IPOD
RADIO
Dog Watch, Day Three.
Well, what to do, what to say? I've been watching the family of dogs and cats (7 and 3, animals that is) and have been busy trying to keep the massive garden that surrounds the house (more like a forest) from getting fried in the heat (it's a delicate balance, mustn't over water or let them go thirsty, the plants, not the animals). Throw a few renovation projects along with "normal" work (an managing to visiting the animals on my lunch breaks) and I'm one tired pup. I can hardly find the time to make myself dinner and have even skipped a few meals. I've got over a week left to go on my own. Well, I guess having 10 animals around hardly makes me "alone", but I sure am feeling lonely for some reason... More on that later.
On an aside note, today is 7.7.07. Yeah, I know it's just a date, no different then yesterday or tomorrow, but it is kind of cool. It's cool that the Live Earth concert is on, alot of cool bands played in multiple concerts around the word helping to spread the message: Solve the Climate Crisis: brought to you by Al Gore and Chevy (insert eye-roll here). Cynicism aside, Smashing Pumpkins, Roger Waters (playing Pink Floyd songs), The Police (Yes, as in THE Police), The Beastie Boys, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Foo Fighters, Metallica, Duran Duran, & Lenny Cravitz all played, just to name a few. Even Spinal Tap made an appearance! Wow, talk about an event. I'm glad I caught some of it.
Ok, back to our story. In case you haven't had the opportunity to try and manage a house full of animals, let me tell you, sometimes it can be a handful. It's hard to spread enough affection around, especially when dealing with jealous and unruly dogs. I was petting Opie Cat while he was in my arms when Claire decided it would be a good idea to jump up and expertly nail me in the balls. I was understandably startled and responded in knee-jerk fashion by curling over involuntarily in the "Oof"! position. This subsequently freaked the cat out, causing him to tense up and scramble in my failing grip with his claws ripping and scratching as he flew from my arms. Poor Opie landed with a plop on his massive belly and the surrounding dogs went nuts going into "get the kitty" mode. Sigh. I felt so bad for dropping him and gave Claire a stern scolding before going to find Opie to tell him how sorry Claire & I were. At least it was a short drop and his tummy cushioned his fall, but I still feel like crap for dropping him... And that's just for starters. Earlier today, I was almost late for work because the little trickster, again Claire, decided that she wasn't going to be penned in today (they have to be temporarily penned while construction has been going on around the house). Every time I put her in with the rest of the dogs, she kept finding a way out. It took three "escapes" before I realized she was sneaking out through a small gap in the fence (she's small enough to squeeze through). I had to pile rocks in front of it to solve that one. Anyways, I came back for lunch to check on the dogs and let them out, and surprise, surprise, all the dogs were lazing in the shade outside the pen, the pile of rocks neatly pushed aside. Sigh. You just can't keep a good dog down (if you can't keep a good dog pound).
I guess they need more "me" time...Ok, now back to this "loneliness" business. It's been about two weeks since my step-sister's awesome wedding and I had a blast visiting with my family and getting down with my bad self on the dance floor. It was nice to see them and to boogie by booty, but one thing I kept noticing was how everyone has found a "significant other", except me, and I started to feel a bit melancholic. Yeah, I know, "woe is me", boo-hoo, get over it, right? If it were only that easy. I just turned thirty and realized that I've had only a handful of relationships and none of them have worked out well. I want to think that I just haven't met the right person yet and that there is nothing wrong with me, but what if there is? I do know I would probably be more successful (in life, in general) if I could just muster enough self-confidence to be a little more bold in life by taking it by the horns and being more positive. Problem is I don't really believe these type of cliche statements, I'm far too cynical to fall for them. I think my problem is "analysis paralysis". I think too much and get stuck in my head worrying about what might happen instead of making things happen. That's probably why I suck at relationships. The problem is that somewhere in life, I learned to doubt myself and others around me. It seems that my life-long struggle has been overcoming this and I'm no further past it then I was over 10 years ago when I went through when childhood innocence was crushed and Pandora's box of insecurities was thrown wide open. Back then it was enough for me to say "fuck you, you ugly and dirty world, you have no longer have a place for me here". I was in a dark, dark place. Good thing I didn't off myself though, that might have sucked. Over time, realization set in and won me over: life is suffering. It's also what you make of it and you can some times have a good time between the suffering, besides, although it's relative, life could be a hell of a lot worse then it is. (Damn, more cliches, they must be winning me over). I need to get out more.
I do know this one person I could call, but I'm not sure what kind of message I'd be giving her though (I'm not sure what kind of message I want to giver her). She's a long time friend of the family who got married a few years ago to a guy from Argentina and had a beautiful daughter with him. She's since moved back up here to take a break from him and to be with her family for awhile (especially since he's started using hard drugs, coke I think). She's at a crossroads now in her life and may decide to stay here and leave him for good. I feel like a bit of an ass because a small part of my brain is screaming out "run for your life", but she is a friend and my conscience and heart are telling me to reach out to her. The fact that I used to have a childhood crush on her doesn't help either. I know being a friend really doesn't mean anything more then that, but then again I know how desperate I am right now. I'm not even sure if she actually likes me anyways. Damn insecurities...
Anyways, thirty years, and what the hell have I been doing?
Bonus
There, I updated already. That should be good for at least another month or so... (More to be added at a later date, from an undisclosed location). 
SG invades my home...
Ok life is a little bit tumultuous at times and sometimes you need the help of others to help sort it out, but what to do when something distracts you and threatens to make you lose your focus? Well that happened to me yesterday while I was seeking advice about some rather upsetting and personal elements in my life. After watching a movie on Showtime with my mom's domestic partner, the conversation started and as I was trying to sort out and understand my feelings a familiar splash of imagery suddenly appeared on the TV. I was flabbergasted and could hardly remain engaged while a big SG logo flashed upon the screen. I was sitting to the side of the TV facing away, so I wasn't really watching (it had been muted), at first I didn''t think much about what was going on. About 15 minutes into our conversation, I turned and saw a hula-hoop dancing SG sans clothing. Gulp...
It suddenly became a big distraction and I tried to remain my composure as we talked. I'm sure my mom's girlfriend had just been ignoring the TV while we talked, but after another minute, I just had to say something. It was a little embarrassing to say the least. What she said next after I turned the TV off kind of struck me and caused me to think a little more in depth about the subject. She had said that she believed that the models had a negative self-image and likely were driven to exhibitionism by their insecurities. 
This, coming from a woman who has advocated women's rights and has a masters degree with some emphasis on psychology. What to say to that??? For some reason I'd always thought about SG's as being bold, having fun, being unashamed and self-expressive, celebrating a movement of sexual freedom and empowerment among women, not about objects being displayed for anonymous lechery. (After all, aren't a lot of girls here for the SG's?) I also consider eroticism another form of human expression, there is beauty in some of the work, the same as if it were a Renoir painting or an ancient Greek marble statue, but can SG really be reduced to merely exploitative pornography? Sometimes I wonder, maybe I've just become a hypocrite? I'm a guy, I can't help but look, but a prudish sense of humility has made me reconsider in light of this revelation. As a social networking site, SG has drawn a lot of like-minded individuals who aren't so bashful about the subject of sex and sexuality, but we also discus many different topics from the mundane to the profound. It's a community of friends, but then why are we all here? Perhaps SG has become a church of hedonism (and I don't mean it in a bad sense) and we, it's congregation, really just enjoy reveling in an orgy of expression. But I've also been thinking about how SG is being marketed and I'm wondering if it's slowly headed towards some chaotic inverse of its inception, much as the original Woodstock became a travesty in 1999 as drunken frat boys descended upon it: a movement of togetherness molded through peace, love, and music, hijacked by a festering culture of angst and drunkenness. Sigh. Well the music at least persists. I'm near the end of my yearly subscription and I may not resubscribe to SG. I'm still not sure. While I still ponder whether there is any harm in "just looking", I must concede that although I find erotic imagery exciting and stimulating, it is a poor substitute for a strong and meaningful relationship. Maybe the two can co-exist and who am I to judge? If if feels good and if it feels right, then go for it, just consider what the potential impact may be for others around you. 
Ok life is a little bit tumultuous at times and sometimes you need the help of others to help sort it out, but what to do when something distracts you and threatens to make you lose your focus? Well that happened to me yesterday while I was seeking advice about some rather upsetting and personal elements in my life. After watching a movie on Showtime with my mom's domestic partner, the conversation started and as I was trying to sort out and understand my feelings a familiar splash of imagery suddenly appeared on the TV. I was flabbergasted and could hardly remain engaged while a big SG logo flashed upon the screen. I was sitting to the side of the TV facing away, so I wasn't really watching (it had been muted), at first I didn''t think much about what was going on. About 15 minutes into our conversation, I turned and saw a hula-hoop dancing SG sans clothing. Gulp...
It suddenly became a big distraction and I tried to remain my composure as we talked. I'm sure my mom's girlfriend had just been ignoring the TV while we talked, but after another minute, I just had to say something. It was a little embarrassing to say the least. What she said next after I turned the TV off kind of struck me and caused me to think a little more in depth about the subject. She had said that she believed that the models had a negative self-image and likely were driven to exhibitionism by their insecurities. This, coming from a woman who has advocated women's rights and has a masters degree with some emphasis on psychology. What to say to that??? For some reason I'd always thought about SG's as being bold, having fun, being unashamed and self-expressive, celebrating a movement of sexual freedom and empowerment among women, not about objects being displayed for anonymous lechery. (After all, aren't a lot of girls here for the SG's?) I also consider eroticism another form of human expression, there is beauty in some of the work, the same as if it were a Renoir painting or an ancient Greek marble statue, but can SG really be reduced to merely exploitative pornography? Sometimes I wonder, maybe I've just become a hypocrite? I'm a guy, I can't help but look, but a prudish sense of humility has made me reconsider in light of this revelation. As a social networking site, SG has drawn a lot of like-minded individuals who aren't so bashful about the subject of sex and sexuality, but we also discus many different topics from the mundane to the profound. It's a community of friends, but then why are we all here? Perhaps SG has become a church of hedonism (and I don't mean it in a bad sense) and we, it's congregation, really just enjoy reveling in an orgy of expression. But I've also been thinking about how SG is being marketed and I'm wondering if it's slowly headed towards some chaotic inverse of its inception, much as the original Woodstock became a travesty in 1999 as drunken frat boys descended upon it: a movement of togetherness molded through peace, love, and music, hijacked by a festering culture of angst and drunkenness. Sigh. Well the music at least persists. I'm near the end of my yearly subscription and I may not resubscribe to SG. I'm still not sure. While I still ponder whether there is any harm in "just looking", I must concede that although I find erotic imagery exciting and stimulating, it is a poor substitute for a strong and meaningful relationship. Maybe the two can co-exist and who am I to judge? If if feels good and if it feels right, then go for it, just consider what the potential impact may be for others around you.
The First Annual Temecula/Murrieta Alley Cat Race!
It was such a blast! I almost had too much fun, certainly more then I've had in a really long time (well, except for my parent's surprise wedding reception, more on that later...)
So what the hell is an alley cat race? Well, it was my first, so briefly I'll try and explain the evenings events. First, it involves bike riding, it is a "race" after all. Second, it involves solving clues, performing certain "tasks" and collecting various items (sort of like a scavenger hunt on wheels). Oh, and did I mention beer? Lots and lots of beer... (Well for a light weight like me, it seemed like lots).
Anyways, after collecting my racing number (the seven of spades), we were loosed upon a wild Easter Egg hunt (complete with elbow jabs and plenty of jostling) to find our directions. After scarfing copious amounts of marshmallow Peeps and chocolate eggs before finding an egg containing my first clues, I was finally on my way towards glory. At the first stop I reached (I thought in dead last) my friend's wife Anna "administered" a second helping of Peeps *groan*, followed by a shotgun chaser of warm Dad's Rootbeer *BURP*! Before I'd earned my next hidden location, I had to down a shot of "here, drink this"... After knocking back a dixie cup filled with a clear liquid about twice the alcohol content of moonshine, I quickly climbed aboard my wheels to find my next location. Before huffing my way along slick surface streets and winding sidewalks, I managed to learn from Anna that I was actually the second rider to come her way, the other lead riders had missed their checkpoint! Cool, I still had a chance! Zipping along, I quickly reached my second checkpoint in front of a bike shop to complete my second task: remove a wheel, deflate it and then inflate it. Easy, but as I was pumping away, I was being heckled by "Drunken Steve" for not riding a single speed... Hey, at least I've still got my car keys and a license unlike some people. Anyways, task complete, third destination? Over the freeway to get a "six-pack of beer". Well that was the closest check point, but the real hazard was crossing over the freeway with the overpass under construction. Can you say zero margin for error? Yikes! Moving on... Inside Stater Bros. I quickly found out that getting a "six-pack" isn't as easy as it seems. I didn't want to carry bottles on a bike, but there weren't any 6ers of cans... After waiting for what seemed like an eternity in the checkout line, I was finally able to dump my purchase into my courier bag and swing back over the treacherous freeway overpass, with the weight of 12 penduluming cans of beer to carry me along.
This is where I was really able to unload the guns, my legs that is, not the brews. I was so focused on catching up that I pedaled hard right past my actual destination to reach the point of lost. Oh crap. Had I read my clue wrong? Well, I had to cheat a bit, so I dialed my good friend Dave (the race's promoter) and he let me know I had pedaled too far and had gone into the next town... Shit. Back tracking, I found my next point and caught up to two very inebriated souls performing the required task. Gladly lightening my load, I joined them by quaffing several brews of my own. After about a half an hour of smoking and joking and downing some suds, the "race" seemed like a rather moot point. After discovering two bizarre little tin men cutie dolls (they looked like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz crossed with a murderous cutie doll), we felt a little spooked so we grabbed what remaining beer there was and skedaddled. Along the way, I cleverly tucked in behind a lead rider and drafted him nearly the whole way! I peeled off from the group (already they were getting lost again) and zoomed into our next location with the clue "24 hour savings" to guide me...
A necessary sidebar is required here to prep you for the experience we had to endure at our next location: WinCo Foods. Imagine if you will a CostCo sized building filled to over 30 feet high of food and sundries, 20 trillion lumens of light illuminate every crack, crevice and cranny from nearly every angle while large, bright, orange signs picket the long hallways (not mere aisles) to direct towards your intended target. The only problem is that the signs glare so brightly, are so large and plentiful, that one is immediately overcome with a sense of helplessness and impending doom... Being employee owned and operated, WinCo Foods is what happens when pyramid scheme socialism collides with rampant consumer capitalism. Despite the fact that there are over 20 checkout aisles, they seem to mock their customers by opening only two or three at a time. After enduring the wild ramblings of burned out checkers (I swear they must have been hired through a cult that doubles as an employment agency), you must suffer the final "indignity" of bagging your own groceries, all in the name of savings
And now, back to our story. After reuniting with my misguided and inebriated fellow bikers, we entered the chasm of light. A half hour later our little trip down the rabbit hole was beginning to seem like a bad one. Although we each had only two items to purchase (a chocolate baby bunny and, you guessed it, a box of peeps) we had to wait, and wait, and wait behind a long line of customers with several cart fulls food and toilet paper (they always seem to go hand in hand...) I could literally feel my life force slowly being sucked from me as I stood below the tireless gaze of mirror-balled surveillance cameras and baseball field lighting. Feeling a bit like a cow being led through the stockades to the slaughterhouse, I was more then thankful when we finally emerged back into the dark and cool air of the night. At this point, the race was already over. One person had made it to the last point and had won, the rest of us just, well we'd just gotten trashed. Instead of trying to reach anymore checkpoints, we decided to go and grab some grub and share some of our stories at a nearby Mexican food restaurant. Sadly, most of other places had closed so we never really did get to collect any Easter grass or the required basket to complete the "race". In the end, we decided to have a "slow race" to determine who the last place person was. The whole point of a slow race is to try and move as slowly as you can forward on a bike without moving backwards or falling off. The last person to get to the line, a scant 20 feet away, wins. Well, I didn't "win" last place, but being the "first" last place winner, I was rewarded with eating another Peep... Great.
In the end I had a blast and I realized two great things. First, riding with friends at night is awesome. Second, getting buzzed along the way is even better. I'm looking forward to the next underground alley-cat, it should be fun. Now if we can only get more then 4 racers next time... 
OK, so in other news, my parents finally got married! Ok, that sounds a little odd, but bear with me a minute. My dad and mom (to whom I was born to) got divorced over 10 years ago. My mom turned out to be gay and is now, finally, happily living with a wonderful woman. My dad also found his new life mate and for the last 10 years they've lived happily together through thick and thin. Finally he snuck off to Hawaii with her and they finally got married. So congratulations to Peter & Janelle! Whoo-hoo! Here a few shots of the happy couple.
Well, they couldn't get away with eloping, so some of Janelle's Jazzercise students (OK, ALL of them) planned a surprise party for them after they got back. With all the kids invited (including me), we were in for quite an evening. Her students put together an entire wedding reception complete with a catered dinner, 3 layer wedding cake (filled with gooey tropical flavored goodness), plenty of wine and champagne, dancing, dancing, and more dancing (they are Jazzercise students after all). Only my step-brother, step-sisters and I were there from the family to join in the revelry and each of us gave a little speech (for which I was well lubricated with vino) before joining in with the dancing. I just have to say that dancing with a bunch of drunk and energetic 40 to 50 to 60 year "young" ladies can be quite a daunting experience! I managed to keep it together for the most part, but I had to slink away when "Baby Got Back" started up. That was complete comedy!: Let me just say, well... Um... Yeah... Shake it grandma! Good for them, we all had a blast and my parents were overjoyed with their homecoming. I only wish that a few other family members could have made it.
Fwew! Well that's if for this monthly installment. Oh, look it's my one year anniversary, hooray me, I made it! (Soon they'll be asking for membership dues...)
It was such a blast! I almost had too much fun, certainly more then I've had in a really long time (well, except for my parent's surprise wedding reception, more on that later...)
So what the hell is an alley cat race? Well, it was my first, so briefly I'll try and explain the evenings events. First, it involves bike riding, it is a "race" after all. Second, it involves solving clues, performing certain "tasks" and collecting various items (sort of like a scavenger hunt on wheels). Oh, and did I mention beer? Lots and lots of beer... (Well for a light weight like me, it seemed like lots).
Anyways, after collecting my racing number (the seven of spades), we were loosed upon a wild Easter Egg hunt (complete with elbow jabs and plenty of jostling) to find our directions. After scarfing copious amounts of marshmallow Peeps and chocolate eggs before finding an egg containing my first clues, I was finally on my way towards glory. At the first stop I reached (I thought in dead last) my friend's wife Anna "administered" a second helping of Peeps *groan*, followed by a shotgun chaser of warm Dad's Rootbeer *BURP*! Before I'd earned my next hidden location, I had to down a shot of "here, drink this"... After knocking back a dixie cup filled with a clear liquid about twice the alcohol content of moonshine, I quickly climbed aboard my wheels to find my next location. Before huffing my way along slick surface streets and winding sidewalks, I managed to learn from Anna that I was actually the second rider to come her way, the other lead riders had missed their checkpoint! Cool, I still had a chance! Zipping along, I quickly reached my second checkpoint in front of a bike shop to complete my second task: remove a wheel, deflate it and then inflate it. Easy, but as I was pumping away, I was being heckled by "Drunken Steve" for not riding a single speed... Hey, at least I've still got my car keys and a license unlike some people. Anyways, task complete, third destination? Over the freeway to get a "six-pack of beer". Well that was the closest check point, but the real hazard was crossing over the freeway with the overpass under construction. Can you say zero margin for error? Yikes! Moving on... Inside Stater Bros. I quickly found out that getting a "six-pack" isn't as easy as it seems. I didn't want to carry bottles on a bike, but there weren't any 6ers of cans... After waiting for what seemed like an eternity in the checkout line, I was finally able to dump my purchase into my courier bag and swing back over the treacherous freeway overpass, with the weight of 12 penduluming cans of beer to carry me along.
This is where I was really able to unload the guns, my legs that is, not the brews. I was so focused on catching up that I pedaled hard right past my actual destination to reach the point of lost. Oh crap. Had I read my clue wrong? Well, I had to cheat a bit, so I dialed my good friend Dave (the race's promoter) and he let me know I had pedaled too far and had gone into the next town... Shit. Back tracking, I found my next point and caught up to two very inebriated souls performing the required task. Gladly lightening my load, I joined them by quaffing several brews of my own. After about a half an hour of smoking and joking and downing some suds, the "race" seemed like a rather moot point. After discovering two bizarre little tin men cutie dolls (they looked like the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz crossed with a murderous cutie doll), we felt a little spooked so we grabbed what remaining beer there was and skedaddled. Along the way, I cleverly tucked in behind a lead rider and drafted him nearly the whole way! I peeled off from the group (already they were getting lost again) and zoomed into our next location with the clue "24 hour savings" to guide me...
A necessary sidebar is required here to prep you for the experience we had to endure at our next location: WinCo Foods. Imagine if you will a CostCo sized building filled to over 30 feet high of food and sundries, 20 trillion lumens of light illuminate every crack, crevice and cranny from nearly every angle while large, bright, orange signs picket the long hallways (not mere aisles) to direct towards your intended target. The only problem is that the signs glare so brightly, are so large and plentiful, that one is immediately overcome with a sense of helplessness and impending doom... Being employee owned and operated, WinCo Foods is what happens when pyramid scheme socialism collides with rampant consumer capitalism. Despite the fact that there are over 20 checkout aisles, they seem to mock their customers by opening only two or three at a time. After enduring the wild ramblings of burned out checkers (I swear they must have been hired through a cult that doubles as an employment agency), you must suffer the final "indignity" of bagging your own groceries, all in the name of savings
And now, back to our story. After reuniting with my misguided and inebriated fellow bikers, we entered the chasm of light. A half hour later our little trip down the rabbit hole was beginning to seem like a bad one. Although we each had only two items to purchase (a chocolate baby bunny and, you guessed it, a box of peeps) we had to wait, and wait, and wait behind a long line of customers with several cart fulls food and toilet paper (they always seem to go hand in hand...) I could literally feel my life force slowly being sucked from me as I stood below the tireless gaze of mirror-balled surveillance cameras and baseball field lighting. Feeling a bit like a cow being led through the stockades to the slaughterhouse, I was more then thankful when we finally emerged back into the dark and cool air of the night. At this point, the race was already over. One person had made it to the last point and had won, the rest of us just, well we'd just gotten trashed. Instead of trying to reach anymore checkpoints, we decided to go and grab some grub and share some of our stories at a nearby Mexican food restaurant. Sadly, most of other places had closed so we never really did get to collect any Easter grass or the required basket to complete the "race". In the end, we decided to have a "slow race" to determine who the last place person was. The whole point of a slow race is to try and move as slowly as you can forward on a bike without moving backwards or falling off. The last person to get to the line, a scant 20 feet away, wins. Well, I didn't "win" last place, but being the "first" last place winner, I was rewarded with eating another Peep... Great.
In the end I had a blast and I realized two great things. First, riding with friends at night is awesome. Second, getting buzzed along the way is even better. I'm looking forward to the next underground alley-cat, it should be fun. Now if we can only get more then 4 racers next time... OK, so in other news, my parents finally got married! Ok, that sounds a little odd, but bear with me a minute. My dad and mom (to whom I was born to) got divorced over 10 years ago. My mom turned out to be gay and is now, finally, happily living with a wonderful woman. My dad also found his new life mate and for the last 10 years they've lived happily together through thick and thin. Finally he snuck off to Hawaii with her and they finally got married. So congratulations to Peter & Janelle! Whoo-hoo! Here a few shots of the happy couple.
Well, they couldn't get away with eloping, so some of Janelle's Jazzercise students (OK, ALL of them) planned a surprise party for them after they got back. With all the kids invited (including me), we were in for quite an evening. Her students put together an entire wedding reception complete with a catered dinner, 3 layer wedding cake (filled with gooey tropical flavored goodness), plenty of wine and champagne, dancing, dancing, and more dancing (they are Jazzercise students after all). Only my step-brother, step-sisters and I were there from the family to join in the revelry and each of us gave a little speech (for which I was well lubricated with vino) before joining in with the dancing. I just have to say that dancing with a bunch of drunk and energetic 40 to 50 to 60 year "young" ladies can be quite a daunting experience! I managed to keep it together for the most part, but I had to slink away when "Baby Got Back" started up. That was complete comedy!
: Let me just say, well... Um... Yeah... Shake it grandma! Good for them, we all had a blast and my parents were overjoyed with their homecoming. I only wish that a few other family members could have made it. Fwew! Well that's if for this monthly installment. Oh, look it's my one year anniversary, hooray me, I made it! (Soon they'll be asking for membership dues...)
Ok, I get it, it's been a while since my last confession... Er, I mean journal post. (Glances at calendar). Wow, over a month! It's a new record!
So why the sudden silence? Well, other then being "preoccupied", I've actually been feeling relatively uninspired to do much of anything else. Work sucks, I need get a degree (I'm on the 15 year plan...), and I'm living at home (though I STILL haven't finished my little renovation project). Yes, my life is pretty pathetic. But it isn't all that screwed up (I've got my honey to thank for that). Actually, I have a better perspective of things and I've been motivated to re-evaluate my life. Consensus? I need to make some major changes. Not a complete overhaul (lets be realistic here) but I do want to change. I've never been much of a self-starter (I'm more the cautious, stubborn and pessimistic type) but I've been working on that. I am truly amazed when I see other with a seemingly unending reserve of confidence and motivation (where was I when they were handing that out?) Oh right, busy falling down the rabbit hole while every hope & dream in my innocent heart and mind were being shredded into dust... Bitterness aside, I've come to realize that it isn't about success, but about surviving those failures and learning to overcome those temporary 10 year set-backs. My real problem is that I lose focus too quickly and can't seem to stay on task for very long. Sure I've got some long term goals, but how can I reach those if I keep fumbling over the shorter ones. Sigh... Ok I know, I know... Life's a beach, right? Well I wish it were anyways. It's difficult to retrain myself to stop thinking negatively and doubting myself (OK, psychotherapy... Cha-ching!) I'd like to go back to school with the same level of determination (and predestined notion) that some of those uber-focused high-school grads have, but I never saw myself being, say a doctor or a lawyer, or anything else for that matter... That's right, I'm jack-of-all-trades-and-master-of-nothing-guy!
Seriously, this seems to have been the biggest obstacle (other then staying focused) towards launching into a successful career. Sure I've tread down several different paths trying to "find" the right course, but so far, none have given me that "this is it, this is what I was meant to do" tingle (no spidey-sense here folks). What am I to do? Career counseling! (Cha-ching!.. Well not really). The last time I did that, I nearly ended up in the military Just because you have a high ASVAB score doesn't mean you should join. (Sorry you military folks, but I had a really bad experience). Bah, I'm rambling again. (Stay focused, stay focused, STAY FOCUSED!!!) Ahem. Well, I guess I should be spending more time pouring over The Department of Labor's job outlook statistics to see where there best opportunities are (oh wait, the last time I "focused" on the fastest growing sector (in IT), I actually took some classes only to find out that most these jobs in the "fastest growing sector" were being outsourced overseas to Bangalore and Bombay (now as it was before colonial rule - Mumbai). So much for the internet. Soo... How the hell did I end up working in a bike shop? The funny thing is that I'm their tech guy (no not a mechanic) I mean computer tech. Without me they'd be lost (or at least hurting badly). So what? I don't really care. I know I'm under paid and under appreciated but that doesn't matter. What matters is that I allowed myself to be treated that way. Enough. I'm no prima donna, but I shouldn't settle for less then the best job. (Any one got any ideas?) Oh, right... I've got to be a self-starter, a winner, no negative thoughts! Ok, that's a load of crap. I am who I am, right? Besides, I'm starting to sound like Greg Kinnear's character in Little Miss Sunshine (good movie I might add). Hmm, maybe I should be a movie critic. I DO like watching movies, and I am quite critical of them. I wonder how much those cads get paid to shill mindless dribble to get you into the movies? I mean, come on "The Greatest Movie Event Of The Year, Perhaps Of The Century". Uh, right. Oops, rambling again. Well I'm going to draw it to a close here. I don't know why I just wrote all this crap. Tomorrow I may feel completely different, but then again Im in dire need of some social contact since my honey is so far away it's got me feeling blue.
But then again, when I think of her I get all warm and fuzzy.
As she would say, "its all good".
So why the sudden silence? Well, other then being "preoccupied", I've actually been feeling relatively uninspired to do much of anything else. Work sucks, I need get a degree (I'm on the 15 year plan...), and I'm living at home (though I STILL haven't finished my little renovation project). Yes, my life is pretty pathetic. But it isn't all that screwed up (I've got my honey to thank for that). Actually, I have a better perspective of things and I've been motivated to re-evaluate my life. Consensus? I need to make some major changes. Not a complete overhaul (lets be realistic here) but I do want to change. I've never been much of a self-starter (I'm more the cautious, stubborn and pessimistic type) but I've been working on that. I am truly amazed when I see other with a seemingly unending reserve of confidence and motivation (where was I when they were handing that out?) Oh right, busy falling down the rabbit hole while every hope & dream in my innocent heart and mind were being shredded into dust... Bitterness aside, I've come to realize that it isn't about success, but about surviving those failures and learning to overcome those temporary 10 year set-backs. My real problem is that I lose focus too quickly and can't seem to stay on task for very long. Sure I've got some long term goals, but how can I reach those if I keep fumbling over the shorter ones. Sigh... Ok I know, I know... Life's a beach, right? Well I wish it were anyways. It's difficult to retrain myself to stop thinking negatively and doubting myself (OK, psychotherapy... Cha-ching!) I'd like to go back to school with the same level of determination (and predestined notion) that some of those uber-focused high-school grads have, but I never saw myself being, say a doctor or a lawyer, or anything else for that matter... That's right, I'm jack-of-all-trades-and-master-of-nothing-guy!
Seriously, this seems to have been the biggest obstacle (other then staying focused) towards launching into a successful career. Sure I've tread down several different paths trying to "find" the right course, but so far, none have given me that "this is it, this is what I was meant to do" tingle (no spidey-sense here folks). What am I to do? Career counseling! (Cha-ching!.. Well not really). The last time I did that, I nearly ended up in the military Just because you have a high ASVAB score doesn't mean you should join. (Sorry you military folks, but I had a really bad experience). Bah, I'm rambling again. (Stay focused, stay focused, STAY FOCUSED!!!) Ahem. Well, I guess I should be spending more time pouring over The Department of Labor's job outlook statistics to see where there best opportunities are (oh wait, the last time I "focused" on the fastest growing sector (in IT), I actually took some classes only to find out that most these jobs in the "fastest growing sector" were being outsourced overseas to Bangalore and Bombay (now as it was before colonial rule - Mumbai). So much for the internet. Soo... How the hell did I end up working in a bike shop? The funny thing is that I'm their tech guy (no not a mechanic) I mean computer tech. Without me they'd be lost (or at least hurting badly). So what? I don't really care. I know I'm under paid and under appreciated but that doesn't matter. What matters is that I allowed myself to be treated that way. Enough. I'm no prima donna, but I shouldn't settle for less then the best job. (Any one got any ideas?) Oh, right... I've got to be a self-starter, a winner, no negative thoughts! Ok, that's a load of crap. I am who I am, right? Besides, I'm starting to sound like Greg Kinnear's character in Little Miss Sunshine (good movie I might add). Hmm, maybe I should be a movie critic. I DO like watching movies, and I am quite critical of them. I wonder how much those cads get paid to shill mindless dribble to get you into the movies? I mean, come on "The Greatest Movie Event Of The Year, Perhaps Of The Century". Uh, right. Oops, rambling again. Well I'm going to draw it to a close here. I don't know why I just wrote all this crap. Tomorrow I may feel completely different, but then again Im in dire need of some social contact since my honey is so far away it's got me feeling blue.
But then again, when I think of her I get all warm and fuzzy. As she would say, "its all good".
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