http://www.crazylife.org/users/eclectic/

Because I'm lazy, and all I end up doing on this journal is rehashing what I said in the first.

Hey, I'm not depressed any more. Just confused, but that's just part and parcel to my existence. You girls confuse me. Not just the SG's, but girls in general. I don't get you. Some I do, not that it helps me at all. I don't know if I want a serious relationship at this point in time (probably not), but something would be nice. I'm stuck in limbo where I don't know if I should make a serious move towards one of a couple of girls I know. Part one is deciding if I want that, part two is deciding who to move towards. Part three is to stop being such a flirtatious manwhore. Maybe.
Work doesn't suck as much as usual, I'm happy to note. Not that I want to pick out curtains or anything. I'll still be the happiest motherfucker this side of the Pacific when I get off this job, but days where I don't want to beat a coworker with one of their severed limbs are nice. They're often in depressingly short supply.
My car works. I'm gonna pick it up tomorrow. That means I might be able to make Warped after all. That'll kick some ass. I really want to see Finch. A friend of mine told me to listen to them right before I got off school; I did, and I think they're great. I've seen several of those bands before, but it'll be good to see them again, too, especially Alkaline Trio, if they're playing Minnesota.
Well, enough of my disjointed whining and rambling, time for this bunny to find his warren and get some shuteye. Don't stop living in the red, ya bunch of miscreants.
-E

Tonight was not good. Nope, not good at all. A coworker screwed up some chairs at the factory, and it took almost half the night to fix them. Wasn't really her fault, no one told her what to do, but still really, really bit. I'm done in a couple weeks, so I really shouldn't let it get to me, but the "big picture" is hard to see when you're buried in boxes and have 3 hours to go. Then, I get back to my car and notice I've left a window cracked and it was pouring earlier. So I soaked my back and ass when I get in. Plus, it's not even my car; I'm borrowing it from my dad since mine's gonna be in the shop for a while, which means I might miss the Warped tour in my area next weekend. Grr. But, at least I got home in one piece and got to unwind to the pictorial bliss of Claudia, Veronica and Zona. Very pleasant. If any of you girls read this, know you really made this random small-town guy's night. Thanks. That goes for Chloe, too, since yesterday wasn't so good either, my back was hurting and her new, lovely set cheered me up then, too. Chloe's so damn beautiful and seems pretty cool, too; I would make her one of my favorites, but I'd feel bad about displacing one of my current ones, and it's not like I like them any less... This is sad, how much I care about little stuff like that, and how one of my larger sources of happiness anymore is this site. Eh, to each his own, and this seems pretty good to me right now.
Well, it's not like anyone ever reads this, it's mostly my vent-spot, since I hate my life right now, but it's storming pretty bad and I better end and send this before it knocks out our power (happens like clockwork out here in the boonies). Plus, I'm getting tired and stuff. Well, much love to all, especially those who took the time to read this far. Adios and nachos to all!
-E

This is a good day. I got off work early, and got to see the lovely Voltaire set about 3 hours earlier than I would have gotten to otherwise. So that's good.

In other news, I've cleared my shitty mood of a few days. I was lying in bed last night watching TV when the power went out, so I just sat and listened to the rain for a while. That made me happy. It was soothing. I wish it was raining again tonight.

My shoulders ache. I need a massage. Any takers? Didn't think so. Oh, well. I want to have fun with a girl this weekend. Most of the girls I know are either in relationships or are never around when I am. Plus, everyone's too serious around here about relationships. People get married too damn early. Why? It's all religion and hormones; they want to screw but they feel like they're doing something wrong when they screw outside of marriage, so they get married at 18 and divorced at 21 when they figure out they married a complete asshole. Not everyone's that way, but it's not uncommon, especially among my friends. And meanwhile, there's little old agnostic me, not getting laid. Eh, doesn't bother me anymore, I should be used to it by now. But I just want to laugh with a girl, talk to one. I want to brush a girl's skin; her hand or face. It's been forever since I've gotten to do that. And I have a feeling it won't happen this weekend. But oh well. I'm sappy and happy, and I'm not going to let it bother me. But I am gonna go, so live it up, SG fans!
-E

Bad mood. Bad, bad mood. Today I didn't do a whole lot, on account of getting my ass thoroughly kicked at the Korn show in Cedar Rapids last night. My arms didn't work right last night, and not so well today either. The show was great; it was my first time seeing Korn, and they were worth it. After the show I hooked up with some friends I knew would be there, and also unexpectedly ran into my cool-as-hell old college roommate. So we all went to Steak n Shake and chilled (literally, the place was freezing; I was getting the shakes) for a couple hours. Great time.
Then there's today. Woke up around one, my latest yet this summer, didn't do much but get subjected to an eternal bombardment of jibes from my dad. An old-school psychologist would say that my "problems" are caused by what you could call a bad relationship with him. Truth to tell, I don't believe that; my problems are due to my own self, but I can see some basis for them. For one, I have to hear endlessly about the success of my dad's friends' kids, with the constant undertone of, "Why can't I be like that?" Well, I'll tell you. Because you are not their parents, and I am sure as shit not the kids. It's like he expects me to do things he never taught me how. And after seeing his "success" (coming home every night to pound back beer and wine and complain about how much he hates his job) for quite a few years, I wouldn't want to be like him. I won't ever be, and he can't see that. I know he loves me, but he doesn't even try to understand me. I know there are things I'm doing wrong, but they're because I don't know what I'm doing. I need to find out what to do on my own, and being subjected to his asinine drunken rantings on how I should be only makes me want to follow his lead even less. Eh, what do you care, no one's probably going to read this far anyway. If nothing else, it was cathartic. I just need to get out of here; back to college, out of Iowa, you name it. I feel empty, and I hate it. I need some peace. I need some love. Bad. Now I'm just being depressing... Well, no more. Sleep tight, kids. May visions of the SG's dance through your heads. Peace out.
-E

Hmm. It's been quite a week. Only had to work for 3 days, and I get 4 days off. I've been raiding the local Blockbuster lately, getting movies that I've heard were good but never got to check out. Heh, some of them were even taken from members' profiles on here. I've seen Pi, Boondock Saints, Donnie Darko, Way of the Gun, and some others. Sort of expanding my cinematic horizons, and they were all good movies. After the fireworks I headed over to a friend's house and ended up watching Cannibal: The Musical (produced by Troma, and put together by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Excellent.) and Meet the Feebles. So, yeah, my sense of normalcy's been screwed with a little. But I'm in a good mood, so I'm doing all right.
Fireworks were pretty good, especially for a city of our size (25,000 or so), but I'm reminded once more of how much I FUCKING HATE REDNECKS. They infest my area like the moronic, racist, conservative, misogynist alcoholic vermin they are. Tonight, not a single semi-impressive firework could go off without some cockhead yokel piping up with "Yeeee-haaaaawwwww!" It's like living in a caricature, I swear. Before the festivities I was listening to some of Jello Biafra's spoken stuff about how little our country deserves the insincere bullshit patriotism that's been heaped on it like a manure pile in recent years. I thought it was kinda fitting, on the 4th of all days. There's a man who really knows what the country stands for and fights for it. Jello's just amazing. But anyway, it's almost 5 in the AM here, so I'm gonna put myself down for the night. Pleasant dreams, Suicide crew!
-E

I'm angry tonight, and I don't fully know why, In fact, that alone is a little depressing. Got off work a while back after hearing my co-workers fight for the better part of an hour (they're dating), so makes me wonder about relationships. As someone very prone to not being in them, I guess you tend to not consider the hardships and heartaches that come with them. I'm usually so sick of being single, but not tonight. Kind of makes me wonder if I'll ever have someone to share bad as well as good times with. I'm also angry at being asthmatic. I got it because my parents smoked (my mom died of lung cancer, and my dad still does... you'd think he'd learn), and it'll never go away. The reason that bothers me is that now I'm forever tied to civilization of some sort. If I ever wanted to do something so crazy as to just take off for parts unknown a la Thoreau (which seems appealing at times), I'd have to drag myself to a doctor every month or so so I can get the little white canister that lets me breathe. It bothers me that on a basic level, I'm not free, and it wasn't something I did. I suppose I could be mad, and I have been stewing all night listening to Professional Murder Music and other assorted angry classics, but it's ultimately futile, and that really depresses me. It's not something I can choose to accept or not; I have no choice. Well, I'm tired. Off to bed.
-E

Okay, here comes #2 for all you avid readers out there... (heh, I'm surprised someone responded to my first one). I'm sitting around in my boxers and checking out Le's beautiful set tonight, having gotten off work a few hours ago and thrown my nasty self through the shower. I have many reasons to not like this job, not the least of which is that half my face is "sun" burnt from the damn welders who are going about their merry little business about two feet behind me. It blew my mind the first time it happened; now, it just pisses me off. Being forced to listen to country for eight hours straight is a downer, too. Maybe in a future journal I'll indulge myself and go off on a rant about rednecks (oh, can I rant about rednecks), but now I need some sleep so I can finish off a movie in the morning and get it back to Blockbuster before they rape me on late fees again. I hate having to wait until the weekend to really live. Okay, nighty night, poets, partyrockers and pornographers, all.
-E

Ooh, this was a bad idea. I'm not even remotely interesting enough to have a journal. Ehh, what to write. I start work tomorrow at my summer job. I get to bake under a tin roof as I assemble office furniture for a couple of months so I have a little money stashed away for beer and pizza next year. Fun fun fun. I'd go postal if I had to do that for a living. Other than that, I'm just me, which means nothing to you I'm sure. I just wish time would stop for a while, just for me, so I could just sit and think about all the things that've been going through my mind lately. But then I'd be lonely, or at least more lonely than I am now. Okay, I'm getting overly emotional, which is a pretty sure sign I'm gettin tired. Yep, there's a yawn. I'm gonna catch some Z's. Peace out, kids.
-E