I JUST REALIZED SOMETHING!!!! I just realized why i don't like this site. see, it's a community...and i feel like i have no place in it. i feel like one of those kids who signed up for Everquest after most of the people who bought it when it first came out were level 50. yea, everyone else has there niche and i feel like an outsider. and hey, if i want to feel like an outsider i can always go visit my friends at college and at least do it in person. Anyway, there's prolly about 3 days before i decide to delete this (mainly because i have NO desire to pay for nother 1-3 months on here). so to the...um...2 people? that care, i'll see you around i guess. well maybe. anyway, it was fun objectifying the women on here, hope you all know that you were nothing more than visual stimulation to me...not that you'll care. or at least you'll say you don't even if deep down that sort of stings and puts a twinge of doubt in your head about why you decided to do this...you fucking sluts...*puts hands deep into his jean pockets and walks away whistling*
This will be
The last journal entry.
To those i never got to know
I'm sorry, but now it's time to go.
To those that i will leave
I'm sorry, but now i must be free.
Wanna know why i'm going. Read this. and i'll give you a nickle if you can guess who it's about...
Gutter Boy (draft 3)
by Charlotte M Jusinski
Product of dirt and double joints,
worshipper of porn stashes and pot ashes
and right arms stronger than the left
thanks to weeknights alone with no motivation,
you flourish like fungus
in the basement of your parents' rented house.
You, the last time you looked in a mirror,
if pretentious,
would have reveled in the way your beginnings of a ghoti
makes you look old
or how the silver ring centered on your lower lip
makes you a machine -
but the last time you caught a glimpse of yourself
(passing a window on Main or
squinting in the rearview mirror of your best friend's car),
you thought nothing.
You are the way you are.
Once a week is bathing enough
and 30 inches is waist enough
and half a fake feeling is emotion enough.
Why do something if it requires exerting yourself,
or, worse yet,
tests your ability to be careless?
Youve learned that sincerity is useless when a laugh
or a swipe of the tongue ring
can get you to the same place.
Who cares what feels your erection when
every few days its a new mouth or steady hand?
It's not a matter of what you can do for them,
but of what they can do for your penis.
It's never been a matter of ego;
you don't think that far into it, gutter boy.
You don't even realize there's an ego to inflate.
You know only the smug aftermath:
that satisfied hum in your head
when your hands smell like cunt,
and how each pair of breasts pushed against your white chest
or each pair of moist lips pouting in the dark
stimulates that spot behind your eyes
that makes you feel like a king.
But that's not why you do it -
that's not why you crave it -
that's not why you charm your way past a new bra every couple days.
You do it because it satisfies you -
because you love the way
you love yourself
more and more with each girly moan.
Ignorance is bliss is indistructability is loving yourself to a fault -
but the fault's all hers
for believing that you'd give up your untouchability
for a girl who had no intention
of hating you.
Don't disappoint now, gutter boy.
You have not once
savored the smell of the same privacy
for more than ten ejaculations.
Don't give in to the emotion that you appear to have
(and don't miss a beat without).
You love comparing tastes and tits and tightnesses,
so dont stop now, dont stop, dont stop, dont stop, but
don't let her go home happy for more than seven nights in a row.
When you're tired of her, don't play the sympathetic sorry.
Don't disappoint now, basement king.
Quit the act, quit the game,
quit crying wolf for the regret that you've never felt.
The longer you let her hang around,
the more obvious it is
that you're a dickhead dressed in dramaqueen's clothing.
Get out of whatever car whose gas you're wasting
and saunter away, slither away,
your white hands and dirty nails
shoved into jean pockets.
Get the fuck out of whatever life whose time youre wasting
and filling with empty oaths of loyalty
and white hollow smiles for the camera.
Stop pretending you hate your faults
when you writhe in them, you revel in them,
you forget you even have them
at all.
Don't disappoint -
for you do love yourself so.
You love your dick and your ribs,
her tits and her clit,
your eyes that change color
and piercings and clutter.
You love dirt and double joints,
porn and pot and your parents' rented house,
little white lies and milky white thighs,
masturbation and lack of motivation,
cunt and tongue and cum and feelings far flung.
You can't disappoint
or be disappointed
because
you love life, basement king
you love life, basement king
you love life,
..........................basement
...........................................king.
The last journal entry.
To those i never got to know
I'm sorry, but now it's time to go.
To those that i will leave
I'm sorry, but now i must be free.
Wanna know why i'm going. Read this. and i'll give you a nickle if you can guess who it's about...
Gutter Boy (draft 3)
by Charlotte M Jusinski
Product of dirt and double joints,
worshipper of porn stashes and pot ashes
and right arms stronger than the left
thanks to weeknights alone with no motivation,
you flourish like fungus
in the basement of your parents' rented house.
You, the last time you looked in a mirror,
if pretentious,
would have reveled in the way your beginnings of a ghoti
makes you look old
or how the silver ring centered on your lower lip
makes you a machine -
but the last time you caught a glimpse of yourself
(passing a window on Main or
squinting in the rearview mirror of your best friend's car),
you thought nothing.
You are the way you are.
Once a week is bathing enough
and 30 inches is waist enough
and half a fake feeling is emotion enough.
Why do something if it requires exerting yourself,
or, worse yet,
tests your ability to be careless?
Youve learned that sincerity is useless when a laugh
or a swipe of the tongue ring
can get you to the same place.
Who cares what feels your erection when
every few days its a new mouth or steady hand?
It's not a matter of what you can do for them,
but of what they can do for your penis.
It's never been a matter of ego;
you don't think that far into it, gutter boy.
You don't even realize there's an ego to inflate.
You know only the smug aftermath:
that satisfied hum in your head
when your hands smell like cunt,
and how each pair of breasts pushed against your white chest
or each pair of moist lips pouting in the dark
stimulates that spot behind your eyes
that makes you feel like a king.
But that's not why you do it -
that's not why you crave it -
that's not why you charm your way past a new bra every couple days.
You do it because it satisfies you -
because you love the way
you love yourself
more and more with each girly moan.
Ignorance is bliss is indistructability is loving yourself to a fault -
but the fault's all hers
for believing that you'd give up your untouchability
for a girl who had no intention
of hating you.
Don't disappoint now, gutter boy.
You have not once
savored the smell of the same privacy
for more than ten ejaculations.
Don't give in to the emotion that you appear to have
(and don't miss a beat without).
You love comparing tastes and tits and tightnesses,
so dont stop now, dont stop, dont stop, dont stop, but
don't let her go home happy for more than seven nights in a row.
When you're tired of her, don't play the sympathetic sorry.
Don't disappoint now, basement king.
Quit the act, quit the game,
quit crying wolf for the regret that you've never felt.
The longer you let her hang around,
the more obvious it is
that you're a dickhead dressed in dramaqueen's clothing.
Get out of whatever car whose gas you're wasting
and saunter away, slither away,
your white hands and dirty nails
shoved into jean pockets.
Get the fuck out of whatever life whose time youre wasting
and filling with empty oaths of loyalty
and white hollow smiles for the camera.
Stop pretending you hate your faults
when you writhe in them, you revel in them,
you forget you even have them
at all.
Don't disappoint -
for you do love yourself so.
You love your dick and your ribs,
her tits and her clit,
your eyes that change color
and piercings and clutter.
You love dirt and double joints,
porn and pot and your parents' rented house,
little white lies and milky white thighs,
masturbation and lack of motivation,
cunt and tongue and cum and feelings far flung.
You can't disappoint
or be disappointed
because
you love life, basement king
you love life, basement king
you love life,
..........................basement
...........................................king.
I had this brilliant idea to travel accross country on foot. then i thought of jack...i wouldn't want to do that to her. even though we're not togather (at present) and i'm sure she'd be fine with me going off for...however long to find myself...i wouldn't want to. i couldn't do that to her. i wouldn't want to leave her. i love her...i love her deeply.
Yep. I think today is the day that i'm sick and tired of this site. it's lost it's novelty. *sigh* oh well. i think it's that everyone on here's so elite. or come off that way. even me. fucker
in an interesting aside, i wish i knew how to draw better. it's a skill i should work on. maybe i'll do a comic one day if i ever get that ability up to par. or i'll find ben again...ben was my partner in crime. then he went crazy and got into TOO many drugs. fucking pill poppers.
in an interesting aside, i wish i knew how to draw better. it's a skill i should work on. maybe i'll do a comic one day if i ever get that ability up to par. or i'll find ben again...ben was my partner in crime. then he went crazy and got into TOO many drugs. fucking pill poppers.
Welcome to the hotel "writing my journal". It's a scary place, something or another...
So i haven't been wearing boxers lately. it's an interesting experience. i think it's just becaues i'm too lazy to do laundry...who knows. anyway, no real important things for me to tell you about. so um...go listen to some music. it'll be fun. yay music
So i haven't been wearing boxers lately. it's an interesting experience. i think it's just becaues i'm too lazy to do laundry...who knows. anyway, no real important things for me to tell you about. so um...go listen to some music. it'll be fun. yay music
We love you journal, oh yes we doooo.
We love you journal...something something...something...Oh journal we love you!
Yes, i'd make a horrible homosexual, i know NO show tunes. I'm sorry...that's why i keep playing for both teams.
MOVING ON!!!!
MXC is on. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's the greatest show ever. Some american guys found this MESSED up Japanese game show and re-dub it to make it funny. i laugh, often until i wet myself, while watching this show. It also helps me bond with my dad over our mutual love of silly japanese people falling in to suspicously shallow water.
In other news: My valentines day wasn't horrible. Probably because i smoke a fat bowl before going out with, not one, but 2 couples for the night. Meanwhile the girl i'm in love with was in philly, AND she didn't get the flowers AND i could have gone to visit because her roomie made up with her boyfriend (short but dumb story there). So yea, didn't suck but i wasn't great.
We love you journal...something something...something...Oh journal we love you!
Yes, i'd make a horrible homosexual, i know NO show tunes. I'm sorry...that's why i keep playing for both teams.
MOVING ON!!!!
MXC is on. For those of you who haven't seen it, it's the greatest show ever. Some american guys found this MESSED up Japanese game show and re-dub it to make it funny. i laugh, often until i wet myself, while watching this show. It also helps me bond with my dad over our mutual love of silly japanese people falling in to suspicously shallow water.
In other news: My valentines day wasn't horrible. Probably because i smoke a fat bowl before going out with, not one, but 2 couples for the night. Meanwhile the girl i'm in love with was in philly, AND she didn't get the flowers AND i could have gone to visit because her roomie made up with her boyfriend (short but dumb story there). So yea, didn't suck but i wasn't great.
"Hey hey mama, gonna update, gonna put down words and not a minute too late" Okay so the real verion was better...shut up!
So it's friday. It's kinda funny that on Wed, i had to use my friend's lives to keep track of what day of the week it was. Actually conversation in my head...
"Chester-So um...what day is it?
Steve-How the hell should i know...i'm in charge of us laying around all day doing nothing...ask Horshack
Chester-Okay. Hey Horshack, what day is it?
Horshack-well technicly i'm the guy in charge of getting us stuff to do, not what day it is. but that one girl online said she had to go play pool on wed. and she just signed off saying she had to get ready for her pool game. so i'm guessing wed. that sound right?
Chester-yea, that's great. okay, so it's wed...awesome
Horshack-wait...aren't YOU the guy in charge or knowing what day it is?
Chester-umm...no...gotta...go over there now! (chester runs away)"
so that's my story. and yes, i gave my internal conversation characters names. i think i'll keep them...until i forget that is.
So it's friday. It's kinda funny that on Wed, i had to use my friend's lives to keep track of what day of the week it was. Actually conversation in my head...
"Chester-So um...what day is it?
Steve-How the hell should i know...i'm in charge of us laying around all day doing nothing...ask Horshack
Chester-Okay. Hey Horshack, what day is it?
Horshack-well technicly i'm the guy in charge of getting us stuff to do, not what day it is. but that one girl online said she had to go play pool on wed. and she just signed off saying she had to get ready for her pool game. so i'm guessing wed. that sound right?
Chester-yea, that's great. okay, so it's wed...awesome
Horshack-wait...aren't YOU the guy in charge or knowing what day it is?
Chester-umm...no...gotta...go over there now! (chester runs away)"
so that's my story. and yes, i gave my internal conversation characters names. i think i'll keep them...until i forget that is.
*Crowd of Aztec worshipers at the base of his pyramid*
BEHOLD! It's an update to the journal!
*crowd cheers*
Anyway, I feel in love. (sorry ladies) Or rather i realized I've been in love. Her name's Jackie (aka Jack) She's great, she's amazing, she makes me create run-on sentences. I'd write a super-long entry on her and the whole story of her but i'm not in the mood.
Here's my real point: i spent fucking 61 dollars on valentines day. damn expensive ass roses. Also, i don't get to see her on saturday because her roomie will be there and she just broke up with her BF so jack doesn't wantt to be all mooshy around her. I'll get by though.
Okay, think that's about it. if i don't update again before v-day, hope you all have a happy one and that there's much love in your lives!
BEHOLD! It's an update to the journal!
*crowd cheers*
Anyway, I feel in love. (sorry ladies) Or rather i realized I've been in love. Her name's Jackie (aka Jack) She's great, she's amazing, she makes me create run-on sentences. I'd write a super-long entry on her and the whole story of her but i'm not in the mood.
Here's my real point: i spent fucking 61 dollars on valentines day. damn expensive ass roses. Also, i don't get to see her on saturday because her roomie will be there and she just broke up with her BF so jack doesn't wantt to be all mooshy around her. I'll get by though.
Okay, think that's about it. if i don't update again before v-day, hope you all have a happy one and that there's much love in your lives!
Dear fucking everyone:
I hate you all right now. you're all conspiring against me. every one of you is trying to fuck me over in some way. like my dad for wakeing me up 3 1/2 hours after i went to bed...(at 7 am) to take me to the bank so my check didn't lapse. and also so i'd have 300 dollars more to spend.
and also to our friend jack who we're going out to lunch with in an hour for keeping me from getting back to sleep.
AND also to Amber for wanting to kidnap me away from my life to become her sex slave
AND AND to my friend Kelly who wants to borrow me for a few days and use me as her sex toy. she also kept me awake til 7 thinking about fucking her
but most of all to all my friends from high school who decided at 3 am when they/i imed me/them that they'd all be drunk. every one of them. and they all go to different colleges...but it was friday so that means they
so, as we say here in jersey: Fck you, you FUCKING FUCKS!
I hate you all right now. you're all conspiring against me. every one of you is trying to fuck me over in some way. like my dad for wakeing me up 3 1/2 hours after i went to bed...(at 7 am) to take me to the bank so my check didn't lapse. and also so i'd have 300 dollars more to spend.
and also to our friend jack who we're going out to lunch with in an hour for keeping me from getting back to sleep.
AND also to Amber for wanting to kidnap me away from my life to become her sex slave
AND AND to my friend Kelly who wants to borrow me for a few days and use me as her sex toy. she also kept me awake til 7 thinking about fucking her
but most of all to all my friends from high school who decided at 3 am when they/i imed me/them that they'd all be drunk. every one of them. and they all go to different colleges...but it was friday so that means they
so, as we say here in jersey: Fck you, you FUCKING FUCKS!
Okay well my inept self put some more pics on the site. i'm not promising you'll like them, only that they're there. Their quality is sort of....low. but whatever.
A million dollars and or 20 minutes of oral sex to the first person to point out what was so cool about that last paragraph. I really hope it's that fire girly. *swoons* i want to rape/be raped by her. yum
A million dollars and or 20 minutes of oral sex to the first person to point out what was so cool about that last paragraph. I really hope it's that fire girly. *swoons* i want to rape/be raped by her. yum
