One resolution was to spend less time on social media... I was even planning on deleting my Facebook.
Today I opened a Twitter account.
EPIC FAIL
Today I opened a Twitter account.
EPIC FAIL
I love my brother.
I knew that seeing him this holiday season would make me feel a lot better and put my life in perspective. It was really hard going through the holiday alone, but luckily Christmas night my brother and I had a nice long chat about all of our problems. Also, hearing the sorts of things he's going through in his life really put in perspective that there are other problems I could be dealing with: he's facing losing his family because of an existential crisis. I know my brother loves his kids and his wife, and they both love him, so I really hope it all works out for him.
I also saw my uncle on Christmas. He lost all mobility in his legs again but is going in for another surgery. Also, his house flooded on Christmas Eve and him and my aunt are now homeless until they find somewhere to live. BUT they were still all positive spirits and good cheer. I love it.
I wanted to include some pictures of my life but I can't find the cable for my camera. Maybe later you can get some pictures!
LOVELOVE
I knew that seeing him this holiday season would make me feel a lot better and put my life in perspective. It was really hard going through the holiday alone, but luckily Christmas night my brother and I had a nice long chat about all of our problems. Also, hearing the sorts of things he's going through in his life really put in perspective that there are other problems I could be dealing with: he's facing losing his family because of an existential crisis. I know my brother loves his kids and his wife, and they both love him, so I really hope it all works out for him.
I also saw my uncle on Christmas. He lost all mobility in his legs again but is going in for another surgery. Also, his house flooded on Christmas Eve and him and my aunt are now homeless until they find somewhere to live. BUT they were still all positive spirits and good cheer. I love it.
I wanted to include some pictures of my life but I can't find the cable for my camera. Maybe later you can get some pictures!
LOVELOVE
Worst.Holiday.Season.Ever.
I fucking hate this all right now. Cold, alone, tired and I cannot sleep.
The only thing I want cannot be purchased, cannot be wrapped, cannot even really be given to me.
So I sit here: head pounding from the crying and from the wine.
I try to be strong: but I fail so fucking hard.
Play video games, where I can go pretend to be someone else-kill some bitches-and try to forget how much life sucks.
Bah.Fucking.Humbug
I fucking hate this all right now. Cold, alone, tired and I cannot sleep.
The only thing I want cannot be purchased, cannot be wrapped, cannot even really be given to me.
So I sit here: head pounding from the crying and from the wine.
I try to be strong: but I fail so fucking hard.
Play video games, where I can go pretend to be someone else-kill some bitches-and try to forget how much life sucks.
Bah.Fucking.Humbug
Needing some love... Just found out that the ex has turned to coke to assist (?) with the drinking. I know that I did the right thing in leaving him, and this certainly reassures it-it just hurts so much. Watching someone I love waste away and destroy their body, mind and life is so hard. I want to be able to be there for him, but I know I can't. I just want him to be okay...
JUST got in the door from an awesome night out! 4:30, got home at 2:30, just spent a very hot two hours making out with a complete hottie. Best part? When he said, "thank you for having the self control to stop us, I often fail at." Might have been facetious but I don't think so and I don't fucking care.
SWOON
SWOON
Been trying to write an essay all day... been taking Skyrim breaks... It's sort of turned into playing Skyrim all day with essay writing breaks...
Oh well, it's only due tomorrow at midnight!
Oh well, it's only due tomorrow at midnight!
Weirdest guy at the pub tonight...
So he sees a girl sitting alone at the bar. He buys her a shot... pretty normal...
Then his friend, who originally started sitting next to her starts talking to her so the first guy buggers off.
Then at the end of the night he comes over to make fun of her for the type of phone she has and the type of shoes she's wearing... Apparently not having an iPhone makes you inferior and wearing moccasins makes you part of the blood tribe (and apparently that's supposed to be an insult). The only thing that insulted me was EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT HIM. The fact that he was a conceited, arrogant, racist, piece of shit who deserved me hitting him in the face with my "piece of leather" that was my shoes. I would like to point out that I let him know his shoes were also a "piece of leather".
Just because you buy a girl a drink doesn't mean she has to or should bow down to everything you say to her. I assume most girl would have just taken it but fuck that and fuck him!
So he sees a girl sitting alone at the bar. He buys her a shot... pretty normal...
Then his friend, who originally started sitting next to her starts talking to her so the first guy buggers off.
Then at the end of the night he comes over to make fun of her for the type of phone she has and the type of shoes she's wearing... Apparently not having an iPhone makes you inferior and wearing moccasins makes you part of the blood tribe (and apparently that's supposed to be an insult). The only thing that insulted me was EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT HIM. The fact that he was a conceited, arrogant, racist, piece of shit who deserved me hitting him in the face with my "piece of leather" that was my shoes. I would like to point out that I let him know his shoes were also a "piece of leather".
Just because you buy a girl a drink doesn't mean she has to or should bow down to everything you say to her. I assume most girl would have just taken it but fuck that and fuck him!
I had a video to share but I cannot get it to let me do so. So I give up.
I'm going to add to this now some more of my feelings:
Since June 20th I have had something to distract me every day. I drove to the coast. I worked two jobs. I filled my life with random strangers clinging to the idea that somewhere something might happen to make all this pain go away. At the very least I was always distracted from my thoughts. Then I went to school, and I started to get myself back to where I once was (maybe never was actually).
But then it all fell through.
I'm worried about Christmas break because I won't have anything to distract me. I will sit alone in my house. I don't have family. I don't have friends. I have no one to spend this time with so it will be spent missing you and missing that you were my family, you were my friend. Now you're that man for someone else... Someone who once called me a friend.
I try to be strong.
But I feel myself slipping.
And the cruel irony in it all is that I'm slipping into the exact thing that I hated you for. The exact reason I had to leave.
And the frightening thing is that it isn't enough for me and I want something stronger-something to make me feel alive or something to make me feel numb.
I know I have to be strong and stay away. I'm doing it because it's best for me and best for you... but am I really strong if I'm losing grip on myself?
I'm going to add to this now some more of my feelings:
Since June 20th I have had something to distract me every day. I drove to the coast. I worked two jobs. I filled my life with random strangers clinging to the idea that somewhere something might happen to make all this pain go away. At the very least I was always distracted from my thoughts. Then I went to school, and I started to get myself back to where I once was (maybe never was actually).
But then it all fell through.
I'm worried about Christmas break because I won't have anything to distract me. I will sit alone in my house. I don't have family. I don't have friends. I have no one to spend this time with so it will be spent missing you and missing that you were my family, you were my friend. Now you're that man for someone else... Someone who once called me a friend.
I try to be strong.
But I feel myself slipping.
And the cruel irony in it all is that I'm slipping into the exact thing that I hated you for. The exact reason I had to leave.
And the frightening thing is that it isn't enough for me and I want something stronger-something to make me feel alive or something to make me feel numb.
I know I have to be strong and stay away. I'm doing it because it's best for me and best for you... but am I really strong if I'm losing grip on myself?
