Wow, it seems I only ever write in here when my lifes taken a turn for the melo dramatic lol... not that anyone other then myself really reads these. But I'll continue the fantasy of writing for an audience, so here we goooooooooooo.

So heres the recap of Jamie land since the last posting. Well I did move on with my life and get myself back into a great relationship with an old friend of 12 years... Lets call er E. We were best friends years ago when we first met, then drifted apart over the years. So we reconnected and sparks flew. Things grew and became serious both quickly and confortably.

We on a regular basis would talk and joke about our wedding, kids, house we were genuinely talking about buyig together. I had found my place, my home, my happily ever after. My arms and heart were full. Then out of the blue she began to emotionally shut me out. No hugs, no cuddles, no kisses... Pulling away from me at a family dinner when i went to gently rub her back which I always did.

When I approached her about what was wrong she dropped me with an unexpected bombshell, she was unsure of her life, future and having me in it. Initially she just said she was distant due to some depression which I can understand but as the weeks passed I knew things were not right. So 2 days after her revelations about an uncertain future, she left me alone and broken.

It's almost a month to the day since that happened. I'm actually doin very fucking good! I'm not lost, broken and distraught. Shit happens in life and this isn't my first big emotional defeat. Life will go on. I try to think of this as an opportunity to rediscover myself, learn who I really want to be and who I really want to spend my life with... and have some fun in the meantime. I'm looking to venture back into fet life style, perhaps find myself a lil sub or pet to keep me amused. Make some new friends and just enjoy the summer.

If anyone does happen to read this, leave me a comment. I'm just curious if there are any voyeurs out there for me lol

Well its back to the real world after holidays this year. Went to Cuba over New Years and it was awesome. Went with my fam and had a blast. Got smashed off my face in the nice warm sun. Not much fun coming back to snow and winter after that. But life goes on.

Just tryint to keep my mind busy tonight and spirits high after a very depressing phone call from my ex. I miss her so much but Im trying to move on with my life and find love with someone new. I decided to send my ex an email after we talked telling her that I can't go on maintaining communications with her and it broke my heart. She has caused me so much pain and loss that somedays I find it hard to go on. It's not fair to me, its not fair to the person I've been starting to try to get serious with if i'm havin messed up thoughts about someone else.

Just fucked me up tonight because I felt like I was dumping someone when I wrote my EX telling her I can't keep in touch any more. How the fuck is that fair?! She ripped my heart out and dragged things out into the most devastating break up of my life. It was dragged out for MONTHS. Shed keep callin me cryin about how much she missed and loved me but then would tell me she didn't want to be with me. She was still pulling the same shit in emails. Its been since the spring. She told me 2 days before my 29th birthday that she didn't know what she wanted.

I'm just tired and focusing my energy on wanting to destroy my world instead of rebuilding it. I needed to make a clean break that she couldn't. Well fuck her, maybe she'll feel a fraction of the hurt I've been through over almost a year now. I still love her and always will but its time to put out hopes. Time to put away the dreams, memories and tears. Time to make a new life for myself. Its not fair to either of us anymore. Theres nothing left but deep scars and a terrible emptyness when we talk. I know she still loves me and thats what makes it so fucked up and confusing to me.

Every letter I've gotten from her is thick with emotional out pouring for how much she misses me, how shity life is without me, how much i meant to her and yet she won't come back because she may want to go teach english over seas for a year.... She just can't get her head past things that haven't even happened yet. So I'm done. Over and out.

I don't want to see her face when I hear a sad song, I want to see a new face when i hear a happy one. The face of an old friend who has helped me through alot of this. Who has become more then just a friend. Shes makes me happy again. So here I am just trying to purge whats left of my nights hurt.

I just want to be stronger, Be happy, Like my life. I think I;ve made a smart first step.

I pray this year is better. I can't do this again

Hey World!

Just trying to keep busy and gettin ready for the holidays.

Gwar concert comin up really soon, can't wait.

Then over new years, my sorry ass is off to Cuba for sun n chillin on a beach

Alright, well I'm back in the magic land of boobies.

Things have been pretty busy for me now, own a studio of my own now, had it for a year. Summer is in full swing so theres not alot of free time for me anymore but I get to sneak a lil golf n time on the couch in here n there haha. Other then that, just gettin back on my feet finally after a shit break up... Silly girls have to go n mess life up Hahaha but I'm over it for the most part, just gettin back in the swing of enjoyin the freedom to come n go as i please... ha just wish there was a lil more coming HAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Got a new website up for the shop too finally, go check that shit out www.uxbridgebodyart.com There are a few lil problems with some of the links apparently but hopefully that'll all get sorted out soon enough. Hope there are still some of you out there to read this crap.

Holy Christ, I havn't written shit on here since MAY!!!! Well for starters the new jobs goin alright, werk is sloooow as hell rightnow.. hooray for the dead season.. someone pretty please come give me money HAHAHAHA!

I've finally come to terms that wether I like it or not, X-mas is loomin over my shoulder like a greedy child with its hand out. I guess I need to prepare myself for the battle through my local mall. lol, not that i hate x-mas what so ever.... I just miss how awsome it was a lil kid... still thinkin Santa was some fat ass perv who crept down your chimney leavin goodies for all the lil kids who obey... ahhh... i miss fat creeps in my chimney... uhhhhh... nevermind... who said that?

But seriously, the holiday cheer is lost in a big sea of spoiled commercialism. I'm not makin much cash this winter (stressfull enough) but now I have to budget around all this forced giftin. I would never sell my family and friends short, but soooooo many cheap token gestures that you have to make to co-workers and vague social acquaintances on the off chance u don't wanna look like a dick for not gettin them something in return is now stretchin my thin budget thinner. *grumble grumble*

On a happier note.. I'ma off to buy the new Pirates of the Carribean movie tomorrow... so all is good once again!

Whats up every one! I'll try to mpost something a lil more interstin here soon.... Right now I am currently in the process of openin a tattoo parlour in southern ontario.... So my free time is a lil soaked up but I'll be here to vent to the world.. lol