I have had a pretty bad day today.
I got to the pub absolutely soaked because my dad couldn’t give me a lift, so this made me in a bad mood, and this made me drink.
By 1pm I was pretty far gone and I just kept going.
Then I eventually got home and just felt like death, so spent the rest of the day in bed feeling like an idiot, which is a pretty accurate description of myself right now.
I woke up and watched the Portugal v Spain match with dad, which was nice, but I’m still a little pissed at him from yesterday, which I don’t think I mentioned..
Yesterday I was telling him how I am in more debt than I now know what to do with (Not because I expected a loan I might add, he is no better off than I am) and I said I have therapy this week (tomorrow), a trip with my friends, bills, etc etc. And he said he doesn’t understand why I think I need therapy. To which I replied ‘Dad is there any point in me trying to explain this to you, when you haven’t tried to talk to me about it, I understand people from your generation may see it as a sign of weakness or choose not to understand it, but quite honestly I feel I need this help and this is how I am choosing to deal with it. You know the past 4 years have been dire, nothing has gone right in all of that time, and now it has all just blown up and I need to sort myself out.’
To which he replied ‘I’ve been through exactly the same stuff as you and you don’t see me going to therapy do you?’
I just could not comprehend this. He hasn’t been through any of the same stuff as me apart from the loss of my mum, which he constantly talks to me about but I just can’t talk to him about it.
Aside from that, I have been in constant physical pain, had cancer, been wheelchair bound for a year, been treat like shit by all of my friends and my ex, and become just a horrible horrible person. And on top of all of this, the pain is worsening and is showing no signs of getting better. So no dad, you have not been through ‘everything’ I have been through.
And he still hates that I go to therapy and I know he is judging me for it.
It just makes me incredibly angry. Hopefully actual therapy tomorrow will calm this down or I don’t know what I am going to do.
I got to the pub absolutely soaked because my dad couldn’t give me a lift, so this made me in a bad mood, and this made me drink.
By 1pm I was pretty far gone and I just kept going.
Then I eventually got home and just felt like death, so spent the rest of the day in bed feeling like an idiot, which is a pretty accurate description of myself right now.
I woke up and watched the Portugal v Spain match with dad, which was nice, but I’m still a little pissed at him from yesterday, which I don’t think I mentioned..
Yesterday I was telling him how I am in more debt than I now know what to do with (Not because I expected a loan I might add, he is no better off than I am) and I said I have therapy this week (tomorrow), a trip with my friends, bills, etc etc. And he said he doesn’t understand why I think I need therapy. To which I replied ‘Dad is there any point in me trying to explain this to you, when you haven’t tried to talk to me about it, I understand people from your generation may see it as a sign of weakness or choose not to understand it, but quite honestly I feel I need this help and this is how I am choosing to deal with it. You know the past 4 years have been dire, nothing has gone right in all of that time, and now it has all just blown up and I need to sort myself out.’
To which he replied ‘I’ve been through exactly the same stuff as you and you don’t see me going to therapy do you?’
I just could not comprehend this. He hasn’t been through any of the same stuff as me apart from the loss of my mum, which he constantly talks to me about but I just can’t talk to him about it.
Aside from that, I have been in constant physical pain, had cancer, been wheelchair bound for a year, been treat like shit by all of my friends and my ex, and become just a horrible horrible person. And on top of all of this, the pain is worsening and is showing no signs of getting better. So no dad, you have not been through ‘everything’ I have been through.
And he still hates that I go to therapy and I know he is judging me for it.
It just makes me incredibly angry. Hopefully actual therapy tomorrow will calm this down or I don’t know what I am going to do.
