There is nothing wrong with you or the things you feel. I have no idea what it is like to be a new mother, that bond is something no male can understand. I do, however, know the feeling of being a new father. I know the feeling of having a kid and as fucked as it sounds, having times I wished I never had a kid. Wished I was on my own. Having kids forces you to be so selfless and that is something very hard to come to terms with. Having those sort of things going on and then having issues with your boyfriend and not feeling anything from him doesn't help at all. I don't know what may be going on there, but being that he is simply your boyfriend, if he is not making you happy or making you feel the way you should, my first reaction would be to tell him this. I assume he is the father of your child. If this is the case, he may be having simular feelings that you are having, and he may not know how to initiate that conversation with you thinkning of it as wrong just like you do. Then again, maybe he is a boyfriend who is not good for you and if that is the case, then it would be time to move on in my book. As far as not feeling beautiful or sexy or any of that....well, we are all our own worst critic in that realm. I don't know you that well, but I know you are very beautiful. I know that as of now you are an amazing person who I only hope I will get to know better as time goes by. I don't know. I know there is also the whole postpartum depression thing that can do some really messed up things to a girl and her head. I am not the biggest fan of things like professional counseling, but sometimes it does help. Something like postpartum depression is common. The stress of giving birth and loss of hormones causes this. My wife even said that times after giving birth that she flat out didn't want a child. I have heard that from her and others in the past. So it may be something like that. I don't know. I am typing too much on you. Sorry. Hopefully I am not a bother. I could go on and on, but unless you want me to, I will shut up and leave you alone for now. I am here for ya if you need it though. Not just here on these blog entries. If you need something beyond that, send me a message and we can talk.

is there any way you could take baby to day care or hire a sitter for one or two afternoons a week? that would give you time to get out a littl ebit without her. thats what my mom did when i was little. if you can arrange for somethign like that then you can be assured of a few hours a week that are "you" time where you dont have to worry about the baby.

i wish you lived closer. i want to give you a big hug right now. let me kbow if theres anything i can do to help.

First off, you are amazingly gorgeous. Everybody gets down sometimes. You are going through the biggest time in your life. This past year almost killed me and there where times that I had similar feelings. All I can say is stay strong and motivated and time heels all wounds. It's amazing how when we get into these places in our heads how it can really control us. It becomes very hard to get control back. But it's worth the fight. Stay strong

Maybe you could get a family member to take the baby for a couple days, and you and the mister could go have sexy time? I can't really relate but I've heard a lot of people say that their relationships get stressed when they have a kid because of all the work... it's totally natural to feel down.

And ps, you're smokin'! So there.