I'M BAAAAACK!!!
Anyone who knew me before, if they're still around, drop me a line, my world is completely different now.
I'm ready to jump back in and get to know some more people!
Love Love!
Anyone who knew me before, if they're still around, drop me a line, my world is completely different now.
I'm ready to jump back in and get to know some more people!
Love Love!
I've been MIA for awhile, not really sure why. I would come online and come here , look around a bit, and then leave, I suppose I just wasn't feeling it or something, or maybe there were other things on my mind.
My tattoo is finally finished. I've decided I liked it a lot better before the colour, but I do really like it now. I was worried after the initial bout of colour that it was going to be so dark and somber, but it did really lighten up quite a bit more. Here we go! (sorry it's sideways, my computer wouldn't let me flip it)
I'm moving in June, into my good friend's basement, with my lovely man. hehe. It's a big jump for us and we're both really worried about it but think that we can both handle it. And if not, at least we have a killer deal. We have no damage deposit, no lease, cheap rent, can have pets... It's just awesome. Also, it's two bedrooms so if something does go wrong between us we can be separate, and the no lease means someone could leave whenever and the other would be allowed to continue paying the same amount of rent.
Other than that, the only other things I have going on is a desire to change where I'm working... I love my job, but I've been there for 6 years now. And really, it doesn't use any of my skills or assets. I don't want to be one of the people who are still working there when I'm 30, 40, 50... I want to adventure, explore the world and other opportunities. I want to write and be successful... Not sure how to go about doing that though. Every night when I get off work all I want to do is relax, not put a ton of effort into writing. I need a job where I can get paid the same but work less. haha good luck.
My tattoo is finally finished. I've decided I liked it a lot better before the colour, but I do really like it now. I was worried after the initial bout of colour that it was going to be so dark and somber, but it did really lighten up quite a bit more. Here we go! (sorry it's sideways, my computer wouldn't let me flip it)
I'm moving in June, into my good friend's basement, with my lovely man. hehe. It's a big jump for us and we're both really worried about it but think that we can both handle it. And if not, at least we have a killer deal. We have no damage deposit, no lease, cheap rent, can have pets... It's just awesome. Also, it's two bedrooms so if something does go wrong between us we can be separate, and the no lease means someone could leave whenever and the other would be allowed to continue paying the same amount of rent.
Other than that, the only other things I have going on is a desire to change where I'm working... I love my job, but I've been there for 6 years now. And really, it doesn't use any of my skills or assets. I don't want to be one of the people who are still working there when I'm 30, 40, 50... I want to adventure, explore the world and other opportunities. I want to write and be successful... Not sure how to go about doing that though. Every night when I get off work all I want to do is relax, not put a ton of effort into writing. I need a job where I can get paid the same but work less. haha good luck.
Good, Chill weekend. Need to get back on track with working out and writing. Been really distracted and I'm not going to let it happen any more.
Had another great long weekend. Life is just really good.
I've recognized that recently, even though I didn't know it was possible, I am more sexually open-minded and confident. I've even started to think that I might try to become a hopeful. Also, I've always been kind of interested in camming and my girl-friend really wants me to do a show with her. I think I might do it and if I enjoy it pick up camming as a second job. I'm not sure though. I have a lot to think about on this one.
What do you think? Should Ecrivain make a set? Should I do the girl/girl show?
I've recognized that recently, even though I didn't know it was possible, I am more sexually open-minded and confident. I've even started to think that I might try to become a hopeful. Also, I've always been kind of interested in camming and my girl-friend really wants me to do a show with her. I think I might do it and if I enjoy it pick up camming as a second job. I'm not sure though. I have a lot to think about on this one.
What do you think? Should Ecrivain make a set? Should I do the girl/girl show?
Had an AMAZING long weekend!
Friday: Went to a party feeling incredibly liberated, had a blast with some friends and chatted with some new people. We played socialbles and a rule was made that me and this sexy girl-friend of mine had to make out on ever even card. So great! We both liked the excuse, even if we didn't like the pressure. She's such a good kisser!
Saturday: Slept a lot of the day, then went over to the same girl-friend's house and hung out with her, her fiance, and one of their friends from out of town. Drinking was had, Mario Party, The Pervert Game... All around fun.
Sunday: I freaked about the thought of him lying to me. But realized later to do a little research. Turns out the date-stamp on my camera is off a day. It was the day after that the video was taken, he hadn't lied to me at all. He came over that day and I admitted this fact. He reassured me that he would never lie to me about anything. And also let me know that the girl that I was largely jealous about has been hanging out with him more because she is interested in one of his friends! We planned on just having a chill day until Girl-friend and fiance asked us to come over, they got 4 pills of M off their friend. How could we say no!?
Not the greatest high I've ever had, that's still relegated to the forest, but wow... So... Great. Let me just say my girl-friend and I got to do a lot more making out, and more. hehe
Monday: Was super chill and allowed for Clint and I to talk out our issues. He's been scared this who time of giving us a label. He admitted to me that he doesn't want to lose someone else really close to him, and to fix that he pushes the people who try away. I told him he would be unsuccessful. We're doing much better. Our excursion on Sunday made him realize how much I really matter to him and how he doesn't want any other guy to be with me.
Tomorrow I get my tattoo done, really stoked! Don't worry, you'll be getting pictures
Friday: Went to a party feeling incredibly liberated, had a blast with some friends and chatted with some new people. We played socialbles and a rule was made that me and this sexy girl-friend of mine had to make out on ever even card. So great! We both liked the excuse, even if we didn't like the pressure. She's such a good kisser!
Saturday: Slept a lot of the day, then went over to the same girl-friend's house and hung out with her, her fiance, and one of their friends from out of town. Drinking was had, Mario Party, The Pervert Game... All around fun.
Sunday: I freaked about the thought of him lying to me. But realized later to do a little research. Turns out the date-stamp on my camera is off a day. It was the day after that the video was taken, he hadn't lied to me at all. He came over that day and I admitted this fact. He reassured me that he would never lie to me about anything. And also let me know that the girl that I was largely jealous about has been hanging out with him more because she is interested in one of his friends! We planned on just having a chill day until Girl-friend and fiance asked us to come over, they got 4 pills of M off their friend. How could we say no!?
Not the greatest high I've ever had, that's still relegated to the forest, but wow... So... Great. Let me just say my girl-friend and I got to do a lot more making out, and more. hehe
Monday: Was super chill and allowed for Clint and I to talk out our issues. He's been scared this who time of giving us a label. He admitted to me that he doesn't want to lose someone else really close to him, and to fix that he pushes the people who try away. I told him he would be unsuccessful. We're doing much better. Our excursion on Sunday made him realize how much I really matter to him and how he doesn't want any other guy to be with me.
Tomorrow I get my tattoo done, really stoked! Don't worry, you'll be getting pictures
Wow, so Valentine's day Clint was going to call me when he was off work. He did but there was confusion because he called me from the restaurant and thought he called the wrong number.
Then he told me that he ended up spending the night having a bunch of co-workers go to A** and N**'s house and stayed there until 6, when he crashed on the couch. Then he didn't get up till 3, went home to his roommate, who just got home from Calgary. His roommate was on facebook then and I talked to him and he said he had just got home a few hours ago.
However.... I just found a video on my camera that was left there.
It was filmed by the roommate who apparently got home on the 15th at 4 a.m. Valentine's Day night. They had clearly all been hanging out for awhile based on what he said to them. It was in Clint's house, and it was just three people from work. Two girls and a guy.
So I was lied to by both of these two and now my head is swimming with why and what actually happened...
Then he told me that he ended up spending the night having a bunch of co-workers go to A** and N**'s house and stayed there until 6, when he crashed on the couch. Then he didn't get up till 3, went home to his roommate, who just got home from Calgary. His roommate was on facebook then and I talked to him and he said he had just got home a few hours ago.
However.... I just found a video on my camera that was left there.
It was filmed by the roommate who apparently got home on the 15th at 4 a.m. Valentine's Day night. They had clearly all been hanging out for awhile based on what he said to them. It was in Clint's house, and it was just three people from work. Two girls and a guy.
So I was lied to by both of these two and now my head is swimming with why and what actually happened...
He's coming over sunday.
Should I have sex with him? or resist?
It will be really hard to say no, he's uber sexy....
But, if I do, I'm sure I'll find out exactly what he wants. But I'm also a little afraid to find out what that is...
Should I have sex with him? or resist?
It will be really hard to say no, he's uber sexy....
But, if I do, I'm sure I'll find out exactly what he wants. But I'm also a little afraid to find out what that is...
Why does he have to be so sexy? This would be easy if he were just ugly....
Another great day at work!
On Monday I was given a new pricing position at the store. Tuesday, my second day, my boss told me I was the best Men's pricer she had seen in years. That felt great! Today she continued, telling me that I was doing fantastic, and that she was really excited to see where my new department would go with me in charge. I'm so excited! Even other people have been noticing how good I'm doing, as well as how much happier I am here. On top of that the girls in my old department keep coming to me to ask questions, which makes me feel a little like a boss again. I'm thinking I might inquire if there is a position for a 3rd Production Supervisor. I like being a supervisor...
One of my groups of friends is officially regulars at a pub. We decided this yesterday when we realized that we know all of the waitresses by name, and they know ours, we recognize other regulars, and half the time we don't even need to order. ALSO, A** started reserving us a table on Thursday Schooner nights. Yep, we are that cool.
Because of all my emotional turmoil I haven't been working out too much which sucks. I've gained 3lbs in the two weeks. And working out today was horrible, I felt like I was starting all over again. But that's cool, maybe my body will think I am too and I will beat that plateau I had hit!
Another great day at work!
On Monday I was given a new pricing position at the store. Tuesday, my second day, my boss told me I was the best Men's pricer she had seen in years. That felt great! Today she continued, telling me that I was doing fantastic, and that she was really excited to see where my new department would go with me in charge. I'm so excited! Even other people have been noticing how good I'm doing, as well as how much happier I am here. On top of that the girls in my old department keep coming to me to ask questions, which makes me feel a little like a boss again. I'm thinking I might inquire if there is a position for a 3rd Production Supervisor. I like being a supervisor...
One of my groups of friends is officially regulars at a pub. We decided this yesterday when we realized that we know all of the waitresses by name, and they know ours, we recognize other regulars, and half the time we don't even need to order. ALSO, A** started reserving us a table on Thursday Schooner nights. Yep, we are that cool.
Because of all my emotional turmoil I haven't been working out too much which sucks. I've gained 3lbs in the two weeks. And working out today was horrible, I felt like I was starting all over again. But that's cool, maybe my body will think I am too and I will beat that plateau I had hit!
Anything that is connected with fear,
a mature person should disconnect
himself from. That's how maturity comes.
Just watch all your acts, all your beliefs,
and find out whether they are based
in reality, in experience, or based in fear.
And anything based in fear
has to be dropped immediately
without a second thought.
It is your armor.
Osho
What is it I fear? Some people lately have told me my anger when super bombed is a fear of losing love. It's jealousy. It's fear of looking lame that makes me get there.
I've also had a lot of people lately tell me that they really like me. People I didn't expect it from. Looking lame should not be a fear. And I elect to not let it.
I also fear that I did it again. I destroyed something wonderful. It is probably beyond repair, because that's what I do to things: wreck them beyond repair. I need to stop worrying about the fact I wrecked it. And just accept that I did. Then I need to move on with my life. There is no going back, there is no fixing.
a mature person should disconnect
himself from. That's how maturity comes.
Just watch all your acts, all your beliefs,
and find out whether they are based
in reality, in experience, or based in fear.
And anything based in fear
has to be dropped immediately
without a second thought.
It is your armor.
Osho
What is it I fear? Some people lately have told me my anger when super bombed is a fear of losing love. It's jealousy. It's fear of looking lame that makes me get there.
I've also had a lot of people lately tell me that they really like me. People I didn't expect it from. Looking lame should not be a fear. And I elect to not let it.
I also fear that I did it again. I destroyed something wonderful. It is probably beyond repair, because that's what I do to things: wreck them beyond repair. I need to stop worrying about the fact I wrecked it. And just accept that I did. Then I need to move on with my life. There is no going back, there is no fixing.
Originally I was going to celebrate Valentine's Day with a box of wine, a cheesecake and the L Word. But then I got home today and took my freezer out of the box and have decided that I am instead going to make a castle out of cardboard.
All Hail Queen Me!
All Hail Queen Me!
