I just realised that I look really haggard in my new profile picture but honestly thats what I look like for the most part these days so its not getting retouched.

I have no idea what I am doing. I guess on the outside it would look as if I am this accomplished, hard working person with a clear goal and marching straight towards it, if you where my shrink I guess you would have some insight into the chaos that is my life. A dichotomy in a zombieesque state. I am working to fix all the problems I caused, well at least I pretend to, I keep telling myself that I am not digging myself into another hole but I am not sure I believe that lie anymore. I walk in haze of halfassery with glimmers of clarity, but are they enough? And does anyone really live with full clarity? Probably not. Also does anyone really have feelings? I keep thinking I need to feel something but maybe no one really does. Maybe feelings are a myth, I rarely think about my lack of emotions these days because really it's not really a problem for me. It only becomes a problem when those around me get so annoyed about it that they annoy me. Which is something I will have to deal with soon but for purely selfish reasons I am going to put it off until when I feel like dealing with it is convenient. I have been living in the same place for a while now and it's making me itch, all of the sudden I have these amazing career opportunities but the idea of staying in this place for such a long time make me want to jump screaming of a tall building. Even though what I have always been interested in what is now being served to me now I wonder why I was even interested in the first place. Maybe I think that the next place will give me clarity and awareness.

The farther one travels into the worlds politics and academia the more one realizes that everyone is a fucking moron