I wanted to thank Waterfordman for sending me a gift card for the baby. It brightened my day when things were going shitty to know that someone cares. Big hugs and kisses to a sweetheart!!

life just has a way of kicking you while you're down-- right in the ribs until you choke on your coppery blood. right now my sister and nephew are doing the kicking. i don't need this fucking stress in my life. i'm stressed enough with everything falling apart without having them tear at my sanity each and every moment they're here. i find myself snapping at everything because they just won't let up-- ever. i'm not this short-tempered bitch that i am when i'm home. i have so much tolerance it's ridiculous, but they seem to feed off the misery of others to the extent that i want to die. i seriously wish i had the guts to fucking off myself, but i don't anymore. i can't stand this.

all the other shit in my life, i can deal with.. but constant fucking fighting, screaming, whining, bitching-- that is fucking unacceptable. the sound of her voice makes me want to stab my ears with the closest objects i can find. i want to tear my nephew's head off and smash it to the ground like a rotten pumpkin. i'm absolutely losing my mind.

there... i blogged. fucking kill me, please.

meh. for some reason i never know what to write in a blog anymore.. i've begun to hate reliving any moment of my life lately so blogging about it just seems to piss me off.

soooo... for those that don't know. i have a penis growing inside of me. that's right.. a penis.

i'm a little upset that i can't make little dresses and shit, but i'll get over it.. because target has these

w00t! ima have a little rockstar, biatch!

hrmm.. thought i had something to say. turns out, i just wanted something to do...

oh well

It seems I can't sleep more than a couple hours at a time, which is really starting to get to me. I fell asleep around 10:30 and woke up at 2 am. I have to go back to sleep so I can make the drive up to Jersey later this morning, but of course; now I'm awake again. I'm not looking forward to driving up there at all this time around. I'm picking up my sister and nephew, spending money that she originally told me she would give me.. come to find out that she spent most of her money and can't give me anything toward the gas. I'm only going up to pick them up. She is the one that offered to come help me out, but I'm spending more money and will be until she gets a job over here. I'm thinking that this whole thing is a bad idea now, but I also need all the help I can get. I'm just not sure if that's clouding my vision to make the right decision on whether or not she wil be helping or hurting...

I guess I'll find out.

since frankus checked in on me, i figured i might as well explain what's been going on with me. i found out recently that i'm pregnant. today is fifteen weeks.

turns out that one night being drunk with your best friend can alter your world forever. it also turns out that the same best friend can turn his back on you just as quickly. so here i am.. still looking for a job in maryland, about to be a single mommy. my sister and nephew might be moving in with me in my little apartment to help me out, but i know it's going to be hard.. mainly because my sister has a big fucking mouth and screams at my nephew all the time.. and my nephew is definitely not under control, but at this point, the help with the rent is worth it- i hope.

I have been gone for quite a while now. I have moved to (Hyattsville) Maryland, just outside of DC. I started my new job a few weeks ago and then I realized this Monday that I couldn't do it anymore. It's a wonderful opportunity, but I just can't live on the money right now. Soooo... I'm looking for work in the area. I just got my internet hooked up yesterday, so I should be on more often (everyday) again.

Well, last I left off I had a great time at Playa. Who would have guessed that the guy I met there would soon change my life. I found out that my unemployment was being cut off at the same time as my severence pay and needed to act fast. I had been talking with this guy throughout the week after Playa and he suggested to check out his area. For some reason I did and I got an interview just outside of Washington, DC this past Monday. I made the four hour drive down to Maryland and booked Sunday and Monday nights at a Travelodge. Little did I know that I would get the job and have to start immediately.

I worked a couple days and got back to Jersey yesterday to start packing my stuff and getting rid of things. Since I spent so much on the hotel and gas over the week, I'll be staying at a hostel in DC for next week while I look for an apartment. I have an appointment on Monday morning to look at one, so hopefully I'll get it and be moved in by the 15th.

Crazy how life works. Just for the record, he and I are not together, nor planning on it.. It's just funny how you can meet a cool person and start a new life so quickly.

Wish me luck!

Back from Playa today. I swear, I had THE most amazing weekend of my life. Completely unexpectedly, I met an amazing guy and spent the entire weekend with him. It was wonderful. And then we had to say goodbye, which I still haven't said. He lives about four hours away near DC and I feel like he took my heart there with him.

We also came up with out theme camp for next Playa. Bath time. We're going to have several kiddie pools filled with various liquids and bath scenes and Tony is going to set up some awesome sound equipment and lights. Can't wait.