Business Meeting:
air ducts hum
a cough a sniffle
an intermittent sneeze between the
conspicuous yawns
a tentative voice
echos
and fades into a silent doubt
eyes shift
seldomly meet
then roll in frustration.





Cheesey Noodles:
cheese. cheese.
everywhere
below my being
above my consciousness
noodles falling
everywhere
scattered amongst the floor
pick them up
throw them away
or save them
and let the boiling waters
rid those cheesey noodles
of all that
they think they stand
for
and for once
let them
imagine
that they are
free




Charade:
her hair so soft and sleek
body to tender and meek
walking through the day so quiet
even though she smiles they don't buy it
not wanting to be noticed
afraid that she'll be dissed
she hides in the corner
what will happen to me she would wonder
floating through the day
afraid to go out and play
this is no life she would think
then she would have another drink
'what's the point' she would say
why pretend to be happy today
'fine i give up' she said
things would be better if i were dead
she had the gun in her hand
when in the yard a kitten happened to stand
a smile came to her face
the kitten she ran to embrace
'i needed something to love' she would say
as she walked happily through the day





Casualty in Progress:
Swinging, low angle, I'm drawn into her orbit
arms like clubs buffet the solar winds as we
drift like astronauts into the empty car park
and street lights flicker white nova then die.
I breathe the dust of dying stars
my mind driven wild by horizonless nights
an eternity screams from deep in my head
as she turns around and around in the maelstrom of me.
We collide like asteroids on the grease-spotted pavement
her elbows and knees dent the hood of a car
'til she floats to a stop, eyes reflecting the stars
in pools of deep space, black holes trapped in her head.

Scritti Journal year2004.

NESSUN MODO DI FINGERE.
Ed ogni volta che ti senti come se stessi piangendo
io sto andando a tentare a fare uno smile
e se
io non posso
se appena fa male poi troppo cattivi noi
l'aspetteremo per passare ed io lo terrò
per quei giorni così lunghi e neri.
Comprendo che ho bisogno di essere forte per altre persone.
Ho bisogno di essere forte per quando quelli che io amo sono in bisogno.
Io non posso mostrare debolezza.
Io non posso mostrare male.
Io ho bisogno di essere per loro là.
Non sono corretto.
Io non penso che sono vicino a essere corretto.
Io non sono sicuro
io mai ero.



Sviluppo o mi rompo.
Questo potrebbe essere l'inizio di qualcosa di buono.
Sto parlando per il futuro, io dovrei dare una prova
sembra come se il perfetto ripari per me.
Devo essere appena io. In front ad ognuno.
Questo mi spaventa.

Tali belle parole, ma in vita nessun libro di storia.
IO SO QUELLO CHE È. QUINDI NON MI DO' SUGGERIMENTI PER SUGGERIRE, IO POSSO PARLARE PERCHÉ SONO SPIACENTE MA NON POSSO PIÙ.
Ecco quello che scrissi quando avviai questa entrata.
Bene guarda. ecco la quantità. Ritorno parzialmente mio normale stesso. Sono convinto che ora posso dire solo le cose come molte, ma sembra lo stesso perché sento che c'è bisogno ora più di tutto di lei, e si sentono più male. Ma ora, posso ballare di nuovo circa le migliori cose hurrà! Dovremmo bene appena darle una prova...

Questo diario è il più grande pezzo di defechi mai esistito, e adesso è indegno, non lo uso veramente bene: è l'esatto stesso di dire" non posso dirle che è indegno". Penso che sarà cancellato presto. Lei sta leggendolo. Mi dà un contributo. Cosa riparerebbe con questo? I ricordi possono dire così? Sì.. inscatolano questo apparato.. non in un modo con cui io posso vedere ma lei è più intelligente.

QUITE all the music I listen to is female driven, and has been for a few years. I haven't found *any* male driven music that can draw me in and move me like BikiniKill or Ani Difranco or Bratmobile can (not to say there isn't good stuff out there). The creativity is astounding, the honestly and up-frontness is almost embarrasing to me, but not quite, not enough that I can't help but listen.
I've been the victim and the assailant, and seeing it all from the other side adds a certain clarity that I hope can make be a better person, or at least give me to vision to see my own hypocricies (sp?) and contradictions. I mean, when I hear that jerk in the beginning of "white boy" and I realize that at one time those words might have been mine... I can barely deal. When I hear Ani sing, "...they showed me this picture of three oranges and a pear, they asked me which one is different and does not belong, they taught me different is wrong" (and I think about the time I dissed my friend Leslie in front of my HS art class table because she was a pear (completely oblivious at that moment to the fact that I was a pear) or "I can make life, I can make breath" I mean that commands respect, awe, admiration, love, I could die. Oh, ok, I like Morrisey and the Smiths. "and if a ten-ton truck killed the both of us, to die by your side is such a wonderful way to die". I mean, it's a wonderfully romantic notion, isn't it?

My fave lyrics:

"i'm so sorry that I'm alienating some of you, your.. culture alienates me" - bikinikill

"I know the biggest crime is to throw up your hands, say that's got nothing to do with me, I just want to live as comfortably as I can" - Ani Difranco

"you don't need it like I need it like I think i need it" - bratmobile

So why am I blathering on? I dunno, I guess I' m hoping for some feedback it's hard to find people I can relate to these days. Everyone's getting married or hooking up with that perfect job and buying power-suits or blowing their heads off (are ghosts on the net? Hi Walter, I found that video tape of us jamming in my room way back when and I miss you.) or wandering around aimlessly with no concept of reality (ok I can ID with that for the most part) . Me? I don't know what I want, and I don't know if I want to rilly. What would happen if I got what I wanted? (I'm talking about the more tangible sort of things that people want, not what I talk about on my "me" page, which I realize isn't a want at all but a need) It would prolly be disappointing, like the toy that breaks too soon after you got it when you were little, dousing your faith in others with the tepid water of reality. But then you see that that sort of thing happens when people become too far removed from each other. There is not much warmth or care lavished on a Acme corps Pretty Soldier Hello Puppy doll. There is a distance that comes advertising and mass marketing, where people don't make things for other people, but for some idealized being born out of some twisted demographics.

That's why I like the early '90s Kill Rock Stars records stuff. They try to do a grassroots sort of thing. Of course I'm a big hyprocrite and I end up buying stuff at Tower because of the need for instant gratification... Ug. I'm always worried that my words will ring hollow in the air of my hypocracy, but please believe me, at this time in my life this music is one of the most important things in the world.

I never treat people as objects and I've SOMETIMES pushed people aways because they wanted to be treated like objects (or so it seemed). If I ever had a one-night stand I'd jump off a bridge the next day, I'd never want anything like that. My sister used to say that I'd marry the first person I fell in love with (which didn't turn out to be true) but her words rang true in that every person, I don't care who, is so beautiful once you get past their defenses and media-induced posturing (if any) that you can't help but love them, I mean once you sit down and talk about hopes and dreams, make that contact, well life could end right there and I'd be happy.

http://www.skyscapes.org.uk/
http://avanimation.avsupport.com/files/backgrnd/Clouds.htm
www.inclouds.com

http://www.californiapictures.com/cloudsstock.html
here there are some images of CLOUDS
to watch

A BUNCH OF GRAPES:
some of movies between 60 and 80s, some of boring girl-fronted-actess works, in not-the-original-language-titled, listed here; how the classical-60s&70-italian-sheet at the cinema in the seventies that would like to live if i was alive in that era, in the past (sure will take with me to watch 'em, in a dark small & velvet-conduoy-smell-of the settee/sofa in an old cinema. you sure would deny me this invite eh eh
La città delle donne 1980
Colpo grosso a Parigi 1965
Una squillo per l'ispettore
Noroit 1975
I diamanti che nessuno voleva 1968
Celine & Julie vont en bateau 1974
Quelli belli siamo noi 1970
Troppo caldo per giugno 1963
Cuori al verde 1996
animali metropolitani 1987
La giumenta verde 1959
matrimonio alla francese 1965
L'uomo che... 1972 (Annie Girardot)
formula due amore 1970
assi alla ribalta 1954
la pantera rosa 1963
Fantasmes
Via Margutta 1960
Ladro di crimini 1968
sedotta e abbandonata 1964
Complici nel silenzio
La ragazza in vetrina 1960
Milano odia 1974
Roma a mano armata 1976
Il giardino segreto
Fuga dal mondo dei sogni
Accadde in paradiso
Un natale esplosivo
Bluff 1976
Liberate i Pesci 1999
Disperatamente l'estate scorsa 1970
l'adorabile idiota 1963
il colore della menzogna 1999
Vincent, una vita dopo l'altra 2000
amici per gioco 1993
peter sellers & the hollywood party 1968
Scandali al sole 1961
Il club delle babysitter 1995
quel nostro impossibile amore 1963
papaleo 1971
grandi manovre 1956
una donna alla finestra 1975
la via degli angeli 1999
noi donne siamo fatte così 1972
un certo giorno 1968
otto donne e un mistero 2002
passi furtivi in una notte...1976
l'immorale 1967
chi vuole dormire nel mio letto 1963
psycosissimo 1961
the hole 2001
chi dice donna dice donna 1976
appuntamento a liverpool 1988
via dalla pazza folla 1967
allarme beatles 1978

a rule : CHOCOLATE = science.
I dont know if a suicidegirls love science, but sure a suicidegirl IS a scintillating science of cHOCOLATE