So, I'm in Illinois.
The town is pretty much as I remembered. That's bad.
I'm also still waiting to start work. That's boring.
Good quality tiime with niece and nephew. I'm their worst nightmare as a homework coach (That's cool. I bet you could learn more about that if you looked it up. How do you spell that? The dictionary could tell you.). I feel good about being in their lives (as well as the lives of my whole family) for a while. We don't talk much directly about the loss of my sister-in-law, but it's something that still permeates our daily lives. My mom talks about doing "girly" things with the niece. A couple of casual references to the fact that my brother is still on anti-depressants. I'm using her old car to get to work. My niece had to write an autobiography for school, and Wendy's death was practically punctuation to the horror show that has been the poor girl's life.
There's a real happiness and espirit d'corps here, but a palpable sadness, too. I can't help but get a little pissed off when I see ads that celebrate "Breast Cancer Survivors." Images of women saying, "I'm strong. I'lll beat this thing." I happen to know a woman who was strong as hell, and didn't. I celebrate her.
Didn't expect that little rant to come out. C'est la vie.
The town is pretty much as I remembered. That's bad.
I'm also still waiting to start work. That's boring.
Good quality tiime with niece and nephew. I'm their worst nightmare as a homework coach (That's cool. I bet you could learn more about that if you looked it up. How do you spell that? The dictionary could tell you.). I feel good about being in their lives (as well as the lives of my whole family) for a while. We don't talk much directly about the loss of my sister-in-law, but it's something that still permeates our daily lives. My mom talks about doing "girly" things with the niece. A couple of casual references to the fact that my brother is still on anti-depressants. I'm using her old car to get to work. My niece had to write an autobiography for school, and Wendy's death was practically punctuation to the horror show that has been the poor girl's life.
There's a real happiness and espirit d'corps here, but a palpable sadness, too. I can't help but get a little pissed off when I see ads that celebrate "Breast Cancer Survivors." Images of women saying, "I'm strong. I'lll beat this thing." I happen to know a woman who was strong as hell, and didn't. I celebrate her.
Didn't expect that little rant to come out. C'est la vie.
Time for my periodic blog post, with plenty to say!
Shortly after my last post, I went away for the summer. It was my usual summer gig, teaching acting to junior high kids at a camp in the midwest. It's the best thing I do all year, and I felt just as much in my element as ever in doing it. However, I was essentially living at a school, and accessing SG from there was verboten.
Bad things about the summer. The girl I've mentioned in the past (from Chicago) and I were going to pick up where we left off this summer. We had talked about it, and (I thought) were both excited about it.
She broke things off three hours after I arrived. It wasn't really about the relationship, per se, but about her position in life. However, there were plenty of details surrounding the thing that left me wicked pissed off (primarily her dishonesty in hiding this, and in not allowing me to go through the loss of the relationship until I was in a place to see her and all of our mutual friends every day and night).
That was June, however, so the healing since then has gone fine.
Also, while at camp, my best friend began to act, well, rather selfish. I'd go into details, but I lack the energy. I began to feel treated as a supporting character in the TV show of his life (and he's an actor, so the metaphor holds up). Long story short, we began spending less time together, and I began spending more time with other old friends with whom I hadn't been as close before. Again, strikes and gutters.
While I was away, I was dealing with the loss of (in chronological order): job, girl, and best friend. It was a rough time. However, I was able to do quite a lot of thinking. I decided that there was nothing huge keeping me in Phillly anymore, and I could go whereever I wanted. I'm also still dealing with the loss of a family member last fall, and my inability to be geographically close to my family until it was over. So, long story short (too late!), I put out some feelers, and decided to move back to Chicago.
However, one of the old friends with whom I'd begun spending more time with hired me two weeks ago for a job in Champaign, IL. Just 45 miles from my parents' house. The gig pays shite, but I'll be able to live with my parents (and 1 mile from my brother, neice, and nephew) until the end of the year. I think it's just what I need, and I'm excited. It will be more time than I've spent at home for literally half my life, so I feel fine about the "30 year old in mama's basement" thing.
I also know when I'm leaving, which helps with the fact that Decatur, the town they live in, truly sucks balls.
I'm planning on Chicago in January, and have already circulated my resume around town, to no small interest.
It's a frightening proposition, and I welcome your comments!
Shortly after my last post, I went away for the summer. It was my usual summer gig, teaching acting to junior high kids at a camp in the midwest. It's the best thing I do all year, and I felt just as much in my element as ever in doing it. However, I was essentially living at a school, and accessing SG from there was verboten.
Bad things about the summer. The girl I've mentioned in the past (from Chicago) and I were going to pick up where we left off this summer. We had talked about it, and (I thought) were both excited about it.
She broke things off three hours after I arrived. It wasn't really about the relationship, per se, but about her position in life. However, there were plenty of details surrounding the thing that left me wicked pissed off (primarily her dishonesty in hiding this, and in not allowing me to go through the loss of the relationship until I was in a place to see her and all of our mutual friends every day and night).
That was June, however, so the healing since then has gone fine.
Also, while at camp, my best friend began to act, well, rather selfish. I'd go into details, but I lack the energy. I began to feel treated as a supporting character in the TV show of his life (and he's an actor, so the metaphor holds up). Long story short, we began spending less time together, and I began spending more time with other old friends with whom I hadn't been as close before. Again, strikes and gutters.
While I was away, I was dealing with the loss of (in chronological order): job, girl, and best friend. It was a rough time. However, I was able to do quite a lot of thinking. I decided that there was nothing huge keeping me in Phillly anymore, and I could go whereever I wanted. I'm also still dealing with the loss of a family member last fall, and my inability to be geographically close to my family until it was over. So, long story short (too late!), I put out some feelers, and decided to move back to Chicago.
However, one of the old friends with whom I'd begun spending more time with hired me two weeks ago for a job in Champaign, IL. Just 45 miles from my parents' house. The gig pays shite, but I'll be able to live with my parents (and 1 mile from my brother, neice, and nephew) until the end of the year. I think it's just what I need, and I'm excited. It will be more time than I've spent at home for literally half my life, so I feel fine about the "30 year old in mama's basement" thing.
I also know when I'm leaving, which helps with the fact that Decatur, the town they live in, truly sucks balls.
I'm planning on Chicago in January, and have already circulated my resume around town, to no small interest.
It's a frightening proposition, and I welcome your comments!
Haven't blogged in a while, but can't let this pass.
I'm wicked pissed at my employers. We're moving to a new theater for next season, as in brand, spanking-new, built from the ground up type of new. As in, when I was hired a year ago, it was with the understanding that I would help usher my department through the considerable transition period and technological paradigm shift that would come with the move. As in, I've been asked to sit in on meetings with architects to help define some parts of the design and build.
Until Friday. Everyone in my department had a meeting with our supervisor, and his supervisor, to "discuss our past performance, and future with the company." I was asked to talk in vague terms about my year with the company, with no specific questions. I volunteered my weaknesses, and discussed my strengths. I was given zero feedback about these strengths and weaknesses. Every conversation I've had with these two men over the last year that dealt with my performance has been overwhelmingly lauditory.
It turns out these meetings were designed create a piece of paper that says we met to discuss my performance (and that of my coworkers, in their identical meetings), and to tell me that they didn't know exactly how the new building would be staffed, and that I would be welcome to apply for any of the jobs that were created. I was pissed at the lack of commitment, but held my tongue, and left.
It wasn't until hours later that it sank in; I had essentially been laid off. I was still being asked to work, and to design the new electrics workspace, and to move forward as if I was going to be employed, but I had no job waiting for me. I was given a vague private reassurance from my direct supervisor (also one of my best friends) that there would be "something" for me. There's no guarantee that it will be something I want, or will find acceptable.
So, I feel like I have to look for work, even though I have a job that I've done well. And, I have to do it all from the other end of the time zone, as I leave in two days for my summer gig (teaching acting to junior high girls, who, as it turns out, are more forthcoming and mature than the adults I work for during the regular season).
I'm wicked pissed at my employers. We're moving to a new theater for next season, as in brand, spanking-new, built from the ground up type of new. As in, when I was hired a year ago, it was with the understanding that I would help usher my department through the considerable transition period and technological paradigm shift that would come with the move. As in, I've been asked to sit in on meetings with architects to help define some parts of the design and build.
Until Friday. Everyone in my department had a meeting with our supervisor, and his supervisor, to "discuss our past performance, and future with the company." I was asked to talk in vague terms about my year with the company, with no specific questions. I volunteered my weaknesses, and discussed my strengths. I was given zero feedback about these strengths and weaknesses. Every conversation I've had with these two men over the last year that dealt with my performance has been overwhelmingly lauditory.
It turns out these meetings were designed create a piece of paper that says we met to discuss my performance (and that of my coworkers, in their identical meetings), and to tell me that they didn't know exactly how the new building would be staffed, and that I would be welcome to apply for any of the jobs that were created. I was pissed at the lack of commitment, but held my tongue, and left.
It wasn't until hours later that it sank in; I had essentially been laid off. I was still being asked to work, and to design the new electrics workspace, and to move forward as if I was going to be employed, but I had no job waiting for me. I was given a vague private reassurance from my direct supervisor (also one of my best friends) that there would be "something" for me. There's no guarantee that it will be something I want, or will find acceptable.
So, I feel like I have to look for work, even though I have a job that I've done well. And, I have to do it all from the other end of the time zone, as I leave in two days for my summer gig (teaching acting to junior high girls, who, as it turns out, are more forthcoming and mature than the adults I work for during the regular season).
I'm through the tough part of another show (the reason for my silence of late). It opens Wednesday, but my designer leaves today. I go into "run" mode, and can step out of "run around in fucking circles keeping current shit working while finding time to make changes happen" mode.
Anyhoo - I look at the calendar, and realize I have ten days left of my twenties. Yeah.
You know all that stuff you say when you're eighteen? That "by the time I'm thirty I will have..." stuff?
Yeah, I really haven't done any of that shit.
Anyhoo - I look at the calendar, and realize I have ten days left of my twenties. Yeah.
You know all that stuff you say when you're eighteen? That "by the time I'm thirty I will have..." stuff?
Yeah, I really haven't done any of that shit.
Nervous and excited.
First, what I've been up to. This week, I designed lights for a community theater production of Cabaret. Fun, but really hard. Normally, for a show like this, you'd have an infrastructure of equipment that costs, oh, let's call it $80,000, and a show-specific budget of at least $4000. (The last musical my dayjob company did had a show budget, just for lighting, of $12,000.) The show could be programmed so that it could be run by a trained monkey, who is required to push a single button at the right time to run the show.
This company has a lighting rig that cost maybe $800. I spent anotheer $200 of show budget. The show is run live, with the operator controlling each light manually in realtime. Rock & Roll style.
Normally, a designer would watch rehearsals several times, then spend about fifty hours desgining before an audience sees it. I saw no rehearsals, and then two runs-through to design on the fly. I was very pleased with how things turned out, considering I'm lighting the show with clip lights and flood lamps, just like you'd have in your basement or garage. I then had to train a friend with little lighting aptitude how to run the show, without any actors on stage. The show opens tonight, but I won't see it. Quite nervous.
I won't see it because...
I"M OFF TO CHICAGO!
A girl with whom a have a past, and, most likely, a future, opens her MFA Directing Thesis at Northwestern tonight, and I'm flying out to see it. I'm incredibly nervous and excited. I want things to work out with her, but it's all up in the air, as we live in different places, and neither of us have any illusions about how much that arrangement sucks. I've turned down a number of possibilities since the last time I saw her, because the possibility of being with her was better than the probability of getting in a pointless relationship in the meantime.
As a result, I've been incredibly horny. I board a plane this afternoon, hoping for the best, but there are no guarantees that we'll be together in that way. For all I know, she's seeing someone. I don't think that's the case, as I'm fairly sure that would have come up as we've talked. Anyhoo, I have to go do some work, and then fly back to the good ol' Midwest.
Wish me luck!
First, what I've been up to. This week, I designed lights for a community theater production of Cabaret. Fun, but really hard. Normally, for a show like this, you'd have an infrastructure of equipment that costs, oh, let's call it $80,000, and a show-specific budget of at least $4000. (The last musical my dayjob company did had a show budget, just for lighting, of $12,000.) The show could be programmed so that it could be run by a trained monkey, who is required to push a single button at the right time to run the show.
This company has a lighting rig that cost maybe $800. I spent anotheer $200 of show budget. The show is run live, with the operator controlling each light manually in realtime. Rock & Roll style.
Normally, a designer would watch rehearsals several times, then spend about fifty hours desgining before an audience sees it. I saw no rehearsals, and then two runs-through to design on the fly. I was very pleased with how things turned out, considering I'm lighting the show with clip lights and flood lamps, just like you'd have in your basement or garage. I then had to train a friend with little lighting aptitude how to run the show, without any actors on stage. The show opens tonight, but I won't see it. Quite nervous.
I won't see it because...
I"M OFF TO CHICAGO!
A girl with whom a have a past, and, most likely, a future, opens her MFA Directing Thesis at Northwestern tonight, and I'm flying out to see it. I'm incredibly nervous and excited. I want things to work out with her, but it's all up in the air, as we live in different places, and neither of us have any illusions about how much that arrangement sucks. I've turned down a number of possibilities since the last time I saw her, because the possibility of being with her was better than the probability of getting in a pointless relationship in the meantime.
As a result, I've been incredibly horny. I board a plane this afternoon, hoping for the best, but there are no guarantees that we'll be together in that way. For all I know, she's seeing someone. I don't think that's the case, as I'm fairly sure that would have come up as we've talked. Anyhoo, I have to go do some work, and then fly back to the good ol' Midwest.
Wish me luck!
Shitty fucking day.
It rained in my living room. Again. We put bins back out, and collected about fifty gallons of water. After a couch and rug were ruined. The landlord is apparently sending someone over tomorrow.
Also, I discoved that my ex had taken $200 out of our old joing account a few days ago. I was already in process of closing the account, and apparently need to speed things up. It's not like her to just take. Did I owe her money from something? I'm pretty fucking confused as to why she would do this, with absolutely no explanation or even announcement.
It rained in my living room. Again. We put bins back out, and collected about fifty gallons of water. After a couch and rug were ruined. The landlord is apparently sending someone over tomorrow.
Also, I discoved that my ex had taken $200 out of our old joing account a few days ago. I was already in process of closing the account, and apparently need to speed things up. It's not like her to just take. Did I owe her money from something? I'm pretty fucking confused as to why she would do this, with absolutely no explanation or even announcement.
Met some cool SG Philly people last night, though briefly. Stupid nocturnal work schedule.
Then met up with my ex-roommate, who was in town for the night. He moved to Vegas with a stripper (I think she's more a fetish model, but he jokingly refers to her as a stirpper), and was back in town for a bit. He's lighting a show for some band up in New York.
Anyway, it was good to see him. The downside was, I was pretty damned stoned for the bike ride home. It really wasn't cool. Not that there's much traffic in South Philly at three in the morning, but if you can't even remember what street you've just passed, it's not cool.
Made it home safe, clearly. Really need to get out of bed and go do some work.
Then met up with my ex-roommate, who was in town for the night. He moved to Vegas with a stripper (I think she's more a fetish model, but he jokingly refers to her as a stirpper), and was back in town for a bit. He's lighting a show for some band up in New York.
Anyway, it was good to see him. The downside was, I was pretty damned stoned for the bike ride home. It really wasn't cool. Not that there's much traffic in South Philly at three in the morning, but if you can't even remember what street you've just passed, it's not cool.
Made it home safe, clearly. Really need to get out of bed and go do some work.
Urge to kill: high.
I awoke this morning to our ridiculous and loud front door buzzer. My roommates don't tend to get out of bed to answer the door, even if it might be the fire department coming to evacuate them from a ragin blaze. So, I got up and answered the door.
It was PGW (the gas company). They asked for my apartment. They then asked for my roommate under whose name the gas bill is. She, of course, was the only one at work. The nice gentleman was there to SHUT OFF THE FUCKING GAS. Apparently we owe something like $1400.
Shortly after I moved in (October 1st), this happened before. There was a round of big checks written by all, including one by me that was more than my possible share of current charges could have been. Whatever, I wrote it. I like too cook. And have heat. And shower in hot water.
We've been giving her checks every month for the gas bill (made out to PGW, 'cause I'm not dumb). And now we owe $1400? I have some serious questions for her. I called her, found her checkbook, and wrote them $100 frrom her account, and $100 from my own. Gas stays on, I go back to sleep.
I then realize that I'm hearing the sound of rain hitting the sidewalk outside. My windows are closed, and I wondered where a window might be open. I check the living room, and everything is closed up.
EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT IT'S RAINNG THROUGH THE CEILING. NOT DRIPPING, BUT ACTUALLY RAINING. There's a small skylight, and water was running gleefully out of the celing and walls. I got some plastic tubs from the basement and put them under the leak. i woke another roommate and had her call the landlord, as I was already late for work.
I'm now at work and seething.
I awoke this morning to our ridiculous and loud front door buzzer. My roommates don't tend to get out of bed to answer the door, even if it might be the fire department coming to evacuate them from a ragin blaze. So, I got up and answered the door.
It was PGW (the gas company). They asked for my apartment. They then asked for my roommate under whose name the gas bill is. She, of course, was the only one at work. The nice gentleman was there to SHUT OFF THE FUCKING GAS. Apparently we owe something like $1400.
Shortly after I moved in (October 1st), this happened before. There was a round of big checks written by all, including one by me that was more than my possible share of current charges could have been. Whatever, I wrote it. I like too cook. And have heat. And shower in hot water.
We've been giving her checks every month for the gas bill (made out to PGW, 'cause I'm not dumb). And now we owe $1400? I have some serious questions for her. I called her, found her checkbook, and wrote them $100 frrom her account, and $100 from my own. Gas stays on, I go back to sleep.
I then realize that I'm hearing the sound of rain hitting the sidewalk outside. My windows are closed, and I wondered where a window might be open. I check the living room, and everything is closed up.
EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT IT'S RAINNG THROUGH THE CEILING. NOT DRIPPING, BUT ACTUALLY RAINING. There's a small skylight, and water was running gleefully out of the celing and walls. I got some plastic tubs from the basement and put them under the leak. i woke another roommate and had her call the landlord, as I was already late for work.
I'm now at work and seething.
I've been a bad blogger. I'll make up for it, hopefully.
First - It will now be measurably easier for me to update, as my broken laptop keyboard is now replaced. It took several calls to Apple, to convince them to give me the damn part, without charging me $80, and to let me fiix it myself in ten minutes, rather than give up my computer for the 5 to 7 days it would take for tech support to do it. Finally got the right guy on the phone, who sent me the keyboard, free, and sent it overnight. The thing broke in December, and yet I had the replacement installed about sixteen hours after talking to the tech support guy who finally realized I was legit.
Second - I both love and hate Spring. The air seems filled with endorphins, and life feels great. It also makes me horny. Without an appropriate outlet for same, my frustration level grows to the point where I'm ready to lick the leg lamp from A Christmas Story. As a result, I'm beginning to resent spring.
(the definition of "appropriate outlet" is complicated, and will have to await another day.)
I will finish on an upbeat note, with a little Poe:
Fill with cream and mingled amber,
I will drain that glass again.
While hilarious visions clamber
through the chamber of my brain --
Quaintest thoughts-- queerest fancies
come to life and fade away;
What care I how time advances?
I am drinking ale today.
First - It will now be measurably easier for me to update, as my broken laptop keyboard is now replaced. It took several calls to Apple, to convince them to give me the damn part, without charging me $80, and to let me fiix it myself in ten minutes, rather than give up my computer for the 5 to 7 days it would take for tech support to do it. Finally got the right guy on the phone, who sent me the keyboard, free, and sent it overnight. The thing broke in December, and yet I had the replacement installed about sixteen hours after talking to the tech support guy who finally realized I was legit.
Second - I both love and hate Spring. The air seems filled with endorphins, and life feels great. It also makes me horny. Without an appropriate outlet for same, my frustration level grows to the point where I'm ready to lick the leg lamp from A Christmas Story. As a result, I'm beginning to resent spring.
(the definition of "appropriate outlet" is complicated, and will have to await another day.)
I will finish on an upbeat note, with a little Poe:
Fill with cream and mingled amber,
I will drain that glass again.
While hilarious visions clamber
through the chamber of my brain --
Quaintest thoughts-- queerest fancies
come to life and fade away;
What care I how time advances?
I am drinking ale today.
I stopped by Whole Foods on my way home from work today. I hadn't eaten all day, and couldn't bear the thought of crappy takeout food. God a nice sandwich (cranberry tuna salad of focaccia), some potato salad, and a little bittersweet chocolate tort for later.
None of that is really the point of this story, though.
I had forgotten how many shockingly beautiful women you run into at Whole Foods. I don't mean hot and trampy. Just women who make you stop everything for a moment, and find that mix between looking away, embarassed, while secretly trying to keep looking, and make the few moments of your life that will be spent seeing that face last as long as possible. Brightens your day if it happens once, but 30 times in ten minutes really freaked me out.
The cashiers, too. All these pretty, scrubbed clean, healthy girls who give you good food. It's like Hooters for the nuts & berries set.
None of that is really the point of this story, though.
I had forgotten how many shockingly beautiful women you run into at Whole Foods. I don't mean hot and trampy. Just women who make you stop everything for a moment, and find that mix between looking away, embarassed, while secretly trying to keep looking, and make the few moments of your life that will be spent seeing that face last as long as possible. Brightens your day if it happens once, but 30 times in ten minutes really freaked me out.
The cashiers, too. All these pretty, scrubbed clean, healthy girls who give you good food. It's like Hooters for the nuts & berries set.
JANUARY 2008
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DECEMBER 2007
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NOVEMBER 2007
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OCTOBER 2007