In my head I am waging a war. A war against the commercials which make no sense, even taking into account their internal logic. As an army of one I crush them with my imaginery superstrength and laser-eyes.



This commercial FAILS. It failed before the economic crisis and it fails now. Firstly, I don't want the man who runs my bank to be holding an important policy conference in the pub. I don't want him drinking alcohol. And it seems to be that Happy is a maverick. He suggests an idea that stuns his unscrupulous colleagues. This commercial seems to be saying 'our company employs pricks,except Happy who is fictional any way.' And even if we do accept the reality of Happy given the logic of ad, what good does that do the man on the street? As the top dog, no mere customer will ever speak to him. We go through the automated prompts until reaching an evil underling, who this adverts suggests, may think that Happy is a loose cannon so disregards whatever hippy doctrine he happens to implement on any given day.

Another, far more obvious instance of this can be seen here:



So we are clearly meant to empathise with Kevin Bishop. But his superiors are knobs. Will his ideas ever see the light of day - I doubt it. How can I empathise with the maverick when I know he'll be fired by people who'll continue to give lava lamp incentives? It seems that Natwest is saying, 'yes, we admit it. We are run by snobbish Tim-evil-but-Dims. You know this, Kevin Bishop knows this, Bill Nighy knows this, but there's nothing any of you can do about it. Mwuah ha ha ha ha'

Leaving the banking theme for a moment:



So this advert starts promisingly enough. Cows, grass. Pastural, you think. I might give this cheese a shot. It then proceeds to illustrate just how processed the cheese is by taking you through the factory production line. WTF? When the poor, ignorant boy says 'its just cheese' i want to step in Annie Hall style and say, yes, but the cheese has been taken to within an inch of its life. And we all know that processed cheese should be square anyway. Cheese strings are just evil.

DFS are offenders for some of the worst adverts ever. I couldn't find the American Psycho one, so I am left with this recent entry:



So this dysfunctional family go in, bicker for an afternoon and compromise on a sofa that no one really wants. Way to go DFS. Its like Mike Leigh needed the dosh. The Juno inspired font is a nice if slightly odd touch.

And finally an advert that makes me angry purely on the basis that it exists. I will let it speak for itself;



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