I give up.
I have drank/taken way too much. I can't keep doing this.

Wow, nearly six months since my last blog.
Happy new year to those who are around

I haven't done a whole lot. Started a business, sold it. Writing some cool stuff music wise at the minute. Had a pretty intense relationship that burned out pretty fast. Got a management type position at my local bar.

Overall though I don#'t feel to great and haven't for a while. I go to therapy now to help, but once a month isn't enough and it's so expensive.
Sigh.

I have been drinking far too heavily, tonight will be my 19th night out in a row, I just don't know what else to do.

I'm feeling a little better at the minute. Finally got my phone back from repair, assignments are handed in for both of my uni courses, Going on a trip with some friends on thursday.
So those are good things

I have had a pretty bad day today.

I got to the pub absolutely soaked because my dad couldn’t give me a lift, so this made me in a bad mood, and this made me drink.

By 1pm I was pretty far gone and I just kept going.

Then I eventually got home and just felt like death, so spent the rest of the day in bed feeling like an idiot, which is a pretty accurate description of myself right now.

I woke up and watched the Portugal v Spain match with dad, which was nice, but I’m still a little pissed at him from yesterday, which I don’t think I mentioned..

Yesterday I was telling him how I am in more debt than I now know what to do with (Not because I expected a loan I might add, he is no better off than I am) and I said I have therapy this week (tomorrow), a trip with my friends, bills, etc etc. And he said he doesn’t understand why I think I need therapy. To which I replied ‘Dad is there any point in me trying to explain this to you, when you haven’t tried to talk to me about it, I understand people from your generation may see it as a sign of weakness or choose not to understand it, but quite honestly I feel I need this help and this is how I am choosing to deal with it. You know the past 4 years have been dire, nothing has gone right in all of that time, and now it has all just blown up and I need to sort myself out.’

To which he replied ‘I’ve been through exactly the same stuff as you and you don’t see me going to therapy do you?’

I just could not comprehend this. He hasn’t been through any of the same stuff as me apart from the loss of my mum, which he constantly talks to me about but I just can’t talk to him about it.

Aside from that, I have been in constant physical pain, had cancer, been wheelchair bound for a year, been treat like shit by all of my friends and my ex, and become just a horrible horrible person. And on top of all of this, the pain is worsening and is showing no signs of getting better. So no dad, you have not been through ‘everything’ I have been through.

And he still hates that I go to therapy and I know he is judging me for it.

It just makes me incredibly angry. Hopefully actual therapy tomorrow will calm this down or I don’t know what I am going to do.

I have returned, yet again. I really need to stop doing this.
How is everyone? Well I hope.
How am I you ask? (Or more likely don't)

I am up and down.

Still dating here or there, to some avail, but typically the one girl that likes me right now, is a girl who has nothing in common with me, and not one mutual interest aside from sex, so that sucks.

I am studying two uni degree courses at once ( part time) and in the middle of starting a company, which is leaving me pretty busy. But I still manage to constantly procrastinate.

I have started therapy, since I can't cope with everything that has gone on in the past and stuff going on now .It was just effecting my day to day work so I decided it was time to man up and try and do something about it. Though it has been to the disapproval of my dad, I don't really care.

Oh and I'm 21 now.

Here is a picture of me currently, without a beard, which sucks. But suits are cool, right?

Heyyy, what's up guys.
Things were going really well, I lost a load of weight and met a nice girl, but she fucked me over, so that sucks.
I haven't spoke to any of you, or even been on here, for agesssssssssssssss.
So if you fancy a chat; message me

Heyhey
So, I haven't posted in ages.
I need a girlfriend quite badly.
I am quite shit at being single, like, SO bad,
So if you could fix this, I will be nice, and give you lots of oral, cos I like giving oral.
And also I will buy you cool things (assuming you like star wars and comics)
So yeah.
Do that.

I haven't made a blog post for a while, guess I'd better get on top of that, I mean its 3:30am but whatever.

The past few days have been somewhat eventful.
I finally manned up and told my ex to just fuck off and stop fucking me around because I just don't care anymore.
I was fed up of her and her friend just taking the piss constantly. Now she's pissed off but that is to be expected.

I am continuing on taking codiene, and it seems to be working, no pain, the dizzyness is weqaring off a bit so that's good. And somehow I am managing to not drink so this is good. It's a hell of a lot cheaper to drink diluted orange at £0.46 a pint rather than delicious cider at £2.46 a pint.

Today I fixed a friends computer, and he gave me £10 for that, so this is useful as I am pretty poor atm. And he ordered some DVD's from my store so I'll make £25 there. Score.

I am a bit sick of being single. I miss just having someone there, and all of this fucking around can only go on for so long before I just want to be with someone. Also I really miss eating a girl out, but, I guess that is less important. If I ever do get a girlfriend again I might just eat her out constantly for a week to make up for the lack of that going on.

I might be going to Wales soon to see a girl I like, so that will be fucking awesome when i can finally afford it.

Music I am currently listening to:
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/dysG12QCdTA" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

Loving that.
Also I have just acquired U2 360: Live at the rose bowl. And that is really fucking good.

Also also, don't judge me, especially as I already bill myself as a nerd, but I have never seen the Lord of the rings trilogy and I am slowly working my way through that, extended editions in full HD 1080p. Delicious.

I think this pretty much sums it up.,
All in all my current mood is good.

But more people should talk to me because I am bored often, so feel free!

Tonight was interesting.
I came to a realisation about some things, and some people, and am a little more at ease on certain situations.

I went to the pub, and knew the bar maid was in that everyone keeps trying to set me up with.

Usually she doesn’t talk to me that much, but today she spoke to me first, and then we spoke for like an hour at the bar, so that was cool. And I’ll be seeing her tomorrow no doubt.
INTERESTING.

I have so much work to do though it isn’t even funny.

I always plan to do it after tea, but today after dinner and codeine I sort of just passed out for ages and didn’t know where I was, in my own bed, so that wasn’t cool.

Things seem to be a bit better.
I saw my ex today, and things were amicable, so that is good.
And I finally decided to get pain pills, and they are the best thing.
This is going to change my everyday life, I walked around today with next to no pain.
Hooray!