So this is me leaving for a month or so. Just need a break. I'm not archiving myself So to my friends I will be back to bore you in September or so.

By which time if all goes well...

I will be co-owner of a club.
I will be rested up.
I will be over this love sickness.
I will be a few pounds lighter
I will be calmer
I will have been on holiday to Portugal
I will have read Grayness's book. Thanks for another un-birthday present , great timing too, it will help me on this short journey
Hopefully have some new ink
And.....I will be another year older and wiser

Take care, some of you have my email address so stay in touch. Messages to this SG account will not be redirected. Have a lovely summer...enjoy....be happy.....see you in the fall.

Last night I translated it into sex.
This morning I realize I'm just lonely. I've been living of a dream with J for 2 years. For 2 years there was virtually no relationship worth mentioning. Just the "stand by your man" thing in my head and a feeling of deep commitment, hope and love. Now that's gone I feel empty. And so SO scared to be hurt. So scared to start something new even though not starting up something new and daring to open up means choosing to be alone. I've been in a continuous line of relationships since I was 18, now I'm 31. I need to be able to give love, it feeds my self worth.
I can be physically alone. These last 2 years have proven that. Actually I have been pretty much mentally alone too. Except for above mentioned hope and commitment. Now it just all feels lost and alone. And I must say, the hours of time spent on the internet every day isn't helping. I am going to need to take a break from here. From SG soon. Get into real life again. Meet people. Or just stay home without this distraction. Get to know me again. Fran. Not this Franpire. Now read properly people, I won't be archiving myself, just taking a short break Or maybe just blogging less for a while. Sometime in the not to distant future. I think.

I need sex. There said it. I haven't gotten laid in months. it's fucken killing me. Most might just bang that friend I was talking about day before yesterday, but I can't risk hurting his feelings. I really think too much and act too little


in other news, someone said I looked like Pocahontas today. Is that a good thing? I thought it was

S_Pam for president

Someone has a major crush on me. He's lovesick because I can't answer his feelings. He was real short on the phone just now...said we needed to keep some distance We had grown close friends over the past year. I should've read the signals, I guess, looking back, it was obvious his feelings were growing. Another friendship dead and buried forever! The second this year. Can attractive men and women be friends?

feet twice the size. knees & back aching, lost my voice. Ringing in my ears and a motion sensation in my body even though I'm sitting perfectly still behind my p.c.

Other than that I did survive...I did have fun and I did learn much. I will write about my experiences as a stage manager when I feel alive again.


But first I must sleep.

Just came home from a busy day, after work we drove out to Spaarnwoude, to the now still empty and already very muddy area of saturday's festival Dance Valley. Our stage is beautiful, huge and quite an unique shape (woman in lotus position) but luckily for us the area where the DJ's will actually be standing is not very large at all. So hopefully we won't have tooo many annoying friends of/ managers of/ I know a guy who knows a guy kinda people trying to get on stage to be "kewl" standing next to mr cox/tiesto or what ever other jumped up male is playing at the time. Downer is 60% chance of rain and the mainstage is an open stage, so not in a circus tent. So it's going to be a long (08:00 a.m. till 01:00 am) and wet day. Suddenly the 250,- bucks doesn't seem so much
Nah, looking forwrd, seeing the area today was good, met lotsa people, drove around in a buggy saw all the stages, checked all the backstage routes, checked the crew catering blablabla I shall bore you no longer.
Last word on the matter is; first chance to finally wear my skull wellies! you know, welligtons, rubber boots, RUBBEREN KAPLAAAARZEN with skulls on

Who sent me another darling early birthday present...hmmm? Arms and posture, belly dance dvd. Such a lovely surprise this morning. I could get used to receiving gifts when it rains (the last gifts I had also arrived on a gloomy day)...this could turn into a Pavlov thing, you know, when it rains I get an overwhelming sense of happiness and surprise for no apparent reason and...Living on the wet half of Europe that could be a good thing Anyway...thank you so very much, if you would like me to send you a card, let me know who you are And here it is....

I love it! Isn;t she lovely So elegant. That's me in 20 minutes just after I watch this

My back is killing me, tiredness, so I'm off to bed in 15 minutes or so.I'll doubt I'll have anytime to update or reply till after the weekend, but wish me luck @ dance valley. And enjoy your weekend, what ever you're up to.

Just came back from yoga. I'm so happy I started that, it's a freakin' hard workout and it's quite a specific train out too, I mean some women seem to do better than the guys there There are different kinds of yoga, so far I'm doing the hatha and the kundulini. The latter of the two is what I practiced this evening. So centering.


What doesn't center me however is the following little matter, why is set number one almost increasing in comments everyday, over 3000 now where as my last and personal favorite set to date in member review has had severe difficulty even reaching 300 you sadden me people, you really do haha! I forgive you, no worries, be happy!


It's raining cats and dogs today...where did summer go? Thank goodness I'm guaranteed summer for 2 weeks in Portugal in August *le sigh of relief*


This was the Main Stage at the enormous Dance Valley festival a few years ago. Just one of around 9 stages spread sround the nature reserve Spaarnwoude.
This year.....little old me is debuting on said MASSIVE dance valley festival as assistant stage manager on the main fucking stage. WOOOHOOO me! It's coming saturday...and I'm nervous!

Hope all goes well, a lot of responsibility. My headliners are Carl Cox and Tiesto, hope they're not nasty to tattoo'd chicks or I'll pull the plug

+Wimbledon, men's final.
+Pasta with garlic and spinach.
+No-hangover.
+Great dj-set last night and Lavenderrr came and visited the club too.
+Great black and white sets as of late, which I adore. Should I do a black/white one? As a last attempt...
+And the great news that my mom's buying me a kitty for my birthday in august. I'm set on a big fat tabby, like the one I had as a kid. Or a ragdoll kitten Photo's will come in due time.

All in all a great sunday. How's yours?




-Edit- YES! Rafa Nadal won the trophy. It was the most exciting match I've seen in a long while. He won the first 2 sets, then Federer came back by winning the 3rd and 4th. It was nail biting and hair raising stuff. But talent, good looks and strong balls (of the tennis kind of course ) prevailed.
Come on, how can you not love a champion like this

DO you ever go to the gym? And when you are there, working out, do you look like you're taking a crap? I was noticing today how many people pull faces as if they are!

Have a wonderful weekend.
Peace.