Member: Ecrivaine

Ecrivaine likes fight club/haunted/choke/survivor.

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DECEMBER 4, 2012 @ 10:03 PM


What do you do if you have found the man who you want to have a family with and you want to be a part of his family?
What if you have spent two years with him?
You two have never really had a fight, minus a few small disagreements.
Except of course when one, or both, of you were drunk.
Then things could sometimes get out of hand.
He's slowly killing himself with his drinking.
You've moved on with your life: cleaned up, started school(and your career) again, got out of debt
He's moved on, in that he started sleeping with his co-worker
But after 6 months you still think about him daily.
You can't think of anyone else, you've tried to be with other people, but you would rather be with him.
You still want him to be the father to your children.
And you think he still loves you too.
But he says it's better for you two not to be together.
He says you need to move on.
You honestly try. But you can't shake the feelings of guilt when you're with another man.
What do you do when the person who completes you needs help fighting addiction and you thought leaving would get them in the right direction--and it didn't seem to?
What if they still complete you, and in the brief moments you're together or talking to them again, you finally feel normal and any other time you feel like a husk who's going through the motions of life, waiting, for... SOMETHING...But you don't know what.

What do I do?
Comments
Vanceowen

Vanceowen

Thousand Oaks, CA
September 2006

DEC 04, 2012 10:22 PM

Run Like Hell. I wasted a lot of years and thousands of dollars trying to help my ex wife. I wouldn't wish tjat on anyone. The mourning period will last about half the length of the relationship, but you will be a better person and lover to those you choose to let in your life in the future.

slebnak

slebnak

Los Angeles, CA
January 2003

DEC 04, 2012 10:30 PM

Move on, tough but the only sane advice.

Sorry, best of luck, xo

cinners

cinners

Canada
October 2009

DEC 05, 2012 12:31 AM

I would say continu trying hard to forget ....move on. Even though it may not ever seem possible ...you will meet incredible people that will help you grow and get to know yourself in such good positive ways. You will smile again I promise. ♡

strider57

strider57

Beaumont, TX
January 2008

DEC 05, 2012 08:20 AM

WOW, bunch of Red Flags here!! First, you're only 23...WAY too young to really have a clue about what you want and/or need for the rest of your life. Second, if you have to depend on someone to "complete" you, you're not doing it right!! You can't be good for anyone, until you're good for yourself, and if you don't feel complete without someone else filling the voids in your life, you've got a lot of growing up to do!! Last, but certainly not least, YOU CAN'T FIX ANYONE, he has to fix himself!! Scrape him off honey, he'll never be anything but an albatross in your life, and you damn sure don't want to subject your children to a life of being raised by an alcoholic, TRUST me on that!!

Ecrivaine

Ecrivaine

Canada
October 2010

DEC 05, 2012 08:40 AM

Strider.
I was raised by alcoholics. My grandfather died at the age of 52, my parents have restraining orders against each other, my mother kicked me out when I was in high school and the alcoholic trend has followed suit to my two brothers. My first boyfriend's father was a recovered alcoholic and some of my closest friends are ex heroin and meth addicts.
I understand the beast.
I grew up fast.
I may be 23 but I think I know exactly what I want for the rest of my life. You may think I'm being a silly kid, but when I sit down and talk to a stranger the inevitably ALWAYS ask my age because I seem older than I look. They always think I'm 27-32...

I know I do not need someone to "complete" me. That was a remnant of cliche.
But I DO believe that there are a few people in the world who are your "other half" you bring out the best in them and they the best in you.
Most people right now will stop me and say I didn't bring out the best in him: but I did, for a while. He was sober for quite some time with me. And he wants change. He knows there is a problem and wants to get better.

TC_Nikon

TC_Nikon

New York, NY
June 2012

DEC 05, 2012 09:29 AM

I think that you need to spend time trying to work on yourself first. Once you are in a better position then if and only if the other person wants help then you can help. I know you may understand the beast so that means that you already know that if a person is not ready to end their destructive ways then there is no way that you can help them or make them change. You may believe that this person is your better half and that this person may complete you.

I hope things work out for you...

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