So today was supposed to be the class of 2002 reunion. I am class of 2000, but most of my friends i high school were 2002.
So they decided they were having their own picnic type thing...but to be honest...in the 12 years since I graduated, we have all grown apart and I did not want to go...so I told them I couldn't.
Last thing I wanted to do was hear about how awesome their lives are...since all of them are doing well...
They are all skinnier or in better shape and have awesome jobs...
while I have gained 120 lbs and work at a fucking shitty hotel.

So I skipped it.

Well...they all popped in to work to say high to me...

I will admit...it was nice to see them...but now I feel like shit for the above things.

The biggest one is my ex. She (until now with Christine) was the longest relationship I had.
2.5 years.
I really did think I would marry her...and it didn't happen.

Well...
she looks amazing. And she's happy...

and honestly...while I really do try to think more about the good things in my life...I am, deep down inside, miserable.
I live in a tiny ass apartment that is technically 2 rooms. I make roughly $1080 a month...
now factor in $100-120 a month in credit card bills, $130 phone bill and $800 rent I pay...
Yeah...financially I am FUCKED.
Boss won't give me more hours...instead he hires new people and keeps us all at 32 hours or under...
and keep in mind, I am the highest paid here other than the maintenance guy.

I am 30...I am 5'8" and I weigh (on a good day...aka dehydrated) 358 lbs.
Fucking pathetic...

Sorry for the depressing entry.
I'm just...all kinds of existential tonight...

I gotta get my shit in order.

-Me