and-forth texts that you like.
(And if this works, my god, imagine the possibilities for sex-text-threesomes!)
Personally, I fear the venture might be a bit doomed -- I have so few SG friends -- but it might work if there’s a lot of interest and if you folks could maybe interest others and steer them here to take part in the game?
Well, what do you think?
HEADONISM: AN INTERVIEW WITH VIKING
The latest in an ongoing series of chats with SG friends and semi-strangers, The Headonism Interviews.
Meet Viking. Sheâs whipsmart, weird, wise, adorable, and sexy as a Victorian garden fairy. (Am I the only one?)
* * *
1) You seem to like an astounding amount of stuff: objects, films, bands, proper nouns. In your SG and real life circles, would you to some degree define yourself as the sum of your loves and references? Would you say people look to you for guidance and recommendations?
I try to be positive about almost everything, so I'm open-minded and inclusive. I like to experience new things, especially media. Through consuming, you develop your tastes and in that way you learn about yourself. But it's good to be able to appreciate something on several levels, so if you hate a film's plot, at least you can appreciate the cinematography or whatever.
Since I started using the internet a lot, my attention span for music and television was destroyed. I guess I listed the stuff I like here in the hopes that people might understand a bit of what I'm like, but it's futile; people in real life are never what you think they are from the internet, and a personality isn't much illuminated from a top ten list.
I try to appreciate objects without owning too many of them. The more stuff I have, the more trapped.
People don't ask me for recommendations much. I'd love more recommendations from others. In general I often find all this stuff dissatisfying because it never quite appeals exactly to me. That's why it's good to create; you can get a lot closer to what compels you, although nothing will ever be perfect.
2) Every so often, for larks, I read online personals and I'm mystified by those jumbled, quasi-poetic lists people use to describe themselves in attempt to show broadness and exciting contradictions ("I wear cowboy hats with legwarmers!" "I enjoy reading Proust, handgliding, and microbiology!" etc.). Still, given how rarely we meet Internet people, I guess it's essentially harmless. And isn't it nice to cook up these inflated fantasies about strangers? Or are you disillusioned with the whole grubby Internet-glamour-versus-real-life-pallor? And what about the folks who are fantastic in person but can't package themselves in online-friendly ways?
Sometimes people turn out to be better than you thought, sometimes just different. The people who are fantastic in person but not on the net might be more satisfied with the connections they make in real life, and stay there. Its better out there anyway, you get a lot more living done.
3) You're so very reasonable and thoughtful -- it'll make for a sadly pleasant interview. (If only you were rash and neurotic! I'm so accustomed to speaking with the rash and neurotic.) So let's try discussing something comparatively invasive and creepy. As a novice interviewer but practiced snoop, my goal should be to get you to say "Ehhhr, I won't answer *that* nosiree..." Well, we'll build to that.
Do any of your real life friends, acquaintances, family, or coworkers know about or share in your SG life? If yes -- is it awkward or exciting? If no -- is having a secret identity delightful?
Not many people know. Either I don't want them to perv on me, or I don't want them to think I'm bragging. But if everyone I knew discovered, it wouldn't be a big deal. I don't think they'd be surprised! I wish I had more close friends who were on SG though, to chat about it with. I've just started a photography course. I'd like to be able to shoot more sets (I've done some, but I REALLY want to improve before I shoot any more). Then I'll start getting more involved, meeting more UK girls.
4) I'm an amateur photographer, without the equipment or models (or experience) to do the things I imagine, but I maintain a long dreamlist of possible photo ideas. For me, photography is fundamentally sensual (as opposed to writing, my main passion, which involves sitting alone in a small dim corner and smelling of coffee). I imagine photographing naked women cavorting through deep forests -- or libraries...
As a model and budding photographer, do you have similar scenarios you'd like to shoot? And, nudes or not, is sexuality of particular importance to the photos you'd like to shoot? ...I promise, if your dream is to photograph chaste old ladies playing with puppies, I'll understand...
For SG photography, sexuality is important, of course. Its about sexy naked alt girls. I appreciate a sexy set, of course, but I especially love a set where the photography or theme is something special by itself.
I don't have a pre-recorded list of things to shoot. For myself, I enjoy going into depth to explore a theme that I'm inspired by at the time. For others I want to help them capture whatever it is they're interested in. On the other hand if I could shoot anything, anywhere, then yeah, I guess there's a few things on the imaginary to-do list. I really like bright colourful photography in natural surroundings. I want to do a blue icy set on an ice berg, a lush green set in a forest, a black oily underwater set, a moonlit night crawler rooftop set, a suspension set, a bunch of anime tributes...
Outside of SG, I want to try nude portrait photography. Pictures of people with just the right focus, depth and detail that they really tell the viewer a story about the subject; who they are, what life has shown them, their personal strengths and vulnerabilities (which are kind of universal). You know? So you look at a picture and you can see every crease and pore in their face, and you think wow, they've really been there. But right now this is all very pie in the sky, I don't know what I'm doing yet.
5) Apropos of zilch, I've decided it's time for the Viking Lightning British Culture Rodeo Roundup, in which your intrepid interviewer names a numbing number of categories or questions prompting your perspicacious opining on entertainments and edifications endemically English. Here's how it goes: for each line below, please provide a 1 to 5 word response encapsulating your preference or opinion, while bonus bonus reflecting your wit, range of reference, and sneaky salacious suggestions. Go!:
Favorite classic British movie:
Withnail and I (or maybe Trainspotting)
Favorite British vacation destination:
The Peak District
Incredibly desirable British celebrity (male):
Murdoc &...
Incredibly delectable British celebrity (female):
...Noodle
(although other people might say Daniel Craig and Nigella Lawson or something)
Belly-laughingly beloved British television comedy series:
Blackadder
Thoughts on David Cameron:
toff. wants to sweep all the homeless people into another constituancy (or preferrably a landfill somewhere) and turn all London's parks into polo fields.
Ideal, possibly secret destination for sin and sexual deviance:
if not soho, then maybe cornwall
Favorite British museum:
v&a
Best British park, alley, or aquarium to make out in:
sea life centers http://www.sealifeeurope.com
Favorite current British band:
65daysofstatic
Favorite classic Manchester band:
Joy Division
(Followup, and please answer carefully: Thoughts on Morrissey?: )
much wittier than me
Fetishized period of British history:
it can only be a reinterpreted vision of the victorian era that spawned this newfangled steampunk fad
One or more British SG friends:
undisclosed
How North is too North?:
i've been to the orkney isles, it was lovely
Best place to be when you're not actually in Britain:
prague
Idiotic but somehow charming American stereotype of British:
that we all say things like balderdash! and poppycock! and cheerio!
The largest British corporation, with assets totaling $790,000,000, according to the June 16, 1924 edition of Time Magazine:
TIME
Meditations on the Full English breakfast:
mmm, fried mushrooms
trying to think which celebrities i think are hot was hard. if only i watched tv. i forgot alan cumming! i wish natalie portman was british. gah.
btw cameron really did force a load of homeless people from his district into the next through benefit and council cuts, and make a local park (which included removing the children's playground) into a paying-members-only polo field. and here's some stuff about what a lying queer-hater he is. but my opinion is unsurprising, i could hardly be labelled 'conservative'.
6) Ahem: the largest British corporation, with assets totaling $790,000,000, according to the June 16, 1924 edition of Time Magazine was, in fact, Prudential. I guess you and I will never be truly compatible.
Everyone reading this interview will be very angry by this point because I haven't yet asked a ridiculously beautiful and often naked woman something, something about sex. Yet I get the impression that, despite the SG thing, you're rather private about sex (and I don't wish to pry). Am I right? And if I am right, how would you characterize your desire for privacy versus your interest in being brazenly nude and sexy? (I was right way up in Question 3 -- you do have a secret identity!)
Oh yeah, I didn't google that one properly. The Prudential Assurance Company, Ltd. Hm.
American politics fascinates me. How can a few people run a country so big? It felt too big a country when I was there, in general. It felt more necessary to do something important, so you wouldn't be completely lost. I like my small island, I don't mind being lost here. I'm under the impression that most people who want to be in power are not the people who should be given it. Our leaders are misleaders.
Tough one! I am pretty quiet about it, but then I'm a quiet person. I'm poor at small talk, I feel like if there's nothing to be said, may as well be quiet. There are some people I can jabber away with but they're fairly few and far between. I'm better at listening. My sexuality is a bit of a journey anyway, I'm not yet sure of the answers. I have friends who are able to really own their sexiness, and I'm in awe of them. They seem really brave to me. I don't like wearing revealing clothes. I hate people trying to hit on me. I have no idea how to deal with it. At Halloween I did my face like a skull and danced about. Some dude kept trying to touch my face and tell me I was beautiful and ask why I was wearing all the make-up. Erm, because its fucking Halloween!!! -_- There was this guy who lived in my house once who followed me around a lot and it messed me up. Although it's hard to say I wasn't that way before anyway. I have a problem with attracting mad people. I guess it's my fault too, I love them. I'm generally a hermit misanthropist, but some people are ok. These are the quiet ones, who think differently, and show you all the beautiful things. But broken people break you too. I love sex. I'm not shy about doing it. But I'm not very good at talking about it.
7) I know many women who absolutely rankle when hit on. But it's a compliment, I say. It's not, they say; it's just the creepy, knee-jerk, crass way such men treat every woman. I can understand that.
Then again, I admit, I flirt a bit -- often somewhat recessively. If my flirtation doesn't bother people as much, is it because I'm a better man, or a more casual, debonair flirter?
And I love mad people as well -- but, you must admit, there's stay-up-all-night-painting mad, and then there's he-broke-into-my-apartment-and-ate-my-slippers mad. The women I've dated have been distributed evenly to either side of that line. I don't own slippers any more.
In response to all this, I'm going to ask the most inane ultracliché question I can manage: can you imagine for us your ideal man or woman, your ideal date, and your ideal sex?
I'm not insulted by it, I just don't know what to do. I'm no good at flirting or even getting when someone's flirting with me! I guess if the flirting is idle chitchat that puts a smile on someone's face, that's fine.
I dislike shallowness. I won't go out with someone who only cares about looks. I will date anyone if I like their personality enough. I don't have a type. Although... there are some things that are pretty hot... Facial hair, long hair, plugs and piercings and tattoos... Generally, I like skinny guys and chubby girls, but it's not exclusive.
I'm not sure I've ever been on a date. I just hang out with someone a lot if I like them. And it either develops or it doesn't. But I like sushi, films, and drinking, so some of those things would make a good date. I like ice-skating in the winter. I figured out I could do it when I realised it was a lot like roller-blading, which I spent a lot of time doing when I was a kid (and now, with the roller-derby team).
My ideal sex would be a 3some or 4some with people I'm close to. With a single person, crazy all over the room sex.
I kinda worry that I'm coming off super serious and boring in this interview. I'm more fun in real life. Promise!
8) I promise promise promise: you're coming off just fine. And it's to my incredible credit that I don't follow that with a filthy witty rejoinder.
(When you write about your ideal threesomes and foursomes, I'm torn between calmly discussing the fetishism of group sex, and sending you a crayon-drawn orgy with the space princess astronaut labeled "you" and the lumberjack labeled "me.")
Some seem to feel that you have your friends, and you have your sexual partners, and never the twain shall twine. I think sexuality and friendship are of a piece, and exist along a continuum, and that sexual attraction to friends is perfectly natural and valid.
What do you think? Do you like having fuckable friends, or do you feel betrayed when your old mate who never so much as bat a lash suddenly hankers for you? And if friends can be sexual partners, how do you distinguish a Proper Relationship (if there is such a thing)?
I don't know what makes sex the biggest deal to defining a relationship, if you've had it or not. Some of the people I've been closest too, we never did it, and vice versa, sort of. Relationship boundaries are difficult for me to define and hard for me to realise when they're already there, so you end up with a history of life-moments of pain, embaressment, rejection and awkwardness, but mostly a load of experiences too beautiful to quantify. Lovers and friends, one type isn't better than the other, just different, and besides there's everything inbetween. A bigger problem is getting people to believe, understand and accept your true nature. They want to make excuses for you, write you off, say it ain't so, even villify and torment you. Reject fear, maintain honesty, stay true. It's all you can do.
9) A charmingly shallow question: so, Viking dear, can you share any sexy snowy holiday stories? Something seasonal and heartwarming yet depraved?
I can tell you why santa is always jolly.
The latest in an ongoing series of chats with SG friends and semi-strangers, The Headonism Interviews.
Meet Viking. Sheâs whipsmart, weird, wise, adorable, and sexy as a Victorian garden fairy. (Am I the only one?)
* * *
1) You seem to like an astounding amount of stuff: objects, films, bands, proper nouns. In your SG and real life circles, would you to some degree define yourself as the sum of your loves and references? Would you say people look to you for guidance and recommendations?
I try to be positive about almost everything, so I'm open-minded and inclusive. I like to experience new things, especially media. Through consuming, you develop your tastes and in that way you learn about yourself. But it's good to be able to appreciate something on several levels, so if you hate a film's plot, at least you can appreciate the cinematography or whatever.
Since I started using the internet a lot, my attention span for music and television was destroyed. I guess I listed the stuff I like here in the hopes that people might understand a bit of what I'm like, but it's futile; people in real life are never what you think they are from the internet, and a personality isn't much illuminated from a top ten list.
I try to appreciate objects without owning too many of them. The more stuff I have, the more trapped.
People don't ask me for recommendations much. I'd love more recommendations from others. In general I often find all this stuff dissatisfying because it never quite appeals exactly to me. That's why it's good to create; you can get a lot closer to what compels you, although nothing will ever be perfect.
2) Every so often, for larks, I read online personals and I'm mystified by those jumbled, quasi-poetic lists people use to describe themselves in attempt to show broadness and exciting contradictions ("I wear cowboy hats with legwarmers!" "I enjoy reading Proust, handgliding, and microbiology!" etc.). Still, given how rarely we meet Internet people, I guess it's essentially harmless. And isn't it nice to cook up these inflated fantasies about strangers? Or are you disillusioned with the whole grubby Internet-glamour-versus-real-life-pallor? And what about the folks who are fantastic in person but can't package themselves in online-friendly ways?
Sometimes people turn out to be better than you thought, sometimes just different. The people who are fantastic in person but not on the net might be more satisfied with the connections they make in real life, and stay there. Its better out there anyway, you get a lot more living done.
3) You're so very reasonable and thoughtful -- it'll make for a sadly pleasant interview. (If only you were rash and neurotic! I'm so accustomed to speaking with the rash and neurotic.) So let's try discussing something comparatively invasive and creepy. As a novice interviewer but practiced snoop, my goal should be to get you to say "Ehhhr, I won't answer *that* nosiree..." Well, we'll build to that.
Do any of your real life friends, acquaintances, family, or coworkers know about or share in your SG life? If yes -- is it awkward or exciting? If no -- is having a secret identity delightful?
Not many people know. Either I don't want them to perv on me, or I don't want them to think I'm bragging. But if everyone I knew discovered, it wouldn't be a big deal. I don't think they'd be surprised! I wish I had more close friends who were on SG though, to chat about it with. I've just started a photography course. I'd like to be able to shoot more sets (I've done some, but I REALLY want to improve before I shoot any more). Then I'll start getting more involved, meeting more UK girls.
4) I'm an amateur photographer, without the equipment or models (or experience) to do the things I imagine, but I maintain a long dreamlist of possible photo ideas. For me, photography is fundamentally sensual (as opposed to writing, my main passion, which involves sitting alone in a small dim corner and smelling of coffee). I imagine photographing naked women cavorting through deep forests -- or libraries...
As a model and budding photographer, do you have similar scenarios you'd like to shoot? And, nudes or not, is sexuality of particular importance to the photos you'd like to shoot? ...I promise, if your dream is to photograph chaste old ladies playing with puppies, I'll understand...
For SG photography, sexuality is important, of course. Its about sexy naked alt girls. I appreciate a sexy set, of course, but I especially love a set where the photography or theme is something special by itself.
I don't have a pre-recorded list of things to shoot. For myself, I enjoy going into depth to explore a theme that I'm inspired by at the time. For others I want to help them capture whatever it is they're interested in. On the other hand if I could shoot anything, anywhere, then yeah, I guess there's a few things on the imaginary to-do list. I really like bright colourful photography in natural surroundings. I want to do a blue icy set on an ice berg, a lush green set in a forest, a black oily underwater set, a moonlit night crawler rooftop set, a suspension set, a bunch of anime tributes...
Outside of SG, I want to try nude portrait photography. Pictures of people with just the right focus, depth and detail that they really tell the viewer a story about the subject; who they are, what life has shown them, their personal strengths and vulnerabilities (which are kind of universal). You know? So you look at a picture and you can see every crease and pore in their face, and you think wow, they've really been there. But right now this is all very pie in the sky, I don't know what I'm doing yet.
5) Apropos of zilch, I've decided it's time for the Viking Lightning British Culture Rodeo Roundup, in which your intrepid interviewer names a numbing number of categories or questions prompting your perspicacious opining on entertainments and edifications endemically English. Here's how it goes: for each line below, please provide a 1 to 5 word response encapsulating your preference or opinion, while bonus bonus reflecting your wit, range of reference, and sneaky salacious suggestions. Go!:
Favorite classic British movie:
Withnail and I (or maybe Trainspotting)
Favorite British vacation destination:
The Peak District
Incredibly desirable British celebrity (male):
Murdoc &...
Incredibly delectable British celebrity (female):
...Noodle
(although other people might say Daniel Craig and Nigella Lawson or something)
Belly-laughingly beloved British television comedy series:
Blackadder
Thoughts on David Cameron:
toff. wants to sweep all the homeless people into another constituancy (or preferrably a landfill somewhere) and turn all London's parks into polo fields.
Ideal, possibly secret destination for sin and sexual deviance:
if not soho, then maybe cornwall
Favorite British museum:
v&a
Best British park, alley, or aquarium to make out in:
sea life centers http://www.sealifeeurope.com
Favorite current British band:
65daysofstatic
Favorite classic Manchester band:
Joy Division
(Followup, and please answer carefully: Thoughts on Morrissey?: )
much wittier than me
Fetishized period of British history:
it can only be a reinterpreted vision of the victorian era that spawned this newfangled steampunk fad
One or more British SG friends:
undisclosed
How North is too North?:
i've been to the orkney isles, it was lovely
Best place to be when you're not actually in Britain:
prague
Idiotic but somehow charming American stereotype of British:
that we all say things like balderdash! and poppycock! and cheerio!
The largest British corporation, with assets totaling $790,000,000, according to the June 16, 1924 edition of Time Magazine:
TIME
Meditations on the Full English breakfast:
mmm, fried mushrooms
trying to think which celebrities i think are hot was hard. if only i watched tv. i forgot alan cumming! i wish natalie portman was british. gah.
btw cameron really did force a load of homeless people from his district into the next through benefit and council cuts, and make a local park (which included removing the children's playground) into a paying-members-only polo field. and here's some stuff about what a lying queer-hater he is. but my opinion is unsurprising, i could hardly be labelled 'conservative'.
6) Ahem: the largest British corporation, with assets totaling $790,000,000, according to the June 16, 1924 edition of Time Magazine was, in fact, Prudential. I guess you and I will never be truly compatible.
Everyone reading this interview will be very angry by this point because I haven't yet asked a ridiculously beautiful and often naked woman something, something about sex. Yet I get the impression that, despite the SG thing, you're rather private about sex (and I don't wish to pry). Am I right? And if I am right, how would you characterize your desire for privacy versus your interest in being brazenly nude and sexy? (I was right way up in Question 3 -- you do have a secret identity!)
Oh yeah, I didn't google that one properly. The Prudential Assurance Company, Ltd. Hm.
American politics fascinates me. How can a few people run a country so big? It felt too big a country when I was there, in general. It felt more necessary to do something important, so you wouldn't be completely lost. I like my small island, I don't mind being lost here. I'm under the impression that most people who want to be in power are not the people who should be given it. Our leaders are misleaders.
Tough one! I am pretty quiet about it, but then I'm a quiet person. I'm poor at small talk, I feel like if there's nothing to be said, may as well be quiet. There are some people I can jabber away with but they're fairly few and far between. I'm better at listening. My sexuality is a bit of a journey anyway, I'm not yet sure of the answers. I have friends who are able to really own their sexiness, and I'm in awe of them. They seem really brave to me. I don't like wearing revealing clothes. I hate people trying to hit on me. I have no idea how to deal with it. At Halloween I did my face like a skull and danced about. Some dude kept trying to touch my face and tell me I was beautiful and ask why I was wearing all the make-up. Erm, because its fucking Halloween!!! -_- There was this guy who lived in my house once who followed me around a lot and it messed me up. Although it's hard to say I wasn't that way before anyway. I have a problem with attracting mad people. I guess it's my fault too, I love them. I'm generally a hermit misanthropist, but some people are ok. These are the quiet ones, who think differently, and show you all the beautiful things. But broken people break you too. I love sex. I'm not shy about doing it. But I'm not very good at talking about it.
7) I know many women who absolutely rankle when hit on. But it's a compliment, I say. It's not, they say; it's just the creepy, knee-jerk, crass way such men treat every woman. I can understand that.
Then again, I admit, I flirt a bit -- often somewhat recessively. If my flirtation doesn't bother people as much, is it because I'm a better man, or a more casual, debonair flirter?
And I love mad people as well -- but, you must admit, there's stay-up-all-night-painting mad, and then there's he-broke-into-my-apartment-and-ate-my-slippers mad. The women I've dated have been distributed evenly to either side of that line. I don't own slippers any more.
In response to all this, I'm going to ask the most inane ultracliché question I can manage: can you imagine for us your ideal man or woman, your ideal date, and your ideal sex?
I'm not insulted by it, I just don't know what to do. I'm no good at flirting or even getting when someone's flirting with me! I guess if the flirting is idle chitchat that puts a smile on someone's face, that's fine.
I dislike shallowness. I won't go out with someone who only cares about looks. I will date anyone if I like their personality enough. I don't have a type. Although... there are some things that are pretty hot... Facial hair, long hair, plugs and piercings and tattoos... Generally, I like skinny guys and chubby girls, but it's not exclusive.
I'm not sure I've ever been on a date. I just hang out with someone a lot if I like them. And it either develops or it doesn't. But I like sushi, films, and drinking, so some of those things would make a good date. I like ice-skating in the winter. I figured out I could do it when I realised it was a lot like roller-blading, which I spent a lot of time doing when I was a kid (and now, with the roller-derby team).
My ideal sex would be a 3some or 4some with people I'm close to. With a single person, crazy all over the room sex.
I kinda worry that I'm coming off super serious and boring in this interview. I'm more fun in real life. Promise!
8) I promise promise promise: you're coming off just fine. And it's to my incredible credit that I don't follow that with a filthy witty rejoinder.
(When you write about your ideal threesomes and foursomes, I'm torn between calmly discussing the fetishism of group sex, and sending you a crayon-drawn orgy with the space princess astronaut labeled "you" and the lumberjack labeled "me.")
Some seem to feel that you have your friends, and you have your sexual partners, and never the twain shall twine. I think sexuality and friendship are of a piece, and exist along a continuum, and that sexual attraction to friends is perfectly natural and valid.
What do you think? Do you like having fuckable friends, or do you feel betrayed when your old mate who never so much as bat a lash suddenly hankers for you? And if friends can be sexual partners, how do you distinguish a Proper Relationship (if there is such a thing)?
I don't know what makes sex the biggest deal to defining a relationship, if you've had it or not. Some of the people I've been closest too, we never did it, and vice versa, sort of. Relationship boundaries are difficult for me to define and hard for me to realise when they're already there, so you end up with a history of life-moments of pain, embaressment, rejection and awkwardness, but mostly a load of experiences too beautiful to quantify. Lovers and friends, one type isn't better than the other, just different, and besides there's everything inbetween. A bigger problem is getting people to believe, understand and accept your true nature. They want to make excuses for you, write you off, say it ain't so, even villify and torment you. Reject fear, maintain honesty, stay true. It's all you can do.
9) A charmingly shallow question: so, Viking dear, can you share any sexy snowy holiday stories? Something seasonal and heartwarming yet depraved?
I can tell you why santa is always jolly.
It's not much with which to work, but I can imaginatively flesh that into a three-act fantasy...
Lastly, Viking -- delightful, gorgeous, weird, and also imaginatively fleshy -- your final drumroll question:
10) But first a word from Ogden Nash:
"It is common knowledge to every schoolboy and even every Bachelor of Arts,
That all sin is divided into two parts.
One kind of sin is called a sin of commission, and that is very important,
And it is what you are doing when you are doing something you ortant,
And the other kind of sin is just the opposite and is called a sin of omission
and is equally bad in the eyes of all right-thinking people, from
Billy Sunday to Buddha,
And it consists of not having done something you shuddha."
(The rest here: http://plagiarist.com/poetry/517/)
So, Viking, as time lopes along, do you find that you regret your sins of commission or of omission? In a slightly (but just slightly) sexier sense than Ogden may've meant it, are you moreso regretful of the things you've done that, on reconsideration, you shouldn't've -- or are you pained by the lost opportunities, the folks you never molested in an alley, the one to whom you should've proposed, the one-last-orgy-for-the-road you didn't take?
And no getting out of this one by claiming to live life sans regret, with equilibrium and stiff upper tits and all that -- no no no! I regret nearly every decision, and nearly every decision unmade, and it's time to see if I'm not the only one. Besides, tragedy is a lovely way to end a play, if a bit pat.
I have regrets, but I ignore them. Why give energy to useless emotions? In cases concerning the sexytimes, I regret more the way I handled things than the fact that any of them happened. I was young, rash, foolish, and people got hurt. I try to operate with a bit more tact and discretion these days. I can't regret the actual occurances though, I have some lush and tender memories banked. Some gorgeous regrets. And yeah, I regret most not having done more. But there is a long and adventurous future ahead of me! How can you say you've lived if you haven't attempted to try it all?
As the Tumblr engines are arthritic this morning, once more, I have nowhere to divert my perverse energies but SG. I’ll entertain us with a new blog howbout?
First, wasn’t Tutti’s interview fantastic? Especially that bit where she slips into text-based-adventure-speak? I thought that was adorable.
Secondly, my next blog will be a new interview -- with a bonafide SuicideGirl! and (to excessively but accurately repeat a word) an adorable one at that.
Lastly, let’s while away the day or three with a slight new game, eh? What I have in mind is barely a game; it’s a divertissement:
PUNS YARNS & DRAG ONS
Ask me any question, right here in the comments. For each question, I will roll a six-sided die and answer:
1 - Honestly and in a straightforward way
2 - Honestly but in clipped way, as if I’m hiding something important
3 - Honestly but in a witty, digressive, dismissive way
4 - Honestly and in a too-much-information / awkwardly confessional way
5 - Dishonestly but in a convincingly direct manner
6 - Dishonestly but in a hi-lariously over-the-top magnificent way.
Any questions?
First, wasn’t Tutti’s interview fantastic? Especially that bit where she slips into text-based-adventure-speak? I thought that was adorable.
Secondly, my next blog will be a new interview -- with a bonafide SuicideGirl! and (to excessively but accurately repeat a word) an adorable one at that.
Lastly, let’s while away the day or three with a slight new game, eh? What I have in mind is barely a game; it’s a divertissement:
PUNS YARNS & DRAG ONS
Ask me any question, right here in the comments. For each question, I will roll a six-sided die and answer:
1 - Honestly and in a straightforward way
2 - Honestly but in clipped way, as if I’m hiding something important
3 - Honestly but in a witty, digressive, dismissive way
4 - Honestly and in a too-much-information / awkwardly confessional way
5 - Dishonestly but in a convincingly direct manner
6 - Dishonestly but in a hi-lariously over-the-top magnificent way.
Any questions?
