Anyone, everyone, I've ever loved, has treated me like shit. So I guess it's no surprise that I am incapable of loving anyone anymore. This last person was the last straw and same thing happened. My heart only beats for myself and my kids now. I need to get out of this horrible town, and move somewhere that I can get my rocks off NSA, and own a pet, for when I'm lonely and need some affection. Why, though, is it that new chapters in my life always begin around New Years?
I have a lot on my mind. I need to let it all out. So here goes.
I wish I could tell her how I feel. For one though, I do not exactly know how I feel myself. It's a strange feeling. This feeling that she is a greater human being than most. That there is more to her than meets the eye. I don't even think she fully realizes what she is capable of yet. But as is life, it is complicated. Today, tomorrow, yesterday, years from now, no matter how many times I have proven myself to anyone, human beings are generally deceitful, and for that I am at a loss of words. I can not say anything, without knowing that she doubts every letter in every word in every sentence. In this cruel, dark, cold world that we live in, it is easy to become friends, but lovers is a near impossible feat. Add on to that simple deduction the fact that we all live harsh lives in harder times, and love is more tragic than all of Shakespeare's plays combined. But alas, my fair maiden, my soulful queen, my goddess of eternal solace, amidst all this tragedy, my heart still beats for you. I know we will probably never be together, but every time I look into your eyes, I see that white flame of pure passion and desire burning, reaching out, calling my name. Maybe one day the stars will align, and we will fall into each other's warm embrace. It is then I will prove myself to you, and I only hope that you will see what I am, without tainted eyes, and fall in love with me too. But until then, I am nothing, forevermore, but your secret lover.
I wish I could tell her how I feel. For one though, I do not exactly know how I feel myself. It's a strange feeling. This feeling that she is a greater human being than most. That there is more to her than meets the eye. I don't even think she fully realizes what she is capable of yet. But as is life, it is complicated. Today, tomorrow, yesterday, years from now, no matter how many times I have proven myself to anyone, human beings are generally deceitful, and for that I am at a loss of words. I can not say anything, without knowing that she doubts every letter in every word in every sentence. In this cruel, dark, cold world that we live in, it is easy to become friends, but lovers is a near impossible feat. Add on to that simple deduction the fact that we all live harsh lives in harder times, and love is more tragic than all of Shakespeare's plays combined. But alas, my fair maiden, my soulful queen, my goddess of eternal solace, amidst all this tragedy, my heart still beats for you. I know we will probably never be together, but every time I look into your eyes, I see that white flame of pure passion and desire burning, reaching out, calling my name. Maybe one day the stars will align, and we will fall into each other's warm embrace. It is then I will prove myself to you, and I only hope that you will see what I am, without tainted eyes, and fall in love with me too. But until then, I am nothing, forevermore, but your secret lover.
Update: I love seeing people that caused me pain and misery and lied to me... Being in pain and misery... I know you probably think I'm evil for loving it, but hey, fuck those assholes they deserve it every bit.
